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2005 17 April :: 1.03pm
:: Mood: confused
So Jim and I are just friends now.
He's trying everything to get me to come back though.
He makes me feel guilty.
But I'm not happy anymore. I haven't been for a long time.
We'll see how things go.
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2005 15 April :: 9.34am
i can only feel him drifting away. i hope its not my imagination. maybe it is only paranoia getting the best of me. its only changed in the past two weeks. one week:: it was good... many phonecalls || barely talk... not even when we do call eachother :: next week. i cant understand what happened between us. is it something i did?
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2005 13 April :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: bored
Bridg picked me up at school today, then we stopped at McDonalds to get something to eat.
I went over Jims house about 6:00, then we drove out to McDonalds again to see all the teachers work.. we drove around for like an hour and a half to different places, we stopped and saw Ben he was walking somewhere.. then we went back to his house and chilled, then Gab him and I came back out here and then he went home.
BYE
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2005 12 April :: 10.01pm
:: Mood: stressed
Yesterday Aunt Loraine, Donnie, Gabrielle, Gram and I went to get the rest of my things at Darlenes house [I no longer call her Mom.] We had stopped out at the Sand Bar to see if they were there, they weren't so we went to Jays Sports Bar because Matt told us they were there. So we went there and Anna was in the front room playing a game all by her self.. Darlene George and Samamtha were on the deck. They were yelling at her because she stole something. They were both drunk off their asses, sitting there telling Samantha in front of everyone. It had to have been embarassing for her. So I asked Darlene if when I stopped at their house if I could take the crib, or if she wanted it. She was like "No, it's mine- you can't have it." I said fine. Then my Aunt Loraine tried to talk to her and Darlene started yelling at her to get out of her face, to leave her alone and all this other stuff. So she went to try to talk to George about getting the old house tore down and he told her to "shut up and leave." So we left, I gave Anna a hug, and Samantha a kiss.
We went to the house and they had bolted the door shut so I couldn't get in with my key. I called Dustin and he said that he'd just come get me today and I could get my things. On our way back through Southpointe, I saw Samantha standing outside the bar so we stopped so I could see what was wrong. She was crying and saying that she hated Darlene and that she wanted to go live with her dad. I told her that if she ever needed anything or if she wanted me to go pick her up that all she needed to do is to call me.
An hour or so later Sam called and told me that Darlene hit her. So I told her to go up and just lock herself up in the bathroom.
I no longer talk to her, or want anything to do with her. If she's going to be like that- I'll do the same right back to her and throw it in her face. She can have Gabrielles crib. I'd much rather get another one than to use ANYTHING that she's bought Gabrielle.
Today was my Uncle Dons birthday so we had a little cake and everything for her.. it was nice Greg, Tiff, Hailey, and Jim came out.
<3
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2005 11 April :: 12.19pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Eminem-Encore
Blah mornings
Well today started off pretty shitty, in fact, it really hasnt evolved past that point as yet. It began with a message from Lauren "Why did you delete those good pictures from my file" (I had deleted some pictures of me and her cos I was pissed at her deleting some too) Then I spent 10 dollars worth of phone credit apoligising. Only for her to bluntly state "See you at four" Nothing further.
And I throw gay little hissy fits? Sometimes I wonder at what is going through her head. Their just photos in a phone that we've taken at least 3 times before, and will take at least a 100 more times in future. Its not hard to take them again or anything. Gah. Spose we'll see how that goes at four hmm?
On good news though, and for those whom dont like to here about mine and Laurens exploits, stop reading here, Lauren has recently gained confidence enough to lose all clothes in front of me....and shower with me....
And again on good news....Laurens monthly friend came yesterday....a relief to both her and I....I feel strangely though. I fear I may be infertile....I'll have to check this with doctors I believe. No need for condoms....ever....*drools*
Loz made the cutest comment the other day....well it was more the tone with which she said it....I said something like...well what if I caught an STI eh? And she just turned around with the most adorable look on her face and let go of my hand and said "And where would you get THAT from huh?" Just the tone was amazingly adorable...
Anyway....thats the good news....only four hours left to see if the bad news improves any....
