-glassxroses-
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2004 19 May :: 8.40pm
all in all id say today was a good day. i got a free Radiohead: Kid A poster during the dismantling of the chorus room, as well as a panoramic shot of our first concert this year, and a photo of me from the beginning of the year. dana gave me parmeasan goldfish. i have stars sewn on my pants :). Ryan and i made up and are going to buy a kitten and name it excelsior. i have skinny kitty's corpse in my garage freezer (don't ask) and other kitty wasnt missing! yay! i had riding today which is always good and i loooooove The Wave. Hes escalade sized. I got Wendy's, almost crashed into the back of a bad driver, and then found out just how crappy ryans jeep is when it comes to shifting. red bull is gross. alison's skirt is made of happy. :).
<3jackieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
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-glassxroses-
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2004 11 May :: 10.10pm
post chorus concert quizzage
First best friend: Liz Steinberg
First real memory of something: Meeting Liz, my black gymnastics outfit, my mom's ford, my hush puppies nightgown in the boca trace house.
First car: IM GETTING MY NEIGHBORS HONDA THIS SUMMER!!!!
First date: uhh, like preschool, there was this kid who i was 'dating'. we had a 'date' at my house one time. we were the hot couple cuz we kissed on the lips ;)
First real kiss: Marshall Sheets: summer of '02?=cabin5
First break-up: HA! like 7th grade-- andrew joy.
First job: im gonna get that bank job.
First screen name: JezmoPip. my dad made it for me n jesse when we were young'ns.
First self purchased album: alanis morissette.
First funeral: Poppy. I missed my grandmothers because i didnt want to see her now that she was dead.
First pets: my brother had like 802309483 fish when i was 3, and then my first real pet was a bunny named hopper. he ran away.
First piercing/tattoo: ears :)
First credit card: N/A
First true love: is over the ocean.
First enemy: brittany jackson? i cant remember that far back or that many people. heh.
First play/musical/performance: either fourth grade cho-russ, or before in some random thing.
First musician you remember hearing in your house: prbly Joni Mitchell.
First broken bone: collarbone= CLAVICLE.
First fist fight: in elementary school... i beat kids up so like second grade i think.
First concert: less than jake. i was 9 or 8? and then SPICE GIRLS. heh.
Last cigarette: months ago.
Last big car ride: to the boomers in dania to take jeff on his first roller coaster! haha
Last kiss: ryan i think.
Last good cry: couple weeks ago.
Last movie seen: Envy(in theaters) Top Secret! (on my couch)
Last library book checked out: i frivolously purchase books.
Last beverage drank: water mixed wtih bile.
Last food consumed: peanut butter granola bar. and i actually ate it. :)
Last crush: dang... umm... paul s or hamon? i dont 'crush' much.
Last phone call: my voicemail at the cho-russ show
Last TV show watched: gilmore girls.
Last time showered: like a half hour ago.
Last shoes worn: character shoes for the show.
Last cd played: streetlight manifesto
Last item bought: bandaids, dexatrim, granola bars, tampons
Last annoyance: the suck level of the chorus show, and the blister from my shoes
Last disappointment: sucking in the show tonight. having to be in the room with people i dont particularly like from school.
Last ice cream eaten: Half Baked. :)
Last soda drank: too long ago... probably sprite.
Last time wanting to die: last time i was asked if i wanted to go back to siciliano
Last time scolded: TODAY.
Last shirt worn: leap through time shirt/ mustard plug shirt
Last website visited: woohu, and yahoo, and aim express
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-glassxroses-
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2004 9 May :: 8.43pm
1. who are you?
2. are we friends?
3. when and how did we meet?
4. how have i affected you?
5. what do you think of me?
6. what's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. how long do you think we will be friends?
8. do you love me?
9. do you have a crush on me?
10. would you kiss me?
11. would you hug me?
12. physically, what stands out?
13. emotionally, what stands out?
14. do you wish i was cooler?
15. on a scale of 1-10, how hot am i?
16. give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. am i loveable?
18. how long have you known me?
19. describe me in 3 words.
20. what was your first impression?
21. do you still think that way about me now?
22. what do you think my weakness is?
23. do you think i'll get married?
24. what makes me happy?
25. what makes me sad?
26. what reminds you of me?
