a-demons-angel
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2007 14 March :: 3.36am
:: Mood: Crushed
:: Music: Stabbing Westward - Shame
I'm so stupid.
I'm the stupidest person that ever existed.
I deserve to fail
And I deserve my mother's contempt
And I deserve my father's neglect
And I deserve Mark's abuse.
Because I'm so stupid.
I'm so, so stupid.
And I hate it
Old and busted
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a-demons-angel
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2007 13 March :: 9.58pm
:: Mood: Depressed
:: Music: Stabbing Westward - Shame
I can't do this anymore
deathbyjisatsu (9:44:14 PM): My mom is so annoying
Lucifer Ann (9:44:24 PM): Orly?
deathbyjisatsu (9:44:41 PM): "Have you ordered the phones yet?"
deathbyjisatsu (9:44:49 PM): "No. I've been really busy"
Lucifer Ann (9:44:58 PM): Lawl
deathbyjisatsu (9:45:47 PM): And I'm thinkin "Oh gee. I know. It takes forever to send a little email saying we want this phone, this phone, and this phone."
deathbyjisatsu (9:46:28 PM): I'd take her less time to do that than it would for her to go outside and chain smoke while reading some pointless mag
deathbyjisatsu (9:46:45 PM): I didn't say that to her because I didn't want to get in a fight
Lucifer Ann (9:46:57 PM): Truth
deathbyjisatsu (9:46:56 PM): So I asked her if she'd like me to do it
deathbyjisatsu (9:47:06 PM): And she said "I need to find his email"
deathbyjisatsu (9:47:20 PM): And I asked her if Mark had it
deathbyjisatsu (9:47:29 PM): And she was all "No!"
deathbyjisatsu (9:47:57 PM): So I said "Well, surely Mark has his number, I'll call Mark, and call the guy and tell him what phones we want"
deathbyjisatsu (9:48:01 PM): And then she blows up at me
deathbyjisatsu (9:48:15 PM): I can't even fucking talk to her anymore
deathbyjisatsu (9:48:40 PM): And here I was
deathbyjisatsu (9:48:43 PM): Being the mature one
deathbyjisatsu (9:48:53 PM): And not naggin her for not doing
Lucifer Ann (9:48:57 PM): =/
deathbyjisatsu (9:48:54 PM): it
deathbyjisatsu (9:48:59 PM): But offering to do it for her
deathbyjisatsu (9:49:03 PM): What the fuck?
deathbyjisatsu (9:49:37 PM): I can't wait until I don't have to live under her roof anymore
deathbyjisatsu (9:50:14 PM): She's gets harder to fucking live with and deal with as I get older
deathbyjisatsu (9:50:25 PM): Hell, Mark's easier to deal with than her at this point
deathbyjisatsu (9:50:57 PM): I can't even carry on a normal conversation with her without feeling like I'm sucking up to her now
deathbyjisatsu (9:51:08 PM): That's how bad it is
deathbyjisatsu (9:51:39 PM): It's like she'd perfer it if Asja and I weren't seen nor heard
deathbyjisatsu (9:51:51 PM): Always did everything we were supposed to
deathbyjisatsu (9:51:56 PM): Got straight As
deathbyjisatsu (9:52:00 PM): Never did anything wrong
deathbyjisatsu (9:52:30 PM): There is no room for error with her
deathbyjisatsu (9:52:49 PM): When that's all her life has fucking been
deathbyjisatsu (9:53:02 PM): I hate how she makes me feel worthless
Lucifer Ann (9:54:12 PM): <3
deathbyjisatsu (9:54:09 PM): I hate how now that I'm not some depressed mute who has no friends and who always gets good grades I'm not good enough anymore
deathbyjisatsu (9:54:33 PM): Suddenly, I'm not acceptable
deathbyjisatsu (9:55:39 PM): I hate this Emily
deathbyjisatsu (9:55:52 PM): I wish I were 18 this April instead of 17
deathbyjisatsu (9:56:00 PM): I don't think I can take another year of this
Lucifer Ann (9:56:29 PM): Just try, dear =/
<3
Old and busted
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jus4fun06
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2007 13 February :: 11.59pm
"Gravity Of Love"
"O Fortuna velut Luna" ["O Fortune like the Moon"]
Turn around and smell what you don't see
Close your eyes ... it is so clear
Here's the mirror, behind there is a screen
On both ways you can get in.
Don't think twice before you listen to your heart,
Follow the trace for a new start.
What you need and everything you'll feel
Is just a question of the deal.
In the eye of storm you'll see a lonely dove
The experience of survival is the key
To the gravity of love.
"O Fortuna velut Luna"
[Whispers:]
[Woman :]
The path of excess leads to the tower of Wisdom
[Man :]
The path of excess leads to the tower of Wisdom
Try to think about it...
