idont wanna feel this small

6 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 16 May :: 11.26pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: nuFfin

Everything is 0kay, n0w that y0ur here
Heyy..
0kay s0o
tuezday
wuz muh first day on crutchez..l0l funn.. fell al0t..went tannin after skewl w/ kaela..
wednesday.. -me * muh babiiz 2 month -
went 2 skewl..came h0me..picked up kaela n markus n went to nickz h0use.. g0t there n the guyz played basketball n me,kaela,kayla,n mia talked n tryed to spray paint my cruchtes l0l..then Nickz m0m t0ok Me - Mark - Markus - Kaela - Kayla - Nick - n Mia 2 Baiileyz s0ftball gamme .. the guyz playyed baskterball again n i was h0pin round cuz every`1 but me had muh crutchez..l0ol..mia n kayla gave me a tat0o! .. then thez guyz threw basket ballz @ me n mia s0o markus n mark went n kiked their buttz l0l =] then we me n muh babii went n playyed in the sand * nick didnt feel g0od =[ .. then i hung 0ut w/ kayla [ b0yd ] n mia fer a while.. kan i tellll u sumthin l0l ::licks ear:: .. l0l .. me n muh mia bear bitch g0t sum guyz f0ne numberz! l0l w0op w0op x0x * n than Nickz daddy dr0ve me n kaela h0me - thursday
me n kaela went tannin.. that was pretty much it muh m0m made me c0me h0me n stuDy fer math cuhz i have a D in algebra =[
Friday
me n kaela g0t readii fer the m0viez, piked up jamie n lindsey..went .. met up w/ nick.. saw the lazt half 0f new y0rk minute.. than the firzt half l0l.. saw r0o mary n stevie =]i waz playin w/ kaelas hair n drawin 0n her bak n she fell asleep 0n me =] l0l l0ve y0u babii * <3 ..then she spent the nite n we watched nine livez but fell asleep..
saturday
Me n kaela sat round the h0use all day ..drunk pina c0l0daz..n ate ice cream.. then went to the ~~bl0ck party~~ brittanys n nickz party-fair.. l0l .. d0nt azk.. n we met up w/ muh f0xy felicia..cassandra..lizzie..michael..sami..ethan n sum 0ther ppl .. g0t m0re kiddz #z..went 2 wendyz - playyed lazer tag - n w0n fire ballz.. l0l.. g0od timez.. i w0n 5 d0larrz =] cuhz me n nick made a bet t0 C wh0 c0uld n0t whine the l0ngest n i w0n but then i ended up given him the m0ney cuhz hiz p0or lil aSs waz thirsty =P "im c0ld, im tired, i wanna sit d0wn, my back hurtz"..l0l jk mwa !then went h0me r0und 11
sunday - MUH DADZ BDAY N MU HMIA BEAR BITCHEZ BDAY!! <33*
went t0 sunsplash early.. g0t there n it started p0urin rain.. left n it g0t sunny .. l0l.. kame h0me watched texas chain saw masacre, where the heart is, and american wedding.. then kaela went h0me r0und 11 @ nite...

thaz b0ut it...
I MISS U C0URT!

NiCh0LaS a BoyD -- i l0ve y0u s0 much Babii * y0u have n0 idea -- i w0uldnt chanGe anythin b0ut y0u .. y0u r s0 perfect fer Me.. i l0ve y0u m0re Than AnyThin ElSe.. MWAAA!
2 m0nthz 4 Daiiz n still c0untin

:: 2004 15 May :: 11.05pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Amazed --lonestar

Please do this!! =)
Post anything that you want, and post it anonymously. Anything. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love - anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post more than once, if you'd like. Then, put this in your journal to see what your friends have to say.

11 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 13 May :: 11.00pm

:: 2004 13 May :: 9.28pm
:: Music: aaliyah-- miss y0u

sick 0f ppl writing shyt n n0t leaving therrr name.. wtf?? i guess their t0 scared im g0nna kick thier ass.. thatz c0ol w/e
im listening t0 aaliyah.. shes dead. w0w.
what if i died t0m0r0? w0uld y0u regret ne thing? w0uld y0u remember me f0rever? w0uld y0u break d0wn? c0me t0 mah funeral? talk ab0ut me? feel me beside y0u?use mah name in vein? beleive in heaven?talk t0 me al0ne in y0ur r0om? l0ok at things and find that everything has s0mething t0 d0 with me? feel guilty ab0ut ne thing y0uve ever sed? think and tear ab0ut the g0od times we always had? w0uld y0u feel mah presence just n0t in the physical? w0uld y0u miss me? would i live in y0ur meme0ries f0rever? w0uld you remember my death? 0r celebrate my life?
im y0ur angel

:: 2004 13 May :: 9.13pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Yellow card--ocean avenue

I'd run right into your arms, if i could..
Well omg, today was an interesting interesting day!! gues wat everyone Nicole had her baby!! Omg im soo excited..we are gonna go see her tommarow.

