Blah? Woo?
Just spent the weekend with Smelli Girl's family. Was fun, I admit, but I'm sooo glad to be back. I swear, I'm about to die from tiredness. Glad to get away from some of the shit though.

I decided the worst feeling is ignorance... I mean it's all good until you realize how ignorant you were. I feel so stupid now. How could I feel stupid if I was completly ignorant? I don't know, I'm sick of it all.

Failure..ignorance...stupidity...Too many things...Just wanna get away from it all.

Rice Krispies...
Did you know that rice krispies treats snap, crackle, and pop when you dip them in milk? Amusing, eh?

Auditions were fun today. I feel liek crap now though. My head feels like it's going to explode. I miss Zak kinda. I don't know. I'm confused. I hate myself for what I did. But then again I don't. Maybe I just need sleep. So off I go...shower and bed...Wait...Damn! Got US shit to read...well shower...read...bed....Yay..:-P bye then!
~Me :-P

Guys SUCK!
So, I was broken up with today cuz I didn't want to go to a dance. Yup, Obviously a dance is more important then me. Damn Mattt, I seriously am hating him right now. You don't understand. So many regrets and pissed offness at myself right now, I don't know...I hate guys right now....Neways, Quizzes are fun distractions. Here's one...


Nightmare Before Christmas!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Woooo! Fun, eh? Blah...Crap.I'm gonna go now. Bye.
~Toki

Escuela...
So yes, school started. Wasn't so bad. I think I'll survive. I hope. Lol. Saw people...Wooo! It was kind of fun. Stephanie is in lunch and band with me and she wants to switch to bassoon...woo! And and and this froshie called Jillian and I FREAKS today in band cuz we were dancing. Lol, she doesn't know the beginning of it. Mwahahaha! WE SHALL CORRUPT THE FROSHIES! WE ARE THE JUNIORS IN SYMPHONIC BAND! :-D lol!!! Neways, I smell, it's shower time. So....Fuuunnnesss...Cya pple!
~Toki

AHHHH
Yes...Ahhh!! Just when I think I have it all worked out, it all goes BOOM in my face. grrrr, I don't want to be back with Zak, cuz I know absolutly nothing will probably change. But atleast not so much would have changed. I despise change and decisions. Grrr, damn Matt. Why does he like me?! And no offense to him, he acts like we're going out when we're not. Like he'll just put him arms around me and hug me, and it's just....arrrg. I can't just tell him to stop, that's mean. I mean, If I took the courage to do that then was told to stop, I'd be crushed. But I have to tell him if it makes me uncomfortable, right?? You're absolutly right. I do. Thank you. Damn, he's gonna call tonight. Blah. So yes, I'll go off and die now. Bye!

Lotsa Chocolate
I found a purdy cool college today. Lawrence. Only problem is that its 3 hours away, so practically a no go with my parents. Oh Bah humbug. Its best majors r drama and english...and I want to teach those two subjects, so I was all WOO! But now I'm all :-P...Ah well, I can dream, but ill never get my wishes to come true....it's just the curse of Patrice.

Yeah, So..I decided I'm gonna tour Europe for a summer. Just like take random jobs for a week if I get low on cash, then move on and camp out and it'd be so cool! Europe cheap style...I'm already excited! I'm gonna go either a summer during college or right after I graduate so I won't really have a deadline on when to be home. :-) But then again, may be I'll do it during college, leave the day after finals and come back the day be4 school starts...Wooo...ex-cit-ment.

Yeah, I'm not gonna be able to sleep for a while...too much chocolate...hehehe...well yes, I'll probably write later, I'm so bored!
~Toki

PIRATES!
I got my pirate coat! Wooo! I've worn is everyday since I got it..hehe I'm a dork! But its all good...here..lookie at this!


You are "Welcome to the Caribbean, love."
You're more than a little world-weary, but also
intelligent and you keep your head when things
get dodgy. You're everybody's favorite
drinking buddy, but your stubbornness does get
in the way sometimes.


Which one of Captain Jack Sparrow's bizarre sayings from Pirates of the Caribbean are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

ANNNDDD this! Wooo Monkeys!


Scree hee hee! You're the zombie pirate monkey!
You're resourceful enough to steal the treasure
from the good guys when you're needed, and more
than a little dangerous. Plus, you're the only
bad guy to make it out alive at the end of the
story, and that's saying quite a lot.


What character from Pirates of the Caribbean are you? - NEW. IMPROVED.
brought to you by Quizilla

BOOM
My head is going to explode, I swear to god. I mean, I'm not totally depressed or sad or anything too dramatic, but it feels like the entire weight of the world is on my shoulders. It's crazy, I'm not kidding.

I decided I'm gonna make a journal, and everytime I hear or read or come up with a good quote, I'll write it in there. Patrice is good. Oh yeah...lols! Yeah, so I'm not gonna bore u with the details of the day. Looked at houses...came home...ate...read....ate...typed in my journal :-) haha...looks like I did bore you.

