:: 2004 25 October :: 8.42 pm

Katy is in the hospital. I guess today she blacked out for 30 minutes at her meet and it was like 10ft before the finish line. I hope shes okay. I don't know any thing more than that cos that what Tyler told me...I guess she was running in 3rd place and she just fell down and didn't wake up and the ambulance came and shes in the hospital. I have no idea whats wrong.. I'm sorta freaking out..

lie awake

:: 2004 25 October :: 6.13 pm
:: Mood: accomplished

Erika your funny. "ASHLEY", "ERIKA", "shes going to be famous someday"..haha that ws pretty funny.

Carol called me today. I don't know how she got my cell phone number, I think I might have gave it to her when I audtioned but I don't really know. I'm all enrolled and everything is payed for my school and yeah thats good. I have to go to modeling school every other weekend. I have to go this weekend. It's in Easpointe and I think I already mentioned that but I don't remember. Its a long ways away..Thats the only part my parents didn't like was that I was shipped off to Eastpointe..but I'm okay with it. I can't wait until modeling school is over then I can start to model and be in fashion shows...how fun...I make 80 pecent of what I do or like 25 dollars an hour..I forgot what she told me..unless those are the same things..idk im stupid with numbers and percents so I don't care. Thats really all thats new. I'm sooo excited...I wonder if I ge to keep the clothes I model for.? SOmeone told me that I did..This girl that made it too and we were talking and she used to model before and she said sometimes you can keep the clothes you model..that would be awesome..idk though..im new to all this.

yup thats about all..

peace out, luv mucho ashley*

2 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2004 24 October :: 7.54 pm

Well at the interview I had to go to today we kinda just talked about the school that I will be going to and what happens after that and how much money I will be making for all the modeling I do.

I'm not 100 percent sure I'm doing this yet because we have to make sure that it's not a scam and that its worth it so thats what we are doing now and we are pretty sure its lagidament *spelling* and it is the real thing.

I'm pretty excited but somewhat nervous.

I have to go to thier modeling school with all the other girls who got picked in Eastpointe which is about 3 hours away. They will teach us how to walk,pose,talk haha that sounds funny, and how to do our makeup like needed and other things like our hair and all this fun stuff. It should be worth it.

They said that they will book us with audtions and fashion shows and photo shoots but we have to work hard to get them and what we want. We have to have the desire.

I think their schooling doesn't end until april.

anways thats all thats new and when I know for sure if im going through with it..ill let ya'll know..peace out

lie awake

:: 2004 24 October :: 4.25 pm

im very confused...somewhat dissapointed. who knows what is going on anymore.

lie awake

:: 2004 23 October :: 5.29 pm
:: Mood: HAPPY
:: Music: Heaven 9-1-1

4 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2004 22 October :: 4.09 pm

Could we please stop fighting about stupid things.

grr...

I'm excited about this weekend. I think Amanda is coming over or I'm going to her house..I have no clue but then tomorrow I have a modeling audition (kinda nervous about that) and I don't know what else I'm doing. That is probally it. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Yeah my mom and I just got into a stupid fight about shoes. It was dumb. I was saying how I needed some different shoes to wear tomorrow and she was like "blah blah blah" and then it ended up her screaming at me saying "FINE WE WILL GO GET YOU SOME TOMORROW MORNING" I was like omgosh...eeekk....

toodles

lie awake

:: 2004 22 October :: 6.35 am

Now nothing can take you away from me, we've been down that road before, its over now.

lie awake

:: 2004 21 October :: 10.25 pm

I learned something amazing tonight. It really made me think about my life and that maybe it is all worth it, I can't give up. Life is to precious to just give up. Or maybe not, I may only be saying this because i'm happy right now but I'm not sure.We only live once.

lie awake

:: 2004 20 October :: 9.09 pm

my mom is being weird today.

Like two minutes ago she goes "Are you almost done on the computer"

im like "yeeessssssssss..im getting off riighhtt now" and shes like

"well did you do ur hmwk" im like "OMGOSH I DONT KNOW HOW STOP YELLING" and shes like "oh those biology questions?" im like "umm yes mom the ones that ive been trying to do all day" and shes just like "oh ok" and walks away..

im like

riightt...

lie awake

:: 2004 20 October :: 6.09 pm
:: Mood: sick

Today was a semi-good day I guess.

