charlie
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2024 1 April :: 4.35pm
:: Music: Touché Amoré
Somehow it's already been a year.
Somehow it's already been a year
Embracing other versions to make this feeling disappear
Now I just feel you everywhere
It coincides with the guilt of knowing that I wasn't there
I was told that wouldn't have known
Told myself I was where you'd want me to be
But it's not that easy
I tried to be your light
Did my best to shine
Nothing I do feels right
As I went out all the time
How has it already been a year?
I skip over songs because they're too hard to hear
Like track two on "Benji" or "What Sarah Said"
They just hit too close when I'm already in my head
I was told you were half asleep
Told myself you would be proud of me
But it's not that easy
I tried to be your light
Did my best to shine
Nothing I do feels right
As I went out all the time
Somehow it's already been a year
You keep finding new ways to make yourself reappear
I hope you never leave me be
I haven't found the courage to listen to your last message to me
Go ahead, agree with me!
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charlie
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2023 19 April :: 10.02pm
Matt Hinton was an artist.
So, in full disclosure, things aren't well.
I'd been struggling with some stuff for a while. Work stuff. Scared about my parents and kid getting older. Midlife crisis stuff. I'm 40 now. I joined this site when I was 18. That's a legacy.
Anyway, stuff got kind of bad and I took a short Pine Rest Vacation last month. I'm doing my middle aged millennial thing now. I read self help books. I see a therapist. What we all do. I've been getting by and telling myself that I'm doing alright as long as nothing major happens.
Then today the news broke about Matt. Matt held a special place for me in a sensitive time in our lives. A time when Woohu was thriving. That's why I'm posting here. This seems like the proper venue.
I'm upset that we drifted apart. I suppose that can't be helped. We went to a concert almost exactly seven years ago. He seemed to be doing well and we had a blast.
Along with the therapy stuff, I've been Journaling. I want to compose my thoughts over the coming days and write him a proper eulogy. In the meantime, I felt I had to publicly cope like this.
If you or anyone you know is struggling with mental health, the Partial Hospitalization Program at Pine Rest can be helpful.
Go ahead, agree with me!
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charlie
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2022 8 August :: 1.57pm
:: Music: Big Ups
I feel like I've lead a pretty happy life.
I need to treasure every minute
The fact that I'm here and I'm living within it
Sometimes I feel like the pace of my life's too fast
And I think about the time that's passed
I can't remember what happened yesterday
The day before, or anything, at any rate, anyway
I think what I'm trying to say is
I don't wanna live a life like this
What happens when it all goes black
And I'm lying there dying and I'm trying to think back
And I can't seem to conjure up anything
And the fear consumes me as they start to lose me
What happens when it all goes black
And I'm lying there dying and I'm trying to think back
And I can't seem to conjure up anything
No, because I haven't done anything
I feel like I've lead a pretty happy life
Then how come all I can remember is the strife
Fear comes and it takes its hold
And I'm afraid of getting old
And then suddenly I need a way out
Because I can't just let my memories fade in and fade out
I need something new
But I'm stuck with what to do
Go ahead, agree with me!
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spud
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2021 3 May :: 3.53pm
:: Mood: Seasonal
A staggering proportion of humans are allergic to the semen of plants.
A perennial reminder.
Go ahead, agree with me!
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spud
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2021 29 April :: 11.03pm
:: Music: Tauk - Sir Nebula
Jet Lag
I used to have arguments with my uncle about language. I insisted that there were grammatical structures and rules in place in order to keep the meaning of language consistent. If we are to communicate and exchange ideas, it is critical to have the same words and sounds mean the same thing to both parties, in order to successfully transmit all information in the idea accurately. I thought that the rules helped to keep those meanings from shifting.
His primary contention was that language was alive, constantly evolving and changing in meaning. Different languages cherry pick words and phrases from other languages, sometimes at random, sometimes by conquest. New words are constantly being born, while old words slowly die off and are forgotten. I think he viewed slang as some kind of nursery for future linquistic possibilities.
