^.^ Sara's World^.^

:: 2003 22 December :: 2.46pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: rabbit slurping

oh happy days are here again!
Hey! well todaymy grandparents came and we got a new lazyboy chair and so the old one went in my room because im kinda attached to it so im gunna keep it for a while. the new one tho is very big and very comfy! (comfy is a funny word isn't it?! lol and im talking to my french friends right now! i think im going to learn french! lol well today is good... my room is awsome now cuz i just rearranged it and maybe others wont like it but i do! welp i gotta go! tootles!!! lol
i lov ya!
and i love johnny depp!
~LoRlOr~
~aNdY~

:: 2003 21 December :: 12.00am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: kelly singing

today was really ok.. mixed good and bad first i went to costco with my mommy and we bought stuff than kelly came over and we chillaxed than went to lindas and met russels psyco girlfriend i swear this girl is so wierd and than me and kelly came home and listened to music than went back and saw the boats parade and tiffany the wierd girl told us how she tried to choke her sister to death but started to breathe again than how she wants to kill her sisters boyfriend with a bat! omg so me and kelly were distant lol at night than it was great well something happened during that time and me and kelly were all in tears and were so depressed and we kinda yeah well im not gonig to say what we did but whatever lol lets just say alot of my friend imed me and called me and yelled at me wow okk whatever lolol umm byee

1 FuCk | YoU

:: 2003 21 December :: 12.00am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: listening to the tv that im not watching... my dad is watching it

hi
ok i changed my mind i shall write in this thing yay okk lol um today was ok i babysat with yaminah and then i was gonig to bake but some thing happened that i was crying in albertsons bc of stuff that happened and it also got me irritated so im there and im pissed off so i was yelling at the lady working there but for real shes like 'how many items do you have' and im like 13 and shes like you have to have 10 and im like OH MY FREAKING GOD 3 MORE ITEMS BOO FRICKEDY HOO IM SORRY ITS GOING TO TAKE UP 10 SECONDS OF YOUR PRECIOUS DO NOTHING TIME and by the time i was going to say something else my mom kind of covered my mouth and yeah she said i was sorry but i was not and i refused to say i was so we left. than baked with my family and stuff it was fun and i got home and did nothng so today was a day to do alot lol

:: 2003 16 December :: 4.31pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: breakdown, go ahead and give it to me_by whom i know not of

upsetting the chemical balaces in my BRAIN! ahh!
hey guys... today was fairly decent...almost worth remembering. sometimes i think a person just needs to know who truley stands behind them... who will always be there and loves you... i just want you guys to take 2 seconds and reply to this journal entry or just e-mail me please because i just need to know... its hard to find true friends in life, i just wanna know who mine are... but before you email me (if you do) please read the following thanks guys... love you

15 Things You Probably
Never Knew or Thought About

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.

8. You are special and unique.

9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.

13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.

15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

3 FuCk | YoU

:: 2003 15 December :: 5.37pm

the journal entrie before this is new also
im unsure of my existance
but ill keep walking in the blank
wondering around
wondering where i fit
everything is blank
and all i see is black
around me, my world is crashing
this safe dome i formed is colasping
the good is so hard to see
and hope is all i need
but like good, its hard to find
in this dark... black... blank

:: 2003 15 December :: 4.34pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: 96.9

