New Look
Ok, the Subject (above) is quite misleading. There isn't a new look to this journal, per se, but I've looked over all twenty-nine entries, deleted six and removed paragraphs from four, and have added a table (see below) to shove my out-of-theme ramblings in. Which, if you scan through all the entries now, you will see a lot of.

This is the nice little table I'll put RL shit into. Yea. I definitely could have avoided using profranity.

Halloween stuff, eh? A player asked me if special Halloween stuff was in game. I nodded at him. Then he goes and 'idea's wanting to see Halloween NPCs like zombies, among other things. Ass. ;) There are zombies in Charlton. Zombies were put in around 8am, more than twelve hours ago! I admit that I didn't put a lot in, but one type of zombie does not like dying. The corpse of an undead zombie. Isn't dat veeird? I probably shouldn't have mentioned the partial content to a post.. can we just say it was inevitable that the player was going to idea that though? :\

Well, there's plenty of special Halloween stuff in game. A whole area, which I didn't code but I did edit a nice portion (with the help of Turok, too, might I add) and then there's a few items. Hmm, I made a stupid costume I was going to give to the commoners in Charlton, but someone closed out my editor when I was sleeping and I was kinda bummed out about that. I still have the costume, though. ..Now that I think of it, I actually might add that into game tonight. A little late but, hell, no player seemed to have noticed the Halloween shit anyway. I still need to ask Turok about something, I keep forgetting..

I felt kinda bad when I was complaining about the amount of typos I had to fix in the Halloween area, only because I was offered assistance. I felt bad about that part. Fixing the typos, and definitely fixing the whole Halloween area, was my responsibility. I should have been able to do it on my own. That's not to say that I'm not hugely appreciative to the assistance though, I am, seriously. It's been a long time since anyone helped me out like that. I usually don't do group projects or collaborations, anything of that sort, so it was a wonderful pleasure to have someone there to help out. It's so hard for me to accept any kind gesture, and I don't always respond in the way that I should or the way that I want to, but I hope everyone knows that I am truly grateful if I don't always show it.

Group projects.. I miss Talia more and more around the holidays. :( I usually played the opposite role in the projects; I helped her out, making all sorts of clothing and things related to Christmas and Thanksgiving. Man. The sad thing is, I know where she spent her last year coding, and I could have joined her. I miss her so much but she's, I don't want to say this but, antagonistic, to Lost Legends. And Lost Legends is just above all, as always, even above old friends. Is that so bad? :(

I don't mean to be so sad over this. Oh well. I'm going to tackle that tractable costume now.

Hair dye and Scissors

After dyeing my hair the blue-black I realized that I didn't have enough, or I wasn't being as conservative with what I had. I can't see how it looks in the back but I have a general idea. ;) My sister suggested that red wouldn't look good with the blue-black, so I planned to color the tips white/blonde. However, I can see that some parts near the back are about.. ehh 5-7 inches undyed. And I hadn't planned on having that much white hair. So I just finished cutting off a handful of hair near the front and I'm not sure if I'll cut the back.. if I do that tomorrow, or later tonight, I just hope I've advanced some since my Barbie days. Oh boy. So.. I think I'll end up dyeing the tips both red and white. And it won't necessarily be 'white', it's not bleach. The lightening dye was made to take the hair color down to a golden color. I'll just leave it in longer and see if that turns out white-ish. When it's sunny outside though, I'll take a few pictures of my current hair color. You can't really see the blue part unless it's outside. :) My hair smells really nice and it's really soft. I love dyeing my hair. Most hair dyes give me an ammonia headache, but this one smells kind of fruity. Weird. And it was pretty cheap, might I add. :) Under $10 for a box. I should have bought two.. yea.. I'll buy different colors next time I visit the place. I still intend to buy "Purple Wine" as it's called.

Well, back to Halloween coding. Heh. Busy, busy.

