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2005 8 February :: 9.10pm
:: Mood: disappointed
You're The Sound and the Fury!
by William Faulkner
Strong-willed but deeply confused, you are trying to come to grips
with a major crisis in your life. You can see many different perspectives on the issue,
but you're mostly overwhelmed with despair at what you've lost. People often have a hard
time understanding you, but they have some vague sense that you must be brilliant
anyway. Ultimately, you signify nothing.
Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.
And ummmm- no.. It's not a crime to leave me a comment once and a while.
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2005 8 February :: 5.20pm
:: Mood: upset
I knew today was going to be a bad one when I woke up 10 minutes before I had to walk out the door to get drove to school. During those 10 minutes I woke my sisters up, got a shower, tried to wake my mom up to get the stuff to wrap around my ribs [but she failed to wake up.. and kept telling me "in the fridge"] got dressed, blow dried my hair, put on makeup, shoes, my hoodie, and walked out the door.
I got to school about 1 second before the bell rang, got to class 2 seconds before the late bell rang. 1st period went really fast, I think because we didn't do shit except watch some dumb thing on tv about our chapter. I just sat in a daze thinking about my ribs hurting.
2nd pd. Geom. went really slow, we got our seats changed, tests back.. I got 62/100 oh wow, at least I didn't fail horribly I guess. I now sit by Tim, Jodi, and I don't know who sits behind me because I was hurting to much to actually pay attention. Nichole sits like 3 seats away with no chance of talking to me.. but once again I sit in front of the teachers desk. Damnit, now I might actually have to work in that class.
3rd period English was probably one of the better classes of the day. I got in there and Mr. Baker was like "Well, where have you been?" so I told him about me being sick, cracking a rib ect. We were working on our Writing assesments, and he was talking to me.. haha; I didn't hear him so I was like "Sorry, I didn't hear you- I can't hear outta my left hear because of my ear infection." After that he went on this big thing about making sure he talked really loud for me- and put his hands up to his mouth to make sure I heard him.. haha. We also listened to "Are you ready" songs, as we do everyday now to 'get ready' for our writing assesments. hahaha, "R U Ready?" by Craig David- we couldn't understand the lyrics so Tim printed them out for everyone on the computer.. I will NEVER FORGET this song for as long as I live.. "the Artful Dodger" LMAO.. sorry guys and girls- but you had to be there. It was the best part of my day. Ahhh.
4th period was.. 4th period. What can I say about accounting? Besides Nichole and I have NO CLUE of what were doing.. and now we have some big project due this coming Monday.. wtf; I'm doomed in that class.
5[A]th period was LUNCH. Well what can you say about lunch? I forgot my money, because I left my little money purse in Gabrielles diaper bag. So I had to write my name on the little book- haha. I'm a big loser.
5[B]th period I had gym with Steph; we didn't do anything because Mrs. D was there [She's the best.] and since I have a cracked rib.. I can't really do anything anyways. Nice.
6th period I just had study hall in Mr. Maleckys room- I just took it easy, went to my locker, restroom and took a nap.
7th period I had Child Development. We're reading A Child Called It It's about child abuse.. everyones supposed to read up to chapter 5, I haven't been there.. so I had to read from chapter 1-5 and I'm on chapter 5 already. I read 5 chapters in 1 period. I hate reading like that because I can read really fast and I have to stop just because everyone else is a slow reader.. okay- blah.
8th period is Biology, I hate that class. I'm so behind in there because I missed the last like 2 weeks of school but Mrs. Foglia is okay and lets me make things up when I want to. Blah, I just don't like science. It's boring.
God, I thought I was going to die on the bus ride home. Our bus ride is really bumpy because I live out in the country, so it's all back roads. God, I had to move to the front of the bus [well, I usually do anyways.. but today I did it because I was in such pain.] So I was sitting up in the front seat minding my own business. This one kid in the middle school, I don't know his name- but he's so loud. I turned around and told him to shut up. This other boy Brandon Berdine, said something like "don't take that from her, say something back" so I was like "Do you have something to say to me? Say it to me, not the seat, and not to your friends" haha, we got into this fight and I ended up telling him off. When I finially did turn around he kept saying things like "Oh, I need to calm down." "I need to go back to the Elementry center" haha. Yeah, he definitely needs to take more meds.
I came home and my Aunt Loraine was going to take Gabrielle to Greg and Tiffanys, but noooo- my mom left the base of Gabrielles car seat in the car, and she's at the bar. Oh my gosh, I can barely lift her because of my ribs. It just sucks not to be able to take care of your own daughter.. My sister Samantha has a basketball game tonight- so my sisters won't even be here to help me. Ahhhh. I'm gonna be hurting tomorrow.
