Spring Break
So im going to puerto Rico for spring break. I'm sort of excited because i just want to leave the country. I lost focus. Stupid t.v.
give me a call, i want to get out of my house this weekend.

Getting depressed AGAIN
You guys i hate this. I know i dont have depression and im not suicidal. But this random feeling of overwhelming sadness is killing me. Did u know i cried last night? Yea i dont cry, ever. I hate crying its an evil bitch. But i just couldnt handle life. I know i have it really good right now. I have pretty much everything i want. But im so damn lonely. I think a big part of it is that i dont express my problems with people.

Let's just be honest, i'm lost. I feel like i have to make my friends hang out with me. I'm having issues with melanie and just cant tell her. Omg does that girl not know me. i totally missed up my college applications. I so shud have applied to UofI but didnt. It would be the only college i could dorm at.

My parents hate me. Not me hate them, thye hate me. i cant get along with my brothers. i just wan tt o leavet hsi stupid country. i want to go alone somewhere. I want to do my awesome dream trip that will never happen. I wanted to go to the middle east thsi summer, but as we get closer i can see that im not going. I was so excited. But my mom had to do the trip last month during school/hell week. Now, when we talk about the summer trip its like we might go, maybe. not sure. And im just so pissed.

im screwed for life. im going to end up in a loveless abusive marriage with three kids and working in a job that i hate.

I aint lying, i'll see you in ten years.

My grandma's will ~~i know doesnt make sense with my mood
My grandma and i were working on her will yesterday cuz she was going to go on hajj. i must say i made the experiance much better, we had fun. When she read it to me the first time i started to cry, i mean i love i cant imagine not living with out her. i mean i met her in 2001 i havent really had enough time with her, adn she went ot iraq for wat 2 years of the time ive known her its weird. i dunno i told her to put a house in my name but she sorta wouldnt. but she did write in her will that if people were unhappy with teh descisions then i could change them. i was entertaining.

i worked on biology labs over break. omg thats a first for me. but i almost finished the first one and it only took about 3.5 hours. yea im screwed and i have five of these. it saddens me.

love y'all

yasamin

My life
So i dont think im one of those people taht just hates others, i really dont hate anyone, i mean i sometimes dislike someone but i dont hate people. I absolutely hate this girl i work w/ i mean hate her i cant stand workign with her. She is just so freaking lazy. Ok big deal you can type on the computer, i can too, but that doesnt mean u can ignore the phone and the customers you shud ring up some customers. GRR.

OMG, dont go through the drive thru. Im serious man. you are torturing the people who work where ever. At the pharmacy we get these people who use the drive thru (their right) but its torture. It's freezing and we're (the ppl who work @ the store) arent wearing jackets adn its cold. yea another rant

I saw beauty and the beast yesterday. The set was amazing. it like entertained me the whole show, i had to be like stop focus on show. it was so pretty and the stage goes up and down and things come down from the ceiling. i was like omg. the actors were good too. they had amazing voices but i didnt like the girl they picked for belle so the show was all ruined for me. belle was supposed to be pretty (thats why she was named belle) and htey had a chubby girl playing her i just didn't like it. And the costumes were amazing. they had the gold dresss adn it was big and fluffy i liked it.

i still i have to give jorie and patrice their xmas present so they (hint hint) should give me a call so that we can hang out and i can give it to them.

This break has been ok so far. i have to start my bio h/w cuz im screwed so far. Well adios

Yasamin

Crew
SO i talked ot my parents about doing crew, actually my dad. He was like you did what we told you to do i.e. get good grades and so i can do crew but then he went to explain how y i shouldnt:
1. my grandma's leaving no one to take care ofthe house
2. my dad is getting another job which means he goes to work at 7 in the morning adn comes home at midnight
3. my mom is working a lot
Therefore i should stay home with my brothers and clean and do trheir h/w w/them. but i want to do crew. i sound so selfish.

TODAY
Today was shit, i was in such a bad mood cuz of my biology test. Let me be honest man i hate that class right now. But i mean how do you. expect me to act when i get four tests back in three classes, it wasnt pretty. So i sorta told susie that shes a horrible person adn she cant complain if she causes her own personal problems. She smokes, like half of our school, and she was complaining about her bf over smoking adn what not andi just got really mad and was like you know what susie you cant complain about him you smoke too, adn you cant complain about anything to do with him because you chose to go out with him. I feel really bad for saying it but i mean its true.

I think im too honest with some people and i guess thats a really bad thing. I mean people appreciate honesty but they hate you when you are honest wtih them. I mean its little things that peopel get mad about and im sorry but u get mad if i lie adn you get mad if im too honest people just really suck monkey butt.

Question du jour:

Should i go to college here in illinois (stay at home) or go to Purdu?

If i go here i have to stay at home, continue to live with my parents adn what not. I save a lot of money like about ten thousand dollars per year. But the girl at work told me i need to go to purdue because i need to find out who i am and i cant do that if i continue to live with my parents. Plus if i get to leave i get freedom. I need that, imagine my curfew will still be about ten o'clock when im in college. I dont want to be a townie. I dont want to be here next year but...i dont know. Its so confusing. GRRRR. Money vs. freedom. maybe. Family Vs. Freedom.

sweetyas

Nada
I havent updated in a while, sorry. There really hasnt been much in my life. Such a boring life i lead. I'm screwed for school. thats always a plus. So i still hate my dad. Oh i have a story to tell, i know excitment.

So my dad comes home right and he and my mom are just being asses right, and i say something like yea whatever. And my dad turns around and says a religious quote "if you even say hmmm (the evil one) to your parents then you'll go to hell" and hten he continued to say "even an evil look can get you to hell" So i stood there and i was like really just wanna ask him why should i try, why is it thta everything in religion has to be so negative, why is it if you do this you'll go to hell, why can't it be like live a good life and go to heaven. I think i lost my faith. I truely do. Im so confused. I love my religion in its purest form, i believe it. But people like my father make it poop. Islam is such a beautiful religion, you can tell by the name (it means peace) but shit heads like my dad find ways to make this religion so difficult. You do this you go to hell. You don't do this you go to hell. You never go to heaven, just hell. Arg. I don't want to go to hell, i dont want to go to limbo, i want to go to heaven. I really do try. i ended the whole patrick thing cuz you know what i htought it was morally wrong. i dont know i hate this stupid religion what not, i do prefer if the world was filled with clones, i like to know all the facts. ARG. I dont like this.

Au revoir, je sais ce n'est pas très interassante mais il est important a moi. La vie est très difficle mais VIVE.

Yasamin