:: 2004 10 May :: 9.58 am

www.bam bam n squirly.mypicgallery.com

i think thats the link not sure

YoU

:: 2004 9 May :: 7.03 pm

..im a day late i know (not in what u think)
.....yes, today is the 9th, but i couldnt get online last night.... so here is my dedikation to Bam Bam n Squirly (even tho I didnt know em, alot of friends of mine did, and i am extremly sorry for their loss...!)

DJ and Alex: You will for ever be in the hearts of ur friends and many others who wished they could have known u bc of the sweetness u've shown to others. No one will ever forget u...Vince, Data, Todd, Ashley, Twist, etc, they will always love and remeber u. All these people came to teen night last night juss for u guys, to show how much ur turly missed...others juss didnt go bc they didnt want to bc they were scared (maybe?), even people who didnt know u guys went to go for u to show how much u were loved. All these people, they learned how to rave from and for the best!
We love and Miss u!

For u ppl who dont Know who DJ and Alex (aka Bam Bam and Squirly) were, they were 2 of the best ravers at teen night who died a yr ago from yesterday. Yesterday at t/n, alot of ppl were pissed bc there were 3 posters of pics with DJ and none with Alex...Vince was crying, and I felt sooo bad....he punched the wall really hard juss bc of the pic thing....and even tho i dk them, I was pissed too, bc in my eyes, Alex was a tru hero and he is gone form this piece of shit earth too.....no offence, but why is DJ getting all the recognition? I believe in ghost, and alot of things happened last night, and I sumwhat think it is Alex that helpd, bc this girl tripped over a scaffold and had a sezure, then Vince's ex had a asthma attack, and alot of ppl got into fights, and this one girl i knew from elementary skewl ran away and was hiding out there...it juss seems to me that he is part of all of that juss bc ppl dont relize what a good deed he did...he didnt HAVE TO jump in after DJ and try and save him....he could have ran to get someone and still be alive, but he did something good, thats how I know he is in Hevan....

I love u guys!!!!

YoU

:: 2004 7 May :: 9.11 am
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: John Denver- Jet Plane(?)

YoU

:: 2004 6 May :: 9.06 am
:: Mood: guilty

...still...
hello all....(not too many ne more....bc woohu is all paying now n ppl r too damn lazy to pay) ne ways, me n Todd r all good now I guess.....well, as good as it can get with what I did...especially after the whole pot thing....and I am sooo happy we r still togehter, u have no idea.....I told him there was something wrong when we were on the phone with Chris, but I wouldnt tell him what...but when I got to the library (yes, I was there AGEN...but onlii bc that is the place i go when I NEED to get awaii from mii familii.....ok, stopping with the II thing lol) he was online (intsead of working on his paper...>:-( ) so, I IMed him and told him what had happened....lets juss say, what he wants to do..isnt a good thing.....ne ways, so we talked it over, and he still wants to go out.....and y*all have NO IDEA how happy I am for that! I don*t know why he puts up with me like he does,but I am soo grateful for him (no matter what his beliefs are...uhm, allie and leanne and aaron).....but Chris found out too......and he helped me....Chris, I lylab!!! Thank u !!! :-) ne ways, at this point, I know I dont LOVE Todd....but I can say I like him alot more than I did Logan......and I liked Logan alot....(and looking back, I relize I didnt love Logan for real....I can*t see myself with him ne more)I mean, Todd makes me feel sooo comfortable and I am care free when I am with him...Hopefully he'll be able to come to my concert tonight.....
(That somehow reminds me of Sarah....hey, I am sooo glad u found John....{To him: im sorry I hurt ur feelings lol} U finally seem REALLY happy...!!!!)...oh, and Vince emailed me...He says he knows he fucked up, and hes sorry bc he feels bad, but he can*t do that to Mel bc he loves her.....and it was sweet bc it started out with a pic of her, then said I feel bad then another pic "i m sorry" then another pic "i fucked up"then another pic" but I cant do that agen, I cant do that to Mel, bc i love her and i felt really bad" and I emailed him back saying I can*t do it agen and I wont bc I can lose Todd and I know how he feels....Not onlii do I feel bad for todd...i feel bad for melanie...and stuff like that....

