So today was a bit better…well, kind of…today, in church, there were 4 baptisms…Geoffrey and his wife had their child baptized…but for some reason, I was having the hard time keeping myself from crying…I’m such a pathetic person nowadays…I’m so weak and all…it pisses me off…there isn’t anything I seem to be able to do about it…I’m trying not to dwell on it, but it doesn’t help…sigh…

I finally did my Nam response, after Carmen left…she came over for dinner, and then we hung out…I’m really glad that she has been here for me…trying to make me feel better and all…as cheesy as this may sound, I don’t, know what I’d do without her…

Quote of the day:
"I bid you welcome to my world
They call me existence
You have just entered through the gate
to your journey towards eternity"

Friday was fun...had no school, so I hung out with Carmen for awhile...then, I went to Meijer and then to Britt's...I had a good time with Britt, and then I drove her to her mom's work place...I hit my head on the dip, and yeah...I came home, got full on Chinese food, and then played Life with Carmen, Esther, and Doug...that was fun...

Saturday, I went to work, and then got my haircut...then I went to Carmen's for a tad, and then went home...I downloaded Gunbound, which is great fun...I went to the Festival of the Arts with Carmen, Chris, and Ian....afterwards, Amanda invited us to go to DQ with them, but we couldn't make it...I'm glad she invited us though, and that she was trying to cheer me up...technically, I need a lot of cheering up, but yeah...

Recently, I've been feeling very lonely and sad...I don't know why all of a sudden I'm feeling sad again, I know it is because I am single...I wish I could just find a girl that I could start a relationship with...it has not happened yet, and it really doesn't look too promising either...maybe while acting like this, I'm actually pushing them away and making my chances less...I don't know, I hope not, becasue that would be a killer cycle...

Quote of the day:
"Devotion eludes
And in sadness I lumber
In my own ashes I am standing without a soul
She wept and whispered: 'I know...'"

Well, today was okay...I was up too late last night, trying to finish my poem and listening to Carmina Burana...school was blah...Mrs. Kern is going to move my seat...Mrs. Anthony wasn't there, so I couldn't try and get Carmen able to escort me next Friday...Oh yeah, I am the Junior Rep...But if I am not able to get Carmen to escort me, Britt will be there...like a good friend should be...I did well on my math quiz...putting off more stuff in AS...*sigh* it will end though, very soon...

Carmen and Esther came to save me at work, but I could not go and get food with them, which sucked...they stopped by my house, and then took me to the game...poor girls, they lost...in the down periods of the game, we went and watched the festival of the arts rehersal...it was good...

And when we left, we had a group hug...all four of us...

Carmen told me something last night on the phone, which both bothered and upset me...I don't know why it did, and I don't think that it is good that it does...it is just me being petty and childlike...

I need to learn how to shave...

Quote of the day:
"How I drape my face with my bare hands
The same that brought me here
But you were beyond all help
The folded message that wept my name"

I pretty much lost it last night...I have no idea why, but it just happened...and I can say, it will probably happen again tonight...unfortunately...

Today wasn't too bad, I came home from school and fixed Messiah that it would play correctly...no tacos for lunch today, but I did have the pleasure of sitting with Carmen at lunch...which is always a positive and a factor in boosting my morale...

Work sucked, but Carmen did manage to come visit me...which was nice...she came over later also...she was tired...

I've been falling asleep on the phone while talking with Carmen...it angers me...I can't even do a simple thing by staying awake for her...I don't want to make her thin that she is unimportant, because Carmen is very important to me...

*sigh*

Quote of the day:
"The grabbing hands
Grab all they can
All for themselves
After all"

Well, today was better...my sore throat has dulled to a minor pain, pushed back in my head...in French I have a D...the class as a whole is ticking me off...so boring...I have no real reason to even stay awake in it...all of my classes are so blasé, pretty much...chem and math are fun...AS, I'm getting behind in, unfortunately...I need carmen to kick my ass, get me into gear again...or anyone for that matter...but yeah...I hope I get voted to be the court...if I do, Carmen will not be able to excort me, unfortunately...this doesn't make me happy, and nor does it for her...it is such a stupid rule that you need to have someone from your class...I have Britt or one of my friends though...

My dad got super pissed at us tonight, for cursing...it was really dumb...but Carmen stopped by and cheered me up...it is so nice when she stops by...a ray of sunlight in my clouded life...

Jess talked to me tonight...longer than average too, before she had to get off...a lot of catching up to do...she said that if she were closer, or the concert closer to her, she'd come to see me play...I find it cool that I have made a friend that I saw for less than a week, and she still remembers me and yeah...further proof that I make female friends easier than male ones...maybe because I'm attractive...(you can all stop laughing now)...

Quote of the day:
"And the love that I feel is so far away:
I'm a bad dream that I just had today
and you shake your head and say it's a shame"

*sigh* School sucked, not becuase I was extremely tired, but I did not fucking want to be there...I've had a sore throat all day...Carmen wasn't at school, I missed her dearly...I visited her, hope I helped atleast a little bit...sometimes I don't know if I am being a detrimental force upon her rather than what I should be...*sigh*...

Today at school, I guess a lot of people voted for me to be the court...and yeah...I hope I win...I know I'll be nominated, but I hope I win...it would be very cool...and even cooler if Carmen were able to escort me at the pep rally...maybe I'll wear my grey get-up...heh?

Work was blah...I didn't eat dinner...I got my game today, but it doesn't feel like working, so I am mega super fucking pissed off...damn Microsoft for coming out with XP and being cunts about the software compatability...those fucking whores, those money loving, cock-gobbling whores...

