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2004 3 February :: 10.40 pm
:: Mood: frustrated
Grrrrrrr....I don't like being jealous. Nope. It's not fun. But she knows!!! Yet she's all "blah blah blaaaahhh" Grrrrrr....I don't want to be like this. I'm being stupid. ::evil glare:: gr gr gr...I don't like her...nope...I don't. Grrrrr...It's not anyone who has a journal here btw...so I don't hate any of you, you;re all awesome :-)
So as a slight sidenote...people suck. I don't understand people. I mean, why do they thinkt hey way they do? Why do they act the way they do? It's mind boggling. And rather annoying at times. So tommorow's a late start. I'm happy. That means sleeping in. Cuz I would go to breakfast..but no ride. Which sucks. But its the way the world turns. No one around here who's going. I hate living in libertyville. It sucks my big toe. Majorly. I have a quiz in chem tomorrow too. Wooo...::rolls eyes:: I can't wait to fail. I'm good at that, ya know. I try to tell myself that the more you fail, the more you'll apprieciate the one time you succeed. I dunno, brainwashing yourself is a good thing sometimes.
I think I'm expecting too much from my life right now. Nothing exciting is gonna happen. No matter what my feelings say, my life is forever mundane and useless. I would write a story about it, but the readers woudl fall asleep after the first page.
I stil have to study for chem, finish my Huck Finn thing up, and shower. I think I'm gonna give upon the first two, do chem tomorrow morning and finish Huck up tomorrow night. So I can shower now and wake up at 7:30...woo! that's awesome, no?? Ok..I think I'll do that...See you all later.
Are you a purple cow? |
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2004 1 February :: 6.56 pm
:: Mood: blank
I'm mad. The hot water in my house is dead until wednesday. I think I'm gonna take a shower now. It'll only be colder later. :-\ Gaaaahhhrr..I'm gonna die...Ok Wish me luck. Why couldn't this happen over the summer? Atleast it would be semiwarm in the house...but noooo...Damn this house. I hate it. Grrr...Ok...to that shower...then to homework....then maybe food...No superbowl tonight. Oh no...how sad.
Are you a purple cow? |
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2004 31 January :: 1.15 pm
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: Floggin Molly
Yeah...so overall, I kinda liked yesterday. School was kinda..errrr...but we went to Jill's after and that was fun. We played animal crossing, planned our weddings..which was fun...then we ate and no one cried...O.o and we watched Spice World. Which is the stupidest movie I think was ever made. It's a freggin our long and nothing happens lol. So one second they're dancing with guys wearing man thongs in Italy and then next thing you know, an alien is grabbing scary spice's boob. O.o;; It's kinda weird. I mean, I was like 9 years old when I saw that! No wonder I'm so corrupt now.
So I was thinking...you know how teh spice girls were all about "girl power"? So they were supposedly all "yeah feminism...girls you dont need guys to be powerful" But they still dressed all slutty and stuff to grab the guy's attention. And they're always actign so..stupid...like "i'm a girl, i can't do that...blah blah blah...watch me be a stereotype..." Isn't that the exact opposite of girl pwer? I thought so. No wonder there are so many girls walking around now all slutty and such. They got embedded in their mind from these type of girl groups that you can be a strong individual who doesnt need a guy...as long as you reveal half your skin and walk around like a skank. ::nods:: I mean, truely, have y ou ever once looked at the spice girls and said "wow, now those are feminists..." Noo, Grrr... it makes me mad. If you're gonna be all feminist...then be al teh way not sending mixed messages to formable young minds.....Gahhhhrrr ::rant stops here::
So you wanna hear why I'm going crazy?? Ok..here it is.
Ok..so i got home and i couldnt sleep, so i watched a movie..and it was like 12:15 and my door bell rings and i got so freaked out, cuz everyone was home already and who would come to my house at 12:15..ya know? So i go upstairs with a stick to hurt them if they tried to kill me lol..and i looked through the window and no1 was there...i didnt check to see if a car was there...butno1 else in my house heard it and i know it happened tho...cuz the dog heard it...cuz she was barking...so someone drove up and rang the doorbell and its freaky.
