behindmysmile
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2004 24 January :: 6.38pm
| current clothing: | My aeropostal monkey pj outfit!! | | current mood: | Semi happy..kinda sad.. | | current taste: | Dr. Pepper hehe | | current hair: | Jus flipped out n sideways..short hair..easy..wash..blow dry..DONE! heh | | current annoyance: | Joshie n Ryan..stupid assholes! | | current smell: | Sweet pea..tho steve likes my cucumber melon kind better!! =) | | current thing you ought to be doing: | Well watchin american weddin wif joshie n ryan | | current jewelry: | Watch..n a Steve necklace..jamee got me! =p | | current book: | Im readin please stop laughin at me agains | | current refreshment: | Dr. Pepper | | current worry: | That i wont see steve all weekend =/ | | current crush: | Korse steve | | current favorite celebrity: | Jessica Beil or Katie Holmes | | current longing: | longing? wat mite dat be? like wat i want..mhmm to talk to chels.. | | current music: | What dat hook gon be? *Murphy lee* | | current wish: | That i could see my baby!!=/ | | current lyric in your head: | What dat hook gon be..see i dont need no motha fuckin hook on dis beat, all i need is da track in da background my headphones blarin..... | | current makeup (if you're a girl!): | Nothing..im bein lazy t day! | | current undergarments: | Wow why u wanna know? =p | | current regret: | Sayin those f'ing evil things i said to britt.. | | current desktop picture: | Uhm let me check..a big pic of da freshmen v ball team this year!! =) 7-2 gurls..keep it up!! | | current plans for tonight/weekend: | Tonight..jus giong over to ryans..n hangin wif dem..2mmarow gotta go to mitches to work on our german project..gotta get those grades up ya know =/ | | current cuss word du jour: | Fuck you!! =) or my nickname from jiggy samual flipper n arie-Shortshit =p..jiggy-brenda samual-samantha flipper-angela arie-arienna | | current disappointment: | That i dont get to see my baby boo korse | | current amusement: | Adam going on and on and on about Amanda..its really cute! Luv you babes! =p | | current IM/person you're talking to: | Steff..stacey..megs..adam..n tiff!! =) | | current love: | Steve..if its love.. | | current obsession: | Dr. Pepper i guess =) | | current avoidance: | Prolly ryan n joshie =) | | current thing or things on your wall: | In front of me theres a poster of Tupac..*sexxi* | | current favorite book: | Cut *very awesome..a msut read* | | current favorite movie: | I like alot..but maybe..jus married..save the last dance..love n basketball..american weddin..lots of em!! =) |
currents!@*&!*@&^& brought to you by BZOINK!
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2004 24 January :: 6.10pm
| + Basics + | | Are you emotional :: | Sometimes it depends.. | | Do songs make you cry? If so, name a few :: | No | | What about movies :: | Yesh, love n basketball, hardball, save the last dance, remember the titans *dont ask* =p | | What emotion do you usually feel :: | Prolly sad the mostest | | + Sadness + | | What does it take to make you cry your heart out :: | I unno losin a friend.. | | How many times have you done that :: | Like 3 times =( | | Where do you cry :: | Usually by myself | | Do you hate crying :: | Yesh most of the time | | Do you like it when others cry :: | No, cuz dat would mean thier sad bout sumpthin =( | | Do you think tears make eyes look pretty :: | Yesh!! | | Who looks good when they cry :: | James, or Cassie | | How else do you express sadness :: | poems mostly | | Are you sad all the time :: | I guess u could say dat.. | | + Anger + | | What does it take to make you mad :: | Not a whole lot =p | | What do you do when you're angry :: | scream, yell, bitch lots!! =) | | How short is your temper :: | Well it depends on da situation | | How long does it take you to calm down :: | Not too long really!! | | What's the worst thing you've done when you were mad :: | Uhm, i unno ask another time =p | | Do you freak out when others are angry :: | No i usually try n chill em out! | | Has anyone ever recommended anger management to you :: | No lol | | What's the worst thing someone's done to make you mad :: | I dont know that either.. | | Do you anger people :: | Sometimes =/ | | + Joy + | | How often are you happy :: | Depends..try to be all da time | | What makes you happy :: | Being wif my friends, or bf, or doing somethin fun | | What do you do when you're happy :: | Giggle alot =p *giggles* | | How optimistic are you :: | not very.. | | Do happy people make you mad :: | No not at all | | What's the worst thing someone can do while they're happy :: | I dont know..why would some1 do something bad when thier happy? | | Ever been so happy you were dying to tell everyone :: | yeah!! =) prolly 11*21*03 =p | | Ever been so happy you cried :: | yeah, i cry alot!! | | Do you smile a lot :: | Yesh, i try! | | Kiss people a lot:: | Yesh =p | | Who really makes you happy :: | Britt, Steve, Ali, Stacey, lots of ppl!! | | Do you like doing things for people when you're happy :: | yesh korse! Spread da joy!! | | + Fear + | | What do you do when you're scared :: | I usually hid under my blankie =) lol | | What scares you :: | Losing my friends | | Do you like scaring people :: | Yesh its fun! | | Do you like the trill of being frightened :: | Yesh, not all da time tho! | | Does fear accompany anger in your case :: | No | | Ever been so scared you couldn't breathe :: | Yesh a few times | | How often do you panic :: | Not alot actually | | What's the one thing that scared you more than anything else EVER :: | Losing brittany =( | | What do you do to calm your nerves :: | Forget bout it.. | | Do rollercoasters scare you :: | Heck no!! =) | | + The strongest emotion + | | What song never fails to get your strongest emotions going :: | *Dear mama* or *changes* by Tupac | | Movie :: | Hardball or Remember the titans *long story* =p | | Commericial :: | I hate commercials but prolly..da..hadababyitsaboy..LMFAO!! | | Person :: | Brittany ali stacey or steve =) | | Thing :: | My Happy monkey!! | | Sight :: | Someone crying | | Sound :: | Someone cryin or yellin or somethin to dat effect.. | | Food :: | Ice cream or chocolate!! lol | | Thing you're looking forward to/want :: | Being kidnapped by my baby ali..seein stacey..or brit =)..mostly bein kidnapped tho heh | | + What do you do + | | When the emotion suck :: | cry prolly | | When the emotion rocks :: | Be loud, smile, be weird lol | | When there's no emotion :: | cry agains | | + Would you rather + | | Never feel again :: | yesh i would | | Feel loneliness or anger for the rest of your life :: | anger, i hate being lonely =( | | Be happy forever and never experience bad times :: | yeah sure y not | | Cause misery :: | No way | | Feel misery :: | uhm no.. | | Be alone :: | Hell no!! | | Be with everyone you know :: | Yesh!! | | + Who + | | Cheers you up more than anyone else :: | Ali jean korse | | Angers you more than anyone else :: | Brittney stewart prolly da mostest but not all da time! | | Scares you more than anyone else :: | Tiffany..damn her..almost made me die one time lol | | Makes you think about your emotions more than anyone else :: | Cassie smith prolly | | Makes you really care about how they feel and what they think :: | Brittany =) |
Emotions brought to you by BZOINK!
