How Wonderful Life is While You're in the World.

:: 2004 13 June :: 1.32am

Lastnight I had the feeling of independence for atleast 4 hours straight... I like walking alone and just being out by myself... I started thinking when I was at the dam looking at the water flow beneath me. I came to new conclusions about my life that maybe I should think about...

my toe closest to my big toe is kindof tingly and has a loss of sensation...must have cut off the blood flow walking around in those heels.. surprisingly right at the moment my feet feel fine other than that...

:: 2004 12 June :: 11.50pm

Just 10 minutes and THIRTY FIVE ugly days until I'm whole.

:: 2004 12 June :: 10.44pm

I think I might go downtown again tomorrow..it was almost like I forgot I lived in Rockford...

I don't know why but it was packed with so many people that I didn't know...and I liked that. I did end up hanging out with Emily & Liz and we went to the corner bar..after that we just kindof walked around

Then I lost them because I stopped to talk to Allen and Trevor and watch them play tricks on the carnies lol omg that was just like priceless... they would go up to the carnie people and be like "Can I smell this stuffed animal?" and the would be like "No" and so they would anyways and be like "Ah! Just as I thought! SMELLS LIKE CABBAGE!" omg I seriously don't know any other people who would do that....it was fucking hillarious.

I was on my way to the dam to stand and think while watching the water and I saw a hot band playing so I stopped and watched them for like 20 minutes then made my way towards the dam for a good spot to watch the fireworks...I stood there for a while and discovered I didn't like the spot I was standing so I walked down by the road..where I think I spotted someone I know.

The fireworks were amazing...and I enjoyed the time I spent alone. Just walking around...and doing nothing but that alone..it was just nice.. I didn't want to stand and form a circle like we do at school..it annoyed the hell out of me. So if I go tomorrow, I will go later and spend my time alone wisely..it is very enjoyable...I don't get enough of alone time...

but this time I'll wear shoes that dont kill my feet.. lol

:: 2004 12 June :: 5.35pm

Going downtown in a few...:-) It will be fun!!

I got my hair cut and it just looks the same as my hair always does, just how I like it lol.

:: 2004 12 June :: 12.43pm

Today I get my haircut..in Cedar this time like always. Last time my mom tried someone else and she jacked up my hair...well at least I think she did but it looks ok now I guess.

And tonight I'm definatly going Downtown for SOS. I was going to call someone to go down with my but since I'm too lazy AND I HATE using the phone I'm just going to go alone and hope to find people, if not I'll just go sit by myself at the Dam. I can live with that..or I can always resort to my last and not wanted source...the parents lol. They will probably be in the beer tent so I'll just sit in there for a while... maybe I'll play carny games. Eh, who knows. I'll probably find people anyways.

I'm still tired and I like just woke up haha

Later

:: 2004 12 June :: 6.50am

Thirty-Six days.

:: 2004 11 June :: 10.24pm

lol I got on top of the van to watch the fireworks in my driveway. Then I was too scared to jump down... it was a sight to see..too bad no one saw that..maybe Kennen if he was on his roof. haha

:: 2004 11 June :: 8.22pm

Now I'm pissed that I didn't go downtown.. GOD DAMNIT

:: 2004 11 June :: 7.41pm

I went shopping today. I made the wrong decision to wear heels..heh. First we spent like 200 hrs in Marshall Field's because my mom is a turtle when it comes to shopping...after my pleading and begging we moved on to Forever 21 where I got a cute halter and a white skirt. Oh and even going into the mall we went to Kohl's where we also spent 200 hrs in. I managed to get a cute tube there... but we headed over to Centerpoint because Old Navy opened over there and my mom wanted to go. So...My mom went into DSW and I watched that awesome new indoor skate thingy. I was like woah, If I could drive I'd drive there everyday just to watch those people skate because it's so interesting! Plus there was a hot guy in there skating the bowl..so I figured I'd watch and I thought I saw Alex Murray..I think that's his name?

lol So then I'm waiting and this guy with black hair and stuble walks up to me and is all like "So watching your boyfriend skate in there?" I'm all like "Uhh.no." he goes "Yeah it's fun to watch them do all those tricks and stuff...so what's the deal are you single?" wow..I was stupid and said "Yeah." so then I caught on and was like screaming in my head lol and hes like "I was wondering if you wanted to give me your number so I could call you sometime." It seemed like it took me 20 minutes to respond I'm like "Uh... I'm jailbait." and he goes "OHHHHHHHHHHHH.......-INSERT BIG PAUSE HERE- I thought you were atleast 18-19" and i'm like "Yeah I get that all the time.." then as he walked away he's like "I'll be waiting" ... I litterally like ran away and threw up like 4 times in my mouth (not really but still lol) I screamed outloud and like laughed and this guy looked at me and I like bit my lip then started walking faster lol Big mistake to tell my Mom about it though because she blabbs about it and my dads like .."You need to wear jeans." lol I'm like Jesus dad I have like 5 pairs of jeans.

I'm regreting not going to Start of Summer tonight....Maybe I'll go tomorrow night.. And I don't know if I want to go to Nikki's party or not, Depends on who's going...

Carinna is leaving tomorrow morning. BYE CARINNA I WILL MISS YOU.

:: 2004 11 June :: 6.20pm

I've been dumped. Or pushed aside until July. I'm not sure yet.

But someone put an offer on the house.

:: 2004 11 June :: 11.38am

woot woot going shopping todayyy yeahhh

3 sung. | ..you can tell everybody this is your song.

:: 2004 10 June :: 10.21pm

Wow...why the hell did MTV pick the Yeah Yeah Yeahs to preform at the awards........