::
2004 3 February :: 6.41 am
:: Music: Sing Mary Sing -- Jennifer Knap
|)314Y3|)!
Well, we got a delay, and I'm all awake for it.
I finished reading Hellsing. It was cool. Is Von Hellsing based off of it?
Growl! |
::
2004 2 February :: 10.14 pm
:: Music: Star Fruits Surf Rider -- Cornelius
OV3R
Ahh, the plague of viruses is over. Praise Jesus.
I haven't been spending a lot of time with him lately. I feel like crap for it. All I do is pointless stuff all the time, nothing that will last.
I've got poetry-block. I could break it if I just work enough at it.
I've decided I like Rancid, despite their choice of words. They're fun 'n' stuff. "If I fall back down, you're gonna help me back up again."
I tutored someone today. It was cool. She wasn't nearly as much trouble as the kid I babysit! :)
1 Grrr |
Growl! |
::
2004 1 February :: 4.44 pm
:: Music: What's Left of the Flag -- Floggin Molly
F1XOR3D!!
Dad fixed my laptop! No more 'pup' things!!! I'm so happy!
Mom rented 'Medal of Honor- The Rising Sun' for me. It's really cool. It's the second x-box game I've had in my posession. I like shooting off the enemy soldier's hats. Of course, all of you are Japanized so you wouldn't like it. I like it though, it feels like I'm somehow connecting to my grandparent's lives. Sortof. In a pixaly sort of way.
1 Grrr |
Growl! |
::
2004 31 January :: 9.03 pm
14P70P5 N R3U83N
Hmm, it looks as if my laptops broken. My dad's trying to fix it, but if it doesn't happen he'll take it back to work and put it back from whence it came.
Oh well. I spend too much time on the computer anyway.
This is a great song. It's called Hindsight by John Reuben. He's the only rapper I listen to.
I screamed to God out of frustration
after another day of waking
and hating the fact that
I'm still where I'm at.
What's the point of all of this,
cuz I'm not seeming to find it.
Is it meaningless?
I search the reason behind it
because these moments seem to drag on
forever and these years on end seem
to have never been.
this desperation has formed repetition
within to insecure to pretend
and i'm too weak to defend.
Here it comes again, all in my world again
left with no direction no beginning no end
the days blend together
and the weather never changes,
numb to the outcome
but yet not quite painless,
aimless to whether or not I made a mistake
and, if so, how far is too far before
it's too late? Should I wait?
But then what would be too long
to reverse the effects if I was wrong?
Hindsight is a beautiful thing,
when you can look back and see
what patience and time can bring.
Is it a must that I'm here,
is it a must that I stay?
in order to look forward, must I look away? We're moving towards a new day,
unsure of what tomorrow will bring our way
I'm not even quite sure of what this day
holds. I say we travel the unknown
and watch it unfold, hold today close
while still reaching for tomorrow.
Through the test of time, I've seen joy overcome sorrow so with every trial
I endure with hopes to mature
into what I was created for,
more than life itself, I want life itself.
Press past the present until forever is felt
and take hold of the hidden mystery.
Wide eyed and open I now see differently.
If it's to be then give me the strength
to be content and find peace
in knowing one day, it will all make sense.
Hindsight is a beautiful thing,
when you can look back and see
what patience and time can bring.
Learning to accept the unexpected,
because the unknown wasn't here
for me to correct it, so I let it go
and stopped trying to control the impossible.
Simply put, tossed in the shuffle
at a young age just like everyone else,
so I don't feel sorry for you or for myself.
Love is bigger than that and I'm not
below or above the way it moves,
even though the things it does
to my train of thought can bring about doubt
and uncertainty patience tends to not agree
with my psyche
that's more than likely just some pride in me.
fighting expectations of where I think my life
should be, selfishly I forget so quickly.
let me never forget, Lord, break me in humility.
some sort of amazing grace on me
as I look back upon my life
and where you've taken me.
Hindsight is a beautiful thing,
when you can look back and see
what patience and time can bring.