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2004 24 January :: 1.28pm
:: Mood: fuckin pissed off!!!
I bet you all 10$$ that me n my moms will have to leave t nite!!
Any takers? =/
And if im gone fo a couple of days or so..den im at katies..but i mite not have to leave..not sure yet..
All i know is dat THEY WILL FIGHT T DAY..you watch i know they will..my step dad is f'ing pissed..
And ya know wats funny.its my damn fault again..wow go figure..aint it always? =(
I dont give a fuck anyway..oh wells..bye!!
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2004 24 January :: 11.31am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: megans singin..dats a first and last =p
as time goes on..
Well i got a livejournal..and a xanga and im not sure if im going to keep this one up or not..but i mite..cuz im not sure dat im going to be able to figure out da livejournal..and yeah xanga i forgot how much it sucked =p
But yeah britt talked to me last nite..im soo happy!! Im not sure where things r going from there..but ya know im not going to burst my bubble!! hehe *p.s. britt u didnt need to be srry..im da one dat needs to be..and is soo very much*
Chelsie i luv you thanks!! I didnt know a blonde could be so rite all da damn time =p lol im only kiddin u knwo i luv you babes!!
Megan if u need me im here fo you..anyday anytime..whenever babes!! I luv you soo much and i care bout you lots..dont ever forget dat!! =)
Other den dat aint got nothing to say really..britt n all of dem are at busch gardens rite now..i hope thier havin a great time!!
Yeah was surposed to go to da mall wif megs..but NO! oh well i dont give a u fuck..im bout to call jessica to see wat shes doing t day cuz i dont wanna be here..so byes!
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2004 23 January :: 4.16pm
:: Mood: pissed off
And it continues still..
Whew chelsie was talkin bout all of her good grades yesterday and we got our report cards t day so i thought that i would jus post mine on here and show you all that i didnt fail every class like i thought that i was going to..but yeah thier stil horrible..but i dont give a fuck..here they r::
Intro to print media-E exam-B final grade-D
Core plus math-E exam B+ final grade-E
Phys Ed-C exam-B- final grade-C
Tech-C exam-D+ final grade-C
Earth Science-E exam E final grade E
Freshmen trans-B+ exam-E final grade-C
Lit comp-E exam-D final grade-E
German-C exam-B final grade C+
Yeah sucky eh? =/ oh well..neways bye..
Make sure you read the three entries before this one!! =)
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2004 22 January :: 10.13pm
And last but certainitly not least..brittany marie gamester..
Yeah as most of you already know..me and britt have been havin alot of problems, im not really sure wats going on, but i really fucked up this time, i ruined everything, really i did..=(
But ya know wat, brittany still means more to me than anything in the whole world, brittany will always be my best friend even if she is upset and doesnt want to talk to me..tho i really really really dont blame her..But really brittany i seriously cant live without you, ur the best thing dats ever happened to me, im srry for all of the pain that ive ever caused you, it wasnt on purpose, i would never ever want to hurt you, tho i know i have ohh soo many times..
Brittany your the only reason that i wake up in the morning to face a new day, ur the only reason that im living, your the only person that has NO MATTER WAT, through EVERYTHING, through all of the shit ive put you through ur the ONLY person that has been there fo me through it all..no matter wat..you were always there, no questions asked..And i wish that i would have been a better friend and was there like you were there fo me and would have appreciated everything that i had while i had it..now i know wat they mean by that quote *Appreciate wat you have while you have it, cuz 2marro it mite be gone* ='(
Id give anything to get you back and to get things back to the way thigns used to be, anything..=(
But i guess im not the one dat has to make that decision..but britt member dat i do luv you soo much and id do anything fo you, and i will ALWAYS be here for yo no matter wat..i luv you!!
Rockergurl217: when was this anyway
J d shortier 623: when was wat?
Rockergurl217: that u did that thing
J d shortier 623: wat thing?
Rockergurl217: THA THING!
Rockergurl217: U KNOW WHAT THING!~
J d shortier 623: dat c** m***** thing?
Rockergurl217: yesh'
Rockergurl217: that!
when!?
J d shortier 623: uhm...
J d shortier 623: :: 2003 23 October :: 11.43 pm
Rockergurl217: ¿
Rockergurl217: wats today the25th?
