"If you live to be one hundred, I want to live to be one hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you" ~Winnie The Pooh "Life isn't fair. It's just fairer then death. That's all." ~William Goldman Always look on the bright side of death! Just before you draw your terminal breath Life's a piece of shit, When you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true, You'll see it's all a show, Keep 'em laughing as you go Just remember that the last laugh is on you! -Spamalot

 

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My Own Little World

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:: 2004 12 May :: 8.53 pm
:: Mood: grateful
:: Music: Reflection

Wow...You know when you read something so amazingly great and it's just...wow. I don't know. Just wow.

Call me a loser, because I am. But it was a fanfiction...Harry Potter to be exact...but wow. I wish I had the ability to write like that.

To top it off, the end of it...the last chapter...was written right after the author's best friend died in a car crash. The day after the funeral. Just wow.

If anything happened to any of you, I don't know what i'd do with myself.

All of you...not just the ones that you think I'm thinking about.

I may seem dependant, but I guess we all are in a way.

You guys mean the world to me.

I love you all so much, more then I could ever say.

You've made my happy days happy and made my life so much better. I don't know where I'd be without all you.

Don't ever leave me, ok? I'll miss you too much.

-patrice

1 Hermaphidite | Are you a purple cow?


:: 2004 11 May :: 7.26 pm
:: Mood: Tired

My teeth hurt. Really insanely bad. It feels like they're about to be ripped out of my head. I HATE BRACES!!! >.<

Hmm.. In other news...I haven't written in here for a long time. I don't like that.

So this year I've had the longest birthday ever. Well, with my family. It finally ended yesterday with a card my mom forgot to give me. I don't know, it's kinda cool. Birthdays should be 4 days long all the time. It should be a law.

I need a tutor for algebra...any volunteers?? :-( The idiot needs a tutor...yep. Ms. Stone called me down today to tell me that I'm an idiot and need extra help and maybe shouldn't take trig next year.

I really don't like the sisters. They're jerks. They're saying how I looked really "crappy" at turnabout and how I looked like I just woke up and stuck my head in a microwave. Thanks guys. I love you too.

La ti da.

Did you know Gabbie wears thongs? O.O A little too much info for us all, but she kinda just shouted it out to the world. thought I should corrupt others.

Anyone have a gun??? oh...wait...never the mind. The sisters and the friend left...phew I am safe.

What is wrong with the world these days? Have morals just gone out the window?

I feel like an old lady, lol.

-Patrice

Are you a purple cow?


:: 2004 9 May :: 5.35 pm

So...I'm bored. And I decide to go to the libertyville band site. And grrrr...they have the pictures from theirs tupid bahama cruise that we were supposed to go on. :'(

It made me sad. And they played pirates and chicago there..those poo heads. I just want to say that we were ten times better.

It's not fair. It's really not. I want to leave this stupid place with people who aren't my family. Theatre fest was so mcuh fun for that reason. And blah.

I hate trumpets. -.-

Are you a purple cow?


:: 2004 7 May :: 12.29 am

Grrrrrr..... >.<

Okie, night!

You're all awesome, btw. :-)

Are you a purple cow?


:: 2004 5 May :: 12.08 am
:: Mood: Tired

Pooeyness
so I figure..I'm online for a bit, why not write? I know I should be sleeping, because yes...I am exhausted...but shush. I want none of your common sense. Poo heads. Hehe.

So today, in a sense, wasn't bad. I've been trying to be more optimistic...look at the small good things, ya know? Ok so here's a list...
1. Homework not checked in algebra
2.Onyly a worksheet for homework
3/ Felt smart in Lit today
4. Kenny wasn't here! :-)
5. Watched movie in history and chemistry.
6. Came up with a crazy theory about school in america, I was proud.
7. NO MORE BAUER FOR REST OF YEAR!!! :-) WOOOO! But I still feel bad, considering she's havign surgery...so get better Bauer!!! :-)

After that, it was kinda just ________...Ya know? Oh well. Good things did happen.