27. if you could give me anything, what would it be?
29. how well do you know me?
29. do you wish to get to know me more?
30. ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. do you think i could kill someone?
32. are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what i say about you?
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-glassxroses-
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2004 2 May :: 12.04am
i feel as bad as i am acting. i threw up my breakfast in the bathroom of a pancake house this morning. my parents asked why id been wearing long sleeves, so they officially found out. marcone called me tonight. i have a cold. i am overweight. i am mean to everyone whether they do or do not deserve it. im a hypocrite-- telling people to love themselves when i am itching to leave my mind and body behind. i cry every night now. my parents want me back in therapy. my grades are all dropping. and i know that if i could just leave for one minute, everything would be ok. but i cant... so it is not ok. and im just letting everything slip farther and farther away from me. nothing like a heartache or two to break your cracked-glass evening.
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-glassxroses-
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2004 29 April :: 5.24pm
*Don't call me girl, don't call me baby,
Don't say I'm a whore, I dont need to hear.
Don't say you don't love me-- losing you is my worst fear.
Don't say you understand, don't say you care.
Don't say to love the mirror because it's always there.
Don't hug me goodbye, don't kiss your hellos
Don't make me see what i pretend not to know.
Don't say you want me around, when you know i'm too shy...
Don't say were such good friends then slap me with goodbye.
Don't give me your hatred: that part of your heart. Don't lend me your joy, your smile your art.
Don't give me your friendship, dont let our ship run aground.
Don't play with my head, don't hurl my emotions around.
Don't smile, don't grin, don't walk away.
Don't look at me, I'm awful... I just can't let you stay.
Don't tell me you're mine.... you're lying.*
-it sounded applicable when i heard it.-
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-glassxroses-
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2004 29 April :: 5.14pm
I am being repellent. I can't wait until this year is over. A lot people I never want to see again, and there won't be anyone making me...the people i wonder about having met in the first place. *Scissors and mice are my best friends, and i live in a world made of acid-free paper and acrylic paint. Long sleeves are my home, and passion is my enemy-- know thy enemy, know thy self.*
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-glassxroses-
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2004 17 April :: 2.50pm
SURVEY!
[THE BASICS]
-Name: Jacqueline Lubin Tombari
-Nicknames (if any): Jackie, Jax, J-dizzle, Tombari, Jack, MUTHAFUCKA
-Today’s Date: 4/17/04
-Today’s Current Time: 2:46 PM
-Birthdate: 2/13/88
-Current Age: 16
-Current × L0CC: i like boys.
[ON THE OUTSIDE]
-Height: 5`8-9"
-Weight: 125ish
-Original Hair Color: dark brown
-Current Hair Color: blurple.
-Desired Hair Color: yaaarrr.
-Hair Texture: straight n wavy
-Eye Color: dark brown
-Desired Eye Color: ground beef
-Do you wear contacts / glasses / neither?:both.
-Nationalities: Italian! scottish, polish, irish, welsh, russian
-Shoe Size: 8 1/2
-Best Feature: my spinal cord.
-Worst Feature: my second spinal cord.
-Do you like the way you look?: on a good day.
-Why / Why not?: sometimes i look like a mules ass.
-What do others say about the way you look?: i stotpped listening... that or they stopped saying...
-Do you try to impress others with your looks?: if i have to get dressed up <3
-What kind of clothes do you like?: any that fit, they are the hardest to find.
-Who do you wish you looked like?: funny you should ask; i wouldnt want to look like anyone but me. and i would never surgically alter myself either.
-What kind of jewelry do you wear?: my rings, my lillith, my jew-hand, my earrings, my bellybutton post, my charm bracelet, my watch, my hemp.
-Do you have braces?: for about a month in ninth grade
-Pant Size: ummm depends what kind. i range from like a 2-6
-Shirt Size: x-small
-Favorite Colors to Wear: all. at once.
-Do you wear a belt?: for holding up my pants. as needed.
-Has anybody ever said you look like a celebrity?: sandra bullock, jennifer garner, the girl from run lola run, and the hulk?
-Define “sexy” in your own words: having confidence in yourself and in being yourself. knowing its what you think that matters. self assurance
-Do you look the same way you did five years ago?: hmmm... you can tell im the same person.
