shiznit05
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2003 3 November :: 5.14pm
:: Mood: blah
hmm...life seems to be taking some curves lately...everything has just been up in the air lately...i mean you had sara..she went through this whole love pentagon thing, i guess its narrowed down to one now, so thats better, now theres not too much guessing on our side, stevie had a triangle..i think its just one now?? i dont really know, come to think of it, i never really know with her, megan had a line and a half, pretty sure its just a line now...i dont even want to venture into her head ever, with all the crap shes been through this past week...i think id cry, jackie....yea we all know she has a line, and me, i had a line and a half, its just a line now...but its a faint line, now dont get me wrong i still like him, probably always will (pathetic i know) but ive come to reasoning that being friends with him is cool, i like hanging out with him, and if he doesnt like me enough to date me thats fine, i'll settle for hanging out with him and being his friend, the thought of that in itself makes me happy...i think the guys have been going through changes too...ian no longer likes megs, herringshaw...Lord only knows with that kid...jacoby..yea idk about him either (coincident? him and stevie?) and doug im pretty sure is set on one chick...i really hope that works out for him...just give her time douggie, you waiting but still being there...you're doing exactly what you should be :) james has his littl frosh that he likes...she likes him too so all is good in the life of james...except he's a horrible person...funny, but horrible
band concert tomorrow night...i hope no one goes because frankly we're gonna sound bad, and then friday is gonna sound bad, and headley's gonna be mad, and then we're gonnabe mad...yea idk, it should be interesting
a little while back i wrote a journal entry about feeling rejected...i stand behind it, i felt rejected at the time, but not anymore...i think everything is working out how its supposed to...i have a feeling things are going to change...soon
1 seed |
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2003 1 November :: 5.18pm
:: Mood: im so happy
last night was a lot of fun...megan stevie and i dressed up in some of my dresses to pass out candy...sara was there too but she wasnt dressed up, but we saw the cutest kids ever and even though it got rained out i still had a lot of fun! then i called up dunn nelson and metcalf and we went to dunns house to watch a movie...snatch, ive seen it before and it was good, i liked it, then i took the girls back to megans house and i took metcalf home..we had an interesting conversation about "the Machine" and how i need to not get cucked into it anymore...it was nice..very entertaining
then this morning i woke up and my dad told me the best news ever...THE TRUCK IS MINE!!, im so excited i love that truck so yay! anyway, thats pretty much it for this update, nothing else to say...and no one makes comments anymore...jerks :)
1 seed |
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2003 30 October :: 4.19pm
:: Mood: ok im better now
ok, im in a better mood today...not feeling so rejected..still feeling rejected though...maybe i'm just getting used to it so it doesnt feel so bad...that cant be good
i had a good day though, i sat with nelson during american studies, and while i was "reading" grapes of wrath he was writing poetry and i got to read some of it...i like it, he's talented, it was nice though, very calming...him writing while his head was on my desk and me reading, very nice...then i got to scratch doug's back...i think thats all im good for anymore...:) but i have that quiz in there to study for which i'll fail, and i have a spanish test to study for...and some chapters in grapes of wrath to read tonight...hmm..
after school stevie painted my one window again..i really wish she wouldnt..that makes my parents not happy and when they're not happy i get the lectures which in turn makes me not happy...so no more painting...metcalf actually complimented the truck though, it was crazy, he's been hanging around a lot more lately...i guess that means we're friends again? i dont really know..i would ask but he'd probably get annoyed or something and we dont need that..not after we've just started to get along again...that period during the summer where we didnt talk..that was hard, so im glad we're not there anymore :)
hmm tomorrow's Halloween...satan's holiday..oh joy, i thikn im gonna go to dunn's and stay with him while he passes out candy..he told me i couldnt...but i dont know if he meant it...if he did thats really mean...
metcalf told me a theory today...the group of people i hang out with...we're all a different color of clay...and then we hang out and the clay get all mashed together, then when we seperate we're all mixed up...we act like each other...i told sara, she thought it was cute..she didnt understand that he meant it in a mean way....jerk, oh well...
