This is more for myself and just wondering what the hell do I fucking say to this?
Joseph
I am ok with the way I was made.. But I know for a fact I am a lesbian in a mans body... god made me this way for a reason.. I am trying to figure out why, but I dunno yet.... It is tough for me though.. this is no joke britt.. it causes so much pain for me...
It sux ass
Joseph
but.. I do not feel like a male to be honest.. and I am attracted to women.. especially women who are not attracted to men..
“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been pondering
“What does love look like?”
“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been asking of You
I once believed that love was romance, just a chance
I even thought that love was for the lucky and the beautiful
I once believed that love was a momentary bliss
But love is more than this
All You ever wanted was my attention
All You ever wanted was love from me
All You ever wanted was my affections, to sit here at Your feet
Then I sat down, a little frustrated and confused
If all of life comes down to love
Then love has to be more than sentiment
More than selfishness and selfish gain
And then I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
He was looking at me, looking at Him, staring through me
I could not escape those beautiful eyes
And I began to weep and weep
He had arms wide open, a heart exposed
Arms wide open; He was bleeding, bleeding
Love’s definition, love’s definition was looking at me
Looking at Him, hanging on a tree
I began to weep and weep and weep and weep
This is how I know what love is, this is how I know what love is
And as I sat there weeping, crying
Those beautiful eyes, full of desire and love
He said to me, “You shall love Me, You shall love Me
You shall love Me, You shall love Me”
With arms wide open, a heart exposed
With arms wide open, bleeding, sometimes bleeding
If anybody’s looking for love in all the wrong places
If you’ve been searching for love, come to Me, come to Me
Take up your cross, deny yourself
Forget your father’s house and run, run with Me
You were made for abandonment, wholeheartedness
You were made for someone greater, someone bigger, so follow Me
And You’ll come alive when you learn to die
i spent some time today tearing the mower apart, cleaning it out, replacing the fuel line, and then reassembling everything. it still ran like shit, but at least it still ran - i didn't break anything! which also means that it's probably the spark plug. i pulled it and it's pretty well fried, i think. sometimes it's hard to tell with those; they can look all crudded up and still fire okay. but since it's not running and i already checked pretty much everything else on the engine, process of elimination mandates that it is indeed the culprit. a new one will either confirm or deny the theory, at any rate. it's kinda dumb that i tore it all apart, and still didn't fix the problem, but the fuel line needed to be done anyway, so it worked out.
kinda taking a hiatus from the painting thing so i can help watch joe while he's up for the week. i do have to run and put in a bunch of screens at another house tomorrow afternoon. apparently the new tenants really want them. i have no idea if that hare-brained scheme of the hooks and latches is going to work, but there's only one way to find out.
dropped bruce's boat off at van's today. we'll see what they come up with. i wasn't there when he encountered the problem, so i have no idea what might be going on with that thing. invariably, it's something to do with the fact that he's left it sitting in the woods for the last two years, and has only taken it out on the water a select few occasions in that span of time. he's not very neat or clean or proper with that thing, all of which are kind of requisite. outboard motors are notoriously finnicky and demand special attention... which is why his never run correctly.
i did feel really dumb, though. i had to use chuck's truck to tow it down there, since i only have an 1 7/8" ball on my truck, and it's a 2" hitch on that trailer. but chuck's truck only has the round trailer light jack, while the trailer has a flat plug. so i drove it all the way to alpine without trailer lights, because i was running out of time and didn't know what else to do. i just had to get it done and get his truck back to him. after i drop it off, bruce calls to see how i'm doing. i explain about the plug thing, and he says, "isn't the adapter in that orange bin?"
"what orange bin?"
"the one i gave you with all the trailer hitch stuff in it"
". . . oh. that one. yeah, maybe. didn't think to check there."
i get home (sans trailer), and sure as shit, it's sitting right there in the orange bin with all the trailer hitch stuff. i felt like such a dumbass. and driving that thing over there without lights was no treat, let me tell you. people on alpine will tailgate and cut you off simultaneously, without warning; especially if you're towing something. and that's dangerous when they don't have any way of knowing you had to slam on your brakes for smiling Jack Asshole, who realized at the last possible second that this was his turn, so he darts across two lanes of traffic halfway through the intersection. yeah, alpine.
::
2010 10 August :: 10.08pm
:: Music: The Postal Service- The District Sleeps Tonight
I'm staring at the asphalt wondering/ What's buried underneath where I am...
Smeared black ink
Your palms are sweaty
And I'm barely listening
To last demands
I'm staring at the asphalt wondering
What's buried underneath where I am
I'll wear my badge
A vinyl sticker with big block letters
Adherent to my chest
That tells your new friends
I am a visitor here: I am not permanent
And the only thing keeping me dry is where I am
You seem so out of context
In this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key
Explaining that I am just visiting
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving
D.C. sleeps alone tonight
You seem so out of context
In this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key
Explaining that I am just visiting
And I finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving
The district sleeps alone tonight
After the bars turn out their lights
And send the autos swerving
Into the loneliest evening
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving
"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song."
Every season brings something new for God to teach us. And in every season, as hard or as easy at the good may be to find...it's still always there. Blessings are still always present. I have a lot of blessings, and they definatly out weigh my problems. Some would belly ache and feel angry at the world, but I'm not going to do that.
I have a great husband, already the worlds most precious child, a GREAT set of families, friends, and church family. Everything else is just stuff, things, or money. All re-placable.
Thank you God for carrying my worries, my stress, and my short comings. Thank you for covering me with your blood, making it ok that I am in-perfect.
Tell me why I had to be a Powerslave
I don't wanna die, I'm a God,
Why can't I live on?
When the Life Giver dies,
All around is laid waste,
And in my last hour,
I'm a Slave to the Power of Death.
So because I couldn't swade him to pick both my names, and I REALLY love Addison, we decided if it's a girl, it'll be Addison, if it's a boy he gets his pick and it'll be Landon. Although I have to say...I still can't quiet picture it...at all. "Landon, honey come here" or "Landon Gabriel Ellison you are in big trouble mister"....I can't picture it. *crosses my fingers* it's a girl, so I have another two years to talk him into liking Aiden lol.