[ON THE INSIDE]
-Most Common Mood: HAPPY.
-Current Thoughts: i am so full of pancakes.
-Why?: i ate pancakes.
-What do you think about your friends?: we have our good days and our bad days. actually, i always have good days with them except for a couple..
-How about your family?: they arent my best friends (mom and jesse are close in the running) but i love them.
-Are you more passive or aggressive?: progressive.
-Is it easy to talk about your problems?: yes
-Do you cry a lot?: no. i almost have to make myself cry when i want to.
-Do you understand yourself?: does anyone?
-Do others understand you?: no comment.
-Can you understand others?: i can read their emotions pretty well, and i can understand the words coming out of their mouths.
-Best Feeling: love
-Worst Feeling: nausea
-describe your personality: chameleon
-Would you say that many people like you / dislike you?: i dont know, i like to think that there are more who like me than dislike me.
-Do you like who you are?: mostly
-Have you changed within the last five years?: i was 11.
-Do you like who you were then / who you are now?: i liked myself better than. but this is apples and oranges. im a young adult now, i was a little kid then.
-Would you say that your life is difficult?: certain surface aspects.
-Are you prone to whining?: not as much as some people.
-Who comes first? You or others?: let's just say i won't end up in the vestibule of hell.
-Do many people know of you?: yes
-Do many people KNOW you?: no
-Are you shy / outgoing?: outgoing
-Are you calm / hyper?: depends
-Are you sad / happy?: depends
-Are you mad / sensible?: sensible. you can tell by the kinds of shoes a person wears.
-Are you lazy / energetic?: energetic.
-Are you funny / corny?: corny. :)
-Are you stressed / relaxed?: stressed.
-Are you bored / busy?: momentarily?
-Are you nice / mean?: nice
-Are you understanding or not?: yes
-Are you trustworthy or not?: yes
-Are you a “goody two shoes” / “bad motha”?: id be a good motha.
-Are you smart / dumb?: shoes.
-Are you annoying / calming?: both
-Are you loving / hating?: loving.
-Are you fun / boring?: fun
[SEX / RELATIONSHIPS]
-Do you have a boyfriend / girlfriend / neither / crush ?: nope. unnatatched.
-If so, how long have you been going out?: 6 years, three months, 1 week, 4 days, and 19 hours. IM SINGLE, OK?!
-If not, do you have a crush?: nope
-Name of your companion / crush: Shantal DeBouvier
-What’s so special about your companion / crush?: they are black.
-Are you flirty?: sometimes.
-Are you a virgin?: no
-Age of First Kiss: 14 at camp highlander.
[RANDOM CRAP]
-Who is your role model?: courtney love... except im too much of a good girl.
-What are some of your pet peeves?: im not big on kids, or really self centered people, or most girls.
-Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with?: HA! yeah.
-Have you ever cried over the opposite sex?: like, 3 times. and with reason. except for the one time in 8th grade.
-Do you have a “type” of person you always go after?: why limit yourself?
-Have you ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you?: yes. and i do.
-Would you rather be dumped / the dumper?: dumped. you can hate them.
-Would you rather have a relationship / a “hookup”?: either
-Do you want someone you don’t have right now?: japan?
-Have you ever liked your best friend of the opposite sex?: for about a minute! (garett) and then some (not garett...)
-Do you want to get married?: yes.
-Do you want kids?: yeah. but i either want 1,2, or like... 9.
-Do you believe in psychics?: im psychic.
-Do you believe that you have met the person you will end up marrying?: yes. but i lost them and now ill be a spinster.
-What is your favorite part of your physical appearance?: my voluptuous eyebrows. oh baby.
-What is your favorite part of your emotional being?: my testicles.
-Are you happy with yourself?: i have boogers.
-Are you happy with your life?: some parts at some times. and sometimes all i can see is grey.
-If you could change something in your life, what would it be?: some of my friends lives, so that i could have them develop into wonderful people instead of the shitbags they are becoming.
[RIGHT NOW AT THIS VERY SECOND]
-Current Clothes: khakis, maroon long sleeves, blue panties!
-Current Mood: strange indifference
-Current Taste: winterfresh.
-Current Make-Up: left over mascara from like, 2 days ago. waterproof crap.
-Current Hair Style: down
-Current Annoyance: my contacts.