J d shortier 623: uh huh
Rockergurl217: so were back to 2?!
Rockergurl217: 141! HOLY SHIT JILLY!
J d shortier 623: :-\
Rockergurl217: thats great gurly
J d shortier 623: no its not!!
Rockergurl217: any idea how proud i am of you?
J d shortier 623: I wanna write big too...i feel over poweredO:-)
Rockergurl217: lol
J d shortier 623: no its not good!!
Rockergurl217: yesh it is jillane
J d shortier 623: Jill*
Rockergurl217: jill you have no idea how proud i am of you
Rockergurl217: soooo
Rockergurl217: soooo
J d shortier 623: You souldnt be!!
Rockergurl217: sooo
Rockergurl217: damn proud
Rockergurl217: u made it fuckin 141 days!
J d shortier 623: DONT BE!
Rockergurl217: thats like *counts*
J d shortier 623: dont try n count babe it'll be okay:-P
Rockergurl217: almost 5 months!
Rockergurl217: i used a calculater:-P:-P
J d shortier 623: haha:-P cheater
Rockergurl217: that is so great and so were back to 2? who cares we can easily make it again
J d shortier 623: it sould of and could and would of been longer!! :-\ dats not long enough
Rockergurl217: so then itll be easier to make it up n keep going jill dont put urself down cuz of this its otay itll be otay cuz i love u n were gonna make it longer okay?
^^A great example of britt always being there fo me and always tryin to cheer me up.. i luv you more than words could ever explain..dont ever forget dat..=/
Well dats enough ppl fo rite now..im dead tired..=( byes ppl!!
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2004 22 January :: 9.55pm
Okay the second one will be about Chelsie!! =)
Chelsie..whew wat to say bout chelsie, well shes always there fo me and always sticks by my side no matter wat i do to hurt her, and i couldnt appreciate her more!!
Shes my lil blondenutcase!! Whew forgot bout dat now didnt ya blondie =p hehe jk i luv yous!!
But really shes soo sweet and soo much fun to be around and im soo glad dat we met dat one time and now have gotten to still see eachother tho not very much..wat happened to that once a month thingy =p we need to get together gains its been way to long!! Jilly misses you!! =)
Swiss Cheese:jill i wrote a lil song 4 u and it goes sumtin like this ::::: dont wry b happy dont wry be happy:::then it goes:: I feeelll good i knew tht i wuld i feeeeelll good i knew tht i wuld so good so good i got ya i feeel nice like sugr n spice so nice so nice i feeeel good
J d shortier 623: hahahah ur sucha cutie pie!! i LUV you!!:-X
J d shortier 623: :-D**
SwissCheese: hehe i luv u 2!!!!!!!
SwissCheese: o i kno im jus so dang cute
J d shortier 623: yesh u r;-)
Hehe..wat a cutie pie..i luv dat gurl soo much =) I luv you chelsie!!
Dont forget bout our booty tickler n our strawberry milkshake trail back to davids..lol luv yous!
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2004 22 January :: 9.24pm
First ill write about my ali jean!! =)
Ali jean is the sweetest, most caring, sensitive person that i know, shes always there for me no matter wat!! I appreciate my baby more than anything!! I dont know wat i would do without her, shes da best person ever!
And were going on a roadtrip sometime..cant member when like july something or another, cuz yeah iknow its after her b day heh =)
And also when im 18 my baby is kidnappin me!!! WOo HOo!! =)
jdshortier623: There are many things that I would like to say to you..
But I don't know how.
aWhOleLoTaSeXiX: oh jill i didnt no u felt that way ;-)
aWhOleLoTaSeXiX: jk jk
aWhOleLoTaSeXiX: :-P
jdshortier623: oh yesh ali..ur jus soo damn sexxi i cant resist myself..im very attrached to yew!! :-*;-)
jdshortier623: haha u goofball:-P
aWhOleLoTaSeXiX: hehe
aWhOleLoTaSeXiX: we have an interesting relationship lol
Hehe i luv my baby gurl =)
We'll be together forever ali jean!! No matter wat..i luv you soo much..ur da best thing dats ever happened to me, thanks fo everything, i luv you!!
Okay dats enough for ali jean fo rite now =)
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2004 22 January :: 9.22pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: The movie swat playin..
A lil something fo kicks..
Okay im going to stop here..and restart i think..im not sure if i sould jus restart journal or not cuz there is alot of stuf fin here dat i mite wanna keep for future reference lol ya know? oh wells i guess i wont..
But okay rite now im gonna write bout my friends..but im gonna write it in a new entry cuz ive gotta write a whole bunch of entries right quick..=)
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2004 19 January :: 11.06pm
:: Mood: fuckin pissed..
And noneoftheless, its gets worse..
Wow, its fun ruining jillys life, anyone else wanna try? Geesh it really is fun, you all sould try..
Well jus wanted to say srry britt, you mean everythin to me, and i cant live my life without you, your the best thing dats ever happened to me..and i miss youmore than anything in da whole world, plz dont leave me..im srry, i knw i was relaly really stupid, and i know i souldnt have said dat, and im srry its jus i miss you, and i luv you..plz..i luv you..
neways have ntohing else to say, had a good day till t nite, when i ruined my day/my life..
Oh yeah i got my hair done today..platuim blonde babey..yeah my mom didnt know bout it tho ive had da appointment fo like 2 weeks now..but yeah she freaked..im grounded..cept she said she luvs it..next im gettin my red strikes..cant wait to see her reaction to dat..oh well i dont care..i hope she dies..
I hope i die..
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2004 18 January :: 7.43pm
:: Mood: irritated
As time goes on..
Today was interestin, no brittany of korse..but im thinkin its cuz mis n amber r down in florida rite now..i dunno. But i got to talk to chels t day!
