:: 2005 2 February :: 6.31 pm

So today I did end up getting my hair cut. I got like 3 1/2 inches off and I got my bangs cut shorter because they were so long they weren't even considered bangs lol yeah I was extremely scared to get my hair cut and I was like crying I was so scared but its alright now lol I was tired of my hair being long and short hair is just the cool thing lol j/k.

Trista and Akaysha might be coming over tonight. I hope so but I doubt it now.

Yah theres really nothing else new besides the boring stuff...umm I cant wait for swirl and I cant wait for this weekend so I can sleep in..haven't done that in weeks.

I was not even expecting you to call ever again. I didn't think I would ever see you in my life again and I think about how you are and what your up to and I hope that your okay. I'm so glad you called even though my mom was talking to you and wouldn't let me talk to you since she hasn't talked to you in forever but I hope everything works out and Im sorry about her and I want this to work just as much as she does. I went from seeing you everyday then to not seeing you for 3 years and it sucks majorly..

I guess this is becoming more of what you wanted than what I wanted but I guess its the point or thought that counts and that its still there.



love much,
ashley..........

lie awake

:: 2005 1 February :: 8.20 pm

I take it all back, every single part of it.

61 more days. I'm counting down.

I can't believe its almost been a whole year since then. You have no idea how much I think about it and how much I miss you and I haven't seen you in so long and when I think about last year I want to cry just thinking about how much fun we used to have. I was thinking about it tonight and I started crying. I try not to let it show but I think about you all the time and I worry and I hope everything is okay with you. I just wish I could talk to you but I don't even know your number anymore. I'll figure something out I always do.

Chloe called me tonight, happy about that. I haven't talked to her in a while. We've both been busy but were both excited about me going to see her for spring break and now that she has her license we can go places and to the beach and everything. Her friend wanted her to tell me I was cute and he works at the gap lol I was like okay thanks dude..lol

Well for now im just going to be here for you because you've always been here for me and I hope everything works out Jess! I love you lots.


Always, ashley*

lie awake

:: 2005 31 January :: 5.42 pm

here we go once again..

It never ends.

I'm only doing this for him and not you. I don't care about what you want and that it would be helpful for me to do this. I'm doing it all for him and I wish you could just know that and that I hate you more than you'll ever know.

Im just never going to be good enough for you am I?

What do you get out of asking me a stupid question like that? Names of people which isn't going to do you any good since you have no idea who they are anyways and you never will but okay w/e floats your boat then.

Maybe in this whole thing could you put some effort into this? maybe, just maybe. it might help a whole lot.

I hope you know that your actually not being here for me and making things better your just making them worse and your just leaving me hanging and making me cry..you cant just do this and you need to figure it all out because I cant take this anymore and my heart keeps breaking.

I always get my hopes up to soon just so people can break them. like you..i hope you read all this too and I know you will.

so thanks alot.

I just want to get away from this all..I really need to move away somewhere. Im going to try to find somewhere to go.

2 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2005 30 January :: 12.38 pm

I wish those were the stories I could tell everyone. How everything would just be so perfect and I could be that happy about it all and always knowing that it will be great. I wish I had what you have but I dont and I wont, I always thought it wasn't possiable and nobody could have something so perfect and if I could be like that I would give anything just for one day of it.

Yeah thanks alot...I knew this was going to happen.

I can never do anything right...why do I always have to ruin things?

Your just going to change your mind.

I guess I was never meant to be happy.

And to you thanks for always listening to me and always being here for me when I need you.

lie awake

:: 2005 28 January :: 7.55 pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: We Danced Anyway

lie awake

:: 2005 27 January :: 3.50 pm

Why do I even have to bring certain things up?

I just learned my lesson and I felt like a moron and I felt horriable and he knew it.
Now I made something that wasn't even a huge deal or a deal at all for that matter into something serious but I guess everyone wants him around right? I guess telling someone was the right thing because me and katelyn and britt all knew..

o well.. it doesn't matter anymore

Im happy this week is basically over and that The O.C. is on tonight too..

anyways I g2g clean my room peace out ashley***

7 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2005 25 January :: 9.39 pm

I finally found a stupid article that I needed for drivers training. 2 days down, 1 to go.

I think I'm getting sick...o well

I'm really tired too.

I have so much stuff to do tonight and this week it's unreal and I really need to concentrate on doing my homework because I've been not exactly doing it and I have to and need to.

But anyways Brandon and Amber are over so I'm going to go hang out with them...

cyas peace out, ashley***

lie awake

:: 2005 23 January :: 6.09 pm

Yeah I'll make this quick because I have alot of hmwk to do tonight.

Umm this weekend I went to the game, hung out with Veronica, and hung out with Jon and thats about it.

I have drivers training tomorrow and I'm supposed to have 50 hours of driving time and I have about 3 but I don't care because I'm not old enough to get my license for a year anyways so that doesn't matter.

Yeah thats really all thats new so ill update more later because I have more to say but I dont have time..

cyas peace out , ashley***

lie awake

:: 2005 22 January :: 1.50 pm

We might be getting a puppy! We might get a great dane puppy. It's black and hes only 7 weeks old but I'm not sure were going to see it tomorrow. We might not get it because its the runt and my mom wants it to be big but I could care less.

2 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2005 22 January :: 12.12 pm

I'm not okay. Things are just going right back where they started. Me being let down and disapointed. I just don't get it anymore. I give up trying, I give up caring about you, I give up worrying. forget it.

lie awake

:: 2005 20 January :: 3.32 pm

I just dont understand why some people try to hurt my feelings on purpose..

How can someone just do this? What do you get out of it?
Nothing.

Oh well you didn't get what you wanted and thats good because your not going to and I dont need you telling me what to do or what not to do and that im going to end up being sorry and im going to end up being hurt. I'm pretty sure its my life not yours and If I want to do this then I will and I dont need you telling me it will be a mistake and trying to ruin things because no matter how much you try you never will because I wont let that happen.

people frustrate me...and they need to get over the past.

but i guess thats just the way life works.

lie awake

:: 2005 19 January :: 10.46 pm

thanks for putting me in this situation when I don't deserve this. thanks so much you guys.

doesn't matter what u do its what u did thats hurting you.

i hope one of u feels bad for lying to me...

ugh shut ur mouth i just cant take this.

3 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2005 19 January :: 7.56 pm

okay so I did this thing just for fun but this is what it is.

It tells u if you are underweigh or overweight and first you have to figure out your bmi like so:

Your weight(in pounds) divided by your height (in inches)= result 1

Result 1_____ divided by your height (in inches)= result 2

Result 2_____ multiplied by 703= your bmi


and this is the stupid chart thing..

Age Healthy BMI Range
12 14.8-21.7
13 15.3-22.6
14 15.8 to 23.3
15 16.3-24.0
16 16.8-24.7
17 17.2-25.2
18 17.6-25.7
19 17.8-26.1
20+ 18.5-24.9


so yeah I got 94/63=1.49
1.49/68=0.02
0.02x703=14.06

so my bmi is 14.06 and its not even on the frickin chart.. i have the BMI of an 11 year old..how sad...seriously...

i just thought that was really interesting and the other day I was wondering if I was underweight and by how much.

lie awake

:: 2005 19 January :: 5.42 pm

i knew this would happen.

you cant just do this to me all the time.

i hate yoooou so much and you have no idea.....

lie awake

:: 2005 18 January :: 10.14 pm

words can't describe this at all. ever.

nobody will ever understand but me and thats really all that matters and i could never be anymore happier at the moment.

lie awake