<3
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2005 7 February :: 11.08pm
:: Mood: depressed
You are a Drama Queen!
Congratulations, you should win the Oscar for performance of the year!
You're the type of girl who everyone knows - and loves or hates
You always speak your mind, going for a some shock value if necessary
Dramatic, yes - but it also almost always gets you what you want
Are You a Shopaholic? Take This Quiz :-)
You Are An Emotional Prude!
You think know everything, so interactions with people often frustrate you.
Life would be so much simpler if others would just stop talking!
You know what you want, and it's nothing but the best.
So you're often disapointed when others can't live up to your standards.
But only for a second, cuz you never REALLY expected them to be on your level anyway...
How Emotional Are You?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
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2005 7 February :: 8.57pm
:: Mood: depressed
I wish someone cared.
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2005 7 February :: 5.53pm
:: Mood: in pain
Basics
+ 001. name: Jena
+ 002. nicknames: Jen, P, Baby
+ 003. sex: female
+ 004. birthday: January 27
+ 005. age: 17
+ 006. star sign:
+ 007. place of birth: I think either Washington or Monongahela [sp?] hospital
+ 008. current residence: Eighty Four
+ 009. hair color: brown
+ 010. eye color: brown
+ 011. height: 5' 9
+ 012. writing hand: right
Body Ills + Skills
+ 013. do you bite your nails? no
+ 014. can you roll your tongue? no
+ 015. do you have any habits? I always move my toes around.. it's kinda weird.
+ 016. can you raise one eyebrow at a time? I can only move my left one
+ 017. colored hair: yes
+ 018. tatoos and where: none
+ 019. piercings and where: ears, belly button
+ 020. do you make your bed daily? yeah right
+ 021. which shoe goes on first? left
+ 022. speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at someone? No, I can't say that I have.
+ 023. what jewelry do you where 24/7? my watch, and always a necklace
+ 024. how many cereals are in your cabinet? *goes to count them* 7 boxes of cereal
+ 025. what utensils do you use eating pizza? none
+ 026. do you cook? sometimes
+ 027. how often do you do the dishes? I dunno, a few times a week now.. we have "chores"
Grooming
+ 028. how often do you brush your teeth? 2 times a day
+ 029. how often do you shower or bathe? once a day.. usually in the morning
+ 030. how long do these showers last? I'm not to sure.
+ 031. hair drying method: I put my hair in a towel, then when I have time I blow dry it
+ 032. do you swear? yeah, a lot.
+ 033. do you mumble to yourself? I think I do
+ 034. do you spit in public? eww, no.
+ 035. person you talk most on the phone with? Jim
+ 036. what color is your bedroom? white, though some may disagree with all the things on my walls.. lol
+ 037. do you use an alarm clock? yes, I used to have a big one- but now I just use the one on my cell phone.
+ 038. name one thing and person you're obsessed with: one thing- my school planner one person- Gabrielle/Jim
+ 039. window seat or aisle: depends on my mood.
+ 040. whats your sleeping position: again, depends on my mood.
+ 041. what kind of bed do you like? Jims.
+ 042. in hot weather do you use a blanket? Yes, always.
+ 043. do you snore? Jim says I do.. but I really don't think so.
+ 044. do you sleep walk? no
+ 045. do you talk in your sleep? not sure.
+ 046. do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Yes, Mr. Floppers.
+ 047. how abut the light on? yes
+ 048. do you fall asleep with the tv or radio on? no, it has to be quite.
When Was The Last Time You
+ 049. watched bambi? long time ago
+ 050. talked on the phone? about 4:30, when Jim called me.
+ 051. read a book? a few weeks ago.
+ 052. punched someone? 3 days ago.
Future
+ 053. where do you see yourself ten years from now? I really just don't even see myself in 10 years.
+ 054. who are you gonna marry and where? Jim, outside on my deck by the pool
+ 055. how many kids do you want to have: 2
Friends
+ 056. who are your best friends? Amy, Becky
+ 057. what friend do you hang out with the most? Kelly
+ 058. what friend makes you smile the most? Gabrielle
+ 056. friend that you fight with the most? Eh.. depends.
+ 060. one you talk to on the computer the most: Becky
+ 061. friend that you miss the most? none of them.. I see them all the time.
Random
+ 062. do screennames/journal names with numbers in them bother you? yes.. I just think it's tacky.
+ 063. do you hate anyone? yes, maybe not "hate" but i strongly dislike them
+ 064. are you immature? if I'm with my friends, I can act immature just for fun- but in reality I'm really not.