Ok...my dad's here with my lunch... I want food...mmmm foood!!! See you people later!
Are you a purple cow? |
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2004 29 January :: 5.30 pm
Ok...No one that I know of is planning on suicide...neither am I. I just read this. and it's smart. I don't know. I liked it, so you read it.
You've decided to do it. Life is impossible. Suicide is your way out.
Fine--but before you kill yourself consider these facts:
Suicide is not usually successful.
You think you know a guaranteed way?
Ask the 25-year-old who tried to electrocute himself. He lived. But, both his arms are gone.
What about jumping?
Ask John. He used to be intelligent , with an engaging sense of humor. That was before he leapt from a building. Now, he's brain- damaged and will always need care. He staggers and has seizures. He lives in a fog. But, worst of all, he KNOWS he used to be normal.
What about pills?
Ask the 12-year-old with extensive liver damage from an overdose. Have you ever seen anyone die of liver damage? You turn yellow. It's a hard way to go.
What about a gun?
Ask the 24-year-old who shot himself in the head. Now he drags one leg, has a useless arm and has no vision or hearing on one side. He lived through his "foolproof" suicide.
You might too.
But...
Who will clean your blood off the carpet or scrape your brains from the ceiling? Commercial cleaning companies may refuse that job- -but SOMEONE has to do it. Who will have to cut you down from where you hung yourself or identify your bloated body after you've drowned?
Your father?
Your mother?
Your wife?
Your son?
The carefully worded "loving" suicide note is of no help. Those who loved you will NEVER completely recover. They'll feel regret and an unending pain.
Suicide is contagious. Look around your family. Look closely at the 4 year old playing with his cars on the rug. Kill yourself tonight, and he may do it ten years from now.
You DO have other choices. There are people who can help you through this crisis. Call a hotline. Call a friend. Call your minister or priest. Call a doctor or hospital. Call the police.
They will tell you that there's hope. Maybe you'll find it in the mail tomorrow. Or in a phone call this weekend. But what you're seeking could be just a minute, a month, or a day away.
You say you don't want to be stopped? Still want to do it?
Well, then, I may see you in the psychiatric ward later.
And we'll work with whatever you have left.
please take that and put it in your journal/diary/ or whatever.
2 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow? |
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2004 21 January :: 11.20 pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Times Like These
Sheep and Goats
My journal's kinda dying. I didn't want it to, I promised myself I would keep it up until atleast I graduated high school. And I'm deteremined(took me a while to think of the word) to keep this. Wooooo...damn crew ending as soon as I get energy. I'm like woosh right now. I wanna talk to everyone and be all WOOOSH LOOK AT ME I CAN TALK! Ahhhhh I'm so bored.
So we made sheep today at crew. And they're all designed to look like people. It's soo funny!! Those damn fuzzballls on the damn sheep though. Theyre so hard to carve. Especially in the pink foam, even though the white stuff is messier, its easier to make small circles on. Damn fuzzies on damn sheep.my finger is like raw from using that sandpaper. Clean up your mess...damn that song. And the badger song...they never leave your head. Hmmm...Nicks' being weird. People are actually talkign to me online. Its fun. Mike, Melanie, Wender, and Nick. Its the most IM boxes I've had up in forever. Ahh! Jorie's online...she should IM me..::nods:: that'll be FIVE CONVOS!!! YAY!! SHE IMED ME!!!! :-D Why isn't danielle online? That butthead. I need to send her a purple seamonkey...I'm making it now. People stopped talking. I'm a butthead. I'm mean. I'll apologize. Ok. I finished the seamonkye for danielle...ill send it to her now. wooo! You guys wannna see the monkey?? If you ask, I'll send it to you. I think I should sleep now. Get ready for another *fun* day in patrice land..Woooo...closing remarks....turnabout sucks. Goodnight.
