:: 2005 2 September :: 11.21 pm
:: Mood: Gross

I need a good slap across the face.

Who's first???

Are you a purple cow?

:: 2005 29 August :: 11.26 pm

This weekend= no fun.

Worked 2-10 Friday and Saturday. 2-8 on Sunday.

Some parts were fun, I just didn't have enough time. I wanted to have a day to hang out with people. The only person I had time to see was Ryan, which isn't bad. Ryan's a good kid to be with. But it'd be nice to have freetime, you know?

So yes. Some fun times. Almost getting arrested. Planned my honeymoon. ;-) Saw the Aristocrats.

School was long today. Math isn't getting any harder. Philosophy is getting tough. History scares me too. I'm excited for theatre tomorrow. Jill- we have to get our tickets to that one show soon. Coppenhagen.

This year I think I'm just going to get through Mondays and Tuesdays just to get to theatre. And Thursdays will be my inspiration to make it through Wednesday. Friday? Ummm...Friday is nothing anyways. Only one class. Sweet deal. Hoping for more weekend days off this week.

Labor day is soon. We get Monday AND Tuesday off. Sweet.

I kinda wanna work on those days. It's too late to tell Julia now. Poop.

And Ryan's probably working. Triple poop.

Sleep time. Nights.

Are you a purple cow?

:: 2005 27 August :: 1.34 am
:: Mood: exanimate

I'm moody.

I was going nuts at work today. I don't know why. I wasn't even that tired. My mind is just...fwooosh. I pretty much know why, but poop.

I'm very sad right now. Not sad, morose.

My feet are sore. My shoulder hurts. I feel disgustingly gross.

I don't want an apartment. I don't want to leave my cool green room.

I wish that I could find motivation to run every morning.

I think I should sleep. And not listen to sad songs.

I like this Patrice fella though. It's this dude who wrote a bunch of songs about LotR, but not for the movie. Farewell To Lorien is good. But it's sad. Because that part of the book is sad. I want to listen to the soundtracks now. I want the breaking of the fellowship.

:-(

I just need a hug, I think. I think I'm just a moody piece of shit.

-Patrice

BTW- If you're 18, go see The Aristocrats. Now.

Are you a purple cow?

:: 2005 25 August :: 1.50 am

Guess who has no classes tomorrow??? Ooooh yeah. Bask in my amazingness. Be jealous. I don't have to wake up until atleast...2...

That's the good thing about this college thing. Today I woke up at 11. Haha. My earliest class is at noon. Which is sweet. But that does mean crazy night classes, which suck. Stupid math. Urgh.

So, my favorite class by far is theatre. Jill's in my class! Yay! It's cool seeing people I know. That place feels so...gross. And to see Jill makes me happy. Like this.

My theatre teacher is so cool though. He's just amazingly awesome. He loves what he teaches. Just sitting there listening to him makes you want to get up and do something with your life. It's true. I went home last night and started filling out my Depaul application. Him and my Philosophy teacher are definitly awesome.

I don't know, you know the feeling you get where in a class or doing something you love? It just feels right. Like your planets have all lined up and a big neon sign is glowing telling you that you found what you were looking for.

Art is like that for me. Not Art-art. But theatre, photography, and writing. Mostly photography and theatre though. I mean, they're not pratical careers, but shit. It just feels so right. I could apply at Depaul for next fall for the theatre prgram. Probably theatre technology, general theatre, or dramaturgy. Or Dramatic criticism. Then minor in english.

But I want to leave C-Hell-C as soon as I can. Meaning, if I do that, which would be harder to get into, then I still have to stay here for a whole year. I think it would be cool to start during the spring semester there.

I don't want to do theatre and then get nowhere with it. I want to do what I want but have something pratical. Which is why english education makes sense. I still want to do it. But I wouldn't want to teach sophomore english or boring stuff like that. I'd want to be creative writing.

