God dammit. I hated today. I'm stupid. My parents are finally starting to yell at me about crew. Which is joy joy fun. Let me tell you ::rolls eyes::. Bllllaaaahhhhh....I'm scared though, because midterms come out wednesday and I know my grade in algebra is waayy down because of the stupid project that I got a 5/20 on. But my parents will blame it on crew and take it away from me. God, I HATE grades! I mean, In lit I'm good...good in chem...good in history...gym, well they should be used to Bauer failing me so I'm not worried. But damn algebra. Grrrrr...yeah, One point of excitment today...I got a 97% on my first chem test that everyone told me I was gonna fail. Wooo! I'm happy. Sorry....lol...yes...It hurts whenever I swallow, I hope I didn't inhale or swallow the cancer foam. :-\ I dont want to die.... Anyways, I should sleep. So I can get up tomorrow and go to school..then to rehearsal then to home early so I can start resarching my US history term paper outline...which is due Thursday...AHHHH!! Yes, I am screwed. Yes...off to bed. Nights.
~Toki~

The Squee Store is here!
So, I went to the mall tonight and Guess what?!?! HOT TOPIC IS THERE! Now, usually I don't get so excited over stores, but do you know what they have there?! I bet you don't, So I'll tell you...A SQUEE SHIRT!! :::eeekkk::: Yay! And and and I'm Belle....and I actually TALKED to people tonight without totally embarressing myself. I don't know, don't make fun, it's quite an accomplishment for me.

Woooo...Hanson is stuck in my head. Now, Do I have algebra homework? hmmmm....No? Yes? No...you're right. Shit! I have lit, bt I left my lit book in the chem room. That's not too good.I'll just call Sarah. I wanna write about how I feel right now, but I don't even get it. I'm insanly happy, but insanly depressed. I'm up but down, high but low, lonely but loved, ahhh I'm so confused. Anyways, I figure life is over all good. People just screw it up lol.
-=Toki=-

October!!
You know what I just realized?! It's almost October! and it's actually coldish outside! Meaning that it's fall!!Well, I hear it's gonna be a freggin 80 degrees next week :-P...But still...FALL!!! WOOO! That means Halloween and good Fall smells and coldness and falling leaves and pumpkins and going to a haunted house...(cuz I've never been to one before :-D) and and all that fun fall stuff. I love fall! You guys have no idea! And and and then it'll be winter..Wooo! Yeah Winter! I love being cold...and winter is all white and cold and exciting...I just hope that it doesn't get up to 80 next week....I'll be so sad. Oh well, I like fall. That's my moment of excitment for this morning..Wooo! October!
~Toki~

Nothing Days
So, today was a nothing day. I mean, nothing happened. Nothing good or bad. Just stuff. Rehearsal was hell again. At one point, Phelan was all "Okay, I am soo done!"and Jillian and I got all excited..but he was just kidding...Got our hopes up for nothing.

And crew was fun today too. Cuz we weren't gonna stay, cuz we didn't have food. then the Food Goddess(Jorie Moore) brought us food and it had tomatoes....Woooo! And then we "supervised", found out froshies had messed up almost every wall piece and got Neil all AHHHH about it...eventually that job was gone from us, but whatever. Yeah, and then I talked to a bunch of people I haven't talked to in FOREVER or ever before. Like, Mike(not Big Mike...the other one) and we talked to froshies..and I dunno, just overall funness. Fun Fun Fun. Lol...okie days. I like french fries. :-D Bye!
~Toki!~

Monday...
Today was an odd day. I decided to go on a sleep strike to study the affects of not sleeping on the teenage body...and also, you know how when you're running and you're tired..you only get more tired if you start walking and then run again. So I'm gonna see if it's better if you can't get much sleep...if you should take lots of little naps liek most people do, or if you should just not sleep. Lol, yes. I am crazy. Nuts. Psycotic.(sp on that word)

Yep yep...then my bassoon lesson I was sooo out of it. I was just like X.X....I swear, I don't know what I was thinking. Damn Mondays. Yeah, so then I went to rehearsal and before I was talking to Zak (:-D) and then someone made a stupid comment about how I wanted to jump Zak, so I got so embarressed I was bright red, and made a fool out of myself and such...and he stopped talking to me, I feel so stupid. Blah.

