*Sigh*

I'm off to work soon...my day is going to suck...school wasn't fun...French just pissed me off and made the rest of my day horrid...she assigned us test corrections for homework...maybe I'll just hand her a homework pass...

I blushed today at lunch...

Anyways...after schoo, I've got work and then a mortuary for my Uncle...I would have liked to go to the Girls' game tonight, Carmen probably had wanted me to go...I would like to go...but I can't...this day is going to have no fun...

Sometimes...

Quote of the day:
"I cried when I wrote this song
So sue me if I play too long"

Monday morning, my great-uncle died...I had a dream that I was standing in my kitchen with Carmen when my dad came downstairs...he seemed upset...he told me that Uncle Ed had just died...In my dream, I did not take this well...luckily, the dream ended soon...at this point, our house phone rang...it was my cousin asking for my dad...I told her that he was off, and gave her his cell number...she told me that my Uncle Ed had just died earlier...I had that dream before I found out about his passing...if you ask me, it is very weird...it still creeps me out...how could I have a dream like that? Why did I have a dream like that? *Sigh*

Tuesday night, I had a good time with Carmen watching the State of the Union...making fun of Bush is both easy and fun...haha...

Today, school sucked...it was quite boring...got my exam results back though...at 79% in French, a 96% in Chemistry, and an "A" in Math (60/64)...band, we played Carl Orff's "Carmina Burana", an extensive and amazing song...in American Studies, we went over Vietnam War stuff...I'd have to say that this is my "favorite" war...I find it to be very interesting, because there is quite a lot of philsophy involved in this war, with so many levels to it...and plus, it shows that we aren't perfect, and we have blundered with that, and with many other things in the past...heh...not that I'm anti-American or anything, it's just good to have humility...

After school, well, actually before school, I felt sick...I didn't have enough time to use the restroom before school, and becuase I've got this damned fear, I waited till I got home to use the restroom...I used the restroom thrice between getting home and leaving for work...work sucked, had to clean up a lot of books because of fucking children...I fucking hate those children...cause me so much strife...gosh!

After work, I came home, used the restroom often, and read my book...after awhile, Carmen came and picked me up to go to Meijer, to develop my film...oh yeah, my car rolled over to 200,000 yesterday...took pictures of it with my uncle...I had a good time with him yesterday...he found it funny that I was taking pictures of my odometer...we get along well...

Tomorrow, I'm going to the morturary for my Great-Uncle Ed, who was 91...his body just gave out because of his Alzheimer's...

Everynight since the beginning of October, I have talked to Carmen save for when I went to Buffalo, Myrtle Beach, or I fell asleep...it's become part of my life...something that is always that...that I know will be there...at the end of the day...sure it causes me to be tired at school, but I deal with that fine...at it is enjoyable, to talk that late at night...these conversations we have are long, but important...what we discuss needs to be discussed, because it helps...yeah...

And I seem to be really picky lately...and for that, I'm sorry...letting small things bother me...with no good reason for them to bother me...I'm really sorry about these occurances...

Et enfin, Carmen and Britt giv eme the best back scratches ever...nothing can seem to top them...

Quote of the day:
"Someday
When my life has passed me by
I'll lay around and wonder why
You were always there for me"

Hmm...Work was possibly the most boring 3 hours ever! It was truly horrible...after that, I went over to Carmen's and grabbed lunch, then watched Lion King 2...we're going to have a Disney Movie Marathon (of Devastation) sometime in the near future...it should be good...I went home for dinner after going along with Carmen to say goodbye to Byron...After dinner, which wasn't filling, I went to search for a hubcap...I didn't find it...Carmen came along with me, then we went to Wally World and then to McHell...she departed after that to spend time with Bob...I went home and sulked...I almost went off on her later in the night, but...yeah...

Watched Lock, Stock, and 2 Smoking Barrels with her...believe my curfew is back to 12:30 because I have been abiding by it recently...hopefully it is...

My day was...

Quote of the day:
"Ave Maria
Gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Ave, ave dominus
Dominus tecum
Benedicta tu in mulieribus
Et benedictus
Et benedictus fructus ventris
Ventris tuae, Jesus.
Ave Maria


Ave Maria
Mater Dei
Ora pro nobis peccatoribus
Ora pro nobis
Ora, ora pro nobis peccatoribus
Nunc et in hora mortis
Et in hora mortis nostrae
Et in hora mortis nostrae
Et in hora mortis nostrae
Ave Maria"

Well...one thing I left out earlier was that Carmen and my mother are going to take me shopping sometime soon...should prove to be interesting...since all they manage to do together is make fun of me...

Being afraid of bathrooms isn't good...such an obsessive fear...bah...

After my measley dinner, I went to Carmen's for a supplement...a good pasta dish thingy...Esther came over a little after that and then we put for the effort to clean out poor Byron...makes you think about memories associated with inanimate objects...it's very intriguing...after that, we went over to Doug's to watch Lilo and Stitch (again)...I played some Battlefield 1942 after the movie, which I think kind of pissed Carmen off...in retrospect, I shouldn't have done that...hmm...

