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2004 2 January :: 1.00 pm
:: Music: Rooney "I'm Shakin'"
"A man who has nothing loves nothing. And he who loves nothing has no joy in his life."
I slept a lot last night-ish/yesterday/partially today. It was a strangely realistic dream. A lot of people were in it. A lot of realistic conversations went on. I could sense and feel everything that went on around me. Hmm.. though it wasn't such an overall good dream, I'd like to have more of the same.
I put four hours into building a website today for a band, but I think it'd be rude of me to present it to them. I think the site maintainer takes much pride in their pagebuilder skills.. their site doesn't even have an index page though. That's a pet peeve but I'm not sure why. No, not a pet peeve, just an inconvenience. Although inconveniences cause frustration and something frustrating is a pet peeve. Oh well.
I keep on adding p tags. Damnit. Another convenience gone inconvenient.
I did nothing for New Years. I watched The Family Guy and went to my room, drew a strange picture, then fell asleep. I think I stayed in bed for about fourteen hours. Nothing to do. Didn't want to look for anything to do either. I should be cleaning my room though; pack my things. Just get everything a little more organized and see how that goes. The way things are looking though I couldn't take one-fifth of my stuff. Well, probably wouldn't. Shouldn't. I have stacks of books, notebooks, and loose leaf paper that most have nothing important scribbled on them. I'll have to organize those first. Then decide which books I'd like to haul around. I have a grand $20 now as opposed to nothing, so that's already a good start. I need to talk with that guy whenever he comes online. Wherever he may be. |
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2003 30 December :: 10.14 pm
Thank you for leaving me. Loneliness never let me down.
Here's a thank you note for someone who could have been a friend. I'm glad things didn't work out so soon, before I had invested more of my time and sincerity into the friendship. Once again, I'm treated as if I did the wrongdoing. Once again, I'm being blamed for something I didn't do. Call it whatever you like, you are blaming me and you are punishing me. But I've accepted it. I don't know how your low tolerance allows friendships to build. Mistakes happen and I know hardship builds stronger bonds, but since you're not willing to try, I'm giving up on you too.
Consider you erased.
Though it, still, was a pleasure knowing you. |
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2003 22 December :: 4.26 am
Why do I smile when no one can feel it?
I second, with a repeating bar, all the people who have said the holiday season blows. It does. Oh how it does. It's just another excuse for people to get together and fool around.
Well, I'll push my emptiness aside so that others may enjoy their happiness. I'm just one person. Don't let me bring your group down.
May your days be filled with joy, your hearts filled with love, and your nights filled with warmth. |
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2003 19 December :: 3.41 am
:: Mood: Wounded
:: Music: Whatever the arrogant monkey is listening to downstairs.
I saw Return of the King today. Yeehaw. It could have been better..
I haven't been on Lost Legends a lot in the past few days. Part of that was the partial character deletion and part of another part was a feeling that people didn't want me there. I'm not asking anyone to correct me, this is just how I feel.
I know I've messed up a few times on Lost Legends and I'm sure it's past the days of correction, but if at all possible I'm asking if people can drop it and forget why things don't work out. I guess I'm tired of people holding grudges on me, because I do not feel that I hold any against them. But, if dropping it is too much to ask for, then, forget it.
I'm punny.
I've finished reworking the tourny monsters, if any of you were keeping track. I'll see about replacing the current ones with them if they provide a healthy challenge without killing a supreme newbie such as myself in the process. I don't want anyone to notice a major difference when fighting them, unless they try to find it. ..And.. I bet they will.
Somehow, in my sleep deprived state the other night, my intelligence rose to a point of vivid understanding and clean comprehension. I, somehow, managed to fix my character problem without the aid of one other. I was quite pleased with that. I love figuring out things on my own. I love working on something on my own. I love the frustration, complications, and massive headaches I get, working, alone.
Honest sarcasm confuses me.
Oh well. I want to read more pages out of my newly found dictionary, bigger and better, and enjoy the love of learning when I find new words. My arm is burning a little, too, ahah.. nevermind. More zinc I say but, nooo, tea bags is all I get. Tea bags!
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2003 18 December :: 3.14 am
:: Music: The Strokes "Someday"
It Makes me Smile
I'm not mad at my sister. By the time I woke up after my sleep I had removed all anger about the situation. I shrugged with a sigh and that was that.
Three hours wasted writing and all I post is a few sentences. |
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2003 15 December :: 9.48 pm
Siblings sure know how to ruin a seemingly flawless day.