Name April
Born May 13th
7 pounds 8 oz.
21 Inches long

YaYaY!! Im soo excited. And guess wat else, Miss Conrad/Mrs Beer is having a BOY!! Awwe thats soo exciting, she emailed me today and told me what it was.

So all of that is exciting, plus Will asked me out again today. But i said no again, i said that me and this guy are talking. And me and this guy are really talking, I really like this guy alot But theres ntohing going to happen between us, but who could blame him.

But i think that im going to get going. becky and herboyfriend are like about to break up or something and i know that she really needs me right now so im gonig to get off and call her. I luv you all tons.

Only like 18 DaYz until Britt gets here

I love Jay Master Jay, forever, even if he dont luv me!!

hehe love always, Jillian!! =)

:: 2004 11 May :: 7.17am
:: Mood: intimidated
:: Music: Yeah --usher n lil jon n luda

Sometimes i wonder what could have been..
Wow, yesterday seriously turned totally around on me. It started an okay day and turned out to be horrible Im havin way too many of those kind of days lately. I dont know wat to do anymore. I feel so drained mentally and physically

And ya know what, there goes my credit that i was actually going to get or lit comp B bcuz my computer took a shit on me and its not printing right. And if you dont do this project, then you fail Now thats what 8 credits i have to make up. And ill be a stupid freshmen next year too. =(

Well im gonna go i hate skool but i must go. Well bye everyone. ='(

:: 2004 10 May :: 7.26pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: NaGgin`*

Ill neva f0rget the l0ok in yer eyez *
i havnt wr0te in here in a while..
s0 thursday courtney called me and told me she was moving, and friday was her last day. words cant describe how much i am gonna miss her, she is my best friend and she was my first friend when i moved here, seriously .. i dont know how im gonna make it without her.. i love you courtney ! .. anyway s0 yea friday i gave c0urt this necklace n bracelet 4 a g0in away prez..n she gave me this heart necklace that is silver n blu..n than at 2 was the talent sh0w s0 i sat by c0urt n we wre m0stly jus cryin thr0ugh it.. n than there waz lyk a gr0up 0f lyk 40 ppl surR0undin her cryin n huggin her.. it was really sad =/ .. than i jus tried to keep my mind of it and have a ok weekend.. went with kaela to get her dress fitted and than we went to the movies n met our boitoiz .. saw mean gurlz for the 3rd time .. thn went to man on fire.. left round 11.. came homee slept.. than lindsey came n pickd me up at lyk 1 saturday n we went to jeremys party..that waz really fun . . than i went bak 2 linds h0use n we g0t ready 4 teen night.. wanted 2 d0 s0mthin w/ nick but he waz tired..s0 we piked up steven n went.. had s0o much funn there.. hung 0ut w/ linds steven carissa dezi marissa randy jeremy .. that was aws0me.. then went h0me..sunday waznt s0o g0od =/ ugh.. i hurt my knee really badd and in lyk 10 minutes im g0in n gettin crutchez.. l0l..

<33 i l0ove NiCh0lAs! <33

4 c0urty...
I wish I could carry your smile in my heart,
For times when my life seems so low.
It would make me believe what tomorrow can bring,
When today doesn't really know.

I want you to come back and carry me home,
Away from these longlonely nights.
I'm reaching for you

And what would you say if I called on you now?
And said that I can't hold on?
There's no easy wayit gets harder each day.

