::
2004 6 September :: 10.10 pm
I spent a lot of today in the place where a year ago I spent time with my boyfriend.
I just want to stop thinking about it. it's not as harsh as before, but i still miss the smell. at least i'm beyond any sort of crying.
I forgave a lot of things that I probably shouldn't have. Being late all the time, not calling, drinking, never letting me meet his friends, calling people spiks, for making me rethink my morals, for cheating on me. . .on and on.
But I won't forgive him for stealing my summer, for taking all of my good memories and tainting it with lies, for making a fool out of me.
that bastard. he came back and ruined everything again. i was going to be okay. he lied lied lied and manipulated me. he's always been good at that. now when i drive past fulton i want to go to his house and crawl into his bed because i know he's in europe. and then i'm so creeped out by thinkng that, that i want to take a nap.
and i don't want him to forget me. and i want to stop transfering my emotions to other people.
god.
at least i still have two things that he didn't destroy: my virginity and my pride.
7 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 1 September :: 5.10 pm
So frustrated and can't stop eating.
and I hate talking to people online.
but i'm going to CC next week and it's going to be cool.
2 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 31 August :: 10.30 pm
they're so dumb.
2 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 28 August :: 3.03 pm
I don't understand all these leering men.
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 23 August :: 11.38 pm
oh my goshhhhhhh.
hard core lesbian time.
2 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 22 August :: 1.07 am
Why does Anne Hathaway have to ruin my favorite books with her movies?
And why do I keep watching the Olympics? there is something weird going on. I was all nervous for the runners and I was sad when the swimming was over.
Ashlee Simpson: Giving hope to girls with big noses everywhere. Or something resembling hope. Right?
Things I cannot ever do:
1. Model
2. Not own a stool
3. Run in the Olympics
4. Store cookies on top of the refrigerater
5 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 17 August :: 10.01 pm
i love myself.
but i haven't been very smart.
7 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 17 August :: 5.13 pm
I'm happy to report that I can't recall any fond memories of the late, not so great Caleb Reinbold.
and I sent the girls to their rooms today. then I didn't know what to do, so I ate a candy bar. Power is a weird thing.
6 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 14 August :: 2.44 pm
I'm not an angry person.
But you are the epitome of cruel and I want to rage.
2 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 13 August :: 12.30 pm
So I thought I was back to THE PLAN.
my original summer plan. ha ha ha. plans certainly change.
so thank you for being such a bastard and not having the balls to tell me what you don't want. i realized that being with you is not a good idea and you were annoying me anyway.
but i'm not destroyed. i'm going to clean up the mess you made.
THERE ARE OTHER BOYS IN THE SWAMP.
and to you. . .i'm sorry that it's too late for more happy times.
7 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 12 August :: 1.21 pm
BAD IDEA!
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 10 August :: 5.48 pm
eating hot dawgs.
happy as two fried happy things.
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 7 August :: 9.40 pm
I am sensationaly beautiful.
and some people are utterly useless.
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 6 August :: 10.40 pm
jeeze.
band camp is over over over over forever. and drill is finished.
and. . .jeeze. trouble.
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 5 August :: 10.21 pm
i can't help it. i'm weak for it.
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 5 August :: 12.21 am
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
i am not allergic.
but i am in some kind of trouble. like usual.
there's no winning. . .ever.
it's the summer of losing and growing. but that's a life.
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 3 August :: 10.07 pm
That's what I want.
but it's a secret.
4 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 2 August :: 9.54 pm
In fact I was disgustingly happy.
I have to talk to Kerrie, but if it makes me happy why not?
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 1 August :: 11.30 pm
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
senses indeed.
it's step in some direction. not sure which way, but it's something.
2 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 1 August :: 12.47 am
This can't even be happening.
But it is.
2 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 31 July :: 10.24 am
we are alive and we will survive.
I'm so happy this morning. Just to be me. My possibilities and my body and my mind. Everything is alright with my world for a moment.
oh yum.
2 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 29 July :: 9.08 am
you meet a red head who likes to dance.
realistic too.
you meet someone who lives too far away.
we'll all float on.
4 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 29 July :: 12.00 am
Oh swoon. . .and weep.
also I heard Ryland talking baby talk to the dog.
I'm not sure what to think about this.
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 28 July :: 10.22 am
Can you see me
Floating above your head
As you lay in bed
Thinking about everything
That you did not do
Cause saying I love you
Has nothing to do with meaning it
And I don't trust you
Cause every time you're here
Your intentions are unclear
I spend every hour waiting for a phone call
That I know will never come
I used to think you were the one
Now I'm sick of thinking anything at all
You ain't ever coming back to me
That's not how things were supposed to be
You take my hand just to give it back
No other lover has ever done that
Do you remember
The way we used to melt
Do you remember how it felt
When I touched you
Oh cause I remember very well
And how long has it been
Since someone let you in
Has given what I gave to you
And at night when you sleep
Do you dream I would be there
Just for a minute or two do you?
You ain't ever coming back to me
That's not how things were supposed to be
You take my hand just to give it back
No other lover has ever done that
Heartache heartache I just have so much
A simple love with a complex touch
There is nothing you can say or do
I called to let you know I'm through with you
2 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 26 July :: 7.03 pm
being dumped is just a messed up blessing.
keep the door closed.
4 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 26 July :: 1.11 pm
AHHHHHHHH!
CRADLE ROBBING!
I'm ROBing!!!!
Yes, I married a fifteen-year-old at band camp.
I love my life.
9 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 24 July :: 8.37 pm
oh boy
2 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 18 July :: 10.14 am
Just about two hours.
I have a letter to write. I have some things to accept.
I'm not ready.
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 15 July :: 10.26 pm
organization is a door.
i lost my key.
i am alive.
3 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |
::
2004 13 July :: 12.49 pm
Only a few more days until my heart breaks again. And I won't even get to see my heart breaker.
It's all wrong. I am not a person. I'm more like nothing.
3 Little Tykes |
Watcha got there? |