Take care all
**UPDATE**
Our place is getting sprayed also as of right now. Red backs and white tails everywhere....Cant wait to see how many of the little bastards are dead...Grrrr
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2005 10 April :: 7.08am
:: Mood: Sleepy
:: Music: "Move" by Dreamgirls
The clock keeps winding down.
I feel like I'm wrapped around a string, that I would do anything. This is an annoying feeling. But anyways. So there is this one dance, that is extremely difficult in the show I'm in and with my amount of dancing skills there was no way I would have been able to do it. It was just too fast, maybe if we had met more then once a week I could get it. But no, amazingly enough! I got out of the dance. Since it is so hard, it's nearly impossible for everyone to sing and dance at the same time. So I am one of the 5 singers, who stands off to the side and just sings. I like that part, it suits me. But I basically have the other dance down, only cause it's a shit load easier, and slower. So I have to get ready for work, and yah.
-Chasmin-
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2005 9 April :: 12.54pm
i was paging through someones xanga... to past entries. i read so much. i was sitting here, crying for living the memories of someone else. is it really so wrong to actually care so much to take away the marks that those memories made on this person. i feel so alone in this feeling. and since i got this feeling i have been so sad for i cant make their pain go away. it makes me so sad not to be able to make either one happy. they are the two closest people to me. sometimes i feel as if i care too much about them. i really dont know how to deal with this. since i felt this, i feel the person is only drifting farther away from me. are they? maybe the stress of the paranoia is making me think they are drifting farther away than they actually are... then i talk to them or i see them and life seems happy and we have a good time... then they leave and we may talk on the phone, but it seems they are bored of me and want me to leave and stop talking. ionoionoionoionoiono.
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2005 9 April :: 11.28am
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: three doors down - loser
Everything's just pissing me off anymore.
So my mother stopped by my Aunt Loraines house Friday to see Gabrielle and my Gram I guess. She told my Gram that she was definitely not moving back to where we were.
My Mom and George went down to Flordia for last weekend- they're looking for a house. Good, let them leave I'm probably better off without them anyways.. I'll miss my sisters Sam and Anna. But what am I going to do? I don't know.. it just pisses me off that because I moved out- my Mom won't talk to anyone on our side of the family. Yeah, GROW UP! Live in REALITY- not your own little world! But whatever- once again what can I do about it?
I just feel bad for my sisters because they still have to deal with her and all her shit she puts everyone through.
I feel so dumb because I don't have anything anymore. It's weird. We were in Child Development Friday and Mrs. Taylor was like "all of you can bring in stuffed bears" I was like "well, I don't have one" and Sarah was like "Who doesn't have one??" Uhhh-- I don't! Everything in my house had to be replaced. Lol, it made me feel bad.. I'm more worried about getting Gabrielle everything that she needs more than I'm worried about myself. So whatever, I'd rather her have everything than myself.
But enough about depressing things.. let's go on about Friday night.
Amy & Beck came to pick me up and we rode around for a little while then we went to the talent show and worked the consession stands.. after that we went back to Amy's house, then drove down to Jims house and he drove us to Wal*Mart, then his Mom called and started screaming at him because she wanted the car.. uhhh- so we went back and he dropped us off then we all went back to Amys house and watched American Pie 2 then fell asleep.. this morning Becky went home then I came back here to Amys Grams house.. I'm going home sometime tonight, going to Janies birthday party, then tomorrow I'm heading back down Cokeburg with Jim.
Gabrielle is with my Aunt Loraine.
DEFINITELY FUN WITH THE GIRLS LAST NIGHT!! HAHA
No eggs Beck! -He was sleeping?!?! YEAHHHHHHH right. Who was SAM?? ;)
Good times- no drugs! ;)
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2005 9 April :: 9.01am
:: Mood: waking up..
:: Music: Good stuff
Damn you French club!