Sorry for the depressing ass post

Hmmm. I'm feeling all right now. I've just pushed all my problems aside. Talked with my sister earlier today, actually ten minutes ago, so things feel fine. Halloween is coming up and I need to dye my hair.. someone who's coming over to CELEBRATE with me suggested I dye it black. So I have a box of blue-black hair dye.. yummy. I also have another of auburn brown (current hair color) and yet another of red. It's one of those 'chunking' hair dyes, so I'm thinking of either black-blue and the tips be light blonde/white-ish, or black-blue with red tips. Decisions, decisions. This week I should be getting a phone call to help out with the skatepark. Yippee. That alone gives me so much to smile about. The asphalt has been laid and I guess we're just waiting for the sealant to dry completely before we put the ramps and rails down. Sweeet. It's a dream come true. Just yesterday my brother was complaining to my mother saying, "I take out the trash. I take down the laundry. I helped you pick up the dryer when we went to Sears. I helped you pick up furniture in the garage. And what does Christina do?! Hmm?! What does she do?" I looked at him and said, "I helped build a skatepark." Booya. The other helpers with the skatepark are thinking about a plaque that will list the people who stayed committed from start to end. Off the top of my head I can think of.. hmmm... possibly just ten people. Not many at all. And it's just been me and three brothers who have helped the most, mainly because both our parents were involved in the making of the skatepark. It's awesome either way though, I'm just glad the park is finally going to be built. I hope the town votes on the park tax issue I think that was going to be proposed soon. Good times. I'm kind of waiting for some guy to come over. He's going to inspect our basement or something, assess the area. Soon our basement will undergo almost $4k worth of repairs, but I'm sure that's cheap in the long run. Hmm, so things have been hectic lately. You have no idea how often I think of the Air Force these days as well. It's worrying me that I even consider it.. I mean, it'd finally make my parents proud of me and I'd finally be able to pay them back for all the years they've raised me. Just it's a weird thing. Well, if I do decide to join them I will realize it months in advance, because I would have worked my upper body before I join. It's one of those recommendations, to have a strong upper body before joining. It'll make basic training go by so much faster and that's all I'm looking for. Man.. I still can't believe I'm considering this. I just want to go to England! Practically free travel in the military, you know? Oh boy. Goood times. I'm also going to start recyling, mainly because my mother keeps buying that damned and cursed Pepsi. I really don't like dark soda. She just has coupons for it, and I think it's one of those coupons that the product you saved money on has the same exact coupon.. so it's a neverending cycle. Man. Clever marketing. Yea, tomorrow Halloween starts on Lost Legends. I'm going to try to put in another 20 files at least into the respected directory. Good days.

Someone is Ageing

Let's see.. I know someone who's having a birthday in about fifteen days. A friend, of sorts. I've known them since June. Online, yeppers. I've had a lot of things I wanted to send them as a congratulations gift for entering college, but I never sent any. Then I wanted to call them to congratulate them, but I never did. So I still have a phone card with 200 minutes on it. I think I'll call them on their birthday, regardless of all the factors, and I hope I'll get an answering machine. I just want to say happy birthday. They'll never know it's me! Ok, they will. I don't have an accent (to my knowledge.. of course that's what everyone says) and I believe they do. Yep. I don't know if they already have the gifts I intend to buy them, but I sincerely hope they don't. I plan to get them the Cowboy Bebop movie on DVD and the Audioslave CD. I may even draw them something involving wolves, or Autumn, just things they like. I also thought about buying them sparkling apple cider, because it's something they mentioned they liked months ago, that I just so happened to recall. That, and Snapple. But I don't think that'd make such a noteworthy gift. Who knows. I know of a girl in town who has Noir DVDs, which the online friend is very interested in watching, so maybe I can make some trade, offer, or just buy them from her. Heh. A used gift, what is the world coming to. Anyway, I have money to blow. I'd love to buy myself a damn wacom graphire3 tablet (6x8) for almost $200, but I just have this sad obsession of buying things for others. It's unbelievable. (I noticed shit-for-brains Aiptek is selling used tablets like... 9x12 I think for $112.. so hey.. with 512 levels of pressure just like wacom, but I really don't trust Aiptek so much..) Yea. So anyway. I think I have the right to call the friend if I'm going to buy them shit, right? It's nothing on them. Costs nothing to them. I bet it's just one of those uncomfortable things, to get a call from an online person. People are people, so what. It's good to let my fingers rest every now and then. Yea. I'm cold and my body is sore. Removed a lot of what I originally wrote in here, heh. Silly me.