I want to be artsy. I don't want to be scholarly. I mean, I want to learn. I want to learn all I can. I'm pretty sure I'll take random classes for the rest of my life. Still, I don't want to make my life out of it. With those things, once you learn it, you know where it's going. Yeah, you can study the hell out of it, but it's still the same usually. With arts, there's no set course you have to take. There's no scientific method. There's just you and how you express emotion and conflict and what you see around you. And that's what I want to do. I just don't know how.

I'm very confused. I'm giving it a week or two before I decide on what I'm applying as to Depaul. Yep. I wish I had a Choose Your Own Adventure, so I could cheat and see how each scenario works out.

-Patrice

2 Hermaphidites | Are you a purple cow?

:: 2005 18 August :: 11.58 am

1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. Write down what it says: "people- both. Really among the nastiest of all medieval European"

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? My dresser

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? Straight Plan for the Queer Man

4. Without looking, guess what time it is: 12:01

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 12:02

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? Ryan's voice in my head

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? To drive. Earlier. My Mom's evil, I'm telling you. Its raining like a dog.

8. Before you came to this website [started this survey], what did you look at? Myspace, xanga

9. What are you wearing? PJ pants and my sister's camp shirt

10. Did you dream last night? Yeeess....It was about work and movies and Ryan running for homecoming king.

11. When did you last laugh? In the office talking with Julia.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? Phantom, Aviator, two lord of the rongs, a mexican rug, my show posters from school, a harry potter poster, and the one from the Lotr symphany

13. Seen anything weird lately? Lotsa deer in the suburbs. Just walking on the sidewalks.

14. What do you think of this quiz? Well, I started it exactly 24 hours ago and left it on my comptuer on accident. So I feel like I must finish it

15. What is the last film you saw? In whole? Ummm...I saw most of The Skeleton Key

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? A college degree? Haha. Umm...A house. I sound like such an old lady

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know: When I was a baby, my nose was always running

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Stop war, as stereotypical as that sounds. I would make everyone be like thoe crazy enviornmental hippies and have everyone doing everything they can to preserve nature. ::nods:: and to stop affirmative action. Make people blind to color. Make everything a level playing field in all aspects of life.

19. Do you like to dance? Gorilla dance, anyone?

20. George Bush: He's a shit head

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Hmm. Can't think of any right now

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Tobey or Isaac. Or Harold...Haha

23. Would you ever consider living abroad? Yes ma'am

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates? Ha! You're the one who had issues believing in me...::smite:: Tehehehehe! Oh look....cotton candy...::skips away::

Are you a purple cow?

:: 2005 18 August :: 1.48 am

My shirt is dirty. I smell of popcorn. Gross. I think I'm going to go read my book now. I think something I said a few months ago just killed something I was trying to rebuild. Forgive and forget? It's impossible, but it'd be nice. I feel like shit now. I'm just doomed to fail. I'm sorry.

Are you a purple cow?

:: 2005 8 August :: 1.37 am
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: All I Ask Of You

3 Hermaphidites | Are you a purple cow?

:: 2005 22 July :: 8.12 pm

I want to apologize, but then I really don't. I feel like I've been wrong. I feel like all I've done is hurt people. I feel like everything I've done in the past few months has been selfish and stupid. What happened to me? I don't deserve happyness. Isn't it sad that I honestly think that? I try to convince myself otherwise, I swear to god that I do. But it's hard. I can't do this anymore. Everything I say is wrong. Everything I think is wrong. I want a day that's like two summers ago. Or even last summer. I love the people who are here now, but I wish at the same time that those people (mainly Ryan) could have come into the picture and everything else could have stayed in tact. I guess we all grew apart. It wasn't just because of me. But I feel guilty. I just feel alone. It's been eating away at me for a while and I want to run away, but I don't know from what or to what. I don't know where I'm going. My future is basically screwed. I hate myself for not ding this shit sooner. I hate myself for being stupid. I have no future. Do you know whose fault that is? Mine. All mine.

Not that anything was ever simple (with us, simple was never a part of the equation, lol) But I guess what I want the most is simplicity. I want to be able to erase the bad pasts with people and only have the good times to look back on. I want to be able to invite everyone I know to a party without worrying who doesn't like who.