Hear the call peace fall from trial to triumph
I want your hand in it all allow me to know
where to stand in it all, life giver.
2 Grrrs |
Growl! |
::
2004 30 January :: 7.35 pm
Crap! I think my computer got bugged. I'm getting about two pop-ups ever fifteen minutes. How do I fix it?
I went through the system files and looked for odd programs and found on called 'pup.exe' that was created today somehow. I moved it to a 'suspicous programs' folder and hopefully that will break it because of the odd directory.
I souldn't be so worried but
i had heard that there's bugs that track where you go for marketing purposes and I hate capitalism. What are advertizers thinking? I rarely get influenced my ads. If anything they turn me off to products.
It's Ebay that's appearing on the pop-ups. I can't believe that such a big, influentual corperation would stoop that low. It's lost any business it would have gotten from me.
{edit}
AH-Ha! HERE'S the freaking weazles buggin my machine! SEND HATEMAIL! BUG THEM BACK! BURN DOWN THEIR STINKING BRITTISH HEADQUARTERS!
Ahem, I'm done. Actually, I'm not quite sure if it's them or not.
{more edit}
I just deleted the pup.exe program. Hopefully it wasn't anything too important.
I think I got it because I was trying to get into a prowrestling site and it redirected my to some site about ashanti and gave me thousands of popups.
WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE STILL ALIVE??? IS THERE NO JUSTICE?????
{edit}
I downloaded andy's little stinger thingy. Hope this works.
{edit}
*sniff* it didn't work. My new laptop's ruined.
Corporate bastards.
[edit]
Sorry, I guess Jesus would've been forgiving and all. I'm sorry. What they did to me was wrong, but... 'love your enemies'.
Even when they're cowards and you'll never have the chance to face them.
{edit}
Wait, I did some more stuff and they might be gone now...
{edit}
They aren't. They pop up every thirty minutes.
Oh well. I've forgiven them (thanks Jesus). It doesn't make what they did right, but I'm not going to get mad and embittered about it and seek revenge and all that comes with being an angry person. In fact, I love them and hope they find out about Jesus themselves.
Man, spelling errors galor. Sorry.
6 Grrrs |
Growl! |
::
2004 29 January :: 10.08 pm
:: Music: Yoshimi Battle the Giant Pink Robots -- The Flaming Lips
R3Y
Hi! I had a cool day, besides the two tons of homework.
We had a really cool dinner- stuffed salmon and ribs. I don't think that beats last night's pancakes and tea, though.
Rey Mysterio Jr won the cruiserweight champion on that one show! That guy is cooler thatn cool!
1 Grrr |
Growl! |
::
2004 28 January :: 8.28 am
:: Music: Barlow Girls -- Superchic[k]
14P70P
Hey, guess what?
I got a laptop! It's an old one from my dad's work.
And my sister got an electric guitar. She's been saving up for that for quite a while.
Jackie, I forgot your Xanga journal name. Could you tell me again?
3 Grrrs |
Growl! |
::
2004 25 January :: 7.10 pm
:: Music: Unspeakable -- Killing Joke
Hooray, you're Weston! You tower over everyone else
in the band (except maybe Jon), and you play
your Dad's awesome vintage red drum set.
Sometimes it's hard to notice you, back there
behind all the others, but you keep the beat,
and that's what's important.
Which Member of Eisley Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
1 Grrr |
Growl! |
::
2004 25 January :: 6.13 pm
:: Music: Ohio -- Over the Rhine
X4|\|94
I tried getting a Xanga because some people I saw on a message board were using it, and I was trying to be cool. It's ugly right now and hard to modify. I don't know what half the junk is.
This is and will always be my journal. At least until I die.
2 Grrrs |
Growl! |
::
2004 24 January :: 7.40 pm
:: Music: Just Like You -- Jeni Varnadeau
5P1R4l1|\|9
*sigh* thus concludes my online search for cool metal mp3s. Not one thing. They all sucked. I was kindof excited about HxC but it turned out to be a lot of low quality junk with no effort in the lyrics or music. Oh well, back to my internet radio station, which is currently playing 'The Cure'... groan... how did that thing get so messed up?