tomorrow's the band bowl...joy
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2003 29 October :: 9.55pm
:: Mood: rejected
ok, so ive been kind of down and out these lsat couple days...i figured out why...i have this feeling of rejection linguring over me...plain and simple: i feel rejected...no one wants me, im not wanted...etc etc...i dont know what brought this on..i have plenty of friends, good family, blah blah blah...but still feel rejected, and it hurts...so ive been in this depressed mood...and my mom and i were discussing things the other day and with the trip to scotland and the possibility of her not coming...i have to go to the doctors and be put back on my anti-depressants...and that makes me depressed...ironic right? i thought so...but yea i dont want comments on this thing saying 'i love you' 'you're wanted'...thats bull, i dont believe it...hmm that sounded mean..oh well, get over it
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2003 26 October :: 3.27pm
:: Mood: crushed
hmm..thursday was the worst day ever...it was my bday and nothing went well...i felt horrible...my friends decorated my car, and i shattered my drivers side window.
friday was ok, went to the game, we lost, went to megans, hung out, nothing special, went home
saturday, spent the day at hess's with dani nelson sara stevie and hess, then a whole bunch of other people came over..it was fun, i really had a god time
sunday..today was fun...spent the morning with dani went to DQ with her and ian, went and watched the boys play football...i feel like shit right now though...it sucks and i have an editorial to write and a studyguide to work on...woe is me
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it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2003 26 October :: 3.22pm
:: Mood: :(
girl has problem. girl has boy problem. girl spends time with boy A. boy A is a nice boy. boy A is a good friend. girl spends time with boy B. boy B means a lot to her. girl cant seem to get boy B off her mind. girl spends saturday with boy C, has fun, but isnt really thinking much of boy C but boy C is still an option. girl also spends part of saturday with boys A and B. while girl thinks and stares at one, she can't help but think of the other. girl doesnt know which boy she likes. girl has problem. girl has boy problem.
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it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2003 22 October :: 9.54pm
:: Mood: im not really in a mood...
so yea, i turn 17 in about 2.5 hours...am i excited? not really...should i be? i dont think so, but others do...its not that im not excited or im trying to be a big downer or something, its just i see nothing exciting about it..its just 17, theres nothing special about 17 except i can get into R rated movies legally...big deal, i can't go with anyone yet except nick and stevie...and nick will want to go with jackie so i'm left with stevie...maybe i'll take her to go see the new angelina jolie movie..
i asked my friends to not get me anything for my bday...they didnt listen, they got me something, i appreciate it, it shows they care i guess...idk
my parents keep asking me lately how things are going...and i always give a one word answer...its not like im trying to sound depressed or anything, its just that i dont feel like elaborating on the current happenings...its not really that big of a deal..
i havent been sleeping a lot lately, i dont really know what my deal is, i really wish i would sleep..it make the day a little better...all i want to do in classes is sleep and not listen and for some reason that pisses teachers off...i dont want to practice for band, i dont care about places in spain, density sparks no interest in me and i could really give a shit about indians being removed in 1890...i think im just cranky
2 seeds |
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2003 19 October :: 2.39pm
:: Mood: im ok, better than last night
i felt so horrible last night, i felt like a horrible person, but i feel a lot better about it now...i was sitting there in church this morning and i just got like this moment of clarity, it just felt like everything was going to be ok, so im just going to go with that, and think everything is going to be ok...
yesterday was so boring! i went out to lunch with the girls, then they drug me to for keeps and ben franklins so they could show eachother what they were getting me for my bday even when i specifically told them not to get me anything, they do it anyway and i had to stay in a designated part of the store where my gift wasnt located...they make me angry sometimes, but i guess it just shows they care :)
then sara and i went to my house, bummed around, went to visit tara at work, and saw bob, bob was wearing a neon vest...yea hes cool, then we went home, then we went back into town to see coomes and doug, then we crashed jacobys house, and ian called me from on-star and i was jealous, but he had to tell me they won their first hockey game so yay for him :)...then we just hung out, watched part of bowling for columbine...i swear i will never be able to watch that entire movie...i'll have to steal it from jacoby sometime...then i went home at midnight and talked to megan the whole way home...that was fun, late night convos woo!
i guess thats it...not a very exciting update...sorry
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2003 13 October :: 9.16pm
:: Mood: contemplative
its been a long time and im sorry i havent updated sooner...ive really had no time, homecoming preparations have consumed my life but luckily its over! yay!
