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:: 2004 12 January :: 6.11 pm

"Let them know its ok to come out now.."
You won't believe what happened. I got to my shrink and I straight up bitched at him and told him that I didn't want counceling and that I want to figure my life out on my own and he discharged me! I can't believe it. I could tell it pissed off my mom. I'm kindof mad that I didn't get to bitch out my mom but oh well, no more fucking councelor. Atleast I have some of my freedom back...
I'm surprised how far alittle acting can go....

I'll fill some in on the details of it all, I can't here, my sister checks my woohu because shes a bitch. Ya thats right I hope she reads this

2 *KiSses | Blow me a...


:: 2004 12 January :: 3.02 pm

shrink in an hour.

I've already made plans to bitch him out. I'm going to tell him exactly how I feel about this whole shrink business. and that it's a complete waste of his time and my time. Then I'm going to get home and make my mom cancle going there by telling her I'll shut her completely out of my life if she doesn't. I have to be strong to do this I mean this is like totally new for me, the whole standing up for myself thing. and I'm going to have to understand that there will be consequences for talking to my mom "disrespectfully" or what not and I don't really give a shit because if she makes another apointment I will just tell her I refuse to go.

Today is me declairing my independence....

wish me all your luck. I'm going to need it.

Blow me a...


:: 2004 11 January :: 8.09 pm

I don't feel 15. I don't feel at all close to 15. Maybe it's because I don't want to be 15. I've been pushing myself to grow up so fast because of my want for independence...more of a need.
This need won't go away until I taste freedom...even though freedom only lurks so far away..

I always have this nervous period before I go to the shrink..then the nervousness turns into fear. I hate going there. No matter how much I laugh and make jokes about it I absolutly hate it. They ask you questions and paint a picture on their own based on what they think. In reality they know nothing about you or your life...it's horrible to be interrigated like that....You feel so small within those walls it's enough to make you go insane. I have to find a way to stop going there.

Blow me a...


:: 2004 11 January :: 3.47 pm

ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL LAYOUT HAS POPPED OUT OF MY WOUMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Click here

Blow me a...


:: 2004 11 January :: 11.14 am

mmmmmmm pancakes for breakfast.

Today I'm studying my ass off.

shrink tomorrow..wish me luck.

Blow me a...


:: 2004 10 January :: 9.14 pm
:: Music: Seether-Driven Under

I havent updated in Sooo long. I've been writing in my dland lately. Well, new woohu look for the new year. I really like this one I'll keep it for a while.

"Do you think I'm fakinnnnnn.."

Carinna spent the night lastnight so we woke up around 11:24 then ate some pizza rolls, watched Love & Basketball then she had to go home. I was going to go bowling with steph, frank, jimmy, and carinna, but I decided to stay home so I could get homework and studying done. Good choice Amy...good choice. I'm going to have to study my ass of for exams!! arg

I seem content but I know this feeling wont last for long..

shrink monday... I'm trying a new method to act like everythings ok so I can stop going there..think it will work?

5 *KiSses | Blow me a...


:: 2003 29 December :: 4.39 pm

Being sick is a bitch.

This week i'm doing nothing. I really dont want to go back to school. Thursday I'm going to see if I can go to Kyle's party. 7-1am. It should be fun and it beats stayin home. Schweet. I hope my cold goes away by Thursday or I won't go. I look like shit when I'm sick. My lips are so chap! ahhh! I WANT MY LIPS BACK! I think I'm going to SMOTHER them with carmex. I want my nose back too.. I can't taste any food. Ah, Then I shall not eat. I shall sleep...

Good night..

1 *KiSs | Blow me a...


:: 2003 29 December :: 3.16 pm

I hate this life. I don't want it to be mine anymore.

1 *KiSs | Blow me a...