I am fucking hungry...and fucking riled up...I didn't do my Nam response yet...oh well...

Quote of the day:
"Let's play some Tetris motherfucker"

*Sigh*

I cannot wait until I reformat tomorrow...unfortunately, I am probably going to have to work tomorrow...I had a shit load to do today, and I didn't get it all done...so that means I will have to go in and get caught up...but atleast I got a 75 cent raise...I make more money, so my job isn't as unbearable as it used to be...yeah...

I need to beat SO:AL...

Pep band was fun on Friday, although I got shafted by my parents after that...they miss me...they want me home more often...this is the first they've said anything, and now I'm restricted...can't really go out on weeknights...although I'm sure people can come over here...yeah...

Coming Home is going to be good...went shopping today...I like what I am going to wear...I also bought other cool clothes...with the help of Carmen et ma mère...it was a good time...after that, I hung out with Carmen, went to Piso's for dinner, rented Drowning Mona...went on an adventure to find out how to fill Carmen up so she wouldn't be hungry anymore...so we adventured over to McSuck, where she got chicken nuggets, fries, and two cherry pies...after that, we eventually ventured out to Chez Jeffois...had a good time at that, and on the way home stopped by Britt's house...that was also fun...caem home...skinned an orange...

Quote of the day:
"I'll make love to you
In all the good places"

I think Nasum is dead sexy...
Well...I didn't work today...which was a good thing...allowed for me a lot of Carmen time...made me cheer up...we combed out my hair, into a huge fro/whatever the hell it is...we did this while watching "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" a great movie...a movie that my father would not approve of, but a little on that later...after awhile, we went and got DQ, and got heartburn...after that, we came home, ate, and made plans for the "Frankenfest", which wasn't too much of a Frankenstein Festival, but still good...most of "Son of Frankenstein," hardly any of "House of Frankenstein," and all of "Young Frankenstein"...it was quite a good time...

I've been worrying about S+E coming up...because I have not been able to get in practice time with Mrs. Hann due to our current lack of school...but I feel that if I get good enough, they should judge me and not my piano accompaniment...If I play well enough for a "1", then so be it...if I don't, well, it'll be what I get...can't do much about it...

I woke up this morning to find that I had missed 5 of Carmen's calls last night...it made me feel pretty awful, like I had let her down or something...and just because I forgot to turn on my ringer...*sigh* if it were on...Odds are, I was up anyways, because I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping recently...it is mostly because of these horrible dreams I seem to be having recently...I don't know what brings these on, but I wish they would leave my mind...

I do believe that I am going insane...when I'm on the phone late with Carmen, I begin to hear and see things, and I find that I am often having long and hearty conversations with myself at work...I've scared a few patrons off this way...it is not good...

I seem to be disappointing my parents...like I am not turning out to be the son that they wished me to be...my grades are slipping, I don't care, I treat my sister like crap, I snap at them often, I don't really care about life, so on and so forth...

I seem to be getting sick often now...hmm, it does not bode well for Doug...

I wish I would not be bothered by such trivial things...but I cannot seem to help it, no matter how hard I try...*sigh*

Quote of the day:
"Now I'm finding truth is a ruin
Nauseous end that nobody is pursuing
Staring into glassy eyes
Mesmerized"

Well, I don't like working...especially on a school day...a school day that was cancelled...A time where I could've hung out with Carmen, like she wanted to...and she can't really visit me at the library as freely as she once could, nor can anyone, because Mrs. East as gotten after me once or twice...but she did visit me today, along with Esther...it was nice of them to come when I called, but I hadn't known that they were together, and felt bad about it...

I watched most of Johnny English with Carmen today, because she left before it was finished yesterday...I also hung out and had a good time with Coomes today...played Need for Speed and then went over to Liz's to watch "Once Upon a time in Mexico" part 3 of El Mariachi trilogy...it was good...

Carmen must not truly grasp how hard it is for me not to say anything about the Abhorsen Trilogy...especially since I get so into books and their story's...extremely so, usually so much that I cry at the slightest sad part...kind of pathetic, n'est-ce pas?

I finished Mistfits by James Howe today, and if you want an extremely good book, and an easy read, read this one...it carries a very good message also...a very good one indeed...

I've been reading more often now...and now I'm reading faster too, pushing my wpm up...did I every tell you that my uncle could read 1800 wpm? Holy Shit!

Quote of the day:
"Candy came from out on the island
In the backroom she was everybody's darlin'
But she never lost her head
Even when she was giving head
she says, 'Hey Babe, take a walk on the wild side"

I really hate working when I don't have school...it is quite a bother...I wish it would get cancelled when school is cancelled...kind of a boring way to start off the day...well, after work I went to Carmen's, ran some errands, and got Wendy's...dropped her off at rehersal, went home, napped, played more PoP...finished my homework, hung out with Carmen, ate dinner, played more PoP, watched Johnny English...Carmen watched that too...my day was just a list...I hate it when they can be described in list form...

I don't sleep well...maybe it is because of my dreams...especially the grotesque ones...that I can't seem to stop having...*sigh* Something is seriously wrong with my head...

Quote of the day:
"The incarnation of Echos
A creature from below
Your destiny is to be it
After eating of your soul
You feel its cold limb
It's soon you, you're sooner him
Transformation...
Degeneration...
Now you're the creature
The incarnation of All Echos
Your purpose in life is to imitate sounds and find your follower"