ugh!
Ok...welll, I guess that u wanna know why I am sad tonight....well, I found out about Todd's other gf...also named Sarah...she lives in Txas...we didntget along a first, but now, I guess we r friends....so thats god...but the fact he didnt tell Chris we were going out...and that he didnt even tell e that his gf was an online gf and he didnt think I would care...I dunno...but we r still friends...I like him alot...I really do, and its juss the fact that after all Ive gone thru, he has the nerve to cheat on me that made me break up with him...but I do want him back to the point that I was a bitch to Sarah..I was extremely rude to her...luckly, she forgave me...!
Ne wyas, I wish Todd would take me back....he treated me so well...and....thats it...Todd, if u read this I am so sorry for everythig that s goin gon with u...If u forgive e for being a bitch and for the brett thng, please tell me...please take me back and give me another chance to make my self better for u....right now, I dont know why I am apologizing to u, bc I am the one that deservs he apology...but stll, I love u too, juss not the way I lve Brett..and not the way u love Claudia....(btw, Claudia is a sweetie)..please respond to this some how...juss to lemme know what ufeel..i g2g so I will ttyall lata...

todaiii!!!
Hey! Today is my bday...it was sooo much fun! Fiirst at church I was in nursery, but yeah, n then we went to class or w/e and the triplets got me a present and we gave Christian a make over lol...and then at home and Jesse calle dme to say happy bday (thanks!) and ppl came over...James came over too.! I havent seen him in like forever! It was cool of him to put up with my family...and we hung out and watched not another teen movie...and ummm, yeah, then everyone went home cept him n Meana and we juss finished watching the movie...and we had a bag of chips..well, like 3 quaters of it ne way and messed around and he was throwing cookies at us...hmmpphhh>:-0 and then we went to my room and took loads of pictures...they were great, he is sooo dorky! I have this one where he looks liek a super hero or something dumb and it is so funny..ahh, I dunno...and yeah, then he left..ugh, *I* wanted to dress him up agen, but he wouldnt let *ME*...:'-(...bc last time, we ( me and some friends) put him in one of my tube tops and blue shorts and he looked so weird... ne ways....hmmm, I am talking to Brett right now....nothing intimate or ne thing, but he said happy birthday to me and he asked me how I was doing...and I said thanks and asked him how HE was doing.... and like, yeah we r juss talking now....I am not sure what I feel for him....but at least we r talking now...so thats good, we havent tlked since Monday....and he is making me laugh well, I am gonna go now, so c ya!

happy bday to me happy bday to me happy bday to MEHE, happy bday to me
lol

happy today!
Hey! I havent updated since Christmas....well, juss to let ya know what is happining with everything....Christmas night, I was happy afta I went home from my aunts....it was fun me and my aunt Amy talked more than we have in a lonnnggg time, she is sooo nice.... and then Thursday, I went to Target and saw this hott guy and I got a new stereo thingy and stuffs for mah room and Lauren n Kelci came with me and that was fun...we saw Ryan there too...and his weird friend Jonathon...lol...and then we went to their house....It was fun...me and Lauren decorated some of our stuff and that lasted like 3 hrs lol, and then wee went to Fashion Bug....lol, it was so funny, Lauren! That lady was so stalking us!!!! I brought some prett stuffs...Lol, Kelci, what u bought and when we were at ur house and ur dad came in and u were dancing in them...lmao, that was so funny! that was great! ne ways, and umm...oh yeah, Elyse came over to get Courtney b4 we left..aww, she got me a bday/christmas card...lol elyse, the snow man....hehe...aww, girl, read the note, if u eva need me to help ya, then I will cuz ur always there for me! I love ya! But u didnt hafta get me ne thing! Oh, well...it was cute.... She yelled at me for the bad stuff, but I deserved it...and Lauren gave me safty sisors...lol...I am happy tho now, i am not gonna do it, I told my mom about it...and she didnt yell at me, she juss was disapointed and didnt understand why I would do that, but I explained it to her....I took what everyone said in to consideration, and its not worth me hurting m self and then having the people that love me hurt juss bc of a few people....I love u guys! Thank u so much for being there for me....if ne one needs help: I will always be there for u!Thank u all soooo much!
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Tomaro is my Bday!!!!!!! I am gonna be 14! :-) James is coming ova too...I was gonna go to his house today, but I had to home...I havent seen him since Elyse and Eric went out! God, thatss sooo long! I miss him alot! Me and Kelci and Lauren were talking about him last night, how he kinda messed stuff up and how me and Kelci hated each other when the other was going out with him and how we miss him and his hugs that he gives from behind us or w/e and how sweet he is and how he never talks to us ne more...I cant wait till tomaro...cept, I dunno how its gonna go bc usually we have something to do, only, he has a gf and i have a bf.... oh well...lata!