homecoming was a blast though!! BG finally won a game, and it was really nice that it was our homecoming, it just completed the night really. the guys were in such an amazing mood at megans house it was just awesome, everyone was in high spirits, and we even had a newcomer which was really nice. i stayed at megans that night and we had a nice conversation about our current situations, and for a brief moment before we finally said goodnight we had a sense of clarity, so we were all excited. saturday mornng bright and early we had to decorate, the decorations turned out awesome though, i was very impressed at how well it all came together...so congrats to evreyone who helped, you all were amazing!
the dance was so much fun, this is the first time all the girls had a date and it was just amazing, hess was a total gentleman the whole night, pulled out my chair at dinner, payed for my meal, and held my arm as we walked across the street so i wouldnt fall, so it was nice, i felt special, and megan and ian were too cute when they swing danced, and nick and jack were cute because you can just tell they love eachother...its almost sickening lol jk!, sara and baldwin looked to be having a good time....she actually danced thats a good sign right? stevie and steve...never really saw them...but im sure they had fun!! tara and winston...always a sight....and doug and carmen are just too cute! doug im serious, dances are your element, you just seemed to be having too much fun, and it was awesome, im bummed we didnt get to dance, but its cool, i didnt get to dance with ian or baldwin either but eh, no biggie...it was just a great night, minus the fact i felt like a had a stalker but hess and i just ignored it...the after party was fun, mutt and herringshaw and john joined the group, we just hung out and it was nice...ive had so many comments about me looking "cozy" with someone...idk, i think im just gonna try this friends thing with him, its nice to be talking again and im not gonna push it...i had a nice chat with ian that night, i love that kid, hes like my brother and to see him bummed makes me feel bummed so chatting with him while trying to sleep on the porch was fun...cold...but fun, so in the middle of the night i left him and went to the security of my own bed...hehe...
but its monday now...back to school, everyone was totally draggin today, and oddly enough there was no gossip really from the dance...weird!
and i just wanna give my regards to sara and her family...life probably feels really sucky now, but it'll get better i promise....and no more being stupid on potter road!!
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it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2003 4 October :: 11.48pm
:: Mood: its all good
ok last journal entry was a tad on the depressing side, but i feel ok now, i just had an amazingly fun night
last night the football team lost, no surprise there (no offense guys) the band ended up leaving during 4th quarter, dont really know why, i didnt want to go but meh, and woodwinds never played the entire night, we kept our instruments in the cases because of the rain, so we danced the entire night, then off to megans, nothing spectacular there, ian stayed until 12:50 and that made the mershmans mad because people are supposed to be out of there by 12:15, ian didnt know that and now he feels bad even when i tell him not to, megan might get her keys taken away because of it, but i have a feeling that she wont
tonight, i wasnt planning on going out and i didnt, a few people came out here, i really need to read my tome but for soem reason im not worried about it...i really should be though, but ian had hockey until 8 and called me and wanted to do something so he sara and jacoby came over and he just hung out, it was mucho divertido, we ate cookies and played truoble...and yes i do admit it, ian is the ruler of trouble, he won tonight, sara got 2nd i got third and jacoby got 4th, it was soo fun though, i had such a good time, and i told ian about how i was feeling last night and he made me feel better so yay, i feel a lot better about the situation now :)
thats it!
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it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2003 4 October :: 12.21am
:: Mood: ugh
ugh, i can't be doing this again, i dont want to be doing this again, but it seems so right, i can't keep going back to this, i dont think im strong enough to go through it again...why must this torture me so..
1 seed |
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2003 1 October :: 9.20pm
:: Mood: bored
ok i really havent had a real update in forever....not really a lot has happened....the only thing people are ever talking about these days is homecoming, i must admit, i am one of these people, im sorry! but being on sab and actually having a date - thats like a deadly mix for talking about it all the time! hess and i talked the other day, he asked me what color shirt he should wear, so he actually cares that we match which is always nice, megan and ian are going together...idk if i've said how he asked her, but he gave her bread that he had made in advanced foods and in the bread was a note asking her...too cute, nick and jack are obviously going together and baldwin asked sara which i think is awesome, so the whole group has a date, except stevie, but we're still working on that, she hasnt even decided if she wants to go yet. But my mom is making my dress this year and its awesome! its nowhere near being done, but its together enough that i could try it one, and i got so excited, the color looks good (thanks nick) the cut looks good, i actually have a figure in this dress, so im very excited, moms letting me go tanning so i dont look likea ghost, yay...