~patrizzle
2 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow? |
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2004 19 January :: 10.29 pm
:: Mood: exanimate
:: Music: Michelle
Turnabout is soonish
It's been a while since I wrote in here. Lotsa stuff going on. I'm talking to my stalker boy from last summer right now. I don't like him. He's really nice but then he starts acting like an ass and being all "Are you a lesbian? Are you a virgin?" and I'm just like....Grow up. Please. Whatever, I probably won't see him ever again. We aren't going back this year, NC instead. Kinda mixed feelings. No juke box :-( No good fudge :-( but NC is awesome, so I'm torn. Yeah.
I was bored today. My mom woke me up at 10:30 and and said I had to watch Joey, but I had crew. So she said she'd hurry back and take me a little late. She came home at 3:30. It made me kinda mad. I don't know if I even want to do crew for this show. I'm starting to hate it. I hate him. I understand if there's no props for this damn show but the least he can do is tell me that there's nothing for props now instead of pretending like he's "still thinking" or "still discussing with Freichls". For this show all he's doing is having the crew make the props and all that stuff. I'm ok with that. I love set crew. Just fucking tell me instead of leaving me here without knowing what the hells going on. What would happen if I just quit crew? Not quit, just became a nonfrequent crew person like everyone else? If I stopped devoting my life to something that doesn't even need me?
Okay, less serious issue. Turnabout is coming up soon. Should I go? I kinda want to, cuz most of my friends are and it'll be fun but it seems stupid to go without a "date", and I don't have anyone I could ask. Cuz yeah...I'm me. If I had a friend willing to go without a date, I would do it. Or if I was friends with a guy well enough to be like "lets go.." "Ok". But if I ask anyone it'll be all GASP! Ya know? I can't explain it. All my friends have dates...even if they haven't asked yet. And I don't know what to do. Or I could go see LoTR again...hm..
Are you a purple cow? |
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2004 13 January :: 7.34 pm
""I will not say "do not weep", for not all tears are an evil."
~Gandalf LotR: RotK"
It was Britany's away messge I liked it. Not only is it from LoTR, but it's awesome. ::nods::.....Grrr, so do you want to know how STUPID I am?! So, I'm excited..only one final tomorrow...guess what the ONE THING I forget at school is? Just guess....yep...my chem book....Gaaaahhhrrrr...and tomorrow's gonna suck cuz I have a first period final and no fifth and no 6th, and no1 I know is leaving till sixth....gahr. I'll have to find Meenal. Meeeeennnaalll? Where are you???... :-(.....So who's going to crew tomorrow? I wanted to go tonight, but once again FiNaLs!!! Joyous....::rolls eyes:: So, tomorrow I will try to go. I don't have any hard finals thursday...well I have band....::SHOCK:: OH NO PATRICE! HOW WILL YOU LIVE WITH THAT?!?! I don't know, I don't know....
So I dled the song Pippin sings in RoTK. I wanna see that movie again soo bad. Mel and I might go after finals. You come too. It'll be a par-tay. I watched Tuck Everlasting. I love that movie. Stupid Winnie. I wanna kick her. If those eyes....gaaahhh... I would drink 30 pounds of that water to stay with him forever...Hmmm hmm..newho..dinnertime..then back to chem....see yous later! Luck on finals!
Are you a purple cow? |
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2004 11 January :: 8.55 pm
:: Mood: blank
Hey!
Hi!!! Patrice is home! I'm so not excited. Finals. Blah. Theatre fest was awesome!! The hotel room was amazingly awesome and the workshops...well I loved two of them. And...most...of the plays were good. There was a hot guy...with cool shoes...hehe. I saw him alot. I liked him. Then Harvey was really good. And so was the Murder Room. I laughed. Make up was ok...I mean, wasn't what I expected. But I did get cool face paint ::wink:: pillow fights were fun. Chicken props pie...Theatre education workshop was fun too. I wanna go to ISU now and study that with a minor in english. ::nods:: Hopefully i can get in. I talked to Justin when I was there. That was cool. I haven't talked to him in forever.
