Is it worth it can you even hear me

:: 2004 19 February :: 9.30pm
:: Mood: deflated
:: Music: no

'why couldn't he have liked us when he was this hot?' -lenny
i hate it so much. jesus christ, i try so hard to do something and i cant i cant do it. this is the first thing that has been really really important to me and i cant do it. im trying i am really. and the last thing i need is for people that have no idea shoving it in my face that i cant do it. god, im so frustrated.

to make the day worse i realized that someone will never see me. they wont ever look at me as a person, much less what i want them to see. danison you are grand and i love that you understand what im talking about, i kiss you.

a shitty end to a shitty day

:: 2004 19 February :: 5.45am
:: Mood: dreamy
:: Music: just guess

Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:: dashboard confessionals
Are you female or male:: hey girl
Describe yourself:: ghost of a good thing
How do some people feel about you:: so beautiful ha
How do you feel about yourself:: several ways to die trying
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:: bend and not break
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:: rapid hopeloss
Describe where you want to be:: screaming infadelities
Describe what you want to be:: am i missing
Describe how you live:: hands down
Describe how you love:: as lovers go
Share a few words of wisdom:: if you cant leave it be, might as well make it bleed

Bands // Song Titles brought to you by BZOINK!

3 yummys | insert here

:: 2004 19 February :: 5.29am
:: Mood: wistful
:: Music: dashboard-ghost of a good thing

the OC rocked my socks last night. made me sad too though...as does everything else ha..ha. anyway, i dont have a whole lot to say so i will just go away now.

'we only accept the love we think we deserve'

:: 2004 18 February :: 8.34pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: billy talent-nothing to loose

hi :)
hhhmmm.......today was, .....normal, i want to get off the computer and draw, i think im gonna do that.

I came home and wet to sleep fo rlike 2 1/2 hrs, yummy that was good.

um tomorrow im only gonna be at school till like 10:00 and then friday im not even gonna come to school, because im getting my wisdome teeth taken out tomorrow!!:( owtchee!! ill be sleeping when they do it tho, so thats good.

Im gonna try to go over to zacks sometime soon...

like my new background its incubus, arent they awesome!!

~the end~

4 yummys | insert here

:: 2004 18 February :: 7.03pm
:: Mood: shy
:: Music: get up kids- overdue

crushes, thoughts, my world as it was today
*sigh* i know. alright i truly hate beign invisible. at least invisible to the people that i want to see me. maybe my expectations are to high? i dont know, maybe someone could tell me if thats so. i walk around in a blur, a sort of dream.

i hate feelings that overwhelm you and wont go away until they make you do something irrational. or you just die inside because the feelings there so long.

im just thinking out loud.

i have a big crush on someone, only the completely oblivous doesnt know who, and it makes me smile.

:: 2004 18 February :: 11.33am
:: Mood: liked
:: Music: typing

alright so i got in a huge fight ,kinda, with bob so i now am not using his computer for some reason....anyway
today was interesting so far. still not that weird around andrew which is good.tarek got ketchup on his knee which made me giggle profusely.

8 yummys | insert here

:: 2004 17 February :: 6.43pm
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: at the drive in- mannequin republic

cheese and rice
today is my dads birthday..... hes 42 wow!! ehh neways i just got home from iguana mia, i had chicken quisidillas, they were yummy!! and i saw my good friend Brian Thaggard there... it was his b-day too!!, i havent seen him since 8th grade(he went to ft. myers:(..)...

neways..besides that, me and zack are ok now, we have settled things.. and i think me and teddy bear are ok! i htink, sometimes i wonder with him.

this weekend ashlie is probaly gonna spend the night again, we are gonna go to the parade with phil and r e l.

R e l is really cool, and really short, i think me and her are gonna be good friends so thats cool...

hmmmm..not much more to say, today was ok, i guess nothing interesting really happened, i went to sleep when i got home, then i had to wake up and i didnt want to , i was stilkl sleepy, im gonna go to bed early tonite!!