Hurt
...before i went to this baptist church play about Christ, i did not have any faith... i didnt believe in god or anything religious for that matter. Then i went to the play friday, and i cried because i regained my faith, it changed me... i had a good weekend after friday...until sunday. We got a phone call from my grandma... my grandpa had an irregular heart rate and was driven to the hospital from work in an ambulance... his heart rate is wacked and he is going up north today to be checked by another hospital for blockage... if there is he will go into surgery immidiately. My other grandpa died of heart complications just last march. i just think its ironic that just as i regain my faith and start to believe i could put my life back on track and believe in something... something like this happens... i swear if i have to lose this much in one year i will never believe again! not ever! im so mad right now! im mad crying its not fair! and i know this girl... she doesnt talk to her dad anymore... she has all the money and buys whatever and just doesnt talk to her dad! she takes advantage of everything she has! yeah hes with us now but once hes gone she'll wish she had been nicer to him and spent more time with him! it seems like money takes over her life! she doesnt value her friendships or family and it makes me so mad that someone has that much when someone close to her has lost so much and yet she doesnt see that its wrong of her! everything is crashing down around me and around one of my very close friends and i just feel empty inside... i say to god "YOU TOOK SO MUCH DAMNIT WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" it seems like everyday its something new, something more for me to bare and i feel like im going to crack! oneday im just going to break! And i almost started balling in health... and i look at all the happy people around me and i wanted to slap them because it hurt to see them having so much fun during this time in my life (even if they dont have anything to do with it) like some people seriously get it al and they dont appriciate it! they dont value the most important things in life! they brag about getting high and drunk and laugh at it... DONT even begin to tell me its fun DON even try! i saw them doing it in language (no names) and i actually said "you know what thats not even funny... have you ever lost anyone you cared about to being drunk huh?" because i havent but i know people who have and its not funny... its not a game and its not cool! you hurt people... if any of you have a little sister or brother... now would you feel if one day they were in an accident with a drunk driver... its careless! something like a soul of a 10 year old angle is lost to an IDIOT! god id be so mad id kill the person... and what if the drunk driver was you. think for a minute... you traded your sisters life for a couple of hours of stupidity and stubbling and a majior hangover... tell me you dont care... tell me you could forgive yourself! everything is so wrong! some people just dont care... i hate them...

:: 2003 14 December :: 12.00am
:: Mood: depressed

ok if you check at this im not going to be writing in this journal anymore bc everything i want to say i dont want anyone to really see it bc its liek kinda personal and a little depressing so im just going write in my other journal which is a book in my room
ok bye

:: 2003 10 December :: 6.35pm
:: Mood: Confused
:: Music: No Doubt

Crazy? or Brilliance?
sometimes i say... odd... things. just ask annalisse! and i dont know if its everyone else just living the norm and never thinking outside of their 2 inch box... or me being over-imaginative. and if it is me, i dont think im crazy... i dont think its brilliance... i dont know what to think of it. its like a breakthrough when i say something because i think so hard to try to put my theories into words and then annalisse just bites my head off! lol "your so wierd lauren i swear to god!" and you know what? i think its wierd too, i think i have like some wierd thing in my head that i dunno no one else has i guess. and people call me crazy but like i dunno i dont wanna sound conceided but i think i have like some sort of special mental thing! like its wierd and it makes me different, but not too different, just wierd! but i have a address another issue thats been buggin me because i was staring at these kind of people at school today and it made me sick! ok when i say something... i dont say it to get attention because honestly i dont need 10 people to pitty me when i feel lost and alone, i say it because it helps me like explain more about myself and it helps me understand better too when i write it. and people email me "oh lauren i love you!" (dont worry angie im not talking about you i love you) well they just like hunt for sad people and try to make them feel better like when people are like "lauren i love you" i never hear from them unless i write some big long sad thing! and im like " no... no you dont love me! you must just like saying that... you say it to everyone... how do i know you're sincere? you dont love me not one bit!" lol but yeah and i have to say something but i cant put it into words right now so maybe later because my french friend is online and i wanna talk to him. oh yeah one more thing
IM NOT MOVING TO FRANCE BECAUSE OF JOHNNY DEPP! SO SHUT UP AND QUIT SAYING IT! YOU DONT KNOW WHY AND ILL NEVER TELL YOU SO HA! MAYBE IM MOVING TO GET AWAY FROM EVERYTHING AND I DONT THINK CALI IS FAR ENOUGH ANYMORE! ILL TRY BUT I KNOW IT WONT WORK! AND IF I CANT AFFORD TO MOVE THERE THEN IM DEFINATLY MOVING TO CALI! AND I WANT YOU TO STOP THINKING ALL OF MY DECISIONS ARE BASED AROUND JOHNNY DEPP AND GRRR IM LEAVING! sorry ttyl
I LOVE JOHNNY DEPP! ~lOrLoR aNdY