Tech rehearsals are going on. Final dress tomorrow. =-O It's scary. Like boo! Ahh! Yeah.

I really want this show to just end, but I'm gonna be so sad. I don't know, it should last forever. Stress is fun! ;-P Plus..yeah... well..never mind.

Tomorrow I'm suposed to dress like my favorite senior. I don't think I will. What can I do that's distinctive, you know? yeah, plus I'm tired. Lol. So screw it. I do love all you seniors though. Just not enough to wake up earlier then normal and actually think.

I have country stuck in my head. Woo...country..::rolls eyes:: It's better then Joseph atleast.

I had weird dreams in Algebra today.

Ok...to bed. I'm tired and not feeling too good. So good night. sweet dreams.

-Patrice

1 Hermaphidite | Are you a purple cow?


:: 2004 2 May :: 7.20 pm

BTW...I sent in money for whoever I said I would. If it gets there before May 8th, you are all safe.

1 Hermaphidite | Are you a purple cow?


:: 2004 2 May :: 6.30 pm
:: Mood: pissed off

I need to get out of here. I'm gonna explode. I already have and I'm screwed. I hate my dad. I hate him so much right now. He's the biggest jerk in the world.

He's downstairs bitching that I have no sense of responsibility because i don't have a job or a license, I'm a complete and total failure. That all I think about is my friends and theatre, that I'm not focused or anything. Then amanda gets in on it and goes on abotu how I'm 17 and I don't have a job or a license and grrr....You know what? Which daughter is goign to college? Not Amanda. Nope. She has no right to tell me I'm not responsible. She's teh one who slacked off in high school, screwing her over for life. So do you know what I told her? "I'm not the irresponsable one, because atleast I'm going to college" :-P

Yeah, I know it's immature, but I really don't care. I've been mature long enough with these people and they've pushed me far enough. I'm not gonna take it anymore.

I try to be patient, I really do. There's only so much of this shit that they throw on me that I can handle. My brother was sitting there hitting me and hurting me for ten minutes telling me I'm a failure and that my dad was gonna kill me and that I was fat, ugly, stupid....and I don't know. And I hit him. I admit, I shouldn't have. But I can't take his shit anymore. he's 11 years old. I'm 5 years older then him. Five years and he treats me like I'm a stupid piece of shit and I'm not gonna take it anymore.

Now I'm grounded for a month because they pushed me to my limit. I'M grounded because they pushed me so far that I just gave up. Have they ever once thought to back off...maybe it'll all be okay? Maybe I'd be happy to go home and not do anything in my power to avoid coming here.

Don't tell me right now that I have no right to complain, I know you probably have it worse. But right now I hate them. And I don't care anymore. I don't fucking care.

I need to get out of here. I can't stand this.

2 Hermaphidites | Are you a purple cow?


:: 2004 2 May :: 12.40 am
:: Mood: blank

A journal is a place for my thoughts..right?

So here goes...honestly...I feel insanely crappy right now. I'm just not good. And I can't exactly tell you why.

I just can't think straight right now and my mood is totally completly down.

It's been crappy for a while and I don't know, it's not getting much better. Maybe a little, but it's still there.

I don't want to bring others down with me, so ignore my moodiness. I guess it helps to be lonely, I'm used to it.

Tonight was fun, but I still feel just down. Angry and bitter and sad and lonely.

I apologize. I don't mean to bring more shit to your life, I know you want to enjoy your life. So continue on with your ignoring. I want you guys to be happy.

I don't have anything else to say.

-Patrice

1 Hermaphidite | Are you a purple cow?


:: 2004 1 May :: 12.31 am
:: Mood: cynical
:: Music: Blackbird

Why cynical? I've never used it before. And I guess it describes me...sure...

Yeah, I'm really tired. So this is gonna be quick.

Wow, I'm more tired then I thought. I think I should sleep, not that I'm gonna get much anyways. >.< Grrr

I listened to Les Mis last night. It was cool. I loved Les Mis. They were good times at the time. And I don't really regret much from back then. I don't know.

