let the weekend begin. tonight is a night of fun and more fun tomorrow is a work night. and sunday at 1pm i leave for downtown to attend state deca competition for 3 days. yah i get to miss school. well not really miss.......it. cuz i wont. have a good weekend everyone.

lights
i feel light, i feel hot, lights get brighter, cars pulsate, patterns on the ceiling, walls bending in and out, colors, neon brights everywhere, amazing

today was an okay day i mean really what can i say? the day was what it was but because i made it through doesnt make it any different then it does. im on a coarse of where i dont know to slow way to slow to make it there though im trying to ride out the storm to get ahead of the norm. step 1.
1.bonnaroo tickets purchased
2.IU acceptance
3.end of high school
steps one two and three is really all there is to me. love life friendship are 3 parts of me that i dont know what to make of. what if we were all produced love hormones. no not the stick in the pit but im talkin about a feeling. love life friendship are all important to me oh shit what happened i forgot my family. theres no trust anywhere you can find yourself in despair who knows who is who, one day ill walk on bye my brother or my sister and we wont say hi. its just the way we are i dont know why or when we/I will understand that everyone needs eachother to belong to remind themselves they exist. a hug a kiss, meeting eye to eye. that reassurance that you are still alive and that people can see whats in your eyes. fear, misunderstand, confusion, open your eyes child and look back at mine. you sit alone in the dark open field under a firey sky of blues and blacks, i want you to know, you live on and throughout this time. you are noticed. cared for and appreciated for what you bring into this world. live child, dont look back. For theres nothing more thats left behind so dont rewind, make a necklace out of grass blades, blow on a dandylion, climb a tree, cry in joy. theres too much beauty in this world for us to notice the waste. maybe i should hug a tree

today
no more sister in house for how long i dont know. probably until after i leave for college. my family is all fucked up now. while the couselor sits there and tries to convince me that ive been affected by my past and my childhood growing up with my dad. i dont believe it, i choose not to because fuck him and fuck that. ive become so good at keeping myself out of the situation that i feel invincible at times. I guess what the counselor was trying to say is that shes impressed that im not one angry son of a bitch. ive put to much of my personal life on here already. tiger tiger woods yall. yeah its hurting me, its morphing me and forcing me to strive, to be endlessly caving in, and dreaming of my love. i want it now i want it now give me your heart and your soul im breaking out im breaking out thats when shell lose control

yeah so
tomorrow is the begining of the end of high school. one semester left, really all i can do is sit here and think about what im going to do with that last semester. i think ill build a snowman. yes. thats exactly what i want to do, im going to build a snowman then name it zach. when im angry with myself ill just hit my snowman named zach in the stomach. ps. im a passive person. very passive. whats ahead of me i dont know but im here, and im gonna fight for it.

well, so much has been going on lately. my mom took my car and my cell phone because i had been partying. ill leave it at that. and now my dad tells me that im unaware of what my mom plans on doing to me. the thing is, im done partying. im tired of it. its old news in my mind. ive got better things to start getting accomplished. like the rest of my life ahead of me, im 18 now. now im not going to say im not gonna drink every once in a while, but nothing out of hand like the past. zachs life is different for now on

where
i woke up and ate pancakes that evans brothers girlfriend made, i know one thing, i want my girlfriend to make me pancakes in the morning because then id love her. but thats just an example.i cant define love. because when it really comes down to it though, love is a lot of all we have in this world that we dont have to buy. winter break had been a blur

none other than
so last night i had all these dreams and such and they were the greatest blah blah blah. but i hate waking up and realizing that they arent true, and that what you dreamed of would never happen. things are bad between danielle and i now. i dont even know how or why or anything just that they are bad. oh well. i knew it wasnt going to work out at all, i mean i knew from the start that i wasnt going to be with her, but at least be her friend and whatnot. wow i dont know if that quite worked out either. hey things go by times go on and ill end up where i belong.