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2005 27 April :: 10.07 pm
:: Music: THe Dresden Dolls - Bad Habit
EMO
Send word of your death to me.} Theres been a word ive seen floating about the heads of students in the hallways every day. Its a word of hatred and disgust of utter sickness at the thought of such a thing. compasion for ones fellow man. FUCK THAT SHIT. wheres it coming from? not here not anyway around here. trust is a hard thing to gain and well some people just fucking toss it right out the god damn window like its nothing at all. fuck that right i mean hell he will forgive me and as long as i lie i can just keep things hunky fucking doriy right? well thats how things should work. and whats wrong with using your friends and not really liking them? NOTHING!!! yeah the world really is a great place now isnt it. all these things come together to make the perfect person. the perfect idol of hatred. you perfectly evil fuck. lets just leave it at that. good bye to 89% of you and to the rest...heres a ticket, jump on the fucking train now or ill find it hard to send the letters.
5 Beat(s) Stopped |
Stop My Beating Heart |
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2005 27 April :: 6.35 pm
:: Music: Weezer - The World Has Turned And Left Me Here
Please?
This week is taking forever. its only wed. and i feel like im dieing already. i mean seriously just let this week get over with i mean i dont have to work till saturday now that i just got out today so thats one thing to look forward to. Prom is going to be fun ill get to finally ride in a limo. Like seriously week fucking end and let me go on with the task of making it through school. I mean yeah we have to take final exams soon which kinda sucks hardcore but i dont have an exam in chem, just some stupid quiz but like im not really catching on to any of this crap we are doing now with the mole calculations and shit with the mass of the compounds and shit its annoying and well something i dont know what but something is up in my head just bugging me i cant figure it out though i really dont know what it is but its there and its really tearing me open. and im sick and being sick agitates me and makes the week seem even longer than it really is. im thirsty to. and yoko needs to get out of her cage but im just to lazy to go over there and get her out i mean seriously its just a little rat that i get out sit on my shoulder and shes good for a while. ok its still wed. seriously something is wrong here. prom prom prom exams exams exams food food food yoko yoko yoko. stacy stacy stacy. what did i do?
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Stop My Beating Heart |
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2005 26 April :: 8.53 pm
:: Music: Alien Ant Farm - Glow
Wake The Fuck Up.
Ok like 12 school days left...thats really it? yeah thats all that i have left and well the world is open and real to me. prom coming up. got my tux pink and black, im hott. (yeah i went there with the two t's) and well my voice hurts im sick and tired. yoko is getting big. i love her shes nice and cute she wont come out of the cage today. she smiles at me i like it. cocoa is extra cute. the world turns. "friends" go away, its cool. love yall who stay with me. college coming up fast. better deal with that soon. hatred almost gone. i lvoe you all so fucking much. wish i could have left a better impression on all of you. i mean what i leave that school with wasnt that bad. i mean right? o well i hope i left something good behind. and well here goes life in 12 days. love much. ~Tails
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Stop My Beating Heart |
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2005 18 April :: 6.42 pm
well i fell asleep and i realized its peaceful there. i want that to be my life my dreams should be my reality. so ill just lie here a while longer and wish of how i want my life to be and how it is when im asleep. well i have a date to prom. me a date??? fucking weird....i dont think i like it. im supposed to be the crazy cat guy who dies at 78 alone in the living room as the cats cover my body and take me to their heaven with a solitary mew from them in unison as they scatter away and the camera runs up along the wall dolly to the ceiling shot spining at 6.89 seconds per rail yard and the camera lens focuses on a small ramp. ill asscend into heaven with this to hold me close. but im tired of life.
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Stop My Beating Heart |
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2005 14 April :: 8.52 pm
i was looking back through photo albums and things of that nature today and i noticed that outside of christmas, after the second grade, i must have died and nobody told me about it. see there arent any random photos of me after that and they dont pick back up until about the 6th grade so im wondering if mom has some albums she stole when she left or if maybe my parents just forgot to take any photos of me at all and just left it all up to the family outside. or if maybe they just didnt give a fuck and i cant locate any of my old school pictures outside of 2nd grad and 9th grade. well good thing my past dosent really exist...sad isnt it.
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Stop My Beating Heart |
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2005 11 April :: 8.16 pm
HEY. im alive and coming to the relazation that this is it. better make the best of my last month or so of school. so watch out bitches im gonna be a hard hitting mother fucker and im going to make sure i dont leave any loose ends behind me. no more sad thoughts about what im leaving behind, now i can focus on making what i leave behind the best i can. so here goes. o and by the way im setting up that test on tuesday so my life can get on track and it wont be bothering me anymore i mean the test dosent get me in or out of GRCC its just a test to see what they think i should take while im there. im sure cause i suck at math ill end up in some fucking algebra class or something gay FUCKING A I HATE MATH SO HARDCORE!!!!. anyway see yall later.