Anyways, rehearsal was boring. Then crew was okie...we got our props stuff together. It's gonna be an awesome show I think. So yeah, then Jill and I and Yassi left crew early and we took Jillian home, but on the way home we decided to take a detour to Jewel and we got stuff and ate food and drank pop and talked outside Jewel for an hour then we talked when we got to my house...It was fun. I needed to talk to someone...just about nothingness. Ya know?

So that brings me to now. Sitting in my sister's room knowing I have two hours of homework waiting for me in the basement, so I'm signing off now...I still need sleep, my sleep strike hasn't started yet..
~Toki~

Woosh...Toki Is Back...
So, after much thought I have decided to return to Toki. Yuo see, before I was fed up with this but I was just like..Whatever...new journal...No big deal...but now after talkign with people, I decided to just reincarnate myself as Toki...cuz Toki was awesome..So I killed Fran for anyone who wants to know. And I don't care if people know this one...so all you people put me back under as a Friend...Please :-( Okie...so as a recap, I'm putting my whole TWO entries from my otehr journal here...Enjoy!

Today:
So, I decided that I'm finally happy with what's going on now. Like, there are some things right now that I'm not happy with but those things can be fixed...and even if they can't, they won't be around forever. So yes... Life is good.

Oh and this whole journal fiasco..it's so stupid. But I still think a new journal isn't a horrid idea. It just puts my mind to rest knowing that less people know about this, even if people do promise not to read it, ya know? Well yeah...

Today was a good day. Pirates. Johnny. (sorry mel..lol). Justin...I mean..what? Who said that?! O.o;;..Shhh...lol. I don't know, I like it when people I don't talk to often talk to me and I actually get to talk to them. About life and stuff...cuz they aren't here and you aren't there and you realize they're not in the middle of the drama with you, so you can have an escape from it all. And even if you talk about the bad stuff, it makes you feel better then talking to someone who's there with you, they don't have biast views and they'll listen...basically cuz you haven't told them the same story 30 times over. I have that problem. I tell people the same things over and over again and then they get so used to it that when it starts to bother me again, they have nothing to say about it and they can't help me. I don't know...other crazy stuff is running through my mind so that probably makes no sense. I wish I could turn my brain off sometimes. It can be soo annoying. Well...that's all for now...Cya.
~Toki

Yesterday:
Ahoy! buckos! It's talk like a pirate day soon, starboard? So I'm practicin'. I think I sound good. I know you guys agree. :-D LoL! Anyways...My pirate name is Mad Grace Kidd...for all those who are curious.

So, today was fun. Chocolate...Wishbone... Rum... Raffi... Pirates... Who could ask for more? Haha and I can finally prove to people that Raffi exists..mwhaha! He is so not a figment of my imagination. Wooo! Oh, and I HATE Chicago now. I've had it stuck in my head ever since movie night... that was a weird night though. From that night I figured out a few things A) Even though someone tells you that they're your best friend, they will still ditch you for their newer friends, B) Either guys are too complicated or way too simple and complex girl minds just can't comprehend them, C) Chicago is EVIL..."All That Jazz..." I want to kill that jazz honestly. And finally D) I have some of the awesomest friends ever. :-) Oh, and I love french fries. Yup. That is all, it is late...I shall continue later. My parents are making me go to church tomorrow...Blech. Bye bye!
~Toki~

Johnny..::sigh::
I saw Johnny again!! Wooo! No matter what mood I'm in, when I see Johnny Depp...I'm all happy :-)! And and and we made a fire, and we burnt pictures of people we were mad at...it was great therapy, I'm telling you. And we made some crazy pizzas with like peanut butter and sprinkles, I felt like I was going to puke. Lol...yum yum.

But then I got home..and lotsa fiasco about phones and shit when I got home...lotsa yelling...lotsa tears...Families REALLY don't know when to stop. Well, they do when you go NUTS and start sobbing, then they go "Hey...are you having a bad day? hmmm" Grrr to families...

So, I've thought alot about Zak and I decided that I want to just start over with him. You know, get to know him ALOT better, talk to him, and not have when we start to go out so public...and also do it cuz I want to. Not cuz my friends tell me to. I dunno. I'm gonna try to stop talking about him from now on, as I see no chance in another chance.... :-P So yes...No mas Zak...or as far as I can control it...Anywho...it is bedtime...nights.
~Toki
PS~ Always listen to yourself! Get advice or what ever from your friends, but think for yourself. Your friends might know what's best for them or what worked for others, but they aren't you and they aren't in your head and living your life. So, in the words of Grandmother Willow...."Listen With You Heart...You will understand" :-)

And life is good! Carpe Diem!