Jessica's party was fun. Making fun of Benny...talking to Carl...losing Jessica's Connect Four pieces...lol.

Ok....I cannot keep my eyes open any longer. I think I'd be ok if I wasn't so bored, but alas. I have a curfew. Poo. So to bed because I have no life.

Good night.
-Patrice

Are you a purple cow?


:: 2004 29 April :: 11.35 pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Here Is Gone

O.o;;
I don't really feel sick sick..just like, I don't know. I'm not feeling too good either way, so whatever. Why do I feel the need to explain my mood? I don't know.

I can not, for the life of me, concentrate on my damn paper. My brain is way too full, but of all the wrong things. Who cares about Daisy and her symbolic bad driving? Not Patrice. So what can I do? Just try to force this paper out of my head.

GAAH! Fuck this! I quit.

I don't know what to say, what to do, what to think.

Good bye.
-Me

Are you a purple cow?


:: 2004 29 April :: 12.18 am
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: Funeral For A Friend

Purple Monkeys Run The Zoo
Today was just...today. I feel so drained, meaning I should sleep so I don't fall asleep during my test.

So...ACT....was crappy. Afterwards the Quizno's was oh so good. Veggie with no dressing...hellls yeah. Hehe.

And there's a scrapbook store in Vernon Hills. Didn't know that. It's expensive though. I don't know. Theys gots some cool stuff there though.

The pet store....oh wow. The kittens were so sweet, everytime I go there I'm on the verge of tears just because I feel so bad for the cats who are 6 years old and people won't adopt them because they always want kittens and the older cats live their whole lives in cages. And I want to take them all home with me...and yeah. Then this lady walks in with a cage with two cats and yeah. It was so sad, because she was bringing them in so they could be adopted because she couldn't keep them anymore. It was so sad. I cried, yes I admit it. I cried.

I am very weak emotionally. I've discovered that. It kinda sucks.

Yeah, so then we played war with pictures and just sat around being lazy. Which was fun. Lazy is good to be sometimes.

It was weird, I was telling Jill about hospitals and stuff and I answered the question she asked but I kept talking. Eventually after 20 minutes of my rambling and them pretending to listen, I told them every last gory detail about freshman year/summer before 10th grade. I don't know, I never could really talk about it before and I just spit it out. I don't know if they cared or were even listening, but it felt kinda good.

I hated freshman year. No offense to any friends, but it was just bad. And it scares me. Alot. It still does, even though I should be pretty much over it.

I don't know, it's one of those things that could happen again at anytime and things will just Woosh all over again. I don't know. I'm shutting up. No one cares anyways and I don't even know what I'm saying right now. I know what I'm thinking and what I want to say, but I don't know. Hmm.. Ok...no more.

Anyways....so yeah...I was late to rehearsal where it was just...rehearsal. I hate it. But you all know that.

Then we went to go get free ice cream...Jill, Chris, Wender, and I. It was good. Then Jill and Wender kinda disappeared and it was weird, I was left with Chris.... ::Shudders:: Hehe. Nooo, It was fun. Hul and Kyle showed up and it was a party on a stick. Let me tell you. Hopefully those girls don't tell my sister I was there. That'd be bad.

Oh well. You know what? I don't give a fuck if my parents find out. I don't care anymore.

I should really sleep for the test tomorrow. Wooo PSAE! :-P Someone wanna kill me? Please?! Pooo...Okie...good night.

-Patrice

Are you a purple cow?


:: 2004 27 April :: 12.24 am
:: Mood: Nothing really

Today was one giant nothing. Stuff happened and it wasn't bad, just nothing. I'm rather bored, if you haven't noticed. I got a gatsby test tomorrow. Joy.

Your words are just whispers and lies that I'll never believe.

Yep...fun to have songs stuck in your head.

I'm looking through you, where did you go?
You don't look different, but you have changed.
I'm looking through you, you're not the same.


My foots alseep.