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Stop My Beating Heart |
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2005 10 April :: 2.14 am
ok i need to find some people to rent a limo with so i will need some people who will want to be in the limo with me and (?) and stacy and brad so please if you want to ring me in.... but i dont know if stacy and brad are even going to be in the limo so if you want to invite me and my possible date into your limo that would be cool too. well prom is coming and im nervous so help me out.
Stop My Beating Heart |
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2005 3 April :: 11.14 pm
:: Music: Frou Frou - Must Be Dreaming
Spring Break -0_0-
Ok so this is spring break? what the fuck is happening? ok someone is being a liar and its involving alot more shit than it should. fess up and take what you have coming, stop adding more lies to the pile. ok its cold and i cant wear shorts as much as i please. IM BROKE!!! I can't really drive anywhere with no money for gas and shit so im stuck in this place till i die or get my paycheck. once we are back in school.... not cool. well also its just there is nothing to do either nothing even sounds like fun and no one comes up with any super fun ideas other than movies or coffee houses and those are dead to me basically. i want to have alot more poker nights those are fun and keep me at home and get great conversation going on. *hugs* well i just needed one so shut up. umm i am bored with this town and this place i need to leave there are about 20 billion yellow lines between me and salvation...thats alot of color, alot or time, alot of torture.
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Stop My Beating Heart |
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2005 29 March :: 5.37 pm
Finally got yoko out of her cage
wow.
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Stop My Beating Heart |
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2005 28 March :: 8.50 pm
So the future isnt bright. my nephews an idoit and i keep putting this test off. i just need to get it over with. ok so i need my ass on track. 6 weeks left i think i might be slipping i need to hold on its still school i still have to work.
Stop My Beating Heart |
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2005 27 March :: 7.29 pm
Family was tolerable for the first time ever today i just like totally couldnt beilive it was happening i loved my family today and everything about them. o and my brother caught a bunny in the yard he fucking tackled it and then brought it in the house and it was a fucking albino, with the red eyes and everything. i couldnt beilive he caught a fucking albino bunny on easter....irony? anyway so he took it home with him and he now as a new pet. but when it was in the house it was like all chilling and not trying to run away so we are pretty sure it was someone elses pet that got loose and that would also explain why it was albino and just running around outside. either way irony on easter makes it funnier and i loved today so much. well peace bitches.
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Stop My Beating Heart |
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2005 22 March :: 6.47 pm
this is just a summary of everything i have been this past year. stacy brought this to my attention by saying this song reminded her of me. someone put my mysery to song.
meaning is sometimes hard to spot
it begins with the flickering of cigarettes
in the darkness of a dorm room
somewhere in the suffocated mid-west
and if this is real then i was mistaken
and if there is truth then why can't we find it?
beauty comes to those who have been waiting for something
bigger than themselves
this is the sound of the hopeless kids
as they scream from the basements of the houses of their parents
and this is the sound of the hopeless ones
as they stare down at their books
and realize they have been lied to
but if this is real then i was mistaken
and the vision was gone then i was not aware
consistency like that which i have craved
is that people change so unexpectedly
and realization finds you in a drunken airport
some planes depart and others never arrived
so with this in mind i don't plan on waiting
if its time to leave and break these old ties
without something else this vision is fading
but until its gone the pain will make us try
but this is the hope
i have been searching for
as the wings catch the sunlight of this cold Nebraska skyline
this is the dream i am dying in
i will wake to find tomorrow
be content without perfection
but if this is real then i was mistaken
and if the vision is gone then i was not aware
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2005 21 March :: 5.55 pm
Everyone that i have met ive left some kind of an imprint on. big or small they wont forget what i left them with. but i just want to know what things would be like if i werent around. if 1)i had never been born 2) i died tommrow. just what would go down?
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Stop My Beating Heart |
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2005 21 March :: 12.19 am
Is this the end? Is this the start of something bigger, much bigger? I don't know and thats what scares me. I really wish for it to be the begining of something greater than highschool. that black wooden floor held endless memories for me and it caught alot of tears for me over the past two years. ill really miss it but i just i need someone to tell me that theres more to come and reasurrance from people whose opions i respect make me feel better so i know that im not a bad actor. but for fucks sake im no mel gibbson. i mean right now id same im above david spade. which isnt hard to do.
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Stop My Beating Heart |
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2005 15 March :: 11.56 pm
Stacy, I Love You.
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Stop My Beating Heart |
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