Today was boring (cutscene to Kyle screaming, "ENTERTAIN ME!!!!" over and over at his potted plants). I kindof cleaned my room, doodled and loafed for hours.
I guess I could go play Tetris on my Xbox or do... homework... nah.
Is there something wrong with me? Is my laziness translating from not doing work into not doing things to have fun?
AHH! I'm spiraling! I'm spiraling!
I guess I'll go write morbid poetry. Have a g'night.
2 Grrrs |
Growl! |
::
2004 23 January :: 8.42 pm
:: Music: Drygioni -- Super Furry Animals
HA! This is the best song ever!
1 Grrr |
Growl! |
::
2004 23 January :: 7.32 pm
:: Music: I Sing Electric -- Joy Electric
B1URB5
I hadn't updated in three days. Wow.
A few things happened. One of my little sister's friends from church died in a car accident. She was really depressed for a few days, but she's doing better now and is currently out at a middle school social gathering (the lock-in). She made a poster about him, and we had a talk about how great God is because He gives up hope so that we don't have to be afraid of death if we believe in Him.
All that on top of all the other injuries and deaths that have been fluttering around my life lately; never affecting me, but those around me. I don't know what to say or do to comfort those people.
I might get a small job tutoring a sixth grade girl down the road.
I think the girl I like likes another guy and I really don't care.
I'm feeling disapointed with myself.
Well, I have quite a few really, really important emails I have to answer. See ya'll.
1 Grrr |
Growl! |
::
2004 20 January :: 7.54 pm
:: Music: Lotsa Eisley Stuff
P037RY
Everybody hates poetry. And it's my luck that it's just about the only thing I can do.
I wrote part of a poem (I hate those words... poem and poetry, they sound so girlish) called Carnis. It's very dark... it has the same beat to it as The Raven, which is unfortunate because I was hoping to do something no one else had done before. Brett thought they sounded the same, anyway.
I got both Eisley EPs today. They're really cool. They only had seven songs total, though; but they were worth getting.
My life has gone from 'merely dull' to 'morbidly mundane'. Still, I have struggles... but they're boring ones I should've conquered by now.
1 Grrr |
Growl! |
::
2004 18 January :: 9.15 pm
:: Music: Lost at Sea -- Eisley
CR33P3R5
Guess what I found when I went outside? A brown creeper! I'd never seen one before. It was trying to hide from me in a tree with woodpecker holes. I got a foot away from it and it popped out, looked at me, and started climbing up the tree. It was so cool! I was a foot away from it and it was only a little nervous! Well, I suppose it was drowzy from the cold... but still... What first called my attention to it was its call. It sounded like a grasshopper's, which was weird because everything's snowed over. But I found it instead.
I've began to appreciate more lately all the little things that God puts in our lives to make us happy... I mean, our lives might be crashing down around us, and all these things might go wrong, but there's still plants and bugs and music and cookies abounding.
My dad says I bend my head and look away from people when I talk. Is that true? Ugh, I feel so embarrassed.
1 Grrr |
Growl! |
::
2004 18 January :: 3.55 pm
:: Music: Venus & Serena -- Super Furry Animals
57UFF
Howdy y'all!
I'm doing a lot better. My cold's almost gone and I'm getting undepressed. I wish we didn't have these emotional lows. Then everything would be happy all of the time. But would that be a good or a bad thing?
My hands are friggen freezing. The basment is unheated. Well, I could start a fire. In the fireplace, I mean. And I've been reading The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. It's the perfect time of year to do that. Y'all should too.
So, it would seem everything's returned to boring dullness. Nothing ever happens here. *waits for girl on Vespa with guitar to hit him over the head. nothing happens. remains in the dumps.*
Well, I guess I'll wash the floor and go explore outside. Maybe that broken car engine in the woods will suddenly become exciting.
5 Grrrs |
Growl! |
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