...on a nother note....I know me n Chris aren*t close close...not even really close...we r juss friends, but I sumtimes think of him as a brother, him and Todd have been there for me since I started this journal....which would be b4 December 19th...(lol, I didn*t look, I actually have it memorized when me n Todd's first kiss was and I started this on me n Chris's LAST kiss)....but like ne time I have ever had problems with Todd, I would always call him and he would always help me....specially that Teen Night thingy mab bob....Thank u Chris!!!

2 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 5 May :: 6.14 pm
:: Mood: angry

@ myself....
I've done something totally HORRABLE....I will never be able to forgive my self....I am such a bad person.....of course, I wont write it in here bc certain ppl read this, but still....yall can juss tell me I am a bad person bc if I told u u would say it ne ways!

To the person: I am soooo sorry and I love u sooooo much...I hate my self for doing this and even tho u dont know Ive done it yet....I hope u forgive me.....

god, I am juss bein not good all over the place! alrightii, well, I gotta go....bye

YoU

:: 2004 5 May :: 9.44 am

What's the Point?


What's the point of trying,
When all you do is wrong?
What's the point of crying,
When no one hears your song?

What's the point of love,
When nothing goes your way?
What's the point of effort,
When you can't take another day?

What's the point of memories?
They all will fade away,
What's the point of sensitivity?
You'll just get called gay...

What's the point of happiness?
It lasts only a short time,
What's the point of sadness?
It just ruins your life.

What's the point of seeing?
When everything's a lie?
What's the point of believing?
When all you ask is why?

What's the point of life?
Filled with pain and strife,
And what's the point of me?
Filled with sadness and misery.


Written by: Brandon Smith
Added on : 2003-07-29

YoU

:: 2004 5 May :: 9.26 am
:: Music: Dirks Bently- What was I thinking

YoU

:: 2004 4 May :: 8.00 pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: love to love u outloud(live)-Rascal Flatts

YoU

:: 2004 4 May :: 6.42 pm

gay
Hey, I am at the libary and this key board is GAY!!!! STephanie is here...! and so is this one girl I know....wow....lol, ok,well i havent been able to update bc i havent had a computor....well, i started reading Interveiw with the Vampire.....its good i saw the movie last night...ummm...Saturday i went to Todd's house and we went to downtown ft myers and we went to a 9/11 exhibit and antique shoppin with his daddy ...it was soooo much fun!!! then we went to leigh high and yeah.....then i went to Meanas house for her party :-) Josh was there and Dylan and these spanish ppl n yeah.....then me,her, damaris andher cusins and vered went bowling which was kinda fun....todd kinda ruined it tho...oh well... and sunday was normal..... Monday was Meanas bd...<<3 Ya gurlie Happy bday! nd yeah...thats pretty much it other than my best guy friend just moved to Mexico bc he met some chik on a bus, they fell in love,he did her,she got pregnant and he is marrying her :'( I was crying in 6th pd bc i couldnt handle it nemore...im gonna miss him!!!ok,well...i gotta go...

