bertoe
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2008 20 May :: 6.21pm
no.
get it away from me.
let me FEEL life.
stop calling me.
this telephone is killing me.
i really hope this isn't what drives me to that point again
my muscles ache badly and spasm terribly
my internal organs are in terrible shape
sobriety is the first step to purity
please, brain, stop me from making a point again.
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bertoe
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2008 19 May :: 5.33am
you guys dont even know
that the day i do something epic
will be the day i will die.
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bertoe
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2008 16 May :: 1.58am
):
i don't wanna drink
i don't wanna smoke
why the hell am i doing this to myself? asdf.
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bertoe
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2008 12 May :: 11.24pm
pissANT
cannot stop farting. stomach is hurting. whattttt?!
must shower
must ride
maybe paint
maybe something else
patching up my fav pants right now.
sorting through art on the hdd.
shut up for a second, i'm okay.
//edit: drinking a deuce and smoking a bowl=pure love.
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bertoe
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2008 11 May :: 2.29am
droonkz
re: mom... sorry i spoke in all plurals to you this evening
i rode my bike like no other tonight... i hope to do the same every night.
so amaxing. woot. ride ride ride ride...
fw i am fading away. this is the new yadda blah artform. hollar!
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bertoe
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2008 7 May :: 1.51pm
oh future
days like this piss me off. i'm trapped in here, and shit is just always looking down. maybe its the music im listening to, maybe it's my depression kicking back in because of some bullshit.
been havin weird dreams lately. my dreams are in shades of brown and ochre lately. like, i'm trapped in a rotting poloroid from 1978, titled "high time for nothing".
pissed i'm still in school, while all my other friends are done with school. pissed i was even convinced that college was a good idea. the people who lead some of the happiest lives are without a college education and a gigantic debt looming over their head like some bullshit deth monster.
for so long in my life, i was told that leading a complex life full of money and indulgences was the way to go. to have stuff, to be a person of normal society, blah blah fuckin blah. nobody really knows how badly i want to live the simple life- to not know where you're about to go, to not have to be here, or there, or anywhere.
i just feel like a total chump. i hope i can remedy that soon.
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bertoe
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2008 4 May :: 3.22pm
dreamed that i was trying to paint and the only shit that was coming out was this small ass outline. like 6in by 6in when i was going for a 5 foot tall letter. it was so fuckin weird. and, all of this other shit came through that's been going down for a while, like all the pieces on this bridge were from this dood. and then, these gutterpunks came in and were all like "SUP, .insertmynamehere."
maybe i'm not going big enough? not doin enough? ghayyyyy!
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bertoe
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2008 2 May :: 5.43pm
bleh.
never expect the best, your greatest allies will always fall through at the most crucial of times.
in a time of darkness, where is that love and light that seemed so promising at great times in my life?
i know my problem, i'm not painting enough. i'm not creating. i'm sitting here thinking of has-beens, what-ifs, and wouldacouldashouldas. wish i could restrict my phone number to one number and job prospects and cut off everyone else.
how awesome am i if the only thing i am good at is school?
not very.
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bertoe
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2008 1 May :: 2.18am
oversemester
i have a bacterial foot infection that only 20 percent of homeless males get... 20 percent of the homeless males who actually go IN to a clinic to get their foot looked at because they have a foot problem.
why i don't go to a doctor? i really have no clue, i've got insurance. my foot, it hurts real bad and stinks horribly, gimme vicodins pls.
in other news, school is over and i am bored and depressed. woot.
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bertoe
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2008 30 April :: 12.12pm
suckthroat
slight hangover wednesdays
turn into quasi hangover thursdays
slide into massive hangover fridays
collide into a mess that the normal man calls the weekend
hoo boy, lets go.
detroy until i die.
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bertoe
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2008 29 April :: 4.31pm
:: Mood: :/
:: Music: whirrr
mcblah.
stagnation is comfortable.
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