4 alone | cant handle this

3 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 9 May :: 7.06pm

have y0u ever been 20 feet away fr0m blink 182?? i have haha.
friday:: bailey and i went to the m0vies where we met up wit rach, kris, and kayla. bailey and i walked h0me. and went to sleep.

saturdaii:: w0ke up @ 6.3o.. went t0 walmart at like 7.oo. g0t a camera.. ya kn0w. went t0 baileys t0 get her stuff [[and her m0m]] l0l. we were 0n 0ur way. uh.. we g0t t0 0rland0 and went directly t0 sea w0rld. i g0t t0 pet d0lphins, and sting rayz.. i had t0 practically sh0ve baileys hand d0wn to0 t0uch the sting rays lol. we uh went t0 the h0tel and then went sh0pping.. at abercr0mbie and f0rever 21. [[0h ya, we saw shamu and samoo.. l0l. we went t0 the c0ncert,, fun fun fun... the 0pening bands were taking back sunday and cypress hill. then it was blink 182.. omg.. it was s0 fun.. i g0t a t0ur shirt and a hat,, w0w!!! l0l. we went t0 f0sters at like 1.oo in the m0rning.. lma0.. um,, we w0ke up and went sh0pping,, then came back h0me.. and whatdya kn0w.. chris is madd at me?!?! l0l.. [[whatz new]]
0oh ya..
happy m0thers day

:: 2004 6 May :: 6.58pm

i think every0ne will be crying. as 0f thursday nights 8.oo 0n nbc. i have n0 life. my agenda f0r that night will be s0mething like will and grace. n0thing that adds up t0 j0eys funniness. ross smart ass facts, chandlers stupidity, rachels sluttiness, monicas cuteness, and phoebe's horrible songs [[smelly cat smelly cat, what are they feeding y0u??]] l0l. i highly d0ubt the replacment will adD up.
farewell t0 friends...

cant handle this

7 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 6 May :: 11.51am
:: Mood: flirty

Haha im sittin here in renteria's class when im surposed to be in gym cuz i didnt feel like running track today so i skipped. Neways

Omg everyone britt is coming here in only 24 DaYz I cant wait. Britt I luv you u more than anything. You�re the best friend that anyone could ever have. besterest buddies forever

Gosh we soo better get together this summer, and A LOT or else im soo going to be like major pissed. Dude im like coming to see you as soon as you get here. I miss you!!

Neways gotta get going to lunch soon so latah everyone..luv you all byes!!

:: 2004 5 May :: 12.04pm
:: Mood: impressed

Life without you, isnt..
Awwe man i aint wrote in here in like forever. Right now is my lunch period but since we have early starts the lunch is messed up and the only person thats really on my lunch today is cassie, and yeah im really not surposed to talk to her i guess. =/ I dont know so here i am talking away.

Neways omg i miss all of my friends soo flipping much. Brittany and Ali jean and Chelsie, and Jay, and Megs, and like all of you. I miss you all way too much and im seriously soo sad without you all i luv you! =(

But neways, nothing much really gonig on around here..well lots of stuff is but nothing that i really have time to write about in here. But i dont know maybe ill update this 2marro. Im not sure ive been really busy with this website that im making and everything. =/ Ohh yeah in bowens class we have to make vignettes which are storys about our lives, and yeah 1. is about the campground..and another is about brittany *its about someone who ahs influenced our life.* yeah its going great im happy.

But yeah i met this guy, the only prob is hes black. But hes soo sweet and awesome. I dont know im hopin to see him this fri. wilson is going to chicago this fri. Excited for her. Newyas im gonna get going to lunch. Luv you all soo much latahs.

p.s. britt when are you comin to mich?

<33 meeehhh!!

cant handle this

11 alone | cant handle this

:: 2004 2 May :: 12.20pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: SugAh SugAh

all my lyf ive prayed fer s0me0ne lyk y0u

thursday
Sarah came h0me with me, cuz we were soposed to go to the yankeez champi0nshipp but it was rainin s0o it waz canceled - then the p0wer went 0ut - s0 me n sarah made a f0rt in my bathr0om l0l - it waz s0o funn - than we went 2 muh babii kaelaz . . they burRied me in pill0wz n than jumped on me =] l0l - than we went bak h0me . . did 0ur h0mew0rk n slept in 0ur f0rt =]

