Resistentialism is the theory that inanimate objects demonstrate hostile behavior against us

 

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Great Neptune's Ghost!

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:: 2004 25 March :: 10.43 pm

wondering: those people who advertise their whole lives in their msn screen names, are they really that upbeat or angry or sad? Or desperately in love?

or dumb?

6 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?


:: 2004 24 March :: 5.06 pm

The whole situation is insane.

1 Little Tyke | Watcha got there?


:: 2004 23 March :: 5.21 pm

...and there are some disadvantages to my size.

Watcha got there?


:: 2004 22 March :: 11.04 pm
:: Mood: way fine

gosh....my name is so pretty. and I'm pretty great too, for a spastic girl.

and things are going to be great. i'm going to stop being so mean and grumpy all the time. really. as long as i get out of english and algebra tomorrow as promised. if that doesn't happen i can't be responsible for my actions.


i haven't even gotten in trouble for the mailbox thing. i'm such a little scamp. hoo hoo.





and hey, seriously, what kind of dog attacks tires?

a really freaking awesome one, that's what.

and how does one go about training a dog to do that? or is it that thing that animals have...inborn senses or whatever.

3 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?


:: 2004 20 March :: 11.07 pm

I'm here with two difficult decisions. One will lead to my official unhappiness and freedom and the other....something else.

2 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?


:: 2004 19 March :: 1.28 pm

ha ha ha ha ha
i'm so not at school right now. it's awesome to the max.

3 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?


:: 2004 18 March :: 10.19 pm

Spell your first name back wards: nehoC htuR haraS

Nicknames?: Beans, Sarar, Sera

The story behind your msn/yahoo name: It's lame and I'd change it, but that would mean I'd have to transfer my buddy list

Boyfriend/Girlfriend?: nuh.lame.messy.

4 words that sum you up: aloof, quiet, pensive, fickle

Wallet: it's blue and bulky and canvas and it has a magnetic snap and it's hard to get things in and out of my stepmom got it for me for christmas a long time ago and it has a matching wallet-like purse, and it's from american eagel

Hairbrush: i ended up getting three for christmas, so i have like eight brushes, but the one i like was 99 cents and it's made out of wood

Jewellery you wear daily: i was wearing some earrings then i was wearing a necklace, but i get tired of jewlery

Pillow cover: one is pink and one has flowers, we found it in the dead man's shack

Coffee cup: i like the deformed one

Shoes: i like the blue ones that diana gave me even though they hurt my feet and don't keep them dry either

CD in stereo right now: ben folds, lifehouse, and the second vonda shepard soundtrack

What you are wearing now: scrubs, hilltop sweatshirt

In my mouth: bad smells

In my head: vrrrrrrooooooommmmmm

Eating: i had two boxes of wendy's chicken nugets...yesssssss

Some of your favorite movies: i don't know...there are a lot that i really liked, like...the elf, school of rock, big fish, starsky and hutch, fried green tomatos, molin rouge, happy campers, the emporers new groove,

Something you're looking forward to: not going to school tomorrow and spring and working and aspen and school being over, and fifth hour and graduating and europe and my new house and my dad's new house and getting a good grade on my assesments and being done with the scarlet letter, and the fifth book in the georgia diaries and the sixth harry potter, and not feeling so crappy


The last thing you ate?: lemon ice

Something that you are deathly afraid of?: getting in a car accident...or probably any accident, but mostly the car type

Do you like candles: not really.

Do you believe in a thing called love: not

Do you believe in love at first sight: no

Do you believe in forgiveness: most of the time, but usually i forgive and have resentment

If you could have any animal for a pet: an invisible one that doesn't need my attention or food or to go outside or make noise or smells

What are 3 places you wouldn't mind relocating to?: colorado, not cedar springs, paris

What's something you wish you could understand better?: the bible and the history of the world

Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time?: no, seeing band campers once a year is probably enough for me, even though i like them and i saw sam last sunday so it hasn't been that long

In the last 24 hours, have you:

Cried: nope. i'm on a roll

Gotten sick: sort of

Sang: why, yes, i'm singing right now

Eaten: and how!

Felt stupid: i know i did something really really dumb, i just can't remember what it was

Hugged someone: yes, it made me feel sick inside

Wanted to tell someone you loved them: actually i wanted to tell a few people to get the hell away from me

Met someone new: yes, her name is tearny and she's from iowa and she's in eight grade and she's really cute

Talked to an ex: yes

Fought with your parents: no

Are you center of attention or the wallflower: super wallflower

What type of automobile do you drive: a dirty one

Would you rather be with friends or on a date: my friends

Do you attend church: yes, it's comforting if you don't really listen to what's being said, just let people be nice to you

Do you like being around people: not this week

Who have you known the longest: my mom, probably

Who do you argue the most with: dani and a-ron, and sometimes troy

Who do you always get along with: everyone else, i'm a lover not a fighter

Who has the coolest siblings: jessica benzer

Who is the smartest: spud, jess b or jess w

Who is your Hero: calvin coolidge and henry clay

3 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?