I have to admit, he may be right.
After all, they condensed an extremely specific phenomenon - in which one traverses the surface of the planet at such an incredible rate, that their biological rhythms have difficulty adapting to the dramatic change in diurnal cycle - into just two syllables.
1 people think I'm right |
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spud
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2021 1 April :: 10.30pm
:: Music: The Great Outdoors (1988)
life goes on, man.
finished a painting gig today. gonna try to hold off on any more work until after the trip to phoenix. aside from the laundry list of chores amassed for me by past chris. occasionally he surprises me, but usually he just kicks the cans down the road for future chris to deal with. hopefully some dedicated time will help future chris in his efforts.
-----
the spirit of god is alive wherever people are helping others, and growing in understanding. in places where people are wrongly harming others, the spirit is dead. even if that place is a church. or a school. or a home.
this may sound like a bummer, but it is actually very encouraging to witness the spirit thriving in many diverse and unlikely places. don't let the trimmings fool you. look at the people. see who's helping. join them. doesn't really matter where.
<3
4 people think I'm right |
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spud
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2021 13 March :: 8.43pm
:: Music: Breaking Bad
There's a Martian yelling, "CUT! BOOM IN THE SHOT. EVERYBODY BACK TO ONES!" but you can't hear it above the wind noise.
Go ahead, agree with me!
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pop-tart
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2020 21 September :: 2.55pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Cascada - Evacuate the Dance Floor
OKay... We'll start small.
Gotta be honest right?... anxious and overwhelmed is not a new new feeling but talking about my feelings intensifies those emotional reactions. I am not even sure anyone will avidly read my posts. knowing people might read them at all intensifies my anxiety.... *deep breath* okay... um. My music is positive. That is a reflection of my emotional state past the anxiety. its not a bad day. Its nice out. I am getting around at some point and taking the dogs up north for a few days. I have no immediate financial concerns or responsibilities to deal with. I have kind of set myself up with a comfortable period for mourning. I know there is no right way to grieve but I feel what I have been doing is not working. I see a pattern of behavior developing that is dangerous for me and I need to try something else... so here this is.... I can already hear the little therapist in my head pushing me to share more... I will try to get there. Today I must start small. Today I miss my brother very much, Today I dont want to cry, but I will. I will also smile and love. Some parts of my day are gonna hurt. It all sucks right now and its so overwhelming.
So here are some of the major thoughts bouncing around my head....
I wonder how my ex is doing in a very passive aggressive way. I have a lot of anger over the person he turned out to be and didn't anything remotely like closure. But given the opportunity I cannot think of anything to say that would be worth the breath. part of me hopes he is doing bad cause I think he is a dickbag and its be nice if karma were real. but, also, part of me hopes he is doing well. Im not a soulless harpie who just stops caring for someone instantly.... I think thats all fairly normal after a break up.
I worry alot about how my younger brother is grieving and what he has lost. I stress about not knowing what to do or say to help him.
and there has been so much change lately I feel like I am left without a direction to move in. I cant even see whats out there my head is so foggy.... and I am afraid Im going to stay frozen... and overwhelmed...and not move anywhere.... and loose time.
time is too precious to waste like that...
so on that note. I am going to go pack for the woods. Just me and the dogs spending a few days in "sanctuary". That is what it is for me. Home. 20 acres in newaygo and a little pop up I renovated. I plan taking the dogs fishing in the canoe on Wednesday. its supposed to 77. post again when I am home.
2 people think I'm right |
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pop-tart
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2020 21 September :: 2.24pm
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: Mnt Joy - Silver Lining
Hello Ghosts of the Past.
... can you hear me?
