so i think i've decided that im gonna go on doing pageants. i think i have the right kind of personality, and if you do those things right the scholarships you get are amazing. i could PAY my way through college and be making a difference at the same time. if i really set my mind to it... i dont think i'll win all of them.. but i definatly think i could get down to the last 10 or so... and either way.. i know from experience that the pageant process itself is an amazing experience. plus i have a pretty impressive resume for one. i decided this while i took a bath tonight.... honestly.. a candle lit bubble bath is where you come up with and figure out the BEST things. plus my mom has a skylight.. and nothing is more relazing than listening to a gentle rain.


im scared about high school ending.. ANXIOUS but scared.... and for the first time in my life i have a plan. its so reassuring to know where i want to go with my life. and if i change my mind about this whole interior design thing.... at least i'll have a great side hobby to fall back on later in life! we went to schulers today and i found this book that was just amazing. it was 40 dollars.. but covered every (well im sure not EVERY) aspect of interior design.. even down to tips on creating your sample board. i think im gonna get it tomorrow. and when im done with this entry im gonna look at different colleges and their design programs.

its just so exciting to have an outline for my life. i've never had that before. i've never been sure about something so HUGE. im extremely indecisive. VENDING machines are a hassel for me! wayyy to many options! so when it comes to my life, and where im going to be in the future... you cant even imagine how confused i get. i havent ever delt with the whole "future" issue before. i just kind of made it through school.. and here i find myself at the end, and i was about ready to break. what kind of 17 year old doesnt have a career picked out? well i'll tell ya from experience.... a very normal one! i now know that im just lucky that i've chosen a career... because you cant just do that overnight. i dont think we should be rushed into deciding the rest of our lives! and i was feeling really down because i thought EVERY one had it figured out except for me. that is NOT the case. design is a passion that i've been practicing for years... and i didnt even know it! my room has always been a haven for me.. and a reflexion of my style. when we lived with brandi i was going crazy because i didnt have a space of my own. it sucked! i need that one place that just screams ME everywhere ya know? i'm very big on personal style.. and even though yes, i do wear abercrombie sometimes... i like to think i have my own style. its the little things that make me unique. i just love fasion and i think you're home should be a reflexion of everything that makes you feel like YOU. ughh.. im just SO excited!



*smiles really big......



with all these "plans" or whatever.. i've realized that in order to stay confident and focused i HAVE to get in shape. im not toooo far from it.. but far enough. i need to have alot of energy. i have a good head on my shoulders... and like i said in my last entry... i dont have any type of negative thing affecting me. that means i have no excuse not to suceed. i just have stay in shape and be on my toes. i am SO ready to embrace life. i wasnt put here to sit in cedar springs the rest of my life. and yeah.. everyone "hates" Cedar and wants to get out... but ya know what.. this is my home. and has always been my home. even though i know that there are bigger things out there... i know that in littler nowheresville michigan.. theres a small town that holds all my memories and the foundation for the rest of my life! i dont think you're SUPPOSED to want to stay in your hometown for the rest of your life! and lets face it... Cedar Springs is all over the united states. there are towns just like ours in every single 20 mile radius of every state... just a few different variations.. and some BIG cities like new york. dont be naive and think that this is the only small "hick" town around! this is our starting place.... not ending! be thankful for that! whether you want to admit it or not... this town has helped make us who we are. if we lived in LA we'd all have much different ambitions.

im just so content with my life right now.... and its so wonderful to feel this good!

1 shooting star | lie awake