ok thats all for my exciting life today bye everyone!! :)

~~~~~~~~~~~stef~~~~~~~~~~

1 yummy | insert here

:: 2004 17 February :: 11.28am
:: Mood: fun
:: Music: the crunch of the cheezit

no more boyfriend
i broke up with andrew today.YAY i havent been single in a long time. its not that i didnt love him, i still do but i havent been unattatched for a long time. now if only i could get some boys....to have fun with. lala

:: 2004 16 February :: 7.07pm
:: Mood: hopeless
:: Music: reel big fish-where have you been

say you love me love me again but if you love me where have you been?
say you need me more then anyone else,well go to hell
where have you been?

i feel hopeless, my world spins out into something i can't even grasp. i read all these books and i wish so much to be in one. i look up from reading and i feel like this cant be my life. ergh. i love you guys for today though, pizza hut rocked my socks

1 yummy | insert here

:: 2004 16 February :: 6.29pm

ok wow what a weekend, it was indeed very eventful!!

um first of all im not going to go into detail about my weekend caus ethat would take alot of time and typing to do, and i might get bitched at for writnig somethings, so im just gonna say that it was a very good weekend and i had alot of fun...

everyone seriously needs toget a life, im soooo tired of everyone minding everyones elese business, it s bullshit. i dont see how ppl can start saying things about ashli, when none of the ppl that are saying stuff were even there at all this weekend.

zack read the really long comment that i left in your journal cause that explains alot!! i dont no exactly what has happened between us. we used to be really good friends but lately you have been really depressing and its depressing being around you, i try to help and all you do is shrug your head and tell me nothing is wrong, so i just gave up, what am i suposed to do seriously. im tired of caring about people, (not just you) who lie to me and talk about me behind my back or ar efake or dont tell the truth. its BS!! and im tire dof getting hurt.

and just to let all of you opinionated people who like to stick up for ppl who normally you wouldent give the time of day to. I dont want any of your comments in my journal that say im mean or a bitch or balh blah blha becaus ehtis is MY journal and i have the right to say whatever i want to in it>> dont I? so dont waste your time reading it if you dont want to hear it.............

anyway, now that i got that out of the way.

what ever you guys seem to think happened between ashlie and tyler, isnt even your business anyway, at all, and nothing even happened anyway, i read acomment somewhere in someones journal that was calling her a slut and saying she gave him a bj well that is bs.

i was there the whole time and all they did was makeout and she had a hicki from him,,,so dont all you go and have a kiniption fit now over that....ok ok..good....

and i dont see why everyone thinks that me and ashlie being friends is a bad thing, ??? i mean wtf, i understand what she is going through and i have been there. we get along really well and i can tell that if i need her she will be there for me and vic verse..

to be honest the only other person i have ever had like her was stephanie kirkwood. guys just cant do the justice as a best friend for me, i really really dont mean to offend anyone by saying that but it is true, guys just dont understand girls and vice versa.

i have hung out with guys for the past like 2 and a half years and i have been fucked over so many times bye them, i never have with girls that are best friends, so basically im tired of that.ok!!! geeze

ahhhh i cant even explain it, there is seriously no point at all , cause right when im happy with everyone, someone starts hating me again or there is another fight there is no point at all in explaining my self because in the end someone isnt happy, well i dont care if that is how its gonna be.

im content with being by myself, or being with my family, or being with the true friends that i have if that is how its gonna be..

or maybe everything is getting blown way out of proportion and everything will still be ok with everyone like it was before, i hope so......... i have nothing elese to say so im gonna go. im just hoping for the best :)
~~~stef~~~

4 yummys | insert here

:: 2004 16 February :: 2.15pm
:: Mood: very happy
:: Music: korn...somebodys someone

..thuis weekend was exciting i spent the night at ashlies house friday night and we went to the movies then i wentt o a wedding on saturday and i was the "photographer" it was fun,,,,kinda, then ashlie came over and she has been here al weekend......umm yah ashlie and phil are here right now so im gonna go intertain them or somthing,,ill write later when everyones gone about our exciting weekend,,,,,bi

~~~stef~~~

zack whats wrong.......

:: 2004 16 February :: 10.06am
:: Mood: content
:: Music: something mexican on bob 's radio

okay i must make this fast as to not distrub the large bob man...so lenny im scared, but i love u so be better.

beach today i clap

3 yummys | insert here

LOSERxDORK

:: 2004 16 February :: 9.59am
:: Mood: dorky
:: Music: nothingface

last night was fun. we went to drop my sisters off at my dads girlfriends house and then we went to wantagh to pick sherri up. after that amy,sherri,and i went to the witches brew and had some espresso and DAMN that shit was good and it made me pee so fuckin badly, haha. we hung around there and called some people to see who we could hang out with. we wanted to hang out with roberto but he was tired and he had to go to work at 3 so he said no.

i saw yoni and he was staring at me and kept talking to his friend about me and it was getting me really mad and everything. i wanted to fuckin punch him in the face.

so we get in the car with my mom and we drive to the wantagh bowling alley and we were waiting till 9:30 for allison,dave,and sam to come and it was like only 8:30 so we walked to wendys and then hung around in there and then went back to the bowling alley then met up with the people and they played a game and then we went back to allisons house. OK? yea.

i<3richieandod

:: 2004 15 February :: 7.20pm
:: Mood: nervous
:: Music: reel big fish

'
tonight was amazing, i love the smell of greek food wafting through the air, cleaning up others people's flaming cheese. actually wasn't that bad, i smell like greek ppl though, so refreshing

i <3 andrew, sorry i havent shown it lately

beach tommorow? and people STOP COMMENTING IN MY JOURANL AS ANYNOMOUS im sick of deleting mean comments. sorry im done now

LOSERxDORK

:: 2004 15 February :: 1.15pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: hoobastank

well, i have nothing to write here besides the fact that i changed the look of my journal around :) i got a new background,cursor, and perdy colors and all that shizzle. well, i hope that you like it so leave comments about the sexy changes to my sexy journal.

i.wuv.richie.and.od.<3`