:: 2003 10 December :: 6.35pm
:: Mood: Confused
:: Music: No Doubt

Crazy? or Brilliance?
sometimes i say... odd... things. just ask annalisse! and i dont know if its everyone else just living the norm and never thinking outside of their 2 inch box... or me being over-imaginative. and if it is me, i dont think im crazy... i dont think its brilliance... i dont know what to think of it. its like a breakthrough when i say something because i think so hard to try to put my theories into words and then annalisse just bites my head off! lol "your so wierd lauren i swear to god!" and you know what? i think its wierd too, i think i have like some wierd thing in my head that i dunno no one else has i guess. and people call me crazy but like i dunno i dont wanna sound conceided but i think i have like some sort of special mental thing! like its wierd and it makes me different, but not too different, just wierd! but i have a address another issue thats been buggin me because i was staring at these kind of people at school today and it made me sick! ok when i say something... i dont say it to get attention because honestly i dont need 10 people to pitty me when i feel lost and alone, i say it because it helps me like explain more about myself and it helps me understand better too when i write it. and people email me "oh lauren i love you!" well they just like hunt for sad people and try to make them feel better like when people are like lauren i love you i never hear from them unless i write some big long sad thing! and im like " no... no you dont love me! you must just like saying that... you say it to everyone... how do i know you're sincere? you dont love me not one bit!" lol but yeah and i have to say something but i cant put it into words right now so maybe later because my french friend isonline and i wanna talk to him. oh yeah one more thing
IM NOT MOVING TO FRANCE BECAUSE OF JOHNNY DEPP! SO SHUT UP AND QUIT SAYING IT! YOU DONT KNOW WHY AND ILL NEVER TELL YOU SO HA! MAYBE IM MOVING TO GET AWAY FROM EVERYTHING AND I DONT THINK CALI IS FAR ENOUGH ANYMORE! ILL TRY BUT I KNOW IT WONT WORK! AND IF I CANT AFFORD TO MOVE THERE THEN IM DEFINATLY MOVING TO CALI! AND I WANT YOU TO STOP THINKING ALL OF MY DECISIONS ARE BASED AROUND JOHNNY DEPP AND GR IM LEAVING! lol sorry i had to say it even tho it was lameO! lol ttyl
I LOVE JOHNNY DEPP! ~lOrLoR aNdY

:: 2003 10 December :: 6.35pm
:: Mood: Confused
:: Music: No Doubt

Crazy? or Brilliance?
sometimes i say... odd... things. just ask annalisse! and i dont know if its everyone else just living the norm and never thinking outside of their 2 inch box... or me being over-imaginative. and if it is me, i dont think im crazy... i dont think its brilliance... i dont know what to think of it. its like a breakthrough when i say something because i think so hard to try to put my theories into words and then annalisse just bites my head off! lol "your so wierd lauren i swear to god!" and you know what? i think its wierd too, i think i have like some wierd thing in my head that i dunno no one else has i guess. and people call me crazy but like i dunno i dont wanna sound conceided but i think i have like some sort of special mental thing! like its wierd and it makes me different, but not too different, just wierd! but i have a address another issue thats been buggin me because i was staring at these kind of people at school today and it made me sick! ok when i say something... i dont say it to get attention because honestly i dont need 10 people to pitty me when i feel lost and alone, i say it because it helps me like explain more about myself and it helps me understand better too when i write it. and people email me "oh lauren i love you!" well they just like hunt for sad people and try to make them feel better like when people are like lauren i love you i never hear from them unless i write some big long sad thing! and im like " no... no you dont love me! you must just like saying that... you say it to everyone... how do i know you're sincere? you dont love me not one bit!" lol but yeah and i have to say something but i cant put it into words right now so maybe later because my french friend isonline and i wanna talk to him. oh yeah one more thing
IM NOT MOVING TO FRANCE BECAUSE OF JOHNNY DEPP! SO SHUT UP AND QUIT SAYING IT! YOU DONT KNOW WHY AND ILL NEVER TELL YOU SO HA! MAYBE IM MOVING TO GET AWAY FROM EVERYTHING AND I DONT THINK CALI IS FAR ENOUGH ANYMORE! ILL TRY BUT I KNOW IT WONT WORK! AND IF I CANT AFFORD TO MOVE THERE THEN IM DEFINATLY MOVING TO CALI! AND I WANT YOU TO STOP THINKING ALL OF MY DECISIONS ARE BASED AROUND JOHNNY DEPP AND GR IM LEAVING! lol sorry i had to say it even tho it was lameO! lol ttyl
I LOVE JOHNNY DEPP! ~lOrLoR aNdY