I cant believe this place is still a thing.... I am extremely happy it is. I need a safe place to document all the shit floating around in my head before I drown in it.... So much dramatic change in such a short time. So much grief and emotion to deal with. It fucking sucks. That's the nature of the beast. Life carries on. Weather you want to deal or not. Its fucking hard... and this journal holds me grammatically responsible. I love that... no half thought out, momentary, spaz blabbery, posted out to a mass of judgmental, surface-deep, cyber sharks.... okay, maybe. ;)... fucking old school emojies <3.... a safe space. What is safer then an online journal from high school? where some of my closest friends and family could come read if they so choose? forcing me to open up the door just a bit to those who could most certainly be considered safe..... Wow... Where the fuck do I start? lol
2 people think I'm right |
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charlie
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2020 4 August :: 3.30pm
:: Music: JTB
They're playing love songs on the radio tonight. I can't relate to that right now.
I live in a hotel, I must keep writing
If I'm to be better than everyone else
Like figure skating, like asphyxiating
On your own seeping fumes, you're just waiting
Living in a hotel, I'm not traveling
Between two points, in midair I'm levitating
Above the earth, beneath the sky, with eyes like static
In my three feet from bed to wall sleeps a genius
Leave me here to my devices
The call could come at any time
They're playing love songs on the radio tonight
I can't relate to that right now
Note to self, no one cares, your voice is average
In worried piles I typed for miles, you just stood there
I will begin, I will put right this morning terror
I have been kissed between the ears with human error
Leave me here to my devices
I need a word to change my life
I've tied my ankles to the table legs with wire
He can't write so much as type
Leave me here to my devices
I can't think with all this noise
They're playing love songs on your radio tonight
I don't get those songs on mine
You keep fucking up my life
You keep fucking up my life
You keep fucking up my life
You keep fucking up my life
Go ahead, agree with me!
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charlie
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2020 5 June :: 10.54pm
:: Music: WPE
Love how you disappear, if I need you
You're sleeping, I get that, I want you to know that I try
To figure out, where I'm going
And where I'm sleeping, and how much emotion is showing
And one can only imagine the things that you think of
I want to see the country, without goodbyes
But I can't afford that, so fuck my life
And all these guessing games
And they all just feel the same, and I'm sorry
When did I leave the seventh grade?
You feel sick, I'm tired, I don't even know what to say
My words can't make my problems go away
You say I lose things, that I can't find
There's no more covers, left to hide in
You say I'm lazy, incompetent, I'm always too tired to try
Everyone's stuck, living their "skewed up version of life"
And now I have a job, and Bobby's living in Tallahassee
I wish I had tried more
And all these guessing games
And they all just feel the same, and I'm sorry
When did I stop thinking this way?
I feel sick, I'm tired, I don't even know what to say
Your words can't make my problems go away
And all these guessing games
And they all just feel the same, and I'm sorry
When do I stop feeling this way?
I feel sick, you're tired, we don't even know what to say
My words can't make my problems go away
Go ahead, agree with me!
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charlie
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2020 27 May :: 6.20pm
:: Music: A3
Well I'll sit here and convince myself it's true.
If you keep on telling your friends that we're through.
I've got nothing here but loneliness
Holes in walls and bleeding fists.
My head is pounding like a pillow, like a big black song.
Well my friends and I try to tell me you're gone.
Won't listen to myself or anyone.
You got on a plane and off you went.
You're never coming back again.
I'm trying to convince myself it's true.
Convincing myself
I'll be just fine without you. [x3]
I'll be just fine without you
I'll be just fine without you
I'll be here telling myself it's true.
I sit here trying to convince myself it's true.
But you keep on pretending you have no clue.
I'd kill for you and eat the flesh.
Give you the heart and burn the rest.
A thousand miles ain't shit to walk if I'm walking to hold you but
I'll be just fine without you
I'll be just fine without you
I'll be just fine without you
I'll be here telling myself
I'll be just fine without you
I'll be just fine without you
I'll be just fine without you
I'll be just fine without you
I'll be just fine without you
I'll be just fine without you
I'll be here telling myself it's true.