So today, I got my haircut...not much of a difference but it looks "tame" according to jill. Lol. Then I studied. then I uploaded a story to fictionpress.net and another to fanfiction.net. Anywho, Off to shower and study. So I shall see you bright and early tomorrow ::SMILE!!!::
Are you a purple cow? |
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2004 7 January :: 7.02 pm
:: Music: I Hope You Dance
Horoscopes
So, sometimes horoscpes seem so far fetched while others seem so WOW ITS LIKE ITS ME TALKING! And other times, it's just like...No shit...I coulda told you that...this is one of those...gave me a jolly good life. Kinda weird that it came today though...
Taurus(April 20 - May 20)
If your own insecurities have been worrying you about your abilities as a communicator, now may be the time to push through these self-made limitations. It's really not about what others might be saying (or not saying). It's what you feel about yourself. If you are starting off from a place of low self-esteem, then nothing on the outside will make you feel any better. This is about the inner work you now must do in order to feel fulfilled.
Are you a purple cow? |
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2004 6 January :: 12.42 am
I promise no more surveys, I was just bored...
| What is your favorite.. | | gum: | Strawberry bubbleicius..yeah freshmen health | | restaurant: | Pappadeaux | | drink: | Orangish drinks | | season: | Winter or Fall | | type of weather: | SNOW!!! Or rain | | emotion: | Loved..is that an emotion? You know..feeling included and like someone actually cares about you | | thing to do on a half day: | Sledding...we should have a half day ::nods:: | | late-night activity: | Being with friends...when I'm allowed to be out past 10:30...and being outside, its purdy | | sport: | gymnastics, crazy flexible people | | city: | London..never been... | | store: | World Market | | When was the last time you.. | | cried: | One hour ago | | played a sport: | Today, I bowled | | laughed: | An hourish ago...Nick sent me the Badger video thing..Wooo | | hugged someone: | Jorie...after New Years...thats a long time comsidering the people I know are all huggy types...well one or two.. | | kissed someone: | My cat... humanwise...my parents a long time ago... | | felt depressed: | Today at crew | | felt elated: | Bowling | | felt overworked: | Now...damn me being easily persueded.. | | faked sick: | Not since the good ol' cross country camp days | | lied: | Today..about something stupid..can't remember | | What was the last.. | | word you said: | Good night | | thing you ate: | Tacos | | song you listened to: | Concrete Angel | | thing you drank: | water | | place you went to: | crew | | movie you saw: | Freaky Friday | | movie you rented: | One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest | | concert you attended: | TSO...Hehe..yay | | Who was the last person you.. | | hugged: | Jorie | | cried over: | | | kissed: | My cat | | danced with: | Benton...at homecoming, i dont dance often | | shared a secret with: | Jill | | had a sleepover with: | Jackie | | called: | My sister | | went to a movie with: | Jackie, Yasamin, Melanie, Meenal, Katherine, Benton, Wender, Hul, Kyle, Lisa, Jessica...is that all?? | | saw: | Nonfamily would be David | | were angry with: | Senor Jerkhead Phelan | | couldn't take your eyes off of: | Not your first guess | | obsessed over: | Your first guess | | Have you ever.. | | danced in the rain: | Yeah!!! | | kissed someone: | Nope..and proud of it! Not really..optimism is good right..? | | done drugs: | Nope :-) | | drank alcohol: | yeah...its not good...never again though | | slept around: | Yesterday...haha...nooo..Never! | | partied 'til the sun came up: | Ummm...New Years...yep....I stayed up til 8:30 watching the Tribe....Abe Messiah | | had a movie marathon: | Yeaaah! At the Moore's house, I think was the last time...Wishbone was it?? | | gone too far on a dare: | On a dare?? Umm, I plead the fifth... | | spun until you were immensely dizzy: | yeah! It was so much fun...in the good old days of midsummer...until stupid people tryed stuff...grrr.. I ahte Matt | | taken a survey quite like this before: | Yeah, thousands |
The Favorites, Have-You-Evers.. and Last Times! Oh, the variety! brought to you by BZOINK!