:: 2004 17 March :: 7.11 pm

It doesn't even give me a good feeling anymore.

2 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?


:: 2004 16 March :: 8.56 pm
:: Music: ben folds

so you want the freedom, but you know leaving the security is going to hurt really bad

but you also know that emotional rampages aren't normal and there's and oppressive akwardness that you can't get away from

and it's the little things...and that your whole relationship has been in the precarious situation for a long time because there isn't a firm foundation.

and you don't want to try because you're too tired of the problems.

but it's so scary.

Watcha got there?


:: 2004 16 March :: 4.59 pm
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: ben folds

It's not that I'm unhappy. I would say this is my favorite year of high school. I just hate winter. And school.

School+winter+me=mrs. grump

And I hate all these conflicting feelings. Sometimes I think I shouldn't make decisions anymore because I change my mind so much. You can make most things sound like great ideas if you think about it hard and long enough.

Watcha got there?


:: 2004 14 March :: 5.09 pm

Rainy Sundays are the worst kind of days.

Watcha got there?


:: 2004 12 March :: 11.32 pm

I am way lost.

but I do know that you really have to sit back and figure out the real reason why you're upset.

Watcha got there?


:: 2004 10 March :: 11.55 pm

It's kind of funny how I manage to break my own heart.

I'm freaking Arthur Stupidsdale.

Watcha got there?


:: 2004 10 March :: 11.44 pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable

beautiful day



except for the angry part

Watcha got there?


:: 2004 10 March :: 1.23 pm

Hey...stop being a such a crappy person. You big meanie. I won't be used. Thanks.





And yay, I get to come home for real tomorrow.

3 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?


:: 2004 4 March :: 10.47 pm

I should stop everything.

Watcha got there?


:: 2004 29 February :: 9.33 pm
:: Music: train

Now that I'm done being a frurk, I can move on and be happy again.

1 Little Tyke | Watcha got there?


:: 2004 28 February :: 10.12 pm
:: Mood: angry

EVERY way is wrong.

Watcha got there?


:: 2004 28 February :: 9.33 pm
:: Music: elton john-your song

oh god.

I can't do this again.



I RUIN EVERYTHING

Watcha got there?


:: 2004 27 February :: 9.59 pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: edwin mcain-i'll be

I'm so dumb. It's like a destructive path I've taken. I find people that are very good and then...something bad happens. I get really mean. I don't know what my problem is. Must not let my fantasy take me too far, I'll be in big trouble. Again

Watcha got there?


:: 2004 26 February :: 10.01 pm

No, it was way nice. I think I was really overreacting because of my frustrations. It will be sorted out soon if it hasn't mostly been already. I'm being so silly. But there's the whole point. Something stupid like that could have happened and then I'd be very sad and very tainted.


But that scary thing happened. Shudder shudder.

1 Little Tyke | Watcha got there?


:: 2004 25 February :: 10.01 pm
:: Mood: okay

I think I have a lot of explaining to do.

Let me see...today sucked. But not when my Canadian Life Partner was around. Then I didn't feel so crappy...and I'm pretty good now.

Watcha got there?


:: 2004 24 February :: 8.51 pm

I find nothing unusual or wrong about two people getting married even if they can't procreate. They're people...isn't there something about being created equal somewhere?

14 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?


:: 2004 23 February :: 10.24 pm

That's just something that I'm not going to do. My life is not a Tragedy.

Watcha got there?


:: 2004 22 February :: 7.43 pm
:: Music: goo goo dollies

There is someone who I'd much rather see.

4 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?


:: 2004 21 February :: 11.04 pm
:: Mood: very sad

next week it won't even be an issue. but you're sick, so i have to wait.

it's like i never properly enjoy myself because i get so built up on these things and don't want to do anything else. it's stupid, i usually end up disapointed with the thing i'm excited for and have a greater time with the things i was anxious to get over with.

Watcha got there?


:: 2004 21 February :: 2.25 pm
:: Mood: really freaking stupid

No, no, no. I keep doing the dumb thing. It isn't fair to anyone. And I'm sincerely sorry.

Some questions come to mind:
Why didn't I give it a little more thought and less impulse? Or at least more time for mourning...or handled it less like a bitch.

Why didn't I continue to be bitter and stand up for myself? Or demanded answers at least?

Why should it hurt so much now?

Maybe if I had been a little smarter I wouldn't spend time sobbing, keeping secrets, feeling guilty and not being very honest.

I would spend more time with my good friend, who I miss a lloooottttt.

2 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?


:: 2004 19 February :: 8.19 pm

I will not take a speech class. That is absolutly insane.

3 Little Tykes | Watcha got there?


:: 2004 18 February :: 9.46 pm
:: Mood: Assaulted

I don't know what happened.

Watcha got there?


:: 2004 17 February :: 5.19 pm
:: Mood: dismayed
:: Music: faith hill

It just took a while to catch up with me.

stupid.

Watcha got there?

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