Woosh
Sorry about that, needed to get it off my chest. Yeah, So...I've decided Lindsey Lohan is the spawn of satan. She gets her songs stuck in your head....but they really have subliminal messages and they're making people go CrAzY..Wooosh...I know it's true...don't try to fool me O.o;;...

Bauer told Meenal and I that we were going to fail gym today...I feel bad for anyone who talks to me in gym class...I'm almost like a curse, anyone I talk to Bauer HATES! Cuz she hated me cuz of Amanda, so I started to talk back to her....Doom doom doom ::whistles:: LOL!

So I had a US History test...well Quest today... It was rather easy, I was surprised. So I think you're all gonna kill me now with my tow a day entries, so I'm gonna stop now. :-D

Crew Tomorrow!! Woo!
Crew tomorrow....Nervous about props. I mean, I think I'll get it ::fingers crossed:: and honestly, if I'm not props mistress, I won't care that much. I've only done 1.25 shows...I'm more nervous cuz I don't know who will be put on props. I mean, I want it to be Jill and Me and Yassi. But all these froshies signed up...and I'm all grrrrr... I hope to god they aren't put on the crew. I mean I have nothing againest froshies...it's just that 3 is the most that makes since for a props crew, ya know? No se....I'm gonna be nervous all day tomorrow...

I dunno what to do...I'm confused right now about everything. I'm just....urgh.... I don't know, I think I've complained too much. I don't want to bother you pples, so I will stop...AHHH! Nervousness...23 more hours...:-\ neways...chem time....cya..
~Toki...Neil's Band Whore

Fun
Haha, yes, mucho fun tonight. So....we decided to go to the dance (AJ, Mel, Jill, and Lisa, and Me) Cuz Sandy wanted us to....lol...yep...but we got bored and peft like 2 hours early and went to Wender's house. Well....let's just say it wasn't much better then the dance so we snuck out(lol) to Aj's house (Me, mel, jill, and AJ) and then we went to the park and cartwheeled and danced and spun and WOOO! Then we talked about guys and Spencer and Zak...cuz they're confuzzling people.. and a bunch of other stuff and it was fun. Then my daddy called and was all GRRRR so we went back to AJ's and we drove Mel home, but we still had like 10ish mins so we decided to go to ....Wendy's!! And we saw Brittany and some pples walking through the drive through and we did...but we had to wait for all the damn cars to pass...but anyways, it was fun. AJ and me decided all guys are stupid and jerks....yep...the nice ones just try to hide it a little longer. And the only reason why you marry someone is that you've been through so many relationships that you don't make the mistakes you made before so you think..."hmmm.....this must be love...we haven't tried to kill each other yet.." wooo fun weekend. Endless train of thought I know. I'm going to a Carmel play tomorrow...Memories...Did you know that was Zak's and mine's first "date" (if you can call it that...) AHHH! Stop the weirdness. Lol. GAH.....jackie says GAH makes it all better so I'm gonna listen to her..soooo GAH! Oooo and I'm a band whore. Neil's my pimp. Just so you know :-) Lol! Sorry, but I need shleep...cya later!
~Toki...the band whore

Wooo...
Yeah, oddly enough I'm not totally pissed off today. Like, last night I was all "its not worth being depressed" so today I was all...happyish?? I guess...I mean..wooo I'm actually kinda excited about it. I mean I'm still mad at myself about stuff, but it has no control over me :-D LOL!!! I sound like Richard Simmons or something...woooo..okie quiz time then dinner then homework...gotta love my priorities...:-)
~Toki

AHHHHHHHHH!
Too...much...drama...I don't think I can do this anymore. I just wish someone would hit the pause button right now so I can stop and THINK without people adding more drama and more thoughts and more shit to my life. Why can't it be over? The shit I mean, I'm sick of being in the middle of everything. I'd much rather just be an audience member rather then an actor. AHHHHHHHH! But I'll just go on :-) too many other people are worse off now. I mean I wasn't one of the many cheated out of ASM and other stuff that has happened. But still AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Dammit, I give up. I hate the world. All I can do is put a smile on and be there for everyone else...I don't know, it makes me happier to be there for other people and helping other people rather then trying to help myself. I like it better. Anywho....sleepy time...Talk to you all later hours.
~Toki