Take it or leave it.
I've been thinking about everything lately and you know what?
I'm happy. I really am right now.
Yes, it's odd being single and having an ex, but it's not that bad. We really had something good for awhile. He helped me become comfortable with myself. He helped me be who I am today. He did a lot for me. And I'm glad he did do some good for me, it makes it all worth it. Yeah, he did some bad for me as well, but let's forget about that. I do know that we were not in love though. We cared about eachother. A lot. And that's it. I still love him to death, but I am not in love with him and I never was. I'm glad we were together. And I'm glad we're not anymore.
The only thing I am upset about is the fact that he told me not to bad mouth him, not to turn my family against him, not to hate him, and that he still wanted to be friends. So, here I am being the mature one while he's trying to win my family over and talk bad about me. *shakes head* Whatever, you're gonna lose on that one buddy. They're not your biggest fans to say the least.

I just like this independent life I'm having right now. I've been so busy lately, just hanging out with my friends. I couldn't ask for better friends. I love hanging out with Kelly, Matt, and Andy. They are my escape. Truly. I've never been around people who just want to have a good time and not really give a fuck or worry about anything. Just relax, laugh, and live. We always do the same thing, which is basically just sit around, but it doesn't feel that way. Kelly is still giving me a call every day just to see how my day was. Matt is more of a friend now, not just 'Kelly's boyfriend'. Andy is just... great. I'll leave it at that.

Erika and Brandi: I love you guys! You two are my best friends and you're so awesome. I love how we can have a whole day planned out and then the most fun we'll have is walking out to the car or buying underwear. Haha. You two are just amazing and I hope to eat cheese with you one day. Oh, and he will have sex with you. ;)

I realized I became too dependent on Brad. I thought I needed him so much for...everything. Like I couldn't function without him. I don't want to rely on anyone like that ever again. It was so unhealthy for me and just didn't work.

Now, I can do what I want. I can hang out with who I want, talk to who I want, etc etc. And I love that. With my next relationship I don't want that to change. I don't want to see him every day or feel like I need to. I want to have trust and freedom and that's how it's going to be, because I won't settle for anything less. He's either going to lie to me or tell me the truth. So, why try to control him or call him every minute to see what he's doing?

I have decided I am not going to college. Yup, how do you like that? I've thought it all out and I know it'd be a big waste of money and time for me, because I'm stupid. Seriously. I'm going to try and find a trade school to learn something specific or just get an office job. I'd also still like to do photography on the side. So, yay.. I'm one of those stupid kids that doesn't go to college. What are you gonna do about it?

Anyway.
Let's see what happens with my life.
I'm excited.

8 bullets | Load my gun