YoU

:: 2004 1 May :: 12.29 am

crazy
i dont care who reads this...i am mellow enuff to type right so dont think that I am stll stoned.....I spent the night at leannes tonight and we went to the movies with Shane, Jon...athon, Eric Richards,Jessie, and Arynna....well, what happened was that Jessie brought me some weed and me her and Will hit it pretty dam bad......Shane and Eric prolly smoked all theirs too, Jonathon was stoned by the time i found him..ne ways...Todd met me there....didnt go to well....he found out, caused an EXTREMLY huge racus.....told the security gaured jess had weed and Claudia even had to come to the movies juss to stop us from doin sumthin stupid( yeah, great way to met someone) and yeah, it got ugly.... like woah....i swear, 15 ppl from my skewl got into this cussing at him and yellin at him and tellin me how good i am and he doesnt deserve me...but they dont understand him the way i do..!!!!so Idk....we went out to eat with Shane and his parents and Dawn and Mr Bigelow....it was funny...lol, leanne...shane...athon....great stuff!!!!and dawn was drunk and it was soooooo funny! i love that lady!!!!! lol....ok, well, so i got here and talked to brandon and austin... and it was sooo funny...bc i was stoned and i told them i sleep in a bathtub!!!! and all this milk stuff with cookies...wow, they know what I am talking about..... and I talked to Sarah...she is deffanatly not friends with me right now...! Fuck all of you besides logan and a few other people. BUT FUCK THE REST OF YOU. FUCK YOU SARA!! FUCK YOU ALL IN FUCKING FLORDIA!!! KISS MY ASS!!!! I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN
that would be her away message and it may not seem that I am pissed....but I deffanatly am....i cant believe im so stupid to do something like this...i am losing friends...so for all u ppl that think smokeing is funn...(which it is) here r my mistakes i hope u dont make!...so...mistake one) gettin high in he first place mistake 2) telling todd whose weed it was bc he told jessie that if she were a guy that he would beet her ass to the ground.....3) telling Sarah.....4)bein alive...5) telling meana i was going to todds....6)sharing a bed with leanne and lettin shane hear that bc he thingks we r lezbians...wait *bi sexuals* lol...especially with the whole bathtub thing going on.... here r the rules of the tub:
1.dont sit in it like leanne does u might get stuck
2.dont eat alot like leanne and lauren and sara do
3.the same as the first one

made by Lauren.....god, this girl is sooo funny...I luv her!!! haha, Lauren, pot plan!!! lol.....so yes...I love leanne too bc she hits me....and yes...shane is hott leanne....and he is funny...*shane....what, i didnt say ne thing....im not laughing! hmmm...haha, leanne is defanatly lame....wow...ok yeah, glad we r friends.....

Meana, if u read this...I am sry...I <3 u....but I have allready made plans, but if I can, i will defanatly come! I dont think that I will be at todds long bc we will prlly end up getting into another fight with the whole pot thingy.......but this is crazy.....i gotta go...buh bye

3 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 30 April :: 9.41 am

hey whats up...i got my norm referance test scores back yesterday...I got the 79 percentile (for u pl who dont know what that is: it means I did better than 79% of the country :-D) so, my mom and dad took me out for dinner at Ming Court...awsome Chinese restaurant.....Then I got home, got online, called Claudia....called Todd (we almoss broke up...) wow, that whole thing is confusiing but I am not going to put it in here......and went to sleep....fun huh!?!? Tonight I am spendin the night at Leannes, we r going to the movies, Jessie, EC, and Arynna are bring us some candy to share....hmmm, oh me n Shane r friends...but I think he only wants me for my candy...lol...so yeah....tomaro I am going to Todd's but idk when......ok, thats it...buh bye