I have no idea why..but i had this like *itch* to talk wif swiss t day, it was really weird, i jus really needed to talk to her t day..so now i feel better since i talked to her =)
Havent called my baby yet t day, i kinda dont want to, cuz as soon as i do, im gonna get bitched cuz i had to work yesterday and couldnt see him, and den cuz at riot *i was ignorin him and wouldnt talk to him* cept he was playin b ball, but watch im sure ill get bitched at fo dat, who wants to bet 10$?? Anyone? Didnt think so..
I did absolutly nothing t day, actually im still in my pjs. Whew im being soo lazy t day, but its okay cuz i dont have skool 2marro =) yippie!!
Neways i dont have anything to say, so yeah im done, latah everyone!!
I luv you too brittany gamester!! hehe hope ur havin fun wateva ur doing!! *mwuh*
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2004 18 January :: 12.26am
:: Mood: numb
What else could go wrong?
Okay this is to britts comment thingy in the entry below this one::
Brittany, you are the reason dat i aint c*ut* myself in however da hell long its been, not steve, i dont give a fuck about steve, i mean yeah i care bout him, but he dont *care* bout me like you do, and i dont care wat he thinks, he barely even knws that i cut myself, so how could he make me stop..?
Britt ur da one dats always been there fo me through all of this shit, your da one dats tryin to help me stop though its been a long tough road, your the one dat has never given up on me, no matter how many times you know u sould have..
And bout the whole depressed thing, you wouldnt know how im really doing anyway, i mean you ask bout you dont care anymore, to tell you the truth i have no had a all good day in fuckin forever, i cry myself sleep every single nite, i beg and pray for the all mighty god to take me away and fuckin kill me rite then and there, i scream and yell at him for not killin me the day before, i feel like fuckin shit every day that im alive, and if it werent fo you i would kill myself..I wish dat i had the strength to kill myself every day, you have no idea, its like i dont know how to xplain it, i dont feel anything anymore, like idont care bout my grades, i dont care bout my friends, my family, my life, i dont give a fuck anymore, i feel like numb from the inside out, i feel that nobody cares, and nobody sould, and i wish that nobody would, so den it wouldnt be so fuckin hard to kill myself!! Sooner or latah ill be strong enough, and *hopefully* ill still be going out wif steve, and dat will prove to you that tho i mite be happy cuz of him sometimes he still dont make me all happy and not depressed and shit, so dont fuckin say dat, u have no fuckin idea..
I dont know wat to say to you, to any of you, xcept one thing::If i were to die 2marro, jus know dat i luv you more than anything, and nothing could ever have changed dat ever, and dat you were a huge part of my life and who i was, even if it didnt seem like it, every word you said, every thing you taught me, ill remember forever, i luv you all..dont ever forget it..
If only i could die 2marro..=(
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2004 16 January :: 11.32pm
:: Mood: giggly
I luv my babey!! =)
Awwe omg i had da best time at riot t nite!! I luv my baby steve!! Hes soo sweet to me, *cept this hickie, which he will get his ass beat fo lol* but newho, i had da bestest time omg i luv this kid, i wanna be wif him forever, until the day i die!! Hes so great to me, i couldnt ask fo anything more!! 11*21*03 *Best day of mah life* =)
Whew i finally got to see my whore kristie lol, shes still as boy crazy as she always was lol oh wells i still luv her, and i got to see danielle's and yeah dat was great lol were gonna start hangin out more heh =) and i saw lisa *korse* and brittney bunker and stewart, and cassie and gosh everyone else was there, haha nobody went ot da dance t nite, go figure!!
Britt says dat im becoming one of the ppl dat we used to make fun of, well britt its okay, im happy..and dats a friggin first!! So yeah im fine wif being a lil boy crazy lil loserish prepish fag..lol but im srry, if you would like me to stop n break up wif him i will =) but only fo you!! hehe..i luv you lots babe!!
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2004 16 January :: 6.26pm
:: Mood: busy
:: Music: What dat hook gon be? Murphy lee
nothing really
Haha well i really dont have much time but i jsu wanted to come on here and tell wat happened wif me and steve, yeah were back together and things r soo great, whew im soo soo happy, i think dat i luv this guy..and yesh britt ir eally do mean luv, i think dat i am in luv and you all know dat i woudlnt say dat if id idnt totally mean it =) Its weird..but yeah i luv being in *luv* hehe if dats even wat this is!!
Yeah rite now im going to riot wif steve and cassie and josh and all of them..alotta ppl will be there cuz its friday but yeah i realy wanna see me baby and cassie, oh gosh me and cassie r friends again..its great!! =) im luvin dat too!! hehe and dats all thanks to steve, cuz like josh n cassie r giong out and yeah steve and iw ere talkin bout cassie and den now steve started hangin out wif josh and cassie is alwyas wif josh and im usually wif steve so yeah now were hangin out more..so yeah dats great!!!!!!
And me and britt are talkin again, good thing too cuz i thought dat i was going crazy, im not sure wat happened, but ya know i luv dat gurl moer than anything in the whole world and nobody will ever come close tomeain how much she means to me!! NOBODY!! i luv you brittany marie gamester!!
Oh yeah and brittney stewart is going to riot t nite too..which will be kool cuz were gettin along now dat she moved..ick i dont wanna get caught up in her shit tho..shes gettin into alotta hard drugs n stuff..and jilly doesnt want to do dat shit..whew
I talk alot when im happy, anyone else notice!? hehe well luv you all gotat go tho..BYES
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2004 15 January :: 12.20pm
:: Mood: ditzy
:: Music: dillon singing lol =)
bored in uprights again
lol yeah im in uprights class again even tho i really dont have his class..me n becky dawn went down to mrs arkisons during our science exam thingy and yeah den we came here during our lunch..i get to go home in like 20 minutes..whoo hoo!! lol
Yeah but neways im really glad cuz like yeah megs and chels r friends again..i knew dat would happen cuz jilly is soo smart lol
Neways yah i aint really talked to britt yet..i dont know maybe ill talk to her like next week..maybe shes busy is all..