That's the chance to live your life and discover
What it is, what's the gravity of love
"O Fortuna velut Luna"
Look around just people, can you hear their voice
Find the one who'll guide you to the limits of your choice.
But if you're in the eye of storm
Just think of the lonely dove
The experience of survival is the key
To the gravity of love.
"O Fortuna velut Luna"
"O Fortuna velut Luna"
Old and busted
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a-demons-angel
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2007 2 February :: 9.25pm
:: Mood: a square surrounded by triangles circles and stars
:: Music: Astral Sleep (?) - Angel
And another thing.
I don't really feel like I belong anymore.
I don't feel like I fit in with Emily and what's left of the posse anymore.
I don't feel like I fit in with Bill and Adam and their cohorts.
And I don't fit in with Malic, Dylie Josh and the "Family" either.
I'm not as tame as Emily and them
I'm not as out there as Bill and Adam and them.
And I'm not a raver
And I don't enjoy parties.
And I'm not social or out there.
So fuck it.
If bore you or disappoint you for you then go find another Jade.
Cause I'm tired of everyone making me feel like I need to change because I'm not good enough, whether or not you realize you're doing it.
<3
4 New hotness |
Old and busted
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a-demons-angel
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2007 2 February :: 9.06pm
:: Mood: sleepy/depressed/sad
:: Music: Assemblage 23 - Let Me Be Your Armor
I went to the mall last night.
And I bought a lot of cute clothes.
Mostly gothic lolita stuff from Rave and Forever 21.
But there was this one item that my mom told me I just "had to have"
And it reminds me of a gray Inspector Gadget trench coat.
Now all I need is that hat and my favorite pair of jeans.
And I'll be the sleuth of the town.
And it'll be awesome.
On another note I'm really tired of being treated like a child.
"Well, if you don't want to be treated like a child, don't act like one."
Well, you know what?
I follow my own rules.
And that's what adults do.
Outside of the law, they really don't have to answer to anyone.
And I want that.
Well... Maybe not even that much freedom.
I just want to be able to sleep in Diego's arms without someone telling me that it's wrong.
That it's not proper.
Fuck proper.
Since when are my mother and Mark the authority on PROPER?
Fuck the "I'm the parent" bullshit
Don't expect me to live by morals that you yourself don't live by.
<3
2 New hotness |
Old and busted
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a-demons-angel
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2007 25 January :: 10.05pm
:: Mood: resentful
:: Music: Sero.Overdose - For You
Got a question for you.
When was the last time you said "Come on, let's go do something together. Just you and me. I really want to spend time with you."?
Let's see if you can answer that.
Because I surely can't.
<3
Old and busted
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a-demons-angel
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2007 25 January :: 9.20pm
:: Mood: resentful
:: Music: Seven Mary Three - Cumbersumb
WTF is WRONG with her?!
MAKE me come stay with her at MARK'S HOUSE?!
What the fuck?
FIRST
She gives him another chance
AND THEN
She considers/leans towards moving back in with him
AND NOW
NOW
I have to go FUCKING STAY AT HIS FUCKING EMPTY HELL HOLE ON THE FUCKING WEEKENDS?
When I'm supposed to get a chance to enjoy myself?
When I'm supposed to be able to relax?
When I'm supposed to be able to be somewhere I feel AT HOME at?!
And somehow doing THIS is doing the right thing for our family?
You have never done the right thing for this family!
All you have ever done is in the pursuit of your own happiness!
And it's always fucked us over!
Fuck you!
I hate you!
Old and busted
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a-demons-angel
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2007 25 January :: 5.03pm
:: Mood: annoyed, determined
:: Music: Rammstein - Reise, Reise
My goals:
A piercing in the middle of my bottom lip.
More piercings in my ears.
(Eventually) get some piercings in my belly button
(Maybe) pierce one of my eyebrows
Learn some new things
Get all As
Get in shape
Get a J.O.B.
Join clubs (next year)
Do my fucking best on the SAT
Pick out some colleges I'm interested in
Learn how to fucking drive (and get my learners)
Get something to fix my sight
Take my vitamins
Stop losing my hair
Grow my hair back
Cut my hair (just a bit)
Figure out what it is I want out of life
Have patience for my mother and Asja
(Maybe) give Mark another chance
But mostly
Give school my best shot
So that I can get the hell out of here
And the hell away from them
<3
Old and busted
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a-demons-angel
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2007 25 January :: 5.01pm
:: Mood: Done
:: Music: Tool - Laterlus
I hate you for taking your touch out of my parenting
And leaving a stranger's in your place.
And I hate you for realizing too late
That you were never there.
It wasn't you who shaped who I am
It was your absense
<3
Old and busted
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a-demons-angel
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2007 24 January :: 1.56am
:: Mood: Sleepy/Headachy/GODDAMNATS
:: Music: Korn - Thoughtless
So I was looking at Disney merch, right?
And it hit me.
Why not have a fucking Little Mermaid themed birthday party this year?