And when I came home, my dad (who was already mad at me) was waiting up for me...I was a little late, and he was tired, so I don't know what horrors are in place for me...only time will tell...

...And with that, he was gone

Quote of the day:
"I like fluffy!"

Last night, I went out to Hunan with Britt...had a good time with that...stuffed myself silly...almost passed out in Britt's car after dinner (fatigue and gluttony)...went home, played Soul Calibur for awhile...unfortunately, I missed/didn't recieve Carmen's call on her break...I wanted to go visit her...it didn't happen...Megan, Stevie, and Sara came over and watched 28 Days Later and then got their asses handed to them in Mario Kart...

This morning, I went to church, and Carmen came along...after that, she came over for breakfast, and we hung out...we watched some stuff online, but then she had to go home to get ready for work...I drove her in the Rendezvous...I came home, and played Morrowind till about 3:30...I had told Carmen I'd visit her at work today, so I went to go do so...unfortunately, as I was halfway out the door, my parents asked me where I was going...I said to visit Carmen...they disagreed, and told me I had to move the firewood...which really pissed me off because I set aside my afternoon yesterday to help my dad, which he spent sleeping...when I mentioned this, he started yelling at me about that and the car...finally got to moving the firewood about ten of 4, which lasted an hour...putting us at 4:50, ruining my chances to go visit Carmen, and pissing me off...I'm sorry Carmen...

Quote of the day:
"I fuckin' hate pikeys"

I haven't boughten a CD in awhile now...maybe I should go do that...work didn't suck too much this morning...went and hung out with Carmen a little after work...had a good time watching videos and stuff...went and picked my sister up from bowling...called Britt and told her I didn't want her to die, so dinner is off unless roads/weather improve...

It's almost as if I've hit a brick wall blocking both paths split by this fork...and I left my Nitro-Glycerine at home...

Quote of the day:
"And water can't cover her memory
And ashes can't answer her pain
God give me the power to take
breath from a breeze
And call life from a cold metal frame"

Today wasn't too bad, I didn't suck in art, and AS was as boring as hell...Chemistry exam was easy...after school, I went to Coomes' and played Puerto Rico (didn't win) and some Soul Calibur and Timesplitters...watched Reservoir Dogs...went to pep band...then chauffered Carmen around because her poor old Car is on it's way out...we watched Lilo and Stitch and had a good time with that...I'm off...nothing about my feelings to ruin anyone's mood...no matter if they're good or bad...

Quote of the day:
"Sleep my child"

Well, I didn't update yesterday, because pretty much, my update would have gone as so:

"My day sucked, I freaked out again, I feel like retching...something is probably very wrong with me..."

Well, today went a little better...French exam sucked a lot...just hate that woman...that's about it...My math exam was easy, but from what I've heard, the Calc Exam was rather hard...that I'm sorry for...AS was perhaps the most boring it has ever been...I don't know why, but it was...so hard to get through...

I didn't play Morrowind after school...I find it kind of funny that I was asking Carmen for permission to play...kind of made me laugh, inside, where no one can see...where no one would want to see...I went home and talked online...late to work with out Morrowind...hmm...also seems as if Brendan has joined in with Carmen in order to sway me from Morrowind...almost as if they are keeping from some horrible, horrible drug that will kill me...

Work sucked...turns out I actually have to work...heh...Sara stopped by, and Mrs. East told her to leave...man, did that piss me off...she told her to leave because I needed to work, but I was working while Sara was there...and then, she kept on tellng me to get to work...and then she goes and talks for an hour with my other co-workers...I really don't mind working, but it is the whole isolation deal that comes free with the job...and only my job...I'm off shelving, while people get to have conversations...when people visit me, I get to converse also...

Doug is in the hospital, but doing good...Carmen and I visited him, and then went to the Girls' game...I seem to be getting on Carmen's nerves recently...and it's no good...I don't know what is wrong with me...but whatever it is, I need to straighten it out, and soon, before I end up pushing her and everybody else out of my life...maybe it has to do with some dormant feelings...hopefully not, because that would suck big time...and these feelings...I'm not sure what do to with...should I embrace them, or shun them and shove them back in? Someone please help me...

Quote of the day:
"Speak to me now and the world will crumble
Open a door and the moon will fall
All of your life, all your memories
Go to your dreams, forget it all"

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT! i ALREADY DID THIS ONCE, BUT THE DAMNED SERVER FUCKED ME IN THE ASS...IT TOOK ME AN HOUR BEFOREHAND TO DO IT...DAMMIT! AND I KNOW THAT I'M NOT GOING TO COVER ALL THAT I HAD COVERED BEFORE HAND! ARGH!

Here it goes...

Today at school, I didn't fall asleep, save for an instance in American Studies, where the Vietnam packet put me to sleep...my mouth was open, and left me with a sore throat...Upon my waking, Daniel managed to somehow piss me off by imitating my breathing and the look of me...I dont know why, but it sure did make me want to punch him and whack him very hard...Kern gave me back my book, which I promptly finished...but to much of my dismay, it is forcing me to wait in stong anticipation for a week, a week where I'm going to be waiting for Abhorsen to come into work, and for me to finish A Farewell to Arms...stupid gripping books...