I have a really bad headache and I feel like I'm getting sick, everyone always gets me sick. I'm sick all the time. Darn sick people.

Your in for a real big suprise buddy if you don't know what it is already. I know already, which I didn't really want to know but I always get pulled into things somehow and now we all know.

yeeeaahhh.....

lie awake

:: 2004 19 October :: 8.25 pm

I'm talking to Chloe's mom right now. I was going to go there for Spring Break but we have new plans now. They might be moving back this year maybe and maybe not. They might know in a few weeks but If they don't move back before Spring Break then I'm going there to see them and if they are then Chloe and her family and me will be going somewhere else for Break. I'm happy I think. Things are really complicated for me right now between alot of people.

Her mom is telling me how she doesn't want to move back because of all the snow and I'm like "yeah well when I graduate I'm outta here" shes like "California?" im like "yes" then shes like " are you sure you want to do that" im like " im positive" then shes like "UCLA" and I'm like "yeah hopefully or somewhere in California" shes so funny...Shes like my 2nd mom. I love her.

anywho

so today I go to my locker before 6th hour to go to Biology and I open my locker and I look for my biology book and folder, I don't see it im like "hmm..its got to be in this mess somewhere" so I start frantically looking for it and I couldn't find it in my locker so I started freaking out because I never lose things and my stuff couldn't have walked away. So im like hmm..maybe I left it at my dads house on friday but then I remembered I never took it home..so I was frustrated so I just went to class and then Im like "Katy.....I...Can't find my book.." and shes like "oh well did you leave it in here on friday after the assembly thing" im like "oh yeah...I think I did" so I found it and everything was better after that so that was my day.

Kevin i cant believe you...we were just talking and you just get offline..geez..i tell ya... but if your reading this and I dont know if you read these at all but if you do then I still want to talk to you about all that sometime...ok.?

This girl I know wrote this poem. It's really sad. I started crying when I first read it.

I walked down the hallway with you everyday
"are you gonna hit me with your purse" you'd say.
you would were your ninja turtles shirt to school,
you were setting a trend, you made it look cool.
Tuesday September 14 2004,
that day was suppose to be fun but i dont like that day anymore.
you were suppose to come to chours and get ready for our preformance.
we needed to get our songs ready, get them perfect and fit
but little did i know, that rehersal you'd miss.
everyone knows the story, i cant tell it anymore,
everytime i do, it makes me hate that tuesday even more.
Jake i miss you so much more than you would ever know.
i wish it was me not you that had to go.
this cant be real i know its not true,
i cant even believe that last week, i was talking to you.
the tears in my eyes shines like the personality left behind
and no matter how many times people can get me to try, just know that i will never say good-bye ~

so sad

Could there be a different ending
To the same old story
Cause you're not the first to say
You're gonna be there for me
I need to know what's in your heart
Can you finish what you start
How can I be sure I won't be sorry





anyways thats really all thats new. Hopefully this week will be better than last week. lets hope..
PEACE OUT, ASHLEY*

8 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2004 17 October :: 8.00 pm
:: Mood: okay

Why are you so dumb?

You act like your so nice to everyone and that you never do anything wrong but you do.

Everyone goes "oh shes so nice" your not.

You don't care about anyone besides your "best" friends. You can't not be with them every 2 seconds.

When I first started talking to you this summer I thought you were so cool and you actually listened to me. That was a lie, your not like that anymore.

I hope you read this and go "Oh shes talking about me" and then you'll figure it out since you do have woohu.

ugh..your very disapointing.

lie awake

:: 2004 15 October :: 10.37 pm

I've given up this game, but im going to be ok because nothing can stop me from where im heading now.

I really am confused.

I know she is a whore but dont tell me this over and over again when your the same as her just in a different way. I know what I'm trying to say.

Don't just sit there and tell me how much I mean to you and how much I matter to you, show me. proove it. then i'll know.

Im excited about tomorrow!~ but I'm not sure whats happening with me anymore. I'm really tired and we need to go. ttyl. bye.

lie awake

:: 2004 14 October :: 7.52 pm

sometimes I dont want to be here anymore.

3 shooting stars | lie awake

:: 2004 14 October :: 1.11 pm
:: Mood: sad

you sure get around.

guys are so stupid, they just don't get it....It's so hard for them to get the stupid
f*ing picture..it's not that complicated...

your ruining things, once again my friend.

lie awake