Yeah and me and steve r back together..ill write in here bout wat happened wif dat latah t nite when i get home cuz i prolly wont be home till latah if my mommy is okay wif our lil plan haah..well gotta go now..lunch is almost over.
Luv you all lots latah!!
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2004 14 January :: 4.13pm
:: Mood: amused
Lol im jus sittin here doing NOTHING..watchin kala and brenda *jiggy* do thier exams fo this class..which i have no idea wat is is lol..but yeah..im bored..whew
Yeah we went to see mrs blume and miss conrad, and yeah miss wait i mean mrs beer, yeah she had detention duty so we really couldnt talk, and yeah shes giong to da game t nite so dat we can takl n stuff lol..and yeah mrs blume and me and jiggy had a really nice talk lol..she talked bout how her students were really annoyin t day and how she had a bad day lol..neways yeah im gonna get going..luv you all..FREAKS..woop!! ::no comment:: No i didnt ask you about ur mother..yesh u did..nu uh i luv apples..not u..woop woop!!
Lol srry dat was messed =)
Love..me!!
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2004 14 January :: 1.26pm
:: Mood: silly
:: Music: Some country music in da next room =)
Jus bored.. lol
Yeah i know dat i said dat i wasnt going to write in this thingy anymroe but yeah im like sittin here in uprights room *computer class* and yeah brenda is finishing her exam and arieanna is like playin on disney.com lol..so yeah i thought dat i woudl do this to give me somthing to do ya know..so yeah
Wow t day was really fun too..im really luving this exam schedule..too bad its going to end and soon =( oh wells lol
Today me and steve are talkin and he wants to talk bout wats going on cuz he talked to his mom last nite and everything and he says dat he really likes me n shit but yeah i dont know bout all of dat..i dont know bout him anymore
Yeah also t day was really fun..haha..and now im stayin after until like 5:00 and yeah den nicks mom is going to come and pick me up and take me to j high to go to my girlies v ball game..n den im going there yeah and den going home..fun fun =)
And wow..ya know im startin to become friends wif da ppl dat i was friends wif in like 7th grade..cuz yeah brenda *jiggy* was my locker partner and we were like best friends..and den we stoppped talkin after dat cuz she joined a diff group of friends..den she went back to he rother one..which ive been havin out wif all week..jamee is like being really weird lately..cuz of he rand mike but oh wells
And yeah guess who called me late last nite..at like 1 in da morning..Brittney..yeah she was all crying and all upset bout her mom and dad..they had gotten into a huge fight..and she was really shaky so i talked to her till bout like 3:00 3:30 and yeah it was great to hear from her again..were gonna get together this weekend maybe..but im not sure rite now cuz brenda n dem have a game and they want me to come over and go to it wif em lol
But yeah neways..i dont really have much else to say here rite now and im bout to help brenda cheat on her exam lol so yeah im gonna get going..
Megs i luv you too babe..
And brittany, u know dat i luv you more than life itself..tho its not da same anymore..you still mean the world to me..plz talk to me babe..i miss you =(
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2004 12 January :: 9.20pm
:: Mood: depressed
Well whew..i think i jus got dumped by stacey..and yeah maybe this one is fo good..i hate how she trys and makes me choose between her and my other friends..
And den brittany wont fuckin talk to me and dat fuckin sucks..but ya know if she dont wanna be friends anymore den fuck it..=( *tear*
And den my mom is fuckin drivin me nuts puttin me on this like weight contral program cuz im not as fuckin anorexic as she is..
And den ive got fuckin exams EVERYDAY THIS WEEK..which is going to be fuckin hell..oh well im jus failing every class anyway..
And then all of this bullshit wif steve..
Ya know wat i dont give a fuck anymore..im jus gonig to drop all of my friends..move skools..and start all over..start fresh..but ya know..i bet dat wouldnt work either..ill jus fuckin screaw things up again..
Oh well im out..not dat any of you fuckin care..wateva fuck it..bye!! =(
P.s. im done wif this journal..i mean im not going to write in it anymore..so yeah enjoy this luvly last entry..depressed..sounds like the begining of the rest of my life..*how cheesy*
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2004 11 January :: 11.02pm
:: Mood: lonely
This entry is all fo brittany..
Okay this is fo britt..so yeah..here i go..
Okay for a while now britt things have been really different between us..and yeah just like today i was trying to talk to you and i would be like so you gonna talk to me and youd be like no and id be like okay and den like a while latah id say it and you be like no and den i was like well den ill jus go and ur like okay bye n everything..so yeah dat was really rude..how am i surposed to feel about that??
Yeah thigns are soo diff now..and i really hate it..i wish dat things could go back to da way they were before..wat happened between us? was it soemthing i did..or said? Come on dont even just say dat this is jus me dat feels this way cuz it cant be just me..cuz yeah thigns r really diff and im not just sayin this..it feels to me like you dont even care anymore.. =/
But wateva, i jus really wanna know wats going on here..cuz i miss you and wish dat we were da best of friends like we were before..plz talk to me..im dieing here without you..i luv you soo much..i dont know wat i would do without you..plz dont leave me..=(
P.s. im not jus sayin this to start a fight or nothing either so dont think dat either..and call me if you wanna talk..but im goin to bed..gotta lotta shit to think bout..=/
Love..Jilly!!
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2004 9 January :: 10.17pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: California Love::My baby Tupac!!