Go ahead, agree with me!
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spud
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2020 19 March :: 4.00pm
COVID-19
If I get stuck at home, you can bet your sweet booty I'll be uploading lots of recordings ;)
As it stands, I still have a job, and we're staying open, so I get to continue working. But if that changes, expect to be seeing some updates <3
Stay safe out there, friends.
2 people think I'm right |
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spud
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2020 1 March :: 8.01pm
Recorded on 2.29.20
OPEN TALK
In which I am joined by a host of promises. I gave an open talk at the alano club in Grand Rapids, and didn't really talk about booze that much.
Links to stuff I mentioned:
(Ultraclean floss is rad, btw. It is stretchy and doesn't break or tear like normal floss. Get you some ultraclean.)
Go ahead, agree with me!
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spud
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2019 7 October :: 4.42pm
Recorded on 9.20.19
POD 21
In which I am all alone
Links to stuff I mentioned:
3 people think I'm right |
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charlie
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2019 4 October :: 9.27pm
:: Music: Murder City Devils
So carve it in rock
I tears of prayer
Everyone knows
What it's called
Does a steamer help
I am I say
I am I cry
Inoculated safe
In my pale disguise
I too have dreams
They sometimes arise
I only have one thing to say
My only call
So carve it in rock
And let it be known
Here stands the asshole
Who dreamed of shitting gold
Here stands the asshole
Who dreamed of shitting gold
Here stands the asshole
Who dreamed of shitting gold
It's all I have to say
It's my only hope
It's the whole of my truth
It's the truth worth to be told
Might I tell
And fortunes unfold
May I be instead
Most of all
So carve it in rock
And let it be known
Here stands the asshole
Who dreamed of shitting gold
Here stands the asshole
Who dreamed of shitting gold
Here stands the asshole
Who dreamed of shitting gold
Here stands the asshole
Who dreamed of shitting gold
Go ahead, agree with me!
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spud
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2019 25 July :: 11.27am
Recorded on 7.21.19
TECHNICALLY NOT A POD
In which I am joined by Trevor, who wields an axe with superior majesty, and has the hair to match.
ALSO NOT A POD
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spud
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2019 15 July :: 2.45pm
recorded on 7.10.19
POD 20
In which I am joined by Nick and Sam. Nick wrote the songs. Sam is an open mic legend here in Grand Rapids.
We were rehearsing for a gig at Mulligans Pub; an establishment whose threshold I had not darkened in nearly a decade. It hasn't changed at all.
Go ahead, agree with me!
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spud
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2019 10 July :: 10.25am
Recorded on 7.5.19
POD 19
In which I am joined by Eliot. He wants to start a 90s cover band, but neither of us sing. The set list is epic ... if we can ever learn all the songs. Or find a vocalist.
Links to stuff we mentioned:
Go ahead, agree with me!
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spud
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2019 5 July :: 11.30pm
PART 2
POD 18.2
In which I am joined by Doyel and Jaclyn. They JUST GOT ENGAGED! Also, Jaclyn and I are nerds, but Doyel doesn't care.
Links to stuff we mentioned:
Go ahead, agree with me!
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spud
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2019 26 June :: 6.13pm
:: Music: (part 1 of 2)
Recorded on 6.24.19
POD 18.1
In which I am joined by Doyel and Jaclyn. They are rad, and fun, and you should probably just be friends with them already.
Links to stuff we mentioned:
LILLY THE KILLING MACHINE
Go ahead, agree with me!