<<3-
Sara

EVERYTHING
Me and Todd r going out..I do like him...but it feels weird, b/c I really like Chris too, and I was thinking about him to alot....but ne ways...and Todd is sooo sweet! He is such a big help with stuff, and I dont want to break up with him, but I think I am going to, just for a little while until I get things straitened out..I am ging to work everything out with EVERYONE...but I dont really want to break up with him, he is juss what I asked for for Christmas and I do like him, I just dont want to burden him with my stupid pitty problems you know? If he lieks me, maybe we can go back out, but I am not saying that I am breaking up with him as he reads this, b/c if I do, it will be so he can hear the hurt in my voice and know that I dont want to !I dont know what to do, so if ne one wants to help me out with that they can...But I am going to take things step by step...if I try doing thingss all at once, I get too frustrated and hate myself more....I was just so frustated with my life and boys and school annd family and friends...I know I am loved. and that I am a sister to most people, but I guess, I feel like I am not good enuff for some ppl and it kills me inside...like if I was good enufff, maybe more people would like me u know? Maybe Matt and Chris would like me...maybe, Brett wouldnt have done what he did, maybe, I think b4 I say something to some one, maybe I would treat my family better....I want my life to be a movie, one where I can just go back in time and redo everything that I did that was stupid, like fall in love and get hurt...but it cant be like that ( Thanks Meana...IOU)...I dont know, and I got to get to bed, so I will w/m/l....Its almost Christmas...and I should be happy, but I am not, and I need to stop thinking of this...I am tellig my mom EVERYTHING after Christmas, b/c I dont want to ruin stuff for her...So,i f I am not totally grounded till im 24, I will tell u how that goes...

-
Sara

today
Hey...Today was pretty cool! I met Dan n Connor...Connor is hott ( lol, lee, so Is Dan...)...Lisa meet me half way with them and we went to Lisa's house and hung out and walked half wa to Josh's and talked....then we went to there house and Connor was "teaching" me to play guitar! It was great, lol Lee, I made a pretty noise! Dan was right tho, Connor cant play..well, he can, but he cant...hehe...ne ways,then we went back to Lisas n Nikki came over...she is so cool! and we went back to their house and then we got really bored, and we went to myy house...omg, my brother is (and was) soooooooooo annoying...he has a crush on Dan! I swear! lol...omg, lisa, member u sprained Connors nose? and u Waxed ur ear lol.....omg, they new my bed is comfortable!and Dan knows he wanted to join our cuddle orgie lol...!we played with Pennies...Dan should play basketball! he cann shoot hehe....i/j...kinda...but yeah, I didnt think of Brett the whole day which was good...well, most of it...when i got home, his song was on....hmmm::sigh:: and I emailed him too but thats nothing...my arm is healing...but not much.....u can still see them really well... ne ways, Connor is reallycute...and Dan is cuter! hehe...but Connor has pretty eyes...:-) I would like Dan, but Lee does so Im not gonna....and I only like Connor a lil bit...not even enuff to make it really count...they r sooo funny...but quite weird...oh well.! I am gonna go now...Im bored...and no one is on and yeah! blah...Have fun at the movies u guys!?!?!?c ya!

<<3
sara

tonight
If everyone is mad at me for getting BUZZED ( not drunk, buzzed) then oh well...I was really depressed, I never fuckin got mad at them for doin something stupid when THEY were depressed now did I? I didnt scream at people when they were off getting drunk or buzzed or stoned or hurting themselves...not that I didnt care or ne thing, b/c I did...i juss didnt scream and lecture them! me and my 2 friends snuck out and got some thing to drink and drank the whole damn bottle and I think we were all buzzed...its a great feeling....really....its not something I am going to do all the time, but I am on my bday ( the 28th!!!) me and 2 friends...maybe 3....I dunno, depends on how many ppl I can get n how much I can get to drink... ya know...maybe i will ask todd to come too....but I wasnt even effin drunk! gollie! I was juss buzzed...god...! ppl r soooo weird! its not like the ppl that yelled at me have never gotten buzzed b4...or even drunk! ::sarcastic:: I called todd tonight....he is at Chris's I forgot...I am to scared to call Chris's..prolly to late ne ways....I also tlked to Patrick and Chris ( leehigh ppl)...I tlked to Todd for a long time today cept he was mostly singing.....hmmm, well, Im tired so I am gonna go to sleep now...buh bye!!!