Hell fucking yes!
It's time to fufill my childhood fantasy!
The first half of it anyway.
My first love was the Little Mermaid (age 4)
My second love was bondage and rough sex (age 5)
Mmhm Mhmm. ~nod nod~
So.
I really. Really love the Little Mermaid.
Like not just a little
But... a lot
I think that when I grow up and get rich (screw being famous) I'm definitely going to have a Little Mermaid/Pirate room.
Oh yes.
And it will be wonderful.
I'll place right next to the Kink room
omfg.
Ariel Styling head.
Her hair is so gorgeous (jealous)
Omfg.
Ariel Beauty Set!
!!!!!
Oh hellz yeah!
Princess Turbo CARS!!!
:D
Okay.
Okay.
Ariel and the whole Princess gang is are love.
<3
2 New hotness |
Old and busted
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jus4fun06
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2006 27 December :: 12.11am
i really like him alot
but im so afraid
that im going to lose him
but i dont want him
to leave
because he is everything
he is complete
hes the movement
and hes the spin
i like him alot
i want him to be my companion
forever and ever
is that alot to sak for??
Old and busted
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a-demons-angel
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2006 21 December :: 9.08pm
:: Mood: Weak and out of breath
:: Music: BlutEngel - Fairyland
Okay
What the FUCK is wrong with my body?
First I was sick with fever, lack of voice and sore throat.
Now I'm like... dead
I have no strength!
I am weak!
I can barely talk I'm so weak!
I can't walk across the kitchen without needing to catch my breath I'm so weak!
Grr!
When will it end?!
P.S.
Fucking exams!
This bug was poorly timed.
<3
1 New hotness |
Old and busted
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a-demons-angel
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2006 20 December :: 9.57pm
:: Mood: Giggly
:: Music: Loreena McKennitt
I fucking love you Emily..
deathbyjisatsu (9:55:18 PM): Screamo Back in Black is just no good
Lucifer Ann (9:55:24 PM): Cicada bugs..
deathbyjisatsu (9:55:27 PM): ...?
Lucifer Ann (9:55:59 PM): OMFG IT'S FUCKING HUGE
Lucifer Ann (9:56:01 PM): HOLY SHITTTTT
Lucifer Ann (9:56:06 PM): OMFG DEATHHHH
deathbyjisatsu (9:56:17 PM): What the hell are you talking about?
Lucifer Ann (9:56:26 PM): CICADA KILLERS
Lucifer Ann (9:56:38 PM): THEY'RE HUGEFUCKING WASPS
Lucifer Ann (9:56:44 PM): THAT LIVE. IN THE GROUND.
deathbyjisatsu (9:57:03 PM): You fucking nut.
Lucifer Ann (9:57:09 PM): I AM NOT A NUT
Lucifer Ann (9:57:11 PM): GO HOME
deathbyjisatsu (9:57:11 PM): xD
Lucifer Ann (9:58:24 PM): IT DIGS SO QUICKLY
lmao
<3
4 New hotness |
Old and busted
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jus4fun06
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::
2006 19 December :: 12.11am
:: Mood: thoughtful
lately, i have been
thinking about
all the people
who have died
we were driving
past this spot
where this college student
had died
she was either pushed
or she jumped
off the bridge
on to the highway
i didnt know here
put the little
white flower
that was on the bridge
broke my heart
i wish i knew something
about the girl
then it occured to me
when i die
people will know
nothing about me
and that scared me
i dont want to
leave meaning nothing
my inner thoughts never heard
people will say things about me
that really arent true
like i gave back
to the community
through habitat
and that im such a great person
but im not
i lie
i cheat
i steal
i decieve
i feel so unworthy
to be told in that light
its funny...
everyone wants to get a job
but i really dont want to
i cant see myself
doing anything
but im going to college
so i can better myself
and get a job
so i can pay off my loans
but i really dont want one
i want to stay home
and raise children
and clean a house
and bake cakes
and cookies
and pies
as surprise
and i want to take care
of the man i marry
i want to massage
his back
after a long day at work
i want to give him his newspaper
as i cook in the kitchen
this may sound so weird
and retro
but i would be happy
just doing all that
but in the end
i will conform
and get a job
so i can pay off my loans
and buy the house
i always wanted
Old and busted
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a-demons-angel
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2006 18 December :: 8.42pm
:: Mood: Sleepy/Sick/Bleh
:: Music: Daft Punk - Around the World music video
My brain is so fried right now
And I'm tired.
And my stomach is being really weird right now.
And I'm sick as a dog.
And I need a shower.
And I need to brush my teeth.
And I need to finish Christmas shopping.
And I need to study for my exams and make up tests.
And I don't think I'm going to be able to make it at school tomorrow.
I'm not even sure how that's all going to work out.
I just need to sleep for the next week.
I think I'm running a fever again.
T.T
I want my Malic...
<3
Old and busted
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