schools been going fine, im understanding it all, and my classes are cool, the one i have problems with is math, not that its hard, i can just never tell if dill likes us or not, with all my other math teachers ive been able to be loud and dorky and whatnot and this year i just dont know, sometimes i think hes cool and others im waiting for him to lash out and eat our eyes...idk
megs and i have been busy with all the homecoming crap...no one seems to be working the sales and election so she and i are always roped into doing it, it really doesnt bother us, because we make it fun, but its keeping us from socializing at lunch, so i feel like i havent seen my lunch table in forever, oh well, in two weeks this will all be over
football hasnt been going so great, i dont think we'll win any games this year, the guys are bummed and its really hard to want to hang out and be happy after the games when they just lost and feel like shit, but its just a game, and they always have next year, so we'll see, the games are still fun, and the guys play a lot...plus a few of them look damn good in uniforms! haha jk..
abby and i are making cookies tomorrow for the thrower/football boys..they better appreciate it!
i guess thats it....
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it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2003 29 September :: 7.52pm
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
how cool is that?? i stole it from corey baum's info..that kid's my hero
it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2003 22 September :: 6.26pm
:: Mood: yay
everything has been going very well lately, some things have been odd but for the most part its all good. The other day ian asked megan to homecoming, and he asked her in the cutest way ever!! he gave her bread that he had made in advanced foods and underneath the bread was a note asking her, she cried lol, she didnt see the note, i saw it and i had to point it out to her, but its ok, so they're going to homecoming. Nick and jackie are going together obviously as are tara and winston. Hess and i decided to go together as friends, and im happy, this is the first dance that ive had a date to and i think it'll be really really fun, and i have a dress in mind - i know a dress! can you believe it, i must be going all out or something, but yea, if everything works out right we'll all have dates which will be really cool right now we're working on jess and tara and stevie, and we've got 2 out of the 3 worked out, but yay!
Had a long chat with baldwin, he now knows about my chronic anxiety, he seemed interested in it, asked a lot of questions, it doesnt bother me that he knows or anything because hes a nice guy, but im always apprehensive before telling anyone about that, because they probably will think about me differently thinking that the slightest thing they do could trigger an attack when that is basically the farthest thing from the truth, oh well.
funny story, when erin bechstein found out i was going to hc with hess she told jess "I can't believe my guy is going to homecoming with Brittany!" good Lord lady, he's never been your guy, and even so, who cares if he's going with me, its not like i like hess like that or anything, we're just going as friends, and we're gonna have a good time, all while i look hot in my dress...haha jk, i'll just look cute, jackie will look hot as will megs because megs went for the sexy dress instead of trendy, so yay, idk what sara's wearing, jess will look hot though, tara...ive only heard little things about her dress, its black and one shoulder - thats all i know, and stevie doesnt know what shes wearing...well i think ive talked about hc too much already, i cant wait to start decorating though....yay
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it takes a death and only God can allow it
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shiznit05
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2003 17 September :: 8.52pm
:: Mood: yay!, im tired though
everythings been going really well lately, i just wanna say thank you to everyone for not screwing that up so far, schools been going good, sab is doing great, the dance should be really cool this year, megs and i came up with a brilliant plan, we have yet to decide if we're gonna put it into action though, i think ive decided to go to homecoming this year, i wont get asked, so i'll so alone, symph band list is up for clarinets, me sara and katie made it so that'll be super cool, james has his auditions tomorrow, he really wants symph so if he makes it itll also be super cool
DOUG NEEDS TO UPDATE HIS JOURNAL!
football game friday against anthony wayne, i get to see phil, i havent seen him since before school, so thatll be fun, then saturday i'll go to the jv game with jack and sara and we + megs will go homecoming dress shopping, i wont buy a dress because if i do go im wearing pants and a fun top like last years coming home, but yea, then the rest of my weekend is going to be tributed to my tome, because i need to start reading it...
i guess thats it, hess comes home friday, should be fun!
...i wonder if i should ask to wear a jersey on friday...
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it takes a death and only God can allow it
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