::
2008 14 April :: 11.59pm
:: Mood: better
:: Music: radiohead - no surprises
::
i feel much better after today. i'm still kind of pissed about some stuff. and the wings lost. but at least, for whatever reason, i managed to evade the same sort of funkiness that's been haunting my shadows for the past week or two.
and there's nothing but good on the horizon. so, shut the fuck up, brain!
Flight Information - Thursday, May 1, 2008
US Airways
Flight 903
1h 50m, 513 mi
Detroit - Wayne County (DTW)
Detroit, MI
Departs: 10:31 AM
To Charlotte - Douglas Intl (CLT)
Charlotte, NC
Arrives: 12:21 PM
Aircraft
Airbus A319 (Jet)
Economy/Coach Class
US Airways
Flight 1179
2h 47m, 914 mi
Charlotte - Douglas Intl (CLT)
Charlotte, NC
Departs: 1:00 PM
To Houston - Intercontinental (IAH)
Houston, TX
Arrives: 2:47 PM
Aircraft
Boeing 737-400 (Jet)
Economy/Coach Class
yeah... theres kinda no return flight.
good bye mitten.
So things have been going great. I found out today that I got the 1st shift position. I will be starting in may, so now I will be able to have much more of a life. I'm so excited. Soon Softball will be starting, am gonna try to play on two teams this summer, maybe it will help me lose my 20 pounds lol. But am excited cuz its been forever since I played. I got almost all the classes I wanted for Fall :). This is one of the 1st semster I've gotten a pretty good schedule. I'm moving into my new place hopefully next week. I cant wait to get out of here. I think am finally starting to feel like myself again, getting back to being me. Thanks to everyone that helped me out these last months, while I've been being Ridiculous, never could of made it without you. Really shows how great you all are. I'm so excited to have a normal life again. :)
I sit. I weap. I wipe away tears. It's how I start my day, and how I end it.
I cry at the drop of a hat.
I know I'm an emotional wreck and that I have some emotional issues I keep throwing in the back of my closet. Hoping that someday they will escape through a crack somewhere.
Sadly, I never know what starts these fits of tears and uncertainty.
Especially when everything in my relationship with Mike is great.
I have a job, and I am enrolled in college.
My bills are paid, and I'm slowly getting caught up.
I really have nothing missing.
However, there is a huge hole.
And that hole that keeps attacking me at moments like these, is hurting me.
This uncomfortable feeling it gives me, is hurting me physically.
I am always tired. My body aches. And I can't find a cure..
I've spent the last few weeks doing a spring cleaning of my thoughts.
So far, I feel as though I worn myself weak, and accomplished nothing.
It's like running on a treadmill.
Right now, I would love to burst into tears, and curl up in bed.
But there are too many things I need to get done.
Anyway..
My dad talked to his girly-friend last night on the phone for 2 hours last night, even though she broke their date for last night.
He is so happy, and giddy. And I love seeing him smile.
I have been waiting for this for years.
So I am still waiting for that student id number.
I called and left a message with the admissions lady..
Being that it is spring break this week, I highly doubt i will get a response this week.
Anyway to go more indepth about the things my last entry contained..
My dad had a date-ish type evening saturday. I am happy for him, and he's happy, and he smiles a lot too.
I spent time with my mom on saturday. We played cards. It was entertaining.
And lastly, Mike's fish.. We had a power surge, and his fish was fried. He swam all weird and retarded like for a couple moments, and then nothing. It was sad.
But now I must shower. Sandpaper dust does not leave a very attractive odor behind. And let me tell you, I would be so very happy if i never had to see sandpaper again.
::
2008 7 April :: 5.17am
:: Music: 311 - don't tread on me
i like how at some point it transitions in conceptualization from a very late night, to a very early morning. and yet, the task of nabbing down precisely where that transition occurs is nigh-on impossible.
my guess is that it's right around the time when the birds start chirping.
and an early morning tomorrow. i'll be ready to crash once i get done at the scientists meeting tomorrow night. but that'll be fun, at least. the events leading up to it, not so much.
although, filming went reasonably well today. and i got some free food out of the deal. and i met a guy who wants to record me on drums. and i got to play drums at that party last night, which also had some free food and was a lot of fun. and i got to play drums and hear dad's new band on friday, and have some free food after that as well. so, the themes for this weekend were : party, free food, and drums.
not too bad. except that i got nothing accomplished and slept way too late this morning. but it all worked out, i guess.
i just wonder where the fuck i went so wrong. when it all looked so promising. and then there are those other times when i wonder how in the hell it worked out so perfectly, when i thought it would be shit. and either way, i was fucking wrong, and didn't get a chance to appreciate it, because i was so busy being wrong.
and then i failed college. or at least pissed a bunch of people off for being stupid. and pissed myself off even more.
i've been ridiculously angry all day today, and i don't understand it. i really need to blow off some steam.
So finally we have 2 running vehicles again.
I am waiting for my student id number so I can register for summer classes.
I just finished cleaning, but I still have some more to do..
But I am running out of ambition.