:: 2003 28 December :: 6.38 pm

2003-12-08 || 7:09 p.m.
What happened to the little girl that had no worries, the one who would sit on her bed egger for morning? What happened to the little girl who would beg for a hug from mom or daddy? What happened to her world where she would cry from a scraped knee and everyone would make it all better?
I don't know where my life is going...but I've never been this unhappy in my life to the point of self-destruction. It just gets worse doesn't it?
---------------------------

Funny how things don't change isn't it?

2 *KiSses | Blow me a...


:: 2003 26 December :: 2.58 pm

I am a fridge!

what kitchen utensil are YOU?
You are a fridge! You can keep your cool, even when faced with a heated situation. You enjoy being the center of attention, and people come to you for advice or when they want something. People also like to stick things to the front of your body.

3 *KiSses | Blow me a...


:: 2003 26 December :: 2.35 pm

Christmas was ok. I had to go to Fruitport for a Christmas party..it blew.

I'm in the process of writing a book....yes...a book.....This should be interesting.

later.

3 *KiSses | Blow me a...


:: 2003 25 December :: 3.53 pm

MerryChristmas


What I got for xmas:
-New Tv with dvd combo for my room
-New Web Cam
-Shirt
-Shirt
-Hoodie
-Hoodie
-pj pants
-pj pants
-pj shorts
-jeans
-sweatshirt
-coat
-zip up hoodie
-shirt
-shrit
-candy
-lip gloss
-make up
-16 candles dvd
-Magazine

probably more but i can't remember it all

Blow me a...


:: 2003 22 December :: 7.37 pm
:: Music: Three Days Grace- Home

Today, Yesterday...Blah Blah Blah
Yesterday Carinna and I went to see LOTR ROTK at like 9 and didnt get out till around 12:20. We had to wait behind some weirdos and sit by weirdos in the movie theater but it was all good we had a good time and the movie was kick ass. More kick ass than ever. I loved that movie. Like seriously I felt like I was in there for like 8 hrs. I like long movies that make you forget about life itself.

Then she spent the night and basically stayed the whole day here. It was nice having someone over so I could get away from all the other shit even know I'm still home. We went to Target in the morning and I got the Three Days Grace cd. Its a good cd. I want to get puddle of mudd, and linkin park hybrid theory for stocking stuffers if my mom buys them because I dont know if I want to buy them my self or save my money for clothes. I know I'll spend it on clothes in the end. Always happens...always does.

Well, thats really it i guess...for today that is.

2 *KiSses | Blow me a...


:: 2003 20 December :: 7.14 pm


I think I'm going to target tomorrow..or monday. I want to get Linkin Park-Hybrid theory and Three Days grace cds. I will get the Live in Texas cd probably after xmas....yeah.

I dont understand these antidepressant pills. I don't feel any different. I still feel kindof sad. I still have this hatered. I'm probably hoping for too much out of this. I didn't hope for anything in the first place. Again, none of this would have happened if it wasn't for my sister. I still hate her for that and I always will. Making my life a hell, how could I not be angry.

Ugh, I'm not going to get myself any more angry than I already am. I need to find something to do before I drive myself crazy.

Blow me a...


:: 2003 19 December :: 8.04 pm
:: Music: WGRD online Eve 6-Think Twice

Finally...

Finally school is over. Finally.

I don't want to know when I'll get my anti-depressants. I still blame my sister for all of this. She could have come to me and talked to me about it before she went and blabbed to my mom, causing unwanted and uneccessary reactions and domino effects. The situation in itself could have been avoided. But look where I am now, Fucked up.

I got out of school at 1:15 then went to the doctors, came home took a nap, ate, went online like I am now. I didn't feel like going to the game. I know I can't spend the night at Carinna's tonight. Tomorrow I might go with Arie to go see LOTR Return of the King. I need to spend some time with Arie. Even if we aren't talking about "problems" she always has a way of making me feel relaxed and that everything for the moment will be actually ok. She brings me happiness. She knows how I fell. Its like a relief being with someone who knows how it feels. She relates to me more than anyone else can or ever will for now.

1 *KiSs | Blow me a...

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