I really don't like who I am anymore. So I guess all of you who spend your time talking about how much I've changed for the worse, your time has now come. You were right. If I weren't me, I'd want to get as far away as possible from me too. I am me and I want to do that. I'm sorry that I'm not leaving next year. I'm sorry that you still hve to deal with me. I'll try to make it painless. I swear. I hate myself as much as you do.

2 Hermaphidites | Are you a purple cow?

:: 2005 8 July :: 12.21 am

Shoulder hurts. Eyes hurt. I'm sore. Tired. Wanted to write more. Nothing's working. Need sleep. Bye.

Are you a purple cow?

:: 2005 27 May :: 9.21 am

Not much time again. I don't know what to say. No playing in band today! Concert was fun last night. I'm ordering my computer after school today. Woo! Maybe It'll actually work for longer then a week.

Are you a purple cow?

:: 2005 25 May :: 9.41 am
:: Mood: irritated

More time to write. Yay.

So, as I said yesterday, this weekend was amazing.
I’m getting very annoyed with the habits of certain people. And that’s bad. But they make no sense, and that angers me. There is no logical reasoning behind their actions, so it just pisses me off. You know that people are acting that way just to make a statement. Or because they don’t want to prove someone else right. They want to be in control. And if they can’t, Kablam. Things will go their way or they won’t go at all. Does that annoy anyone else?
Patience for people is slowly disintegrating. Shonsky was driving me crazy yesterday, Ms. Bennett was, Lestina, Phelan, and anyone else who just talked on and on. Usually I can stand it, but I think I’m just overly tired. Which is not good, my dudes.

Not looking forward to next week. Many reasons. Will not discuss here. The pants movie comes out Wednesday! Woo! :-) That’s good. Madagascar is going to be hell.

Are you a purple cow?

:: 2005 24 May :: 9.43 am

I had something to write about, but no time now. Poop. In short…Prom was awesome. That night was awesome. Sunday was awesome. Lots of awesomes. Monday was boring, but relaxing. And that was my weekend.

Theres the bell. Oops.

Are you a purple cow?

:: 2005 2 May :: 9.39 am
:: Mood: content

I lied. This weekend was awesome. I said Saturday would be the worst, I lied. It was awesome. I love when things work out like that. :-)

Are you a purple cow?

:: 2005 29 April :: 8.57 am
:: Mood: Poopy

This weekend isn't going to be fun. Tonight might be. I'll find someone to hnag out with. Plus, Sin City is at Rivertree now. So I might go there today.It’s at 6:30, so maybe I can get food after the meeting and run to the movie? It’d be fun, I think.

Saturday is going to suck more then anything, though. Here are my plans.

7- Wake up
8- Work meeting
10 or 11- Tech Saturday
4- Leave crew
4- Be at work (Gotta learn to be two places at once, I guess)
8- Leave work

After 8, I don’t know. I kind of would rather work 5:54-11. Maybe I’ll find out who’s closing and try to switch with them. That would make life considerably easier. And who wouldn’t want to work a four hour shift compared to a five hour? We shall see.

I also just realized that tomorrow is our last tech Saturday. That makes me sad, on top of being stressed. Jill hates me because I reminded her of that. Poop. :-( I love you, Jill! <3

Sunday will be good. It’ll be a break from the insanity. I’ll just hang out with the boy some. I’ll tell my parents I’m opening, that way I avoid church, get to sleep in, and avoid church.

Jill’s glaring at me. And that makes me sad. Don’t make me sad, Jill. I’ll write you a poem.

Oh Jill, Oh Jill
How sad your glare is
It looks like you’re constipated,
But I know that you’re mad
Don’t be so sad,
Because I love you so
And seeing you sad
Makes me feel bad
You have ducks on your shirt
So don’t be sad
Just smile
And grab a lad!

Okay…I really should do my story. Much love. Especially to Jill. :-)

1 Hermaphidite | Are you a purple cow?

:: 2005 28 April :: 10.56 am
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: NONE! GASP! I need music!

2 Hermaphidites | Are you a purple cow?