1 Hermaphidite |
Are you a purple cow? |
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2004 5 January :: 11.07 pm
I feel like I'm gonna cry. I don't know why. Crew sucks. Everything sucks. I hate feeling jealous. Wishing I was somewhere where I wasn't and wanting to talk to someone who someone else got to spend time with. Jealous that everyone gets recongition when they deserve it except me. I hate watching phelan talk about the crewheads when I think I deserved to be up there. I hate feeling liek an idot. I can't even stack stupid wood!!! Urgh!!I I hate being selfish. I fucking hate crew. I hate Phelan. I hate myself. GAHHHR! It's onyl Monday and I already wanna just give up. this weekend needs to come faster.
2 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow? |
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2004 4 January :: 10.31 pm
the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
Are you a purple cow? |
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2004 4 January :: 9.39 pm
World Market. You are a cultured one. planning on
traveling?
What Store Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Are you a purple cow? |
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2004 4 January :: 5.36 pm
:: Mood: bouncy
SNOW!!! And I'm locked inside..:pouts:
wanna go sledding soo bad. But stupid Sunday right before school starts and stupid studying and stupid homework and stupid parents and gahr. Why couldn't it snow one week ago like this? But yay!!! I finished my top secret project that i've been working on all weekend, which wasn't all that bad. Haven't practiced bassoon all break :-\ ...should do that. Being tested on those IMEA things. And I even stole bassoon kid's wind ensemble audition piece and didn't do a thing. I think I'll go work on that nowish. I don't know, I might not even do band next year so it might not matter, but we shall see, now won't we? I'm gonna go outside a bit before it gets darkish. Yeah snow... then eat then shower then practice then read Huck Finn. It'll probably end up...Snow...eat....shower...computer..sleep...But I'll try to be responsible..AHHH FINALS! ::dies:: Well, bye bye friends. Oh, a little favor, if you read my journal and I don't know can you leave a comment just saying..yeah I read your journal..Cuz I was just thinking about how many people probably read my journal and I want to know how many people really do. i dont care who reads it, that's why I post it online. Duh. I just wanna know, ya know? So if you would be so kind O:-)...Hehe snow angels!!! ::skips off::
2 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow? |
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2004 3 January :: 2.27 pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: piano man
So today we get to go out and celebrate my *darling* sister's birthday by doing my favorite thing!! Guess what it is? Take a wild guess...Yeah!! We get to shop! ::rolls eyes:: someone fucking kill me. "Ohh try on this...try on that....ohh thats so cute...oh that makes you look fat...wait you are...Giggle giggle....haha look I'm older then you and I wear a smaller size, how weird and you're shorter too...Haha Look at me I'm younger then you and taller, that's kinda cool, and I'm the proper weight for my height too GIGGLE" :-) I love shopping. But we're going to Maggiano's afterwards which is so cool, cuz it has the best food ever, I'm gonna get fat...stupid holidays. After January 7th...well maybe 10th cuz of leftovers, no more eating unhealthy for me. Bauer would be proud ::tear::
Newho..just wanna say that anything in my journal that's kinda more...negative...i dont think should be taken too seriously. I'm usually just in a bad mood and say everything that's on my mind, ya know?? Well, yeah. I don't want any drama. No more drama for 2004. Good goal, eh? Well, we shall see how that goes. Have fun on your last two days of freedom....Bah school....
2 Hermaphidites |
Are you a purple cow? |
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