Eep!

Ack, ack. I had a picture up that I somehow forgot, in a picture directory, and someone noticed it. Eep. My face is a little flushed right now. I can't help but smile, but eep, it's one of those things that slightly embarrasses you in as good a way as possible. An unexpected sort of thing. Little weird for me. Heh. Eep. A while ago, someone asked me what I was doing. I told them I was drawing. They asked if they could see it, I said I'd take a picture, and they commented that I could have my face somewhere in there, and I thought of it and thought of it some more and thought sure why not. Took the picture, it was a good one of the anime guy I drew, and then showed it to them. I think they liked the picture, even though I don't think they're into anime, and I felt a little giggly. And um. Forgot about it. It's about ten times bigger than normal pictures I show, eep. And the website that hosts the pictures has no delete function. Eep. I was complimented but I didn't really say thank you as kind as I could have. Just a little surprise sort of unexpected thing really. Eep. I haven't blushed in a very long time. Oh my. And then looking at the billboard sized picture some more I'm thinking I look a little snobbish, but there's a good explanation for that! (I don't think I'm snotty..) I was looking at the monitor. :( I wanted to make sure the anime drawing showed up good, and eep. I'm blushing way too much. I feel like such a little girl. :P Sorry for this girly girl entry, heh. Just when I feel strongly about something, or a strong emotion I should say, I feel like it's worth mentioning. And that, if I ever need to feel the same away again, I could look it up and hopefully feel like that. Like happy entries, you know? Oh my. Tonight has been one surprise after another. And I don't use the term 'embarrassed' as a bad thing, I'm sure it's good to blush a little and reaffirm myself that I have feelings. Eep. Sorry Turok if I seemed rude.

