emptyness

emptyness

:: 2004 17 July :: 10.50pm
:: Mood: moody
:: Music: can't get no better // cassidy

i used to believe.
woke up --> went to brittany's house. sat in her bed all day until like 5pm. she worked on our lj community =) i'll show u all when we finish.

---> we finally decided to get off our butts & go to wal-mart to pick up a few things, n then back to her house. but then i called my mom... n our family was planning on dinner. s0o... around 8pm... i went to dinner with my family.

what a bad move... because jonah called (or at least i think it was him) at 9pm & i missed the call because i was arguing with my dad. ya see, i'm not pleased with the car i got. this is 2004 & they're still comparing the car that i got to their old shitty cars, while i'm comparing it to all the cars that like my friends have for their first cars. its ridiculous, but i can't seem to hold my anger in so i told him i didn't want it. but i didnt mean it. n then he got into it about... how he is about ready to send me & my brother to military school. i couldnt help but cry & then carol & rick came in & carol was like... "bri just say sorry" n i couldnt bring myself to it because hearing him say "i'm gonna send them away for years..." hurts. then carol & i get into a conversation about how love hurts n to get over everything n i am... but i'm so empty/hurt at the moment. s0o i did some more crying. n my parents are suspicious... they think i am bulimic. they keep questioning me. n i can't help but cry because there's so much i wanna say but i just can't spill.

"u can never move backwards in the future, love is the same way." - Carol =)

what's so wrong with wanting to be wanted, n accepted? i just don't get this. i'm 16 yrs. old.. and we're all smart as hell, but why can't we understand why the fuck people treat us like they do n how the world goes around? why aren't we able to just understand life & what it's about... i don't care how uncreative & stupid this world would be if we were all the same... but honestly, it would make it so much easier.

bye.

validate my entry

playmate101

:: 2004 17 July :: 1.02am

practice was fun. ---> our team is AWESOME.

coach dares: "i wanna be there when ur first f*ing stunt goes up." lmao

got home = slept.

woke up, ---> got my car. i'm not to pleased with it. its a buick. looks like my dad's car cept it is navy & brand new. but i hate it. i can't hurt dad's feelings though... n i mean, it is a car.

brittany came over. we went to get chicken noodle soup for danielle g & then broke into her house & scared the shittttt outta her. lol. her mom came home drunk after 2 margaritas, lol. it was hilarious. but she went to bed & we all watched t.v. then brittany & i came to my house. she "forgot her house keys" so she is here with me spending the night. n the lord knew that something was gonna hurt me tonight... n i needed someone here to let me be strong.

me, jonah & whitney. as if things just can't get uglier. i just am kinda done. i wanna forgive & forget. i knew this was coming & i care about him toooo much to let him suffer through this... i mean, he never meant to hurt anyone, n i just see his side of things... i feel bad, horrible, in fact. there's so much more to say, but i've got to dip cause i've got to think of a plan to kidnap stacey.

validate my entry

boricuababy

:: 2004 16 July :: 9.06am
:: Mood: wide awake
:: Music: If I Aint got you-ALicia Keys

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MELIIIII!!!
yesterday was meli's birthday..happy happy birthday to meli everybody!!..lol..she had a lil get together at her house last nite..i went we had alotta fun..emir kinda juss showed up n den up n left wid the quickness..that kinda pissed me off a bit..but newayzz..lol..we had fun..meli's a monkey now..i found out i seriously suck at spoons..lol..but i won in bullshit!!..hehe..go me!!..we ate really go0d cuban sandwiches from padrinos..mmmm..really yummy..and we had icecream cake..."Caakkkkeee!!"..lol..i melted a lil bit..lol..but it was great..den we started watchin Secret Window..but no one was watchin it so meli put on THe Cat in the Hat..lol..funny movie..melissa got alotta koo presents too..i got her the U Got Served DVD..Eric got her a monkey..Ricki got her some lotions n body sprays that smelled soo good..lol..emir got her lotions n stuff too..omar gave her this really nice cd player..ricarda got her all this monkey stuff..lol..ohh..and her new bling!!that bracelet is so0o0o cute girl!! i had alotta fun..:D

today i leave guys!!..we're leavin around `1..gotta finish packing too..hopefully i find a dress over there..my grandma said she;d buy it for me..:)..i'll be gone for about a week..so0o..i'll talk to u all wen i get back!!..love ya..x0x0

3 validations | validate my entry

playmate101

:: 2004 15 July :: 11.34pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: she will be loved // maroon 5

can you make me feel beautiful? you know i'm so insecure. but it's not always rainbows & butterflies
dull, dull day.

`~> slept all day pretty much. considering i was on the phone for awhile... til 4am with jonah... until the battery died out, again <3

`~> went to carol's to babysit.
* travis & brett called, very drunk. i, uh, didn't appreciate that they came over either. s0o yeah, brendan ((the prettiest boy in the world ---> now i c what jonah meant)) picked up brett. & travis went home. after that... carol, rick, dan & sherry came home. i have so many mosquito bites. but i'm not gonna itch. the little ones thought they were hives or something lol. anyways... haven't talked to anyone cept for jackie & danielle g all day ---> shoulda called jonah. =/ um... maybe him & i & whoever else = movies 2morrow night. plz lordy. i want toooooo.

*`` i've got practice 2morrow morning @ 8am. s0o here i g0o... heading to bed. ``*

---+ now i lay me down to sleep,
pray the lord, my soul to keep.
see me safely through the night,
and wake me with the morning light.

---+ find me love for this heart. someone who will be happy to be mine. a boy who loves me dearly, for everything i have to give. lord, i want love. its the best feeling in the world.... bring it back to me plz....? amen.