+ 065. favorite kind of ice cream? OREO
+ 066. what grade are you in? 11th
+ 067. are you a virgin? no
+ 068. what is the ultimate thing you hate? girls.
+ 069. what do you think about the number of this question? uhh.. it's 069. wow, I'm amazed??
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2005 6 February :: 8.30pm
:: Mood: drained
I think that I've come to the realization that school truely depresses me. Not the "depressed" that you probably think that I'm talking about; but I mean just really depressed.. and no- I'm not trying to get any attention and no I'm not going to kill myself so don't get all excited or start rumors or anything.
I'm going to talk to my mom about just not going anymore. It will make everything easier anyhow. Online schooling or something.. my Aunt Di can help me.
It's not like anyone cares if I go to school or not- so really, what's the difference?
And just no one note me on here. Because the only time I even get any comments is when I'm depressed or whatever. Just don't say anything. KThanks.
Sometimes I cry and I don't exactly know the reason why.
I think of how my life could be but when I do I realize that’s not me.
I used to be happy all the time;
I never even realized that all these tears where mine.
I've had times when I've just given up, I just wanna die but I have no such luck.
I have these thoughts of just cutting in but it feels like such a sin.
I smile on the outside and I seem happy but you never see the pain I hide on the inside.
The pain is like a poison within me it starts in the heart and spreads so quickly.
I don't understand the way I'm feeling..
I guess pain is part of the process of healing.
I've heard the whispers inside my mind, why must this world be so fucking unkind.
I may seem immature with the words that I say; but maybe you'll see it from my point of view one day.
All theses things that I've shared and the words that I've said;;
Could never be compared to the things in my head
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2005 6 February :: 1.20am
:: Mood: my ribs hurt.
I definitely feel like I'm being stuck in the ribs with a knife or something because of my cold that I have.. it sucks pretty bad. But I'll get over it..
Our party was cool, but not a lot of people came- most family had to work; or they were sick. A lot of them were sick.. I feel bad because I probably got them all sick. Ahhhhhh.. Out of like the 4 friends I invited only Becky and Amy came.. NICHOLE isn't cool enough, lol- just playin' Nichole you know I love you. I wish Steph woulda' came.. :( But I guess she couldn't get a ride.. boooo. I got a lotta cute things, and some money [I definitely needed.] We ate pizza and had salad, it was so good.. ahhh, I was in the mood for that. After I played pool with my Aunt Diana, I got a cup- put a dollar in it and passed it around and said it was the "Jena Fund" lmfao, everyone was like puttin' money in it and everything. hahaha, I was just joking around and I actually got like 11 bucks.. I started Gabrielle a money bank for when she gets older- I have over 25 dollars already in just change and everything.. So I figured I'd just put that money in Gabrielles little bank. I gave Kelly half of it; so I only put like 6 bucks in Gabs bank.
It was about 8:00 I think before everyone started to leave, my Aunt Di took Kelly, Amy, Becky, Jim and I to Wal*Mart so I could buy Gabrielle some diapers, baby food, formula, water, and some new toys. It was soooo funny because Becky had her baby from Child Development with her, and we were walking around Wal*Mart with this fake baby in the Wal*Mart buggy car seat thingy, and since I was buying Gabrielle baby food ect.. it looked like she was buying the fake baby all kinda things, LMAO it was so funny- maybe you had to be there, but it was the funniest thing. Everyone was looking at us.
There wasn't enough room in my Aunt Di's car so I had to sit in Jims lap.. lol, that wasn't a bad thing. :-P I miss seeing Jim like I used to.. blah. Anyways we came home but Jim had to go home 'cause it's "girls night" and Jim isn't allowed to stay tonight.. teehee. So he left, I put the Wal*Mart things away, then we all just hung out in my room. Becky and I started to play Smart Mouth then Kelly came over.. So her and Amy started to play.. We were on teams, Becky and I kicked ass. Hahahahaha, "Cock" "Clit" all the funny words that had NOTHING to do with the letters.. oh man too funny. Again; you had to be here.
Gabrielle is up my Aunt Loraines for the night.. Amy is sleeping right now. Becky and I are sitting here talking. I'm about ready to go to sleep.. OMG, HOW COULD I FORGET!?!?! My mom and George got me a NEW CELL PHONE. Which mine is from like 1969 and it's like the size of a freakin' dog. Lmao, I can't wait until I get it.. it won't be in until today or Monday. It's a flip camera phone. I can't wait. That's def. the best present I got.. except for Gabrielle being at my party- that's the best present of all. :-P
Night!