Lovely and Rewritten Entry

I only spent about ten minutes writing an entry here then, five minutes later, I decide the whole entry was one big mess. So, I'm rewriting it. I'm actually going to write this whole thing from scratch because.. let's just say the entry started with, "Death! Death! Death! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Death! Death! Death! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! AAAAAHHHHHHGGGGG." And that just simply would not do. Let's see.. I woke up several times, from morning to afternoon, but I finally got out of bed at 4pm. Yea. I went to bed around 10pm the previous day. That's like an 18 hour nap, more or less. Of course, it wasn't as luxurious as it sounds, as I did mention waking up several times in that long slumber. I first woke up at 4am and thought I should sleep some more, because I was supposed to stop by my old school for some art-related reason, sometime between 8-12. At 8am I woke up yet again. Bear in mind that I slept with my radio on all night, and that's why I woke up every so many hours. The radio does that to me. And I did that intentionally to not oversleep. So, at 8am I feel like I can put in a little more rest, which I do, and which I next would wake up at 10:30.. so I recall. I then feel like I just want to rest my eyes a little longer. The next time I would wake up would be 12:44. So much for that, I thought. I guess that means I lost the artwork that was sent to some contest. Hmm. Going back some hours, to yesterday, I had two phone calls. One was from a lady who helped lead the skatepark commitee thing, which the call had lasted a whole 44 minutes and 36 seconds. I was AFK on Lost Legends at the time. She had called just to remind me ... oh shit. I just remembered that now. Shit. In nine hours I'm going to go help clean up the city, hmm.. my fourth time I believe. This sucks. Fuck. Oh the heart of a volunteer. Err, back to the entry, so we talked for a very long time and you may wonder why. Why, someone who rarely gets phone calls, would suddenly have a long conversation with an elderly lady who seemingly has nothing in common with me other than the skatepark interest. I brought up an idea to post flyers on the high school bulletin boards so the students will be aware of the clean up, which I forget what it is for.. it has a name that ends in "Day", like.. Community clean up day.. but I think there was a "D" word in there somewhere, other than "Day"... Oh well. So it's a community thing, to clean up the city, but she volunteered us ('Us' being the skatepark helpers.) to take a section of the town to clean up. Sooo.. interesting, to put it simply. Arg. I may have mentioned cleaning up the tennis courts in a pervious entry. And I remember mentioning a 'disappointment' when I didn't get a phone call Tuesday about the park. Some substance was put over the cracks Wednesday though, and I believe asphalt will be laid sometime this week. So, next weekend, the obstacles can be put in. How fucking marvelous. This idea to get a skatepark built in town happened last August. Since then, I've helped out in just every way imaginable and I started to have doubts of this actually coming true earlier this year. Thankfully the city decided to pay for the cost of asphalt, which we got a discount for because the company already had their equipment nearby. Yep. Well, like I was saying, the phone call was so long because we went on the school topic, to the school administrator, and to the school principal, which both lived down my street. She asked if I ever talked to them, I told her I didn't. I mentioned talking with the assistant principal plenty of times though, when I was in school. So we laughed about that and she commented, "Ooh, you're a bit of a rebel! (laughs) I like that!" Creepy shit. This lady spends most of her time gardening and she dresses really weird. Well, old. She wears those housewife clothes, you know what I mean. I've heard she was pretty weird from numerous people but, after she talked with me on the phone, I concluded she was pretty out there. She looks like someone who never does anything wrong. Then again, I've talked with her before in person and she is pretty fucking odd. We talked about a nudist colony once before, so yea. But, she told me that she met her husband her junior year in high school. I found that to be pretty awesome. Every now and then you hear these great stories and think, "Could that really be true?" It's so strange. I sometimes wish I could've met someone to "spend the rest of my life with" in high school, just to get the searching of soul mates out of the way in the future. A time saver, if you will. Heh, of course I knew that even if I found "Mr. Right" that I wouldn't have shown interest in them.. even if they showed complete interest in me. That's my problem. No relationships for me, nopers. Annnyway. I keep getting off topic. The other phone call was from my art teacher. We didn't talk long, about three minutes, because I don't really enjoy talking with her. She's also a freak. It's great to know I could have a teacher that likes me, but she wants a friendship. And, I believe it's because I'm so much like her. Or she's so much like me. Like I'm what she used to be, when she was younger, and that bugs me. I would hope not. I would hope no one ever lived my life, not even a fraction of it. Just, since