This is your life, is it everything you wish it would be?

3 New hotness | Old and busted

:: 2005 27 May :: 10.26am
:: Mood: excited

TODAYS the LAST day OF school!!! YES.

I have a job interview at Rite Aid today at 2:00.. I'm really nervous!

Wish me luck!

You Are A Cypress Tree

You are strong, adaptable, and striving to be content.

You're good at taking what life has to give - even if you don't like it.

A passionate lover who can't be satisfied, you are quick tempered at times.

You hate loneliness, want love and affection, and need to be needed.

A bit of a live wire, you love to gain knowledge any cost... and you can be careless at times.

What is Your Celtic Horoscope?

jus4fun06

:: 2005 24 May :: 9.42pm

i feel fat

i am fat

i need to stop eating

gotta run

damn it

im so fat

i will never be loved if im fat

must be thin and pure

thin and pure

like a cup

Old and busted

lifestourniquet

:: 2005 23 May :: 12.57pm
:: Mood: melancholy
:: Music: FUCKING SEVENTIES MUSIC

Thankgod for MP3 players
Hmmm. Krystal, my sibling of seventeen years. Was very annoyed at my mother this morning. You see my mother was meant to wake up at approximatley eight o'clock in the morning and take my even younger sibling to school. Thus Krystal pranked her from my mobile phone to see if she was awake, it got to nine thirty and my mother still was not calling back. So we walked down here and arrived at ten.....to find my mother sitting on the porch smoking a cigarette and drinking tea looking strangely comftorable.

See now this wouldn't have annoyed krystal if only krystal hadn't promised dad that she would stay down here with mum and gemma to make sure gemma was okay. So now krystal fears that my father shall blame her for Gemma missing school. But see this is not to be Krystal's fault as last night she was meant to go to work then go to mum and dad's. However, her "bosses" turned around, half an hour late, messaged her and said "Oh, sorry, we dont need you now" Which fucked krystals ability to get down here. So yes, dad may now have a psychotic fit at krystal for her leaving gemma down here. To make it worse, mother was drunk last night. (As if thats a change from any other night)

Anyhow, on to lighter topics. The candle thing I had intended to do? It went off really well. The room's looked....well....to say it bluntly, Unbelievably beautiful....I mean they show candles on movies right? Where the room's lit up? Trust me, its so far from what it actually looks like, you just cant take in the grace of it until you see it in person. Well she loved it....and the love letter I had written her upon the desk. Though in my complete nervous state I completely forgot to turn on the music *cries* Ah well, apart from that it went...really really well. It was a beautiful moment. I loved it, Ive never done something like that before.

Ive started artwork also. Fantasy/Dark fantasy/Science fiction. I figure its the fastest way I'll get my stories out. So Im going to practice and practice and practice and hopefully get really good to the point where I can at least do the concept art for my own stories and games and then take them to a producer.

Also, I dont know if Ive said this before, but I want to start learning guitar, Lauren has offered me hers to practice with. Anyhow....I'll leave it here. Take care all.
Matt

lifestourniquet

:: 2005 20 May :: 4.41pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Nightwish-Chest of wonders

6 month
$1,531,236 American dollars, thats how much Im worth on human for sale. *laughs* I got it off a friends friends journal. Did you know Australian thats 3, 002, 537 dollars? *laughs* Hmmm just got a message from my SAC supervisor...she's worried that I havent been in. Ive been really stressed over it and have had a pretty bad week so I just...yeah....Haven't been in. Gah. I MUST go in on Monday, I have to, or Im going to be kicked out of the course. I need to catch up in all my subjects. Gah. This weekend. Catch up, definitley.

Me and Lauren recently had our 6 month, who would have thought hmm? We actually made it to half a year...christ if we make it to a year Im going to shit my pants. lol. As it is if I become her longest relationship Im going to throw a god damn party, if she becomes mine an even bigger one. Only thirteen days till I'm hers. *laughs* Scary that I know that huh? Its only an approximation though, she said 6 and a half months. Hmmm and Justine was at 8 months. Anyhow....I hope to give Lauren her surprise tommorow, I intend to fill my entire room with approximatley 70 candles (jesus their going to be a bitch to light and blow out) *laughs*

Anyhow....wish me luck with all these things.
Take care all.
Fade/Matt

3 New hotness | Old and busted

:: 2005 19 May :: 8.25pm
:: Mood: depressed

the drops of rain they fall all over
this awkward silence makes me crazy
the glow inside burns light upon her
i'll try to kiss you if you let me
(this can't be the end) tidal waves
they rip right through me, tears from
eyes worn cold and sad. pick me up
now, i need you so bad.