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2005 5 February :: 11.14am
:: Mood: exhausted
So yesterday was okay. I stayed home from school; then around 6:00 Jim and his mom came to pick Gabrielle and I up from my house, we went to his house.. ordered some things from up Kuzins, I drove up and got them.. teehee. Jim doesn't like that I have my permit.. I don't think he wants me to have the freedom to just go do what I like. I don't know if he thinks I'm gonna go out and "meet boys" lmao, yeah.. I know hundreds of guys just lined up waiting for me. hahahahahahahahahahahaha.
I came home at around 11:00, I called my mom and left a message on her cell phone saying that I would be staying up Aunt Loraines because I didn't feel like walking the 20 steps home.. and then at like 12:35 [I remember the time exactly, because she fuckin' woke me up.] she called and was like "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU???? I TOLD YOU TO BE HOME EARLIER, YOU BETTER BE HOME IN 5 MINUTES." I was like "I am home, I'm up Aunt Loraines, I called and left you a message on your cell.. LIKE YOU TOLD ME TOO, so shut up." then she was like "No you didn't. It doesn't say I have a message." I was getting really mad, so I just hung up. It really pissed me off. Don't fucking call me at 12:30 at night and start screaming at me just because SHE didn't check HER messages. Haha, grow up and think before you speak. Ahhh.
On another note, Kelly and I's party is today.. I don't even feel like going- but I will. Blah. I know I'll perk up by then though.. I just hope some other friends come beside Amy and Becky.. I know I forgot to invite a lot of people though; so if no one shows up- it'll be my fault. But for real, don't make up excueses not to come, if you don't want to come just say so. Nothing pisses me off more than lame excuses.
I'm tired and bitchy, so I'm gonna go.
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2005 5 February :: 10.28pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: Molly Smiles -Uptown girls soundtrack
Circus-Getting out
You know its strange, once you start to date an out going girl, you yourself seem to go out more. For instance, just an hour ago I returned home from the Circus Royale, where we watched many different acts for two hours, received a free balloon, flashing ring and big box of popcorn because Lauren's friends boyfriends sister (thats a mouthful) works at the circus and is also a performer.
Some of the stunts and tricks were truly amazing...I dont know why but I rather hated the animal part...They just...I dont know, seemed sad, I know that sounds weird but they honestly had this look in their eyes like...I suppose like they were almost crying...But what they got them to do was cool.
I also came home with a keyring insetted with a photo of me, Loz, Nicky and Alex...I didnt look half bad.
Also, on a *growl* note. They got me up. In front of the entire bloody circus with three other guys. We did this stunt where you sit us all on chairs and then make us lean in each others lap then take the chairs away so we are supporting each other. It felt weird, and the guy that was on my kept laughing, it nearly made my knees give way and fuck up the whole stunt...Loz seemed to love that I went up. I despised that freaking clown when he pointed at me. I think I went five different varieties and shades of red...
Also spent the day before the circus with Lauren, we played scrabble and spent time alone in her room. She won scrabble, but hey who wouldnt when they feel like spelling bugger as buger. I'm still doubting if Kiln's is an australian word.
On a whole different note, and yes for the person who left a note last time this does switch content ;-). I love the feel and look of Lauren, I mean obviously if I made love to her I must...but its different. Ive never felt anything like lauren before. And oh my god...lauren in a G string...especially this sexy one she picked up ages ago and has never worn. It fitted to her bottom perfectly, it made everything that should stand out stand out. It seriousley made me want to rip off her clothes and just....*ahem*
*winks* You all sleep sweetly.
Love,
Matt/Fade
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2005 4 February :: 11.39pm
:: Mood: horny
:: Music: Radio
Still not moving
Well...said meeting with Chris did not occur, he seems to be taking his sweet time with that actually. He was meant to call me this Friday/Thursday...well as of current its 12oclock at night on Friday so obviously he has not gotten back to me...I really wish to be out of here so Im hoping he quickly gets his act into gear.
Also distance education/correspondence is going well, Miss West, a coordinator at my school has written the application letter for DECV so hopefully that all goes well. I have to fill out the enrolment and subject selection forms ASAP.
Also should be going down the street/back here to my place/to loz's house tommorow. Not sure which yet...though Im hoping, with what Lauren was hinting at tonight, that its her place...*grins* She's had a few very interesting dreams and daydreams lately...very detailed elaborate ones...And when she stated and told said dream...well...yes...it left me in a very *ahem* mood. God shes so freaking sexy *whines that he cant see her at the moment*
Anyhow...not much time, father is coming to get the computer...Shall write more next time...Promises promises right? Take care all.