the first year I had her as a teacher, she's shown interest in me. She touched my hair and said I had such beautiful hair, in the middle of class. No kidding. She was teaching and talking about something and then just stopped behind me, to touch my hair. Everyone laughed. Since then, so much has happened. I'd go on art trips and she'd always hang with me and try talking with me. Then I had problems in school and stopped going there, and she would call me at home and stuff. Creepy shit. She even tried giving me money, on numerous occasions, because I wouldn't eat when we went on art trips. So fucking weird. But, yea, that's why I don't like talking to her. She cares too much about me. I was supposed to pick up my art. I let her down. When she called she said she was in a teacher's conference until 7:30pm, if I wanted to stop by and pick up my works. I told her I'd get it tommorow, because I don't like those short notices. And, of course, I didn't get them. It's like the time she called and said I could paint on the school hallway, finish someone else's work, and I didn't show up. But that's different. She said, "if you want". I already painted what I wanted on the hallway, and I didn't feel like going back to school after I tried so hard to leave before. It's weird. Strange to explain. I don't feel like going in detail because it'll be too lengthy. So, like after I didn't show up for the painting, she didn't call me after that. And that's why I bet she won't call again. If she doesn't, to reschedule when I can pick up my stuff, I know she would have kept the stuff. Personally, I wouldn't mind either way. I had three works of art.. hmm.. a monochromatic ink print of a guy holding a scythe, a chair study (I think this was in acrylics), and. . . I don't remember the third. But if she wants to keep them, I wouldn't care. Heh.. my freshman year she paid me $2.50 for a stupid tesselation! HAHA. I hated that one too. To sleep, or not to sleep. What else did I want to write here.. I was concerned about my skin yesterday so it was no surprise to have a dream about it. A dream that involved me being in some group of girls, like training, but I never figured out what kind of training. Like a girls P.E. class mixed with some Air Force basic training. And maybe some girl scouts? It was weird. At one point I looked into a mirror and had god-awful skin. Heh. I guess this is a stereotypical girly girl nightmare. Some elements in the dream revolved around a lot of the things that were concerning me though. So, I suppose, that's my mind telling me to quit worrying about the petty things and move on. Will do. Also, I wrote a survey titled In Our Slumber that I posted here in the previous entry. I just looked it up today to see if anyone filled it out and, lo and behold, two people have so far. I was excited about that, especially since one of them was Andy. Yea, the guru of creating journal communities. I really like him. I've tried services where the people who ran it were hard to get a hold of and could care less about its members. That's why I don't use Diaryland anymore. Odd to think of it now.. but.. the guy who ran that website was also named Andrew. ;) I hope it's not the same person. I actually doubt it, but you never know. I'm just glad that Andy made Woohu, Bzoink, WoohuLyrics.. among other things.. and that he will take the time to post in his journal, and he will fill out surveys. It shows he cares about what he does. Well, enough of that.. I've praised him enough. ;) What else is on my mind that I feel the need to release.. Ahha. I was on Yahoo earlier and I guess I haven't updated the chat version in years. So I went to MSN chat, like the same thing.., and went into the Computer/Internet and then into the Programming room. I was looking for people that may have been candidates to play on Lost Legends (and maybe later code). Yea, I know the whole creator/player thing going on, but it's just so depressing logging in these days and finding one other on. I cry inside to think about how it used to be, how there were more players and creators there in the past. But that's ok. Really. Lost Legends is still in the testing stages, it's no big deal. Anyway, whenever I was at the chat place, my computer wouldn't respond so gracefully. It froze twice for reasons unknown. It wasn't that the computer resources were low, it just wanted to freeze. Oh well. I helped a guy with HTML so he could get better ratings at some website that rates pictures. He wanted a better 'presentation' for his profile. Glad I know I could help. Then some girl kept IMing me there asking me where I lived, how old I was, what I did for a living, etc. I told her where I lived, twice. That's why I normally avoid dumbass chatrooms. People are so fucking stupid. Based on her stupidness, I then told her I was older than her. She sent me an annoying ass "BUZZ!!" which shakes the little text box and makes an annoying sound. Bitch, I swear. I hate people who type shit like "L3av1n aLr3ad13?". It's so annoying. Maybe to them it's easier to read than the normal fucking English letters, but not to me. I don't want to sit there for minutes deciphering what the hell they had the need to type out. I saw this on a website, when I decided the girl couldn't type good and closed the window. And that concludes the entry. I should have all the stress out now. Phew.