After school, I went to work...work sucks...I need a peer to work with...I can only obtain a certain amount of joy from older women...Melody sort-of answered that urge, but it now seems as if she has stopped coming in...and she probably wouldn't be there while I am...oh well...as low stress as this job is, it is a pretty lonely job...for me at least...it gets less lonely when people stop by...like Chris did today...we chatted for awhile, mainly about his schedual for school, and then a little about my addiction...he left after about 10 minutes or so...having him come in and chat with me made me realize something...and that something made me a little happy, about myself that is...(more on that later...perhaps, if I feel like it)...it sure is nice, having friends come to visit me at work, even if it is for a short amount of time...usually brightens my day up...

After work, I got a call from my dad that we should go get a bite to eat...he suggested Big Boy and I agreed...I called him right back and said that we should go to the mall...he agreed this time, and we went...I got there ahead of him, so went into Walden Books...however, on my way into Walden Books, I saw Lauren through a window, shoe shopping...she waved, I waved, she asked me how I was, I said fine, I asked her, she said fine...it was good, good to see people's expressions change completely when they see you...anywho, I checked out 2 triologies that I will be buying soon...when I'm done with my tome and my insurance payment...they are: Garth Nix's The Abhorsen Trilogy and Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy...I ate Luca's with my dad, and we talked, mainly about Vietnam war...I suggested to him that he should come into our AS class to talk about the war, seeing as he was part of the service and was very close to Vietnam (Okinawa, Japan)...he never experienced combat, so his view would be different than that of the three vets coming in who have combat experience...

I came home...and then I came to the computer...and then, for some reason, my body freaked the fuck out...right when I sat down, my heart jumped into my throat and started racing...I got very dizzy, and the vision blurred...my stomach tightened and knotted, forcing bile up into my throat...my pulse and blood pressure increased, and I started breathing heavily...my body began to itch all over (as if I had just embarrassed myself) and I could feel blood rushing to my head, as if I were blushing...my face got hot and red...it scared me...I have no clue what happened...

Back onto the subject of school, in band, Mr. Headley decided it would be a good idea to put me into a brass quintet, along with Karen, Ashleigh, Samir, and Ian...not only this, but the music he gave us sucks...it isnt fun, doesn't sound cool, and isn't challenging...it almost is as if he is insulting our playing ability...and speaking ofwhich, while I was at the library yesterday, talking with Megan, she asked me a surprising question...she asked me why I was so amazing on the bassoon...that came as a surprise...I do not think of myself being amazing, and I didn't know that others thought that highly of my abilities...not that it is going to to go my head, but it was cool...

Speaking of school, I came into band and saw that Sara wasn't there...that frightened me...because, if you didn't know, her and I got into it Saturday night/Sunday morning, leaving me feeling down and angry, and her extremely mad at me...I hadn't talked to her since then, and was worried that another day would pass without interaction between her and I...well, she came into Chemistry 3rd period, and when she came in, I couldn't tell is she was still angry with me or not...well, she wasn't...later in class, she quickly opened her binder, and handed me a piece of paper that had been folded in half...in it, it said "I'm sorry Doug"...needless to say, that made me happy...it also made me feel rather...interesting...not a bad interesting...that definitely made my day better...

Carmen and a few other kids were working on the JH production of Annie...so that meant Carmen would not be in school today...she had a card that she wanted signed by the AP class of hers and Esther's, in hopes that it would brighten Esther up...I bet it did...since she wasn't going to be in school, we were on the phone last night trying to figure out how I could come in the morning and pick up the card...then she realized that she had to take her brother to school...I managed to see her in band, making it atleast once I'd see her today...she was coming into AS though, so I would see her there...we walked around after school, talking for awhile...Later on in the night, while I'm working on my paper for AS, she calls me, saying that she needs a ride up to her car in Toledo...I was happy to drop was I was doing and take her, but she wouldn't have that, and nor would my dad...it made me sad, so I apologized...she got a ride somehow else, but it would have been fun to get out of the house for today...other than work, or course...no hug for today...

Brittany scratched my back today...and talked to me on the phone last night too...For some reason, we talked about people's crushes...I wish I had more classes with Brittany, like last year...5 classes...I miss it...luckily, I sit next to her in AS, because Lauren was willing to switch with me, so she could sit near Kara...so it turned out well...

Upon reading today's Penny Arcade (http://www.penny-arcade.com/), I became rather saddened...I miss that old school Sonic that captured many hours of mine and my friends' youths...if only people made good video games again, and the general public actually had a taste for good games, I'd be happy...The general public just likes whatever is put out, and buys it...so why should a company change their tactics? Money is all that matters, right? Wrong! It's the whole feeling you get, along as uphold legacy that producer gains...maybe the future will hold more for us...

And I know I left something out that I originally had in here...

Quote of the day:
"And yet his joy is empty and sad."