Matt/fade
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2005 3 February :: 8.31pm
:: Mood: tired
Well, today was pretty shitty again. I feel like shit, so I got up didn't get a shower, went to get my permit.. *PASSED* [now I'm a drivin' gal!!!] haha.. then I went to get MORE meds. I have a "Bad Virus" thus I have a 2 terrible ear aches, my upper back hurts, and I'm still coughing. I want to die.. and I'm not going to school again tomorrow. Wow, I've been missing a lot of school. I want to just finish school online or something.. which I just should because I'm so behind in everything already, but I don't know. I guess I should talk to my mom about it.. I was going to do that in the first place, but I changed my mind. I don't know what to do. I'm just so tired right now..
Kelly and I's birthday party is this Saturday.. I'm STILL sick; but we're not changing it again. I will go if it kills me. Jim and his mom are going to see Jeff this weekend again.. they wanted me and Gabrielle to go with them; but since I'm sick and the party- I can't. I hope Jim stays home.. but I don't know..
I'm going to bed. Night.
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2005 2 February :: 6.38am
:: Mood: crappy
No one will ever guess what I did in the shower this morning.. it was something I hardley EVER do.. now GUESS before you read more..
Read more..
I know, it's to overwhelming. Like whoa!
[Edit//5:23 pm] I didn't feel like writing a new entry, because I didn't feel like it, so I'm adding to this one. I feel like shit, but I went to school for the FBLA trip. Nichole and I placed 5th in Desktop Publishing. I feel like shit, I have an ear ache in each ear, and I'm very hungry. Jim called me and I yelled at him for no reason, basicly because I'm just tired, sick, and I just want to sleep.. but can't ever seem to do so because I'm always being disturbed by my sisters, the phone or Gabrielle. It just sucks. My Aunt Loraine just called me back and told me that I needed to either go to the doctors tomorrow or to the Emergency Room tonight because it's not good to have ear infections for long because it can cause damage or something.. I don't know. I got my report card today, I pretty much suck in everything. But I'm too sick to give a shit. I'll worry about that later. Gabrielle is hungry.. time to go be a Mommy. [//edit]
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2005 2 February :: 5.22pm
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: Crazy town-Butterfly
Cold feet
Im wondering whether or not discontent is an apt enough word to describe what Im feeling...As I am also wondering whether or not this is cold feet that I have, adding to that the fact that Im not getting married and am therefore curious as to whether or not I can say I do have cold feet.
Your wondering what the hell Im on about.
Well...It's only the...what? Third day of school for Lauren and already things between her and I are..."slowing down"? Her mother is becoming more and more anal, enforcing stupid rules like "Monday and Thursday are homework days" *Add sarcastic smile here* What is she in primary school or something?
Add to that her sociallism has flared again, now Im not going to mention anything about this to her as all it will do will cause problems. But her passion for stupidity at parties is amazing...smoking pot, cigarrettes and drinking herself stupid seem to be among favourites. Im fine with sociallism, but...and how bad is this going to sound...Charn's type of sociallism. The kind where you dont go out to get piss drunk or stoned...but the kind where you go out to see FRIENDS. Not the kind of party where you hook up...but the kind where you chat and have conversation with just one or two drinks...Its smart sociallism...Laurens friends...their lack of intelligence seems at a high...and the constant amount of guys after her at parties severely bothers me...
I've never been in a relationship where Ive had to work hard to see my girlfriend...I've never really needed to be in a relationship where effort was required to be together...Although effort to stop arguing was present...but it was always made up after. And it just seems that if Laurens mother continues to be like this....I dont know, Im just going to end up in a very unhappy relationship.
I dont know what to do about her desire for stupid sociallism...nor those guys after her. I do trust her...but I worry that she will end up in a state like last time...where she passed out as soon as she was in bed...will leave her in trouble...or hurting me...And it will all end and come crashing down. I could, in a very self inflicted pain type of way, deal with her dumping me....but I could not, in anyway handle her cheating on me, or dumping me because she cheated on me...And because of the party last time, I am so worried that this is what is going to happen.
As for her mother...well...I suppose we'll see hmm?
I shall leave you now, I complain far too much...
P.S Last night, Lauren had a severe...severe burst of confidence...and went down on me in her parents car. I found this amazing and amusing enough to place in here for all your perverted satisfaction, right Jade and Chrissy? *pokes out tongue* Wish me luck with this guys...We've been together 2 and a bit months....I want it to be 200 and a bit months you know? Here's hoping...*crosses fingers*
Love,
Matt.
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2005 1 February :: 9.31pm
:: Mood: blah
I just wanted to update saying that.. I miss Jim.
and that if you have a myspace to add me. Because it is way cool. ['Cuz I said so.. duh.]
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2005 1 February :: 8.38pm
{s}ex cures {c}ancer
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