Hrmph and Shtuff

[Edited October 30] You have no idea how long I fiddled with this stupid table code. A table within a table, and I kept complicating things. Ehh. Here are some surveys I took at BZOINK! "Last" In Our Slumber And Emotions, which is below, but I only kept the sections I liked. + Basics + Are you emotional :: Not stereotipically emotional, no. Do songs make you cry? If so, name a few :: Nope. What about moves :: MovIes? What emotion do you usually feel :: Sorrow. + Joy + How often are you happy :: About 5% of the time. What makes you happy :: Somewhere along the lines of staying up for thirty consecutive hours and trying to make coherent sentences to someone online. What do you do when you're happy :: I try to spread it around. It's not everyday I'm all fucked up and giddy, but it's a real treat. How optimistic are you :: Not very. If I'm talking with someone else, as in advice, I can be. Otherwise, I'm pretty negative about everything in general. Do happy people make you mad :: If they're all honkydoryokiedokie, then yes. What's the worst thing someone can do while they're happy :: Be a retard. Yes, that was politically incorrect. Ever been so happy you were dying to tell everyone :: Yes. Too bad no one was around. Ever been so happy you cried :: No. If I was laughing at the time then I may have. Do you smile a lot :: No. Kiss people a lot:: No. Who really makes you happy :: That's what I'm trying to find out too. Do you like doing things for people when you're happy :: That's no reason, I'll do things for people even when I'm upset. + Would you rather + Never feel again :: Assuming this means emotionally then no. I don't seem to feel much at all at anything these days, so it's been like selective feeling. I think I'll keep that for a good day. Feel loneliness or anger for the rest of your life :: I can handle loneliness. Anger will eat me up inside quicker than being alone, which I'm already pretty used to. Be happy forever and never experience bad times :: No. It's the bad experiences that have shaped me, and have made me wise, so I wouldn't give that up for some fake feeling. Cause misery :: I've done my share. Feel misery :: I've felt my share. It doesn't matter either way. Be alone :: I AM alone. Be with everyone you know :: Which is the same as being with no one at all. + Who + Cheers you up more than anyone else :: Ummm. Hmmm. I don't really know. I don't have any "support" groups, contrary to the average female teen. ;) A guy called Turok has been pretty cool to me lately though. Angers you more than anyone else :: Heh. No one in _particular_. ;) But seriously, everyone usually angers me a little some time or another so it's never just one person. Scares you more than anyone else :: Myself. Makes you think about your emotions more than anyone else :: Myself. Makes you really care about how they feel and what they think :: Hmm, who makes me care about them? Someone from another MUD, who I won't name.

Fun shtuff, eh? Today was my "first" for something, but I'm not going to go in detail because it's probably one of those "sick" things that people don't want to hear.

And, damn, it'd be cool to be the Leader of the Holiday domain. I highly doubt anyone would complain, seeing as to how that domain has been empty SINCE THE BIRTH OF THE MUD. And I've secretly wanted to be in that domain, leader or member it's all good, since I started a creator pretty much. I remember even Shimmer once saying, "Huh? There's a Holiday domain?" So, yea. I just spend a substantial amount of my time into the holidays. Christmas, Thanksgiving, St. Patrick's Day.. hmm. Then I've spent time into Valentine's Day, Halloween (last year, which I never finished to be put into game) .. (and of which I'll put a lot in game this year :), hmm I have yet to work with New Year's (though technically it's just the same as Christmas), 4th of July (Which is AMERICAN, like Thanksgiving, and other holidays LL celebrates. But no one complains, so it's cool.).. hmmm Easter, .. yea I think that's all the holidays. I work with them a lot. Just I don't usually like to ask these sort of favors and all. Hmm, I just think it'd be pretty fucking sweet to lead the Holiday domain :) I kind of don't really sort of kind of not lead Genesis. Heh. I don't tell people what to do. I'll help check reqs every now and then, if the situation arises, and I do a ton of all around bug and typo fixing on LL, but I don't tell my Genesis buddies to do anything. I guess that's my problem. I should be cracking them with a whip, similar to the one Shimmer would hit me with when I would idle (but I was doing honest online researching for things to code!), but I just stick to myself. :) Once I get the Halloween shit, Thanksgiving shit in advance, maybe even start on Christmas knowing how I like to procrastinate, and tidy up the boards a little, and actually play the game a little more as a player, and check items off my "todo" list, and do a lot of shit I should have done, THEN I'll see what my Genesis buddies are up to and if they need a little motivation to do things. :) I'm sure they're all hard at work, though. Good for them.

I've got a headache and this soda tastes like cardboard. I promise a good entry soon. Like in a week or two.. Until then you'll just have to sift through these ramblings and piece together thoughts as if it were coherent.