New community!!
Okay everyone..i made a new community..and yesh this one we are all actually going to write in..its going to be jus like a blog..like the ones dat me and Jamee *my hoe* n Becky Dawn used to keep last year..and me n Cassie Smith, and Cassie Brown..but yeah..its giong to be for us lil buddy ol' pals!! So everyone MUST join it ASAP..the name is dazedandconfuzed plz join it as soon as you can!! And as soon as i can ill put the rules in it..yesh there are rules.but dont wrry they dont have to be followed..rules are meant to be broken..maybe i sould jus call them guidelines lol..
So yesh Brittany..Chelsie..Megan..Ali jean..Missy..Stacey..you must all join the community..or else you will be in for it =) hehe..but yeah..neways plz join..i will luv you fo it =)
Neways yeah lets see here..aint talked to britt really in a bit..i miss you ya fruit!! Hehe oh well its all good!! hehe and you too chelsie..i miss you lots!!
Of korse i talked to my perv ali tho..i always talk to dat lil chicka..cuz shes a bum jus like me!! =) but rite nwo sehs at a dance thingy..*tear tear* lol oh well I LUV YOU ALI JEAN!!
And yeah my baby Stacey got an online journal..yippie skippie!! lol i luv you stacey your sucha cutie pie!! lol i dont know wat i would do without ya!!
And omg guess wat..me and becky dawn had this oh soo interestin talk today and we talked bout our problems..during science when we were surposed to be makin notes for da exam lol but oh well
and yesh i went to go see miss *beer* after skool but she wasnt there so i went to see mrs blume and yeah that was great..i talked to her fo a while..yeah i feel soo much better now..
and me and steve talked things out and yeah were takin a one to two week break so we dont *jump into things head first and fuck it all up again* hes sucha sweetie..hehe but oh well..i dont really know anymore..hhe but i really like this one..YAYAY..not dat ya'll care to hear bout some stupid guy..neways im going to bed now..or well going to lay down..den leavin at like 12 to go out wif meg n see nicole dat ia int seen in like 2 months!! yippie skippie!! lol
love..ME!!!! =)
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2004 9 January :: 6.34pm
:: Mood: grumpy
:: Music: Wilson making noises to annoy me..=/
And it never seems the same..
I took this from my friend Tara.. I don't know how to put it in a link thingy so I'll be a dork and place it here.. I'm bored so I had to do something.. you know how that goes. Basically what you do is you copy the list and then you bold the things that are the same about you and that person you copied it from and then the things that are different you change to fit you. Sounds easy enough.
01. I have made bad decisions.
02. I have never listened to Death Cab for Cutie.
03. My favorite character is scooby doo..scooby dooby doo..where are you..? lol
04. Nope i dont have braces..
05. I have no children.
06. I don't hate any kind of music
07. I usually sleep less than 4/5 hours each night
08. I hate dressing up..i think its jus too flashy..
09. I hate trying in school... in the end it really doesn't matter so why worry about it?
10. I hate that about myself..
11. I love all kinds of shoe shopping.
12. I want to adopt children when I get older.. there are so many children that need families out there and I want to help them and it really doesn't matter to me that I didn't have them myself because they will still be my kids..
13. I prefer pants
14. I collect memories.
15. Actually i think that i give too much..im always the one giving..and never the one recieving..
16. I'm not a member of the mile-high club.
17. I love to read but I don't get around to doing it...
18. I have a lot to learn.
19. I am always wanting more
20. I don't believe in love at first sight... you have to at least walk by again..
21. I love music.. it makes me happy
22. I love animals, I want to adopt abused ones when I get older... everyone needs a second chance to be loved. *Oh yesh very awesome point TARA*
23. My bedroom is actually neat and organized..90% of the time.
24. I do not believe in god..or do not accept him or whatever..
25. I do not feel loved by the all mighty god..
26. I do not believe in god..and do not appreciate all of the questions about him..
27. I want to learn how to work in a darkroom.. photography has always interested me
28. I want to learn how to play the drums
29. I am not a very confident person..unfortunitly..
30. I hate like all of my family..and think they sould all just go to hell :-D *cept my cuzie*
31. I love to learn new languages.. sometimes I tend not to study though.. so that doesn't help
32. I sometimes like spicy food.
33. I tend to be materialistic
34. I procrastinate way too much.. like every single day of the year..
35. I love basketball..though im not playing it for reasons only some know..
36. Yeah i do chores..yippie fun..NOT!!
37. I am an extrovert and an introvert... depends on my surroundings.. *thanks to judy for explaining what this actually meant* lol
38. I have a foot phobia.. lol.. don't ask!
39. I used to love to write but now i cant..
40. *I am only truly happy when I am in Michigan.. the rest of the time I am only happy..*<
41. I really enjoy creative and personal gifts, even if they cost nothing.
42.I don't think any situation should necessarily be uncomfortable or awkward. But yet they often are.
43. The flush of embarassment still gets to me.
44. I am passive about what I like and what I don't like.
45. I think people should hug each other more.
46. I cant always find something good about each and every day..
47. I like to write poetry, even though it is mostly bad.
48. I have never really gotten burnt from the *sun* or *tanner* in my life =)
49. I wish I exercised more.
50. I don't care if my siblings like the same things as I do.
51. People think I am older than what I am in most pictures..
52. I am a proficient typer.
53. I think I have the best set of friends anyone could ever have.
54. I'm tired of procrastinating.
55. I don't like killing animals for food... but that makes me a hypocrite because I eat meat. Oh well.
56. I love cool breezes at night. But only in the summer.
57. When it comes to clothes, I'm DEFINETLY a winter person I love sweaters
58. I can stand in front of any group of people..and say whatever..very open and outgoing public speaker..exspecially good at debating =)
59. I love fires especially in a snow blizzard
60.I'd like to take more risks, but depending on the risk, I don't think they're completely necessary.