You know what a good feeling is? When you can sing that damn blue lady song from the 5th Element movie. Yup, makes you feel all good inside. So last night I went to the Ambivalence concert over at PBCC, for the Cancer fundraiser thing. They were awesome, and I could actually hear Andrew singing. Though I question some of the words he said, but I guess you aren't supposed to know what he's saying? There was this band before them, good instrumentals..but it was like GAAAAAAA...DEATH GAAHHH! I was just like...huh? They didn't have faces. Their hair just was all ::waves hand around face:: there. But yah, the improvement in the guys playing/performing skills...is like mad woah. You can't even compare when they first started to now, that's how big the change is. So life has been great of course. I'm happy my grades were fairly good. 4 A's, 1 B, and 2 C's (which were 79.1's..you have to have a 79.5 to get a B..) So I was happy with that. GPA 3.2 HPA 3.6, so yah life is good. It's hard to imagine that I'm going to be a senior and graduating soon, just sortof a scary thought. Lately, I have been such a klutz and just blonde. Tripping over things, saying phrases that don't make sense. Heh, but none the less it makes me laugh, and that my friends is all that matters. Well, I must get dressed for the rehersals at the Kravis center. Arrivederci!
-Chasmin-
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2005 7 April :: 10.00am
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: Japanese Death Metal
I get that throbbing feeling woooohhhoohhh
Friggin' tonsilitis.
If god is almightly why not eradicate disease from his "paradise".
Gr.
Possibility of it being glandular fever too. Yay.
On other notes however, I have a wet ass.
My retarded mother has a problem with realising when enough is enough and falls asleep at the fucking computer with her wine glass in her hand. Is it even possible to get THAT drunk that you KEEP drinking even when asleep?
Can anyone say "Alcoholic"? I despise her.
On other news. Distance Ed is going reasonably well, I have caught up in two subjects and this friday also a third. As the teacher has made weeks 3 and 4 read only weeks which makes them very simple. Then week 5 needs to be done and its all good.
Should be going to see a movie tonight with Loz called Hitch. Im paying for this one as I know its one she didnt really want to see. But we're also going to see the pacifier this weekend, possibly with her friend sarah and Sarah's boyfriend Brad. Thats one she did want to see as it is apparently quite hilarious.
Also, tis mine and Laurens 5 month in ten days. Never thought id reach that far with her. Another month and ten days and it will be Laurens longest relationship. Another 3 months and ten days and it will be my longest relationship. Weird thought that....My longest relationship with a girl that I didnt think would last longer than 2 months.
She suggested the other day that we go somewhere....Im rather inclined to that idea....I need to get back into working and save the money for a trip....Maybe for our 6 month. I shall hope for that...Hopefully my tonsilitis goes away enough that I can get back into working ASAP and put away a few hundred. Anyhow...Im off. Things to do, people to see....Or....the reverse ;-)
Take care all!
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2005 6 April :: 10.33am
:: Mood: content
I went to Jims house last night. He asked me why I was so happy.
:)
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2005 3 April :: 7.16am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: The nicest kids in town-Hairyspray
So taunt me, and hurt me, decieve me, desert me..this is a damn good song.
I am such a clumsy person. On Friday after Seans thing at Ellie's we decided to go to Veterans. Well, it was the Delray Affair so finding a parking spot was a bitch. So I parked at home and I carpooled with Ryan. We finally find a spot, and I was trying to be all cool and go through the bushes. (mainly cause I didn't see any other way out) So I'm like yah, I'm tough. Well it turned out from where I was going to walk out of, there was a drop. Sorta high, in my opinion. But of course I could not see it because of the bushes. So one moment, I'm stepping off the next moment *WHAM* I'm on the ground. I must admit it was amusing. I hurt my knee, but it was funny. Then not even 10 mins later. I'm talking to someone, and not paying attention to where I am going and *WHAP* I walk into a tree branch. I must say, that was the clumsiest I have ever been. But I smiled none the less. So yah, that is the story of my clumsy night.
-Chasmin-
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2005 2 April :: 1.35pm
:: Mood: bored
Report cards were given out on Friday. Yeahhhhh.. anyways.
Yesterday Gabrielle turned 6 months!! We had a little cake for her, we all bought her a little toy. She's to cute.
Today Bridg, Leah and I are hanging out.. Tomorrow I'm going to Jims I guess.
I'll update later. I'm going to get a shower.
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2005 1 April :: 11.31am
:: Music: All music
All I ask of you.
I have had the best night, since...forever. Thank you.
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2005 30 March :: 11.03am
:: Mood: enthralled
:: Music: Songs that float through my head
Inspiron
I had such a wonderful night, and I thought I should tell everyone!
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