To those that matter,
I'm not going to apologize for my sister's actions, though I do take full responsibility for what happened. I'm tired of taking the blame for everything she does; tired of being treated as if I were the one whose hand dealt the blow. I'm upset at what happened, but I am not apologizing on her behalf. Inevitably I sit here with the weight of fault on my shoulders and I know why. I had placed an inborn trust in her, a trust that continues to wither, but a trust that boils down to kinship. In my deepest grasp and strongest clutch on this trust, I felt sure that she would look up the lyrics as requested and leave everything else be. But, no, that obviously was not the way the events unfolded tonight. Every name that signed in tonight she had the troublesome urge and childish impulse to strike up a needless conversation with that undoubtedly resulted in minor, if not mass, humility and mockery on my behalf.
Yes, this is my older sister.
It's an emotionally staunching, a crippling feeling, that the one who I have tried to look up to is the one below me. It does not make me brash to say that I am far more mature than she is. Which tends to be my downfall. I keep thinking of her as an older sister but, other than age, she is not. She will never be if she continues her incessant charades and ongoing displays of radiant stupidity.
But, I am not here to make a fool of her, as she has done to me and though this rant appears to have done so unto her. I realized farther in her game that I should not have left my account up. Even as I entered in the midst of her folly, after spewing her current situation to two strangers, they both did not seem to mind the sheer stupidity and random foreign language, even racial jokes, that she sent to them. I was irked that she took the initiative of conversing with those on my list but, somehow at the same time, mildly reassured in the trust I held with her that she would not ruin anything between the person and I, and so I left the room. That was mistake number two and that would subsequently mark me as fairly stupid as well.
The third person she bothered that night was the one I regret the most. But, I cannot change how the events were acted out and so I won't even apologize for it. Typically, I feel like I should, but I'm not going to. Yes, it was my fault for leaving the account up, but if anyone harbors negative feelings on me based on what my sister said, it's not worth my apology at all.
I only know of four people she vexed tonight. There is no doubt in my mind she poked fun with more. I was in another room for the most part of the night and all I know is what she told me through a laugh. My sincere apologies for not signing off, but don't expect me to say sorry for anything else, or everything else.
I can no longer care for more than myself. And I have no need to. This will never happen again. |
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2003 15 December :: 1.45 pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: Thomas Rusiak "Hiphopper"
"I never smile when someone's around."
Despite Tinaker becoming a new player today, things are really looking forward. Thankfully I also kept a log of her project so I didn't have to write new ones. And I 'import'ed the colors from my player character, so I didn't have to go completely out of my way to redo her colors although I chose to make an alias of it anyway. I'm just glad I didn't completely erase. Two years of files stocked up in my directory and folders, phew! I guess I know partly how Yajra must feel. ;)
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2003 14 December :: 3.01 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Loser's Luck "Move On"
"Not the best lyrics, not the best vocals, not the best music but we try and that's Loser's Luck for you."
Confusing situation. I kept postponing the entry about the vague details because I don't know the times and dates. I don't know how anything is going down right now. I'm still waiting for a phone call and then I can start a little more planning. If I get the call though, I'll move to a nearby town with my sister and we'll stay there until her boyfriend gets out of jail. Fun, right?
Then I have plans to move to South Dakota too. If I move with my sister I might not go to South Dakota.. however, on the other hand, I may still. The person I was going to go with doesn't know when they'll move. And, if everything is still unresolved by then, I might go on a detour to another state. So, we'll see how everything wants to work out. I'll get a better idea of things by the end of this week, hopefully.
That's all for now. |
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2003 9 December :: 2.40 pm
:: Mood: Weeee
Players and their uncanny ability to ERROR.
Rainy day, hopefully some snow will come later tonight.
Lost Legends has been filled with players all day today. Chat chat chat. Error error error. That's ok. It's not their fault they're not perfect. Ahaha.
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2003 9 December :: 7.39 am
:: Mood: pleased
Fear my three-toed sloth productiveness.
Someone said something to me and it sucked, so I went to grab some food. Then I changed my mind and decided to sit in my room. And even later then I decided to just sleep in hopes that I'd get another fabulous dream. (I killed my old assistant principal two nights ago! Weeee! And this certain guy was in it and he was real nice to me. And, and.. I shoved the sun below the horizon and welcomed the moon. Sweeet. I'll post it on my dream site maybe. Anyway..)
Tinaker, AFK: J'ai faim. Laissez-moi seul.
[Lisa enters Lost Legends]
Lisa hugs you.
Lisa exclaims to you: j'ai aussi faim. Donnez moi ton norriture!
She is too cool! Heh, awesome. On top of the sleep, that made my day start off pretty good. I am highly motivated to code too, how about that? It sure would be easier though if my mouse was steadily working. It works sometimes and every other minute it freezes. Oh well.. who needs a mouse to code? Ehhh.. would be nice, but it's ok.
First thing: Newbieland! I already started descriptions yesterday (yea, who moves slow..) and so I'll finish those and change the ones in game. Sucks when I'll have to remove the NPCs though.. but I'm sure I can reuse the descriptions elsewhere. Adding the xp count in them too. Weeee. Productive day here I come! Shiggidy shiggidy shwaaa.
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