The only thing that gets me is how the hell r we going to afford the house we want to buy?? $584,000, $540,000, and $520,00....its like....Wow. Then I asked my mom if I had a college fund and she wouldn't directly answer my question, and then she told me we'd have to "scrap by". Then why the hell are we moving right now?! Grrrness, in one year Amanda's gonna be in college and the year after that me...then 3 years later my sister. Omg, my parents are NUTS! Then I found out I can't leave home for the first year atleast of college cuz my dads all "my parents did that to me, and I was fine" Grrr...I've been dying for the day that I graduated high school and I get to move out of the house for college, and only visit when I want to and not have to deal with their constant nagging and the stress they put me through. they say it's for my own good so I "get used to the stressed of college life before I move out" Grrr...If anything, living at home will be worse! I'll still have a fucking 10:00 curfew and I'll be 18,19 years old! Grrrr...Okie..Patrice needs to cool off...maybe yell at a few siblings...oh yeah, guys only confuse things. They're not always fun. CONFUZZLING PATRICE IS NOT MAKING PATRICE HAPPY....::ahem:: Yes, off to cool down....
~Toki

Gotta love online tests....

What Johnny the Homicidal Maniac (JtHM) character ish you be?
brought to you by Quizilla

SQUEE!
Wooo! I'm better, apoligies for my madness. I can be a drama queen at times..lol..so yesum Hehe, sorry, I didn't mean anything I said. Lol...Yeah, I took a test online...and guess who I am?! SQUEE!! :-D


You're afraid... Very afraid...


What JTHM Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Squee!!!!!

Guilt Trip....
Wooo, Gotta love guilt. I especially love when people pile it on all at the same time...Like all "whyd u do this?!" "why didn't you tell me this?!" God! I feel like I'm a pile of shit right about now. Just sit me in the middle of the street and stone me...that's what I deserve right about now. Especially when the person who gives u the guilt trips knows how easily guilt comes to you...I deserve just to shrivel up now and die...so I shall retreat to my corner and listen to my beatles......good bye...

I'm all alone....
Yep, so there's no more Zak. I ended it today. I feel so relieved, but at the same time guilty. I really don't like causing pain, if he even feels pain about this. Whatever though, I really needed to end it, so therefore; I did. First thing I did for myself in this entire relationship. Kinda sad, eh? Oh well...that stage of my life is now over. I'm gonna move on and be happy about it. :-)

I made dinner for my family tonight. Sweet and sour chicken and veggies and salad and rice...I was so proud lol. Even though my dad totally bitched me out cuz he thinks he owns the kitchen. He thought I was gonna kill the family with my messed up cookingness. But everyone loved it anyways, even if they were lying, it made me feel good lol. So yeah, did u know minimun wage is $5.15 on hour? lol...but in a few states there is no minimun wage, which is crazy...then in Kentucky I think...or pennslyvania...I forget...its 7.17 on hour, GASP! I'm moving there...lol...im Missouri its only 2.25 an hour. So don't live there. Lol...SOoo yeah...I shall write more later maybe, I have no life lol.

When you're a kid and you wanna go weeee! haha!
Woooo!! I haven't updated in a while....hehe, a few days, but hey, that's a long time. Lol. Yeah, the psat two nights have been AWESOME! What I realized is life is either WEEEEEE! or blah :-P. Nothing inbetween. And today is a WEEEE night...LOL!

So last night, Jillian and myself dressed up as pirates and made a music video to Bon Jovi....HAHA! We were so damn cool! We were the actors, the camera pple, the techies, the props people, and the costumers. Wooo....we could so pull off an entire production all by ourselves. :-D

So tonight....I went to the movies with Meenal and Yasamin and Katherine and we saw How To Deal. Wasn't as good as I thought...but yes, now Yassi thinks I have an eyebrow fetish. SO not true....ok maybe a little::is ashamed:: Haha...then I saw Justin and I thought he was working so I walked away then he followed me and was all GRRR you avoided me. and such. Lol! So yeah, as of now, It seems that my weekend is busy. Which is good, distractions.

Only bad thing is house officially starts to be shown Monday, my room must be "show ready" by noon tomorrow. Then leaving the house at random hours for the next month whebever a buyer wants to come look at my house, only to decide its not good enough for them. To me, its the opposite. This house is too good for them. Definitly. Yeah, my dad wants to move me to the basement also. That's also a way to gt the house bought more quickly...the empty room just won't look "show ready" unless its wll furnished and it looks livable. I hate being used. And I HATE moving. So yes, Distractions are good. Anyways, I shall speak with you laterdays.
~Toki!

Ehhh...
Hi....I finished White Oleander today! 390 pages in two days...Damn....I'm good. Hahahaha! Woooo...talk about being isolated, I feel like I'm on another planet. Need...human....contact...::twitch::
You know what?? When I was reading White Oleander it hit me how many times Claire cried. I realized I haven't cried in so long. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, just an observation. Is my life good enough now that I don't need to cry or have I become immune to things and I'm too tough to cry?? I don't know, crying isn't actually that bad. It's not a sign of weakness, more of a silent way to rid yourself of bad feelings. And after a good cry, you usually feel so much better. I kinda just want to cry right now. Maybe I'll watch Moulin Rouge...or Dead Poets Society....lol....I'm such a dork.

In the brighter news,Lol, Zak just found out about his nickname...hahaha, I think he was mad, but I couldn't really tell, it was through email. But I get the idea that WHAAATTT?!?! symbolizes madness...Lol. Poor kid. I apoligized for telling him, but it's kinda funnyish. But yes, I have to go call Jillian now. LOL! ET! Haha! He's so funny! ::cough:: anyways...Laterdays!
~Toki