61. I kind of like broccoli...*which sounds crazy*
62. I dont like italian food..
63. I like to jump on trampolines.
64. I am usually very emotional.
65. I hate sleeping past noon. (but I do it anyways sometimes)
66. I don't watch much TV.. mostly just like Dawsons creek, n 7th heaven, n will and grace, n friends n stuff like that!! =)
67. I want more money.
68. I like deep conversations, but also conversations about nothing at all. hehe Britt sould know wat im talkin bout there
69. I have some great friendships.
70. I'm too afraid of rejection and failure. well the failure part I deal with not trying.. so that settles that...
71. I'm not married.
72. I do not like getting tickled.
73. I always try to give out hugs or other physical means of contact.
74. I predict that my parents will let me drive by myself..as long as my mom dont have to drive me everything lol
75. I love Christmas.
76. I think I am a sadistic.
77. I am addicted to Dr. Pepper..couldnt live without it!! heh
78. I love good books. Who doesn't?
79. I love german class or Intro to Media..*not the teacher..jus the subject..like the writtin not the other gay shit we do*
80. I shower quite frequently.
81. I've never seen Duran Duran in concert.
82. I'm not shy, I have a loud mouth and I am very critical...
83. I believe in choices and a free will.
84. I love rap music *exspecially rap with a meaning..like most all of tupac..n stuff like that*
85. I am not shy with people I meet at school or anywhere else..im a very open and outgoing person..i love meetin new people!!
86. I love aeropostal cloths..or pac sun!! *Only aeropostal cuz of the whole monkey thing* =)
87. I want to travel more.
88. I have never been in love.
89. I could live in my pajamas.
90. I love wearing rings AND bracelets. *though i tend to loss them alot of the time*
91. I'm scared of hurting those I love.
92. I'm scared of human relationships. People hurt people.
93. I love to play basketball..ex by myself..its a place where i think.
94. I never get what i want!! *not fair*
95. I dont really have an interest in getting high..but i love gettin drunk!!
96. It sucks to want things.
97. But it's cool when you get them!
98. Im not really into the whole 80's fashion deal..
99. I have a lot of acquaintences, but not many real close friends. Wish I had more.
100. I am a big sap, deep down inside.
Whew its kinda weird how much me and someone dat i barely know anymore *Not that i knew her mucho much before anyway*..have in common..Weird..yesh..but kool!! =) hehe
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2004 7 January :: 8.38pm
Whew finally home!! Thank god..cept mymom is already being a bitch oh wells!!
Neways yeah i got to talk wif britt finally and chels..hehe i missed tho fluzz's mucho much!! Hehe..thier da bestest!!
And im talkin wif Tara again!! Yayay i missed dat gurl soo much..we used to talk bout everything..and she is someoen dat i could always trust..but im sure she dont member dat..=/
Neways meg is back home..yayay!! i missed dat asshole =)
N whew i cant believe how much i missed my baby gurl ali jean!! Shes da bestest..n she understands me..unlike alotta freaks here..oh well gots to go now..latah!!
love.me!!
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2004 6 January :: 8.18pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: katie being weird..=)
Well i jus wanted to say hey in this thing since its been a while..and yeah i dont know wat to say really..
Well i jus wanna say dat i luv you lots britters and i miss you soo much and i hope dat i can go home 2marro so dat i can talk to you I MISS YOU TONS!! and yeah i wanna talk tyou soo much
Yeah other den dat...i really dont wanna leave here cuz its fun here..katie n me r gettin alone better and talkin bout stuff and its really fun to be able to talk to her..shes great. But yeah im gonna miss her when i leave..maybe ill come bak to visit her sometime =) I luv my cuzie wuzie!!
hehe yeah neways luvya chels n miss n meg n ali n mike n all of you boogers =)
love..ME!!
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2004 5 January :: 10.29am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Duffey complaining to mrs rodman.. =)
Hey were jus sittin in class again..since i cant get online at katies house really..cept it dont matter cuz we've been majorly busy lately..yeah last nite was da best..i aint seen steve in a while tho..a couple of days..=/ dunno..oh well tho..
Yeah gotat go tho..britt i miss you loser..hope to talk toyou t nite or something..i mite be on after we go to da tanner and after we go over to whas her faces house and all of dat good stuff..=/ i unno..but yeah ill try n get on t nite..if not email me..
luv you too chels and miss n megz!! =) latah everyone!!
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2004 3 January :: 9.10pm
:: Mood: indescribable
awwe man!! Whew im at katies so i dont have very much time..plus steve n mike n katie are all watchin jeepers creepers we jus rented it..and yeah thier gettin mad cuz they want me out there cuz im da only one dats seen it and thier scared lol..=)
Well this has actually been fun time here fo once..and omfg new years was da best ever!! *Britt i have to tel you some thigns..good *really good* and kinda realy bad..=/ ut oh wells*
Steve stayed da nite last nite and is stayin t nite..cuz katies mom my aunt lefted..hehe i luv katie =) shes soo sweet..but yeah liz n danielle and katie and me and steve and mike aare all going out t nite..and were goin rockin bowling and den were going to like prank some pplz ya kmow fun stuff like dat..liz n danielle are comin over bout 11 or so..so yeah i dont know wato tsay
I miss yu freaks soo much..ex britt n chels n my baby ali..i miss you ali sooo sooo much!! Its weird not talkin to you..but newyas yeah im gonan go..luv you lots everyone bye!! =)
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2003 31 December :: 1.01pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Perfect *Simple Plan*
Those who do not know how to weep with thier whole heart don't know how to laugh either..