:: 2003 3 December :: 6.10pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: No Doubt the 1992-2003 singles CD

Just a Girl
Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I'm exposed and it's no suprise
don't you think i know exactly where i stand?
This world is forcing me to hold your hand

'cause i'm just a girl, little ol' me
Don't let me out of your sight
i'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights
Oh... i've had it up to here

The moment that i step outside
So many reasons for me to run and hide
I can't do the little things i hold so dear
'Cause its all those little things that i fear

'Cause i'm just a girl, i'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drive, late at night
i'm just a girl, guess i'm some kinda freak
'Cause they all sit and stare at me with their eyes
i'm just a girl, take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype
Oh... i've had it up to here
Oh... do i make myself clear?

I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl in the world
That's all that you'll let me be!

I'm just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb makes me worry some
I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?
What i've succumbed to is making me numb
I'm just a girl, my apologies
What i've become is so burdensome
I'm just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-Dum, there's no comparison

Oh... I've had it up to...
Oh... I've had it up to...
Oh... I've had it up to here
_No Doubt, Just a girl (from the album Tragic Kingdom [1995])

:: 2003 30 November :: 7.41pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: L is for the way you LOOK at me, O is for the only one i see, V is very very EXTRODINARY ...

people magazine, not just any people magazine but . . . !
I GOT THE PEOPLE MAGAZINE WITH JOHNNY ON IT OH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woo sry just had to tell you and im very happy but it didnt tell me anything i dont already know but its nice to look at the pictures! aw dude im so happy so yeah lol but i have to go o yeah! and due ill tell you about the hotel later it was so fun lol annalisse, love lauren andy lorlor

i love j o h n n y d e p p

:: 2003 29 November :: 12.00am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: So gone.. Monica, i guess thats the song that best describes how im feeling?

today was like one of the worst days i could ever have. i woke up and i tripped over something and fell.. but then my mom was all yelling bc the dog got out so i ran out in 40 degree weather with shorts and a spaghettis strap- no shoes chasing him through every yard and all around the neighborhood after i caught him i went inside and yeah.. my mom and i went out and thats where it kind of started to get really bad, but ill skip the whole thing and put it to the point that marcus broke up with me... than my day consisted of crying my eyes out.. and my annoying mom coming in every 3 seconds "are you sure your ok" "can i help" blah blah... i told her it didnt bother me and i would live just so she would leave me alone but i was crushed and i swear to god i felt my heart break i noticed it when i was on the phone with sammy that was yesterday and today im probably going to mope around and be all depressed yeah, im not afraid to say it, but i still love him alot and i really wish we didnt break up. its going to take a long long long time to get over him and it wont be easy... im just in the process of thinking what i did wrong

10.24-11.29

1 FuCk | YoU

:: 2003 26 November :: 11.47am
:: Mood: "oh yeah!" _Cat in the Hat
:: Music: dog barking

ostrich day
hey guyserz! yup im so happy now im goin to the beach cuz friday im meetin my cousins from milwalkee theredown seein tina's parents for ostrich day! and then annalisse is sleepin over sturday and suday we're gunna put up happy chrismas decorations, and yeah so im staying at a hotel on the beach um thur., fri, sat, and thats why im writing because i wont be for a while, i havent written since the last entries for a while cuz i been i tad bit tramatized but im bak "OH YEAH!" _c i t h but well happy ostrich day everybody! i luv you
and i love johnny depp ha! OH YEAH!
lorlor aka andy