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charlie
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2019 11 June :: 7.12pm
:: Music: Flatliners
Grab me by the throat. Your hands are freezing cold
And fingernails tear nice and slow. You know
I'm not afraid of all the things you think about
When you're alone swallowing your day
Hold on tight. Just hold on tight
Cataclysmic prose. Eye sockets will erode
When days to weeks to months seem half full
Yet I can't impose with another wilted rose
You'll feel this when you see how I've grown
We are broken men
Who shouldn't be saved just yet
Keep breathing. Stay broken
Our blood's boiled thin
You can taste it with every breath taken in
It's 2:30 AM. Years become layers of skin
I've shed them all but I'm not done yet
Heavy hearts my friends, come sing in unison
And drag me out of this hole I'm in
We are broken men
Who shouldn't be saved just yet
Keep breathing. Stay broken
Our blood's boiled thin
You can taste it with every breath taken in
Are you breathing?
Stay broken
I've earned my bitterness
My legs are planted firm in transit-stance
For this dead romance
Grab me by the throat. Your hands are freezing cold
And fingernails tear nice and slow. You know
I'm not afraid of all the things you think about
When you're alone swallowing your whole...
We are broken men
Who shouldn't be saved just yet
Keep breathing. Stay broken
Our blood's boiled thin
You can taste it with every breath taken in
We are broken men
Who shouldn't be saved just yet
Go ahead, agree with me!
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spud
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2019 24 May :: 11.15am
Recorded on 5.22.19
POD 17
In which I am serenaded by Alec.
Go ahead, agree with me!
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spud
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2019 18 May :: 1.23pm
looks like it's time for
yet another DRUM BREAK!
I happened across an old recording of this drum pattern I'd written for basement audio lab. It was a crappy demo version consisting of me tapping on my legs and kicking the mic stand. It was virtually unlistenable, with a horrendous click track going in the background. I was surprised to find the pattern came much more naturally to me this time around, and the click was not necessary. I just wanted to make a better recording of the part for future reference. I don't know what prog rock band I'm going to join someday that will have a need for a part in 7/8 time, but you never know. When the time comes, I guess I'll have this to contribute.
Doing fills in 7 is hard. It's not a natural thing to feel when you were raised on groups of 2 and 4. Most people understand 3, I guess. Waltzes and such. Sometimes you'll hear radio stuff in 6 (which is really just 2 groups of 3, or 3 groups of 2, depending). 5 and 7 are a lot trickier, since you're mashing a 2 and a 3, or a 4 and a 3, or 2 twos and a 3 together at once. Makes it harder to find the downbeat. Actually, what I really like to do is carry it over 2 measures, then the "down" beat becomes the "up" beat for the second measure, before it turns back around again.
Go ahead, agree with me!
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spud
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2019 16 May :: 10.52pm
I went to the KCCC meeting tonight
They were having elections. I am now officially Trustee #3 on the Board of Directors. Which is mostly an honorary title, but it was nice of them to include me.
I decided to celebrate at a place down the road ... with a poke bowl:
then i was like, wait...
poke bowl = poke ball?
2 people think I'm right |
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spud
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2019 14 April :: 10.46pm
Recorded on 4.3.19
POD 16
In which I am joined by Mike. He will make you want to have his babies, with piercing blue eyes and gravelly baritone.
Links to stuff we mentioned:
1 people think I'm right |
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spud
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2019 9 April :: 11.30pm
recorded on 3.29.19
POD 15
The second episode with Kevin, in which we were highly inappropriate. You've been warned.
Links to stuff we mentioned:
Go ahead, agree with me!
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spud
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2019 3 April :: 10.47am
Recorded on 3.27.19
POD 14.2
The second part, in which snacks were had and recording quality suffered accordingly. You've been warned.
Links to stuff we mentioned:
Go ahead, agree with me!
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spud
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2019 2 April :: 6.30pm
Recorded on 3.27.19
POD 14.1
After much deliberation, names were left un-bleeped. If we talk about you and you want your name bleeped, please forward your bleeping requests to: complaints@spud.com
Links to stuff we mentioned:
THE OFFSPRING IS A GOOD PERSON BAND
CAKE IS ALSO A BAND
1 people think I'm right |
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