I really need to shower. But it'll wake up my dad and all hell will break loose. So fun early morning showers. Woooo. meaning I should probably sleep soon. Sleep can be a good thing.

My teeth need rubber bandage...I've forgotten.

Ahhh! i lost my rubber bands! I want my braces off. ::pouts:: Pooey.

Doom di doom, my mouth is dry. My bassoon teacher thinks I have asthma. She yelled at me for it today. It was weird.

I got a 2/39 on my math test. Aren't you proud? It's not a 0, that made me semi-happy. But I'm still failing. And that's not good. Mid terms this week. :-P

My dad's a jerk. I could have gotten a 36 on everything but one thing on that damn test and he would have said " You did good, except for that one 34...that's terrible. You aren't perfect. I hate you."

Oh well, it'll be done with soon. All this test shit.

Being a junior can suck sometimes. I just tell myself that next year, I get two days off this week.

If you stuck with this entry for this long, you deserve a prize.

I know I'm boring.

Ok..I'm off to go sleep maybe. ::yawn::
Night peoples.

-Patrice

Are you a purple cow?


:: 2004 26 April :: 11.59 pm
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: Silence

Yeah, I love you all...I'm dead serious. You all are amazing people, I think I'm too connected with my friends. I'll miss you all too much. The end is inevitable. I want it to never come.

This is why I never talked before, I never wanted to get close. And now that I am, I don't regret it..it's just different. I hate it, but at the same time I don't know where I'd be without all of you.

I'd still be that quiet girl in the back of the room who never talks. Literally. If they heard me say one word, it'd be a minute or so of "Omg, she talked!" And not just jokingly. People actually thought I was a freggin mute.

Well...I don't know, I guess I'm happier now. It just...grrr...getting cose to people only leads to you getting hurt.

I want time to stop.

Are you a purple cow?


:: 2004 25 April :: 9.22 pm
:: Mood: refreshed
:: Music: Reflection

The sky
The sky is pretty tonight. You should all go outside and look at it.

My birthday is soon, buy it for me. Yes, buy me the night sky. It's so pretty.

You don't have to nessecarily buy the WHOLE SKY. Just the moon, or a star.

I'd be happy with a star.

-Patrice

Are you a purple cow?


:: 2004 25 April :: 6.48 pm
:: Mood: asleep
:: Music: unwell

Sleep
So, last night I slept more then I have in the past...weeks...and I am absolutly exhausted.

Mr Cougar was last night. It made me mad. The top five just sucked and it was obvious that it was just favorites from the teachers. It was just a popularity contest, just liek everything else at this school.

I went with Jill today prom dress shopping....blaaaah. The mall gives me a head ache. It makes my stomach hurt and it makes me want to collapse and die. I HATE the mall. And that's that. Jill and I tried on this dress that was $400, just for the hell of it. It was poooooooofy. Kinda funny. Imagine the most poofy dress ever, more poofy then you've ever seen...and multiply that times ten. Hehe.

I haven't stopped eating for three days now. I have to stop. But no one's home right now and the kitchen's there...just full of food and I'm not hungry, just bored. ::pouts:: Entertain me someone.

I like lemonade. It's sooo good.

Sundays suck. Because it's just one big day of crappiness leading up to the future crappiness of Monday.

This week will be....interesting. Not going to say crappy, but pretty much crappy. Two days of testing....and rehearsal and grrrr...it's crappy.

This show has gone by way too fast. The week after this week is the show. It's just like...woosh.

::sigh:: I don't know...pooooo. I need to talk to someone. But I don't know what I'd say. I thought about things for about an hour or so this morning, because I didn't want to wake Jill up (even though she was up too...but shhh..) and yeah. I hate thinking. That's why I need to be busy all the time, otherwise I think. And that just sucks.

I'm bored. Seriously bored. I don't think I'll be able to sleep too much tonight. Too mcuh sleep last night. Call me if you're bored. Trust me, I'll be bored. Just like I am now.

-Patrice

2 Hermaphidites | Are you a purple cow?

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