:: 2005 16 May :: 11.31am
:: Mood: melancholy

So.. I think that I'm finially ready to talk about it.. even though it's been almost a week.

Wed. night my mom called me at 11:30 and blamed me for all her problems and told me she was going to kill herself. I heard her taking the pills while she was on the phone with me.. and she kept saying how I have a new mom now and how that I don't need her anymore. Well during all this my Uncle Don and cousin Bridget were standing by me. I just sat there the whole time not saying anything to her. I just sat there and listened. Then she said "Bye Jena, make sure you tell Gabrielle that her Grandma was an asshole." and then she hung up. I called 911 and they sent the police over. The police officer called me and told me that she was fine.. "a little drunk, but there's nothing that we can do about that." I told him that I heard her take the pills, but they still didn't do anything. Yeah, thanks a lot assholes. ya know? So I tried to call George.. no answer. Yeah, WHERE WAS HE WHEN THIS HAPPENED?? So I tried to call Dustin, then I tried to call the house, then Matt.. finially I got ahold of Matt and he didn't help any because he was at the bar working and he didn't know where anyone was. Well then after I tried to call Dustin and George again.. my mom kept calling me. Bridget answered the phone and kept telling her that I didn't want to talk to her. She kept calling and calling. 911 called me back, they said that if there were anymore problems to call them back. It was about 12:45 or so when I called Dustin and he answered- he said that he was home and that mom was okay and I felt like he blamed me for doing this to her.. but he didn't come directly out and say it. He told me that he thinks she's okay and that if anything happens he'd call me. Well he called me. About a half hour later. "the Ambulance is on it's way. But I need you to go to the hospital they need to talk to her since she called you." So Bridget called Leah then her and her friend Mike came to pick us up. He took all of us to the hospital, we waited for about an hour before they called me back for her information. Then the nurse called Bridget, Leah and I into the back "The doctor will be in to talk to you in just a minute." The doctor walks in, I remember this part so clearly.. The doctor walks in, sits down and just says "She took a bottle of Flexeral [muscle relaxers] She's in critical condition and her chances aren't looking good.. she's on a ventalator right now.. if you want to go see her you better go now because she could go at anytime." He asked if we had any questions I shook my head then he left. I told them I didn't want to see her. I remember just sitting there, I don't remember how long we were in that little room but I know that I won't ever forget.. I just sat there and didn't do anything. I didn't cry until later that night on the car ride home. I broke down. My mom tried to kill herself because of me. That kept running through my head that my mom is almost dead because of everything that I did. How could she put that kind of responsibility on her child? I don't know, but she did.

I didn't cry after that the whole night, until the next day in school. I went home and just watched tv. By that time everyone was up trying to talk to me.. but I couldn't talk to anyone. I just sat there. I was kinda stunned. I remember trying to sleep but just laying there, not doing anything. It was 3:30 when the phone rang. It was my Aunt Diana, saying that my mom was going to be okay. I went to sleep at 5:00, got up at 5:45 got ready, and went to school Thursday. It was 2nd period when I went down to see the guidance counsler, and told her everything. She made my Aunt Loraine come pick me up and go see a counsler. I'm going once a week to see her now.. Karen is her name. She's nice.

Life now? I still don't talk to my mom, I don't ever want to talk to her again. I just feel bad for my two little sisters because they have to deal with all the shit that I grew up with all my life. I don't want that but what am I going to do? I have a daughters life to consider now. I just hope they know that I love and miss them.. because I do. A lot.

:: 2005 16 May :: 12.29am

A Match
Algernon Charles Swinburne (1837�1909)

If love were what the rose is,
And I were like the leaf,
Our lives would grow together
In sad or singing weather,
Blown fields or flowerful closes,
Green pleasure or gray grief;
If love were what the rose is,
And I were like the leaf.

If I were what the words are,
And love were like the tune,
With double sound and single
Delight our lips would mingle,
With kisses glad as birds are
That get sweet rain at noon;
If I were what the words are
And love were like the tune.

If you were life, my darling,
And I your love were death,
We�d shine and snow together
Ere March made sweet the weather
With daffodil and starling
And hours of fruitful breath;
If you were life, my darling,
And I your love were death.

If you were thrall to sorrow,
And I were page to joy,
We�d play for lives and seasons
With loving looks and treasons
And tears of night and morrow
And laughs of maid and boy;
If you were thrall to sorrow,
And I were page to joy.