I really am hurt by all of that...my convo is morre indepth and my cuts arent deep....I didnt want to make them deep juss incase Meana hurts me more?but my arm is red and I am not done yet...I am scared to really hurt my self and that some one would see it...but I dont care about that ...the most some one would do would be to slap me and tell my mom and my mom would do nothing but send me to a pshychitrist...who really gives a beep? not me...but yeah, my arms are soooo red they dont hurt much tho....I am going to put my convo in there later....people need to stop telling me life goes on, b/c for ome ppl it does n others it doesnt, they have never been as hurt as I am if they think life goes on

BLAH
I dont fel good...and I am at my cusins house...Im tired...done nuthin but watch TV all day and watched Aaron lil Alex and Ben for a while my aunt went to pick up my older cuz Alex from work....
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Today is a special day for me....its my grandmas bdaii.....its only special for me b/c she died on my bday...god, everythin bad happens on my bday...like Marys grandpa thing......but yeah..
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Oh yeah, on my lil code thing....I forgot one...the most important word...LOVE....yall know what that means...some one that u r willing to spend te rest of ur life with no matter if they have cancer or what not....ok, well thats that for now...buhbye!

a real entry about my life
OK, u guys, this is a real live entry this time, sorry abut all the other ones I am juss bored and I needed something to doo...so here Illl let u go n read.: ( one more thing...look at my bio...I redid it!:!:!:!)

even tho I asked....so many people said I was pretty...I feel beautiful...and the 3 ppl I wanted to hear it from, said I was...and they r honest...so yeah....(matt, todd, and chris)...but like 10 other ppl did to.......... so thats good....ne wyas...
_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_
Tonight was depressing....kinda, I really like Chris...like woah...I dunno, everytime I am with him, I get this feeling...and I am usually so comfortable around guys...even when I first meet them n stuff...but I am scared to call Chris and be with him...even tho I try my best to be myself... but, yeah, and I tried telling him this tonight, but he had to go, and lucky for me...he went to Todds which pissed me off b/c I really eeded to tlk to Todd alone...maybe another day.... but ne ways, that isnt all of it....I was like depressed cuz of that, but like, I started tlking to Todd and he told me he liked me so I was happy 4 that and then like Matt was horney and he cheered me up so that was cool too....and Todd sent me a whole bunch of pictures...of him and one of Chris but I didnt get to save ne b/c my computor froze :-( but they made me hyper n when I was hyper I wasnt depressed...so that was really good, b/c I dont like being depressed and when I was drunk, I think I was worse, I did it to try and get over everything, and Heather told me I need to start out happy to end up happy not start out depressed and end up happy...god...
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Something new: I like 2 ppl only...well, 2 n a half..I kinda like Todd...after last night, I do...well, not like enuff to go out + he likes 2 other ppl and I do too and one of them happens to be his best friend.... so yeah.....I like Chris and Matt....I told Matt too...never stopped liking him....but, like, I dont like him as much as Chris...I am totally comfortable around Matt..ahhm ts juss weird....
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I am sorry if I am bothering u guys with all this talk about Chris...I dont have ne thing importnt in my life happining, so I write about ppl I like...but yall dnt hafta worry about it for too much longer..I pomice! ooohhh, hey, I got my code look:::::

luv= like
luv= like alot
love= like alot alot
love= Love
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I look beautiful tonight actually....for all the crying I have been doig....well, lemme explain my crying...I am letting tears fall down my face right now, but inside, I am really crying...no one can see b/c I am in a chair in front of Meana, n I am not making ne noise..but ne ways, I am wearing my new jeans from outlooks, they look so good on me...;-) and my black long "dropout" role model shirt and my hair is down, but I have a ponytail hanging up with little hair hanging don, but enuff to say its down, and i have black eyeliner and eye shadow on, and my face, u can barel see ne of my zits! omg, I juss membered...I only break out when I am nervouse....and I must be really nervouse...I need to take a picure of my self....this is how I went to Target too...hmm, wonder if he thought I looked good too....hm, doubt it....welll...I dunno, I am prolly gonna go to bed now since it is 2:32.... and no one is on...nd Boy Meets World is on and I havent seen this show in forever n Meana is on the phone with Sean.....nd this is gettin long and boring....
Iluv Chris

Love Sara