friday - jA mIeZ biRthDaii

Sch0ol waz 0kay - - sarrah came h0me with me - than kaela came 0ver n we all g0t readdyy f0r the m0viezz .. saw s0o0 many ppl there.. wen i first g0t there me n felicia did our RAIN DANCE !! to make the rain g0 away but i think we made iit c0me m0re l0l .. i l0ve y0u fefe!! Than Me kaela nick n markus went int0 MeAn GuRlZ but there were n0o0 seatz - but we kicked s0me kiddz 0ut s0o we g0t some nexxt 2 chris n sarah =] i waz s0o0o0o hyper nick waz makin funn of me the wh0le m0vie l0l n i talked thr0ugh the wh0le thiing . . l0l d0 y0u neEd s0me0ne t0 butter y0ur muffin?!;] lma0 - than stevie neEded a seat s0o me n nick m0ved 0ver 0ne neXt t0 thez 11 year 0ldz n nick said 0mg im lyk 0n thiz kiddz lap n im lyk d0nt w0rry he lyks it n i asked him if he w0uld have m0nkey sexx w/ nick n he said n0 n i asked if he w0uld have monnkeyy sexx w/ me n he said hell yea but u g0tta boyfriend and i sed n0o0 thiz iz muh br0ther !! n he lyk freaked 0ut n t0ld all his lil 11 1/2 year 0ld friendz that we were br0ther n sister n they were all p0intin at us -- l0l -- than after the m0viez it waz rainin really hard -- thunder g0 b0om lightning g0 flash l0l nick =] .. we were all dancin in the rain n vinny went streakin n put his ass printz 0n the Kmart wind0w - l0l than me kaela n sarah hadda run ar0und chasin her m0m l0l n we were lyk swimmin in the parkinl0t .. than we went 2 jamiez fer her partey .. sarah,stevie,mary,jamies cuzin, jamiez neighboor, and lindsey were there..watched freddie g0t fingered .. prank kalled ppl .. talked n than fell asleep

n than went t0 sleep ..

saturday
left jamiez round 11:3o - tanNed the rest 0f the dayy till lyk 5 n than Kaela came 0ver n we g0t readii fer Nickz .. i t0ld him ide be there @ 63o s0o i called him at lyk 6:15 t0 tell him i waz leavin n ask if markus waz there n hiz dadd sed he went 0n j0shz b0at n w0uldnt be h0me till 7 - 7:3o .. s0 i waz kinda madd cuz my m0m waz leavin n c0uld 0nly take uz n0w -- s0 we went t0 the m0viez -- saw kaelas krazy friendz wh0 gave us nelly stikerz .. l0l .. theyy all th0ugh i waz pregnet - we saw mean gurlz again l0l .. sat in the xact same seatz cuz were d0rkz - than left cuhz nick kept callin than nickz dad picked us up fr0m the m0viez n we went bak there w/ markus.. than nickz m0mmy wanted us t0 g0 t0 their neighb0orz n his dad sed it waz cuz she wanted t0 sh0w me 0ff -- l0l aww =] n nick dr0ve us there -- than nickz dad dr0ve uz bak n we made markus n nick walk l0l .. than me kaela n nick had a water fight in the h0use -- g0t water everywhere - than we were really c0ld s0 we went n laid in hiz cozy bed .. then nickz m0m came h0me n waz reallie drunk n really mad cuz the 4 0f uz were in his bed with the lights 0ff n 0ur clothz were 0n the fl0or [ cuz we took em off cuz they were wet n put on nickz clothz ] l0l - than i f0und ch0clate in nickz cl0set n me n markus n nick were all eatin it n than he relized i waz fr0m 2 x-mas'z ag0 l0l-- than we g0t h0me r0und midnight .. n i went t0 sleep

t0day me n kaela r g0in sh0ppin fer 0ur dreSsez =] I KAN G0 TO THE 8TH GRADE DANCE NOWW!!

I LOVE NICH0LAS!!

:: 2004 29 April :: 8.42am

Im g0nna make y0u l0ve me babbii
Heyy ..
s0o yessterday me n sarah went sh0pping round 5iish .. t0 get 0ur dresses, twin 0utfitz, n jamie'z prezent . . all we g0t waz 0ur twin 0utfitz which R prettie dam kute !n me n sarah had fun runnin round lol =] "d0 y0u have AT&T" BAMMM!! lma0 * g0od timez.. . .Mark & Daniela were there and Josh & Nick.. n0ne 0f us knew l0l.. s0o i hung 0ut w/ muh baybee f0r a lil bit "i think i smell j0sh !! " lma0 l0ve y0u babe!!. . than we saw krista & alison!! i havnt seen them in s0o l0ng !! =D Krista is s0o sweEt !! i <3 her !

n0thin iz g0in rite anym0re =/

im always there f0r y0u
. . but y0u have never ever beEn there f0r me .
im starting to relise wh0 aRe reallyy my friendz . . `nd wh0 never were:-\

8 alone | cant handle this