If you were April�s lady,
And I were lord in May,
We�d throw with leaves for hours
And draw for days with flowers,
Till day like night were shady
And night were bright like day;
If you were April�s lady,
And I were lord in May.

If you were queen of pleasure,
And I were king of pain,
We�d hunt down love together,
Pluck out his flying-feather,
And teach his feet a measure,
And find his mouth a rein;
If you were queen of pleasure.
And I were king of pain.

<3

:: 2005 12 May :: 10.12am
:: Mood: depressed

It's funny how people can talk about me behind my back, but not say anything to my face.

You don't even know half the story, so you don't have any room to say shit, bitch.

:: 2005 11 May :: 12.22am

EPN22590: I just saw a cockroach and screamed
deathbyjisatsu: xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
deathbyjisatsu: Will you kill me if I put that in my journal? xD
EPN22590: I guess not
EPN22590: It scared me
deathbyjisatsu: Awwww
EPN22590: It's so icky..
EPN22590: It moved so quickly and dirty like...
EPN22590: With it's antenna
EPN22590: ~Shivers~
deathbyjisatsu: XDDDDD
EPN22590: Okay I'm safe
EPN22590: I sealed off my door and am currently hiding underneath the covers
deathbyjisatsu: xD

jus4fun06

:: 2005 10 May :: 8.42pm

"Travis": yo wat the fuck is ur problem
"Danielle": i didnt say anything
"Danielle": i sweat
"Danielle": *sswear
"Travis": the who the fuck did
"Travis": then*
"Danielle": nate did
"Danielle": he was mad cause i wouldnt give kellies number
"Travis": y should i believe u
"Danielle": iono i really dont care if you believe me or not... i know im not lying...
"Danielle": i dont even know why i would do something like that.. .i dont want you... i really could care less abou tyou
"Danielle": no offense or anything
"Travis": non etaken but y would nate say something like dat bout me if u wouldnt give him her #
"Danielle": cause he kept saying he wants to fuck your girl and that he wants to break you guys up so he can have her
"Danielle": he said it in english and i wouldnt lie about that
"Travis": ok tom in the morning u me amber and nate r goin to have a talk and ur goin to tell amber everything u jus said to me
"Danielle": ok
"Travis": were goin to figure all this shit out
"Danielle": ok
"Travis" is away at 8:40 P.M.

i fckn hate drama. lol.

Old and busted

:: 2005 8 May :: 12.02pm

I love my Mommy!
<3

3 New hotness | Old and busted

:: 2005 8 May :: 11.12am
:: Mood: dorky

Prom was great, we all had a great time. Chuck and I slow danced.. aww. Randi, Amy, Becky, Chuck, Jake and I danced together and had so much fun. Everyone looked really cute and I'll post pictures of it later. I have them on my cousins digital camera. Becky left early for some unknown reason and didn't say bye. I'm still waiting for her reply on that to see what happened.

Kennywood yesterday was fun to, it didn't rain like it was supposed to.

Happy Mothers day! (It's my first!) Very cool.

Right now Amy and I are dying my hair BLONDE underneath.. scary. I gotta go rinse it out. <3

lifestourniquet

:: 2005 7 May :: 4.51pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: SEVENTY ONE DIFFERENT TRACKS

Cream your pants goodness
I have given into to the technological revolution of music, and purchased myself an MP3 player. Seventy one songs so far, fourty pictures of my friends, five stories, and space for 50-60 more songs. Dear god its cream your pants goodness for sure.
*Jumps around*
Well if you think Im going to sit here when I can go play with my new toy (Also has FM radio and voice recorder, not to mention lyrical display) You are sadly mistaken :-P Tee hee. Take care my dears.
Fade/Matt

**UPDATE**
I also went to see Sahara, wasnt that bad, Good acting, ok action.

:: 2005 6 May :: 11.31pm
:: Mood: Sick and happeh
:: Music: Short Dick Man and Erik's picking of songs

Erik's nervous because I made him pick his favorite song.
Emily, this boy is 5'11''?!?!
I'm making him stop drinking his milk, he's not allowed to grow-up.
But goodness, this boy has grown a lot in... the 3 months I haven't seen him.

Me : I want to poke you
Erik: So poke a pillow and throw it up in the air.
Erik: Then poke it again, throw it in a corner and poke it some more.

xD Because that's basically his reaction.

I am awake you foo'!

<3