Here is a cute lil poem i jus found in this book, and thought dat i would share it wif all of you!! =) *Book-Chicken soup for the teenage soul on Love & Friendship*
Why they are friends
Because...they smile.
Because...they understand just be looking into your eyes.
Because...they finish your sentences and know what you like.
Because...they know you better than you know yourself.
Because...with them you aren't afraid to be yourself.
Because...you can say something stupid or expose your deepest secrets to them.
Because...everything you do together becomes a memory.
Because...you don't need to do something special to have fun...fun just happens.
Because...you don't need to explain anything...they just know.
Because...they tell you the truth, no mtter how much you'd rather not hear it.
Because...they would do anything for you and get you out of trouble.
Because...they make you laugh harder than anyone.
Because...they are not afraid to put themselves on the line for you.
Because...you can trust them.
Because...they believe in your dreams, no matter how silly they may seem.
Because...they dry your dreams.
Because...you are good enough when you are with them.
Because...they love you for who you really are.
*Brittany* *Courtney* *Stacey* *Ali* *James* *Adam* *Becky Dawn* *Trixi* *Sidnee* *Mike* *Brittney* *Rachel* *Chelsie* *Megz* *Ashley* *Kristie* *My homefluffs* =) n anyone else i forgot!! =)
Luv all of ya!! =)
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2003 30 December :: 11.02pm
:: Mood: stressed
When you think youve got it..think again..
britt: then i dont think we can be friends
britt: yo u obviously dont care bout me
britt: and you obviousily dont care that this hurts me
Brittany marie gamester..before i leave..jus wanted to let u know:: That, wat u said rite there, could be nothing further from the truth, brittany u knw dat im da peacemaker and if someone wants to be my *friend* den im going to be like yeah sure *example da whole cassie deal, u knwo wat shit she did to me, but i took her back..no questions asked* and dats da only reason dat i became friends wif her again, iw ould never ever ever want to hurt you in anyway. I swear britt..=/ And im really srry..i wish dat you understood where im coming from, i jus wanna know why u dont want me to..dats it..i mean i'll stop..but it would be nice t oknow dat my BEST FRIEND trust me enough to tell me something as dumb as this..but wateva..
I luv you wif all of my heart britt..and im really srry, *forgive me* or *lose me* take your pick..the choose is yours..plz make da rite one..
I better go..latah..
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2003 30 December :: 3.38pm
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: Brenda's got a baby *Tupac*
Its about time..
I knew things would be different..and now im the one payin for it..i wish things could be back to how they used to be..but instead they cant..and im the one that has to pay fo it.. =/
Well lets see..not too much happening around here really..cept coming home from florida..and den my rents gettin into a huge fite last nite..yeah but oh well nothing new wif dat..they always fight..so who cares anymore rite..? neways..
Me and steve r doing good i guess..he'll prolly break up wif me soon tho..but im hopeing dat my mom will let me stay home while they go on vaca and den he can like come over n everything.. weee =) but i dunno bout dat..
Me and Ali are becoming alot better friends..its great..i luv dat gurl shes soo hilarous and shes always there fo me..were planning a road trip to see eachother..lets see ive known her fo like 2 years too..i luv dat chicka soo much hehe!!
LiLAliJEaN xoX: I have been having Jilly withdrawls <
Other den dat i dont really have anything giong on..well yeah dats enough fo now..bye!!
Love..me!!
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2003 20 December :: 9.17pm
Hey everyone..well id ont have very much time..cuz yah ive gotta get going to bed real soon cuz my flight leaves at 8 10 and we've gotta leave here at like 5 in da friggin morning!!! =/ ick!! oh well =)
Yeah..leavin 2marro now..and now comin bak till da 29th i think? if i can count rite =) hehe yah dats when =)
Awwe im gonna miss everyone tho..like chelsie and megan and stacey and steve =/ and becky dawn and courtney and tiffany and katt and brittney and cassie and sidnee and all of my other lil ol' buddies =)
yeah but i bet its all going to be worth it..cant wait to see my fav booger brittany!! =)
Well yeah im tired..and bored..and gettinraedy fo bed..so leave me some lovin for when i get home!! =)
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2003 18 December :: 8.37pm
:: Mood: worried
::Im going to name off a few friends that i think dat i have lost touch with over time..that i really wish that i could get bak and be friends wit::
::Cassie::
::Taylor::
::kathryn::
::SARA::
::Emily::
::Mitch::
::Kari::
::Brittney B::
::Brittney S::
::Danielle::
::Becky Dawn::
::Travis::
::Aaron::
::Brenda::
::Chris::
::Josh C::
::Josh W::
::Morgan::
::Heather::
::Anthony::
::And soo many other ppl.. =/::
::Now i would like to say thanks to a few ppl that i am still friends wif dat mean alot to me::
::Brittany::
::Stacey::
::Chelsie::
::Megan::
::Ashley::
::Cassie M::
::Steffanie::
::Sidnee::
::Cassie B::
::Lisa::
::Tiffany::
::Courtney::
::Tasha::
::Gloria::
::James::
::Mike::
::Steve::
::Nicole::
::Nate::
::Ethan::
::Tanner::
::and alot of other pplz =)::
::Now a few ppl dat i think dat im going to be becoming alot better friends wif sometime soon::
::Autumn::
::Katt::
::Leslie::
::Ashley::
::Riley::
::Gloria::
I luv all of my friends and if i forgot you here im srry..i luv you all!! =) *Well most of you* hehe =p
::But my bestest friend in da whole wide world is::
::BRITTANY MARIE GAMESTER:: *big surprise eh? hehe*
I LUV YOU WIF ALL OF MY HEART BABEY GURL!!!
love..jilly!!
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