-Current Smell: flower by kenzo.
-Current Thing You SHOULD be Doing: studying history
-Current Desktop Picture: my moms tulip field thingy.
-Current Book: Little Women.
-Current CD in Player: Bright Eyes and Alkaline Trio. SHUTUP.
-Current DVD in Player: GRIND, BITCH!!!!!!!!!!
[THE LAST QUESTIONS]
-How many people have you kissed?: ummm around 15, 16, maybe 17?
-Still a virgin (hey, you coulda changed since the last time you answered this)?: nay.
-How many hearts have you broken?: umm, not too many, i dont think. heh. people dont really fall for me.
-How many people have broken your heart?: one.
-Do you pick people by their looks / personality (be honest)?: personality.
-Have you ever kissed one of your friends (JUST a friend)?: yes. paul, lauren, em, krista, gabi, himmelbaum, spencer, jon m
-If so, are you still friends?: some of them.
-If not, do you plan to?: plan to what? still be friends? dumb querstion!
-Are you a vegetarian?: kill 'em n grill 'em.
LAST PERSON...
. You Touched: moms arm?
. You Talked to Online: uhhh... em?
. You Hugged: lauren t.
. You Kissed: mom on the cheek? lol.
. You instant messaged: em
. You Yelled At: mom
ARE YOU...
. Understanding: more than not.
. Open-minded: to the extreme.
. Arrogant: no.
. Insecure: a little.
. Interesting: we all have a story to tell
. Random: i can barely keep up with my mind.
. Hungry: i just took an awesome poo.
. Friendly: more personable than friendly.
. Smart: yes
. Moody: swing swing swing...
. Childish: rearely.
. Independent: yes
. Hard working: with motivation.
. Organized: have you seen my room? neurotic/ OCD. not typical organization, but everything has to be just SO.
EITHER/OR
. Coffee or hot chocolate: coffee
. Lace or satin: both.
. New or old: old
. Jeans or cords: Chords. RAWK... that means jeans.
. Sweater or sweatshirt: does it keep me warm?
. T-shirt or tank top: tank.
. Skirt or dress: dress.
. G string or thong: G chord... i mean string.
. Wool or cotton: the fabric of our lives.
. Rose or Lily: lily.
. Oldies or pop: oldies
. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: no.
. Do you have a best friend: yep
IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU...
. Cried: no
. Helped someone: yeah
. Bought something: tickets.
. Gotten sick: nauseated.
. Gone to the movies: no
. Gone out for dinner: yes
. Said, "I love you": yes... not in that boy girl way though. in the friends way. haha
. Written a real letter: no, i sent one a couple days ago, though!
. Moved on: from him?
. Talked to an ex: everyday
. Missed an ex: everyday.
. Talked to someone you have a crush on: hahaha
. Had a serious talk?: yes
. Missed someone?: yes
. Hugged someone?: yes
. Fought with your parents?: over picture frames. i won. <3
. Fought with a friend?: last 24 hrs? uhhh.. em.
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-glassxroses-
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2004 3 April :: 12.40am
:: Mood: ARGUMENTATIVE!
wow! i actually LOVE arguing with people. like, its one of those things that just like, gets me through the day. im so intensely happy right now because i just had this fabulous cat-fight with paul... it was faaaaantastic. like, im in a total high from it. and my conclusion is that he's an oversensitive fag. yep! i really really really love doing that shit... woooohoooooo! :):):):)
<3Jackie
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-glassxroses-
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2004 21 March :: 10.48pm
:: Mood: optimistic
i love when something you don't expect happens. when you realize that you want someone you just met, or when you realize you love someone you've known all along. or when you realize that you want to fly.. to be free and open and soaring and feel the warmth of the sun and the cool air. when you dont have any destination, but knowing that you can just..go. go anywhere. go halfway around the world. when your insides are like butter and your heart is aglow with knowledge, experience and laughter. when someone calls out of the blue and you don't expect their voice on the other end of the line... but you still smile. the reactions people give you-- how they change everytime; that's what makes them special. like a quilt that you've had forever.
