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2008 25 June :: 3.32 am
Why the batman/superman movie will never happen....
*Fade in on the Gotham City Police Department. Batman addresses Commissioner Jim Gordon and his officers.*
Batman: There's no time to waste. Two-Face is holding the Second National Bank hostage, and we-
*Superman bursts in.*
Superman: Yo, Bruce-man, sorry I'm late. What's the sitch?
Batman: Well, as I wrote in the comprehensive brief I sent out-
Superman: Oh, no worries, totally glanced over that. Double-Face, right? What's his deal again? Laser eyes? Super-speed?
Batman: No, he's, um, obsessed with the number two.
Superman: Ha! No, seriously. What's he do? Mind control?
Batman: Well, he also has this skin condition.
Superman: Are you f*cking kidding me? One sec.
*Superman crashes out through the wall.*
Batman: Actually, the skin thing is more of a metaphor for the duality of-
*Superman flies back in, carrying a handcuffed Two-Face.*
Superman: Done.
Two-Face: WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?
Superman: Also, while I was out, I went ahead and stopped crime. All of it.
Batman: But- The mission- My parents-
Superman: Dude, no worries, you can totally lighten up now.
*A single tear emerges from under Batman's cowl.*
Superman: Anyway, I'm headed to Cabo. Anybody want a lift?
*A cop tentatively raises his hand.*
Superman: Um, yeah, sorry man, when I say "anybody", I was really only talking to the chicks in the room. Any takers? No? Ah, well your loss. Later!
*Superman crashes through the other wall. Roll credits.*
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