YoU

:: 2004 29 April :: 9.04 am

sorry about this entry
hm...Last night I was on the phone with Todd...and...Claudia (my new wife ill explain in a sec)...I haven't talked to her forever bc she moved out and doesnt have a computor, but I thought she moved to Tampa with RJ but she didnt.....hmmmm.....she lvies across the street from CLMS or HS I dont member...! It was actually quite funny.....We defanatly pissed Todd off by sayin stuff I am not going to put in her....but eventually my phone died (stupid peice of shit!) but I am kinda glad....I mean, I know That I SHOULDNT be jealous of them considering all they have been thru (and plz, no body tell me "u have to understand" bc I do....Its juss theres so much in their lives I dont understand....like all this past life stuff....i dont understand it bc it isnt in my beliefs ya know? There is so much I dont know about Todd, and I thought I had.....but even now that they bearly tlk, she still knows more about him than I do and me n Todd r on the phone every friggin day for hours......i dunno, i juss doont get the stuff that they r into...
ok, but yeah, last night on the phone...Claudia was my kind of hyper...(Mario knows what I mean by that) and she asked me to marry her....sooo....I said ok:-) I luvverz ya Claudia!!!*muahz*
ne ways...on an even SADDER note....Dj and Alex's 1 yr anniversery is coming up a week after Saturday....(of when they died)...if no body knows who DJ and Alex r, they r these really really good ravers from teen night @ the palace....They died bc they were playin foot ball and the ball went into the cannal and DJ went into get it and he grabbed onto an electrical cord...(well, so said the news paper....there are other stories) and Alex went in after him to help and they bothh got electricuted to the point where they died....so, Claudia and Todd are thinking of planning sumthin for them at Teen Night the day of their anniveresy...RIP Bam Bam n Squirly!!! we miss ya!

2 FuCk | YoU

:: 2004 29 April :: 9.01 am

2 songs by keith urban
You'll think of me
I woke up this morning around 4am
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
I've been trying my best to get along
But that's okay there's nothing left to say but

CHORUS
Take your records, take you freedom
Take your memories, I dont need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me

I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
So

(Repeat chorus)

Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life

(Repeat chorus twice)

And you're gonna think of me
Oh someday baby, someday
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wanna love somebody like u
There's a new wind blowing like I've never known
I'm breathing deeper than I've ever done
And it sure feels good to finally feel the way I do
Now I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you.

And I'm letting go of all my lonely yesterdays
I've forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made
Now theres just one thing, the only thing I wanna do
I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you

Yeah I wanna feel the sunshine shining down on me and you
When you put your arms around me
You let me know theres nothing in this world I can't do

I used to run in circles going no where fast
I'd take one step forward and look two steps back
I couldn't walk a straight line even if I wanted to
I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you

Whoa here we go now
Yeah, Hey i wanna love you baby

Yeah I wanna feel the sunshine shining down on me and you
When you put your arms around me
Well baby there ain't nothing in this world I can't do

Sometimes it's hard for me to understand
But you're teaching me to be a better man
I don't want to take this life for granted like I used to do
I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you
I'm ready to love somebody, love somebody like you
And I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you (yeah)

Hey I wanna love you baby

Oh yeah.
Oh, I wanna be the man in the middle of the night,
Shinin' like it's true.
I wanna be the man that you run to whenever I call on you
When everything that loved someone finally found it's way
Wanna be a better man
I see it in you yeah...

YoU

:: 2004 29 April :: 9.01 am

SONGS ABOUT RAIN- gary allen

Well this town has closed down way too early and there’s nothing to do
So I’m drivin’ around in circles and I’m thinkin’ about you
Today I heard you got a new last name
Sure didn’t know it was gonna hit me this way
And the radio just keeps on playin all these songs about rain

Now there’s all kinds of songs about babies and love that goes right
But for some unknown reason nobody wants to play them tonight
Hey I hope its sunny wherever you are
That’s sure not the picture tonight in my car
And it sure ain’t easin’ my pain all these songs

Like rainy night in Georgia
Kentucky rain
Here comes that rainy day feelin’ again
Blues eyes cryin’ in the early mornin’ rain
They go on and on, and there’s no two the same
Oh it would be easy to blame all these songs about rain

Well I thought I was over you but I guess maybe I’m not
When I let you go looks like lonely was all that I got
Guess I’ll never know what could have been
Sure not helping this mood that I’m in
And the radio just keeps on playin’ all these songs about rain

Like rainy night in Georgia
Kentucky rain
Here comes that rainy day feelin’ again
Blue eyes cryin’ in the early mornin’ rain
They go on and on and there’s no two the same
Oh how I wish I could blame all these songs about rain

All these songs about rain

YoU

:: 2004 28 April :: 7.45 pm
:: Music: songs about rain-gary allen

YoU