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-glassxroses-
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2004 29 February :: 2.46am
:: Mood: caffeinated, and high on anxiety
I re-read a lot of my old entries tonight, because, frankly, im realizing that i like reading about my life... hearing about it, etc. i realized the gradual overall change in tone of my entries from light to heavy hearted over time. i became pretty jaded and less and less in touch with the person i am. i payed especially close attention to anything written by or about marcone. because he is back right now. but for me to contact him would be inappropriate according to the rules of break-up conduct? i did call him, and left him a message. i still love him. i still love him just as strongly as i did the first day i told him so. i still love him as much as i did the first time.. that we...first timed it... yeah, you know what i mean. i still love him as much as i did during our first kiss, which i do actually beleive was love at first sight. and it rips out several of my vital organs to think that he just stopped loving me as much as he said he did. he just stopped being in love with me, and i am still in love with him. he just completely let go, and i lack the capacity to do so. i love him, and i am scared that i always will. i have tried even to like other guys and i cant, because he is all that i think about. hes my heart, my dreams, my breath, my everything, and i cant have him because it ended. because we cant even hold up a conversation anymore. i just want to see him. just to look at him from afar like i did on thursday. i saw him walking with chris and something struck my chest and i couldnt breathe. i know that i cant live without him... i know i cant. and that is why i still have his pictures and his letter in my wallet.
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strawberrychapstick
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2004 25 February :: 10.59pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: blink 182- i miss you
forever and a day ago, i last updated
why hello there, little blog of mine, how long has it been?? a long time. well, im pretty sure that since that amount of time, im a different person. not that ive changed sooo much recently or anything, just that people change constantly, and im not the same alexa i was in december, im now february alexa, and next month ill be march alexa. for instance, last week, had i gone to christie's sweet sixteen party yet? had i danced wtih that cute 21yearold waiter yet? no. and therefore, i am now that much different ;-) no but seriously, everysecond is a moment in your life that changes you, even if its just the tiniest most unperceivable thing, it still happened to you....
So, whats been happening with me lately? well in the past X months, ive gone to brazil with em (fun), suffered through week after week of boring private school (dull) and succeeded in turning a guy friend into an infatuated crush before realizing im a hopeless idiot who is settling because there are NO WORTHWHILE GUYS IN MY SCHOOL and im a hopeless idiot (therefore ive also gotten over aforementioned stupid crush) so now, what can i say, im an independent woman haha. ummm anything else? soccer seasons over- starting up rock climbing again... my life is boring.... im gonna fail my history test tmr adn yet am still not studying.... i like those chocolate turtles (the candies with pecans and caramel with chocolate)... i had this scary feeling all day that something bad was gonna happen to my mom and i was freaking out until she picked me up (freaky)... i got a cell phone two weeks ago and then two weeks later its already broken.... im goin on the school trip cruise in T minus three weeks!... o ya, and the coolest of all: i got an electric bass guitar! so now im teaching myself how to play so i can rock out and be o so hot and rockstarish 8-)
my head hurts. it always hurts. exams next week. die exams die. three word sentences. they are fun. well im out. peace, love, wombats.
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-glassxroses-
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::
2004 11 February :: 8.22pm
my brain ticks
Guess what?
They found out about me, You can’t count on me- I hate to be wrong
Guess what?
All those things I said- it wasn’t what I meant, I hate to lead you on
I’ve got a lot of bad things I wish that I had never done ‘cause they’re coming back, coming
back to me now
And I’ve got a lot of bad things I wish that I had never done ‘cause they’re coming back,
coming back to me now
Oh yeah- you’re not my friend, you don’t know me and I, I don’t care about you
I lied,
and that’s the awful truth. Guess it was no use- I hate to be wrong
I lied,
the things inside your head, wishin I was dead- ‘cause I did you wrong
I’ve got a lot of bad things I wish that I had never done ‘cause they’re coming back, coming
back to me now
And don’t think I’ll feel guilty or that I’ll apologize ‘cause I got my way, and that means I
was right
Oh yeah- I’m not your friend, you don’t know me, and I, I don’t care about….you.
Repeat
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah
I’ve got a lot of bad things I guess that I should never have done ‘cause they’re coming back,
coming back to me now
And don’t think I’ll feel guilty or that I’ll apologize ‘cause I got my way and that means I
was right
Oh yeah, I’m not your friend, you don’t know me and I, I don’t, I don’t care about you.
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