My Own Little World

1 Hermaphidite | Are you a purple cow?

:: 2004 20 June :: 4.15pm
:: Mood: bored

BEADS!!!
i've had this crazy inspiration where i want to make everything.....but....er...i don't always have the patience to do so. but yesterday i went to hobby lobby and got a whole mess of beads right? it was so sweet cuz i was like i never wear jewelry because one i think they're annoying and two because i don't want to spend the money. well i figured if i made my own stuff i'd wear it....so i got a whole mess of beads....i wanted to get more things but i didn't have enough money. anywho...i was cleaning out my room the other night and i found some of my old clothes...i'm like hm...if i add a little something here and cut off this piece here it'd look really cool. so i decided...i'm gonna go to all these thrift stores and buy clothes but like alter them and make them look all cool and stuff....i'm just waiting for my mom to finally get me a sewing machine....

i feel really bad though because my parents are having to spend so much money on me. before school starts they promised me a new flute (eek!) which i'm happy about. i still have the vocal workshop that i'm going to and we only have the down payment paid....so that's some more money thye ahve to spend....and then if i make this one choir thing....that's another couple hundred. ::sigh:: i'm debating on whether i should go to theatre fest or not....it's not exactly free....and there's other things i want to do/get. i'm trying to decide...waht's more important? ::sigh::

i was talking to my dad the other night about college and whatnot.....and i decided...i really do want to go now. before i was afraid to....i was scared of leaving home...but now i'm ready. and i'm gonna work my ass off so i can get into the college that i want...or somewhere near that one school. the more i read about that school the more i want to go. it's like oh man...this place rocks and has so opportunities. ::crosses fingers:: i hope i get in....and i swear not to slack on purpose....shh it makes sense to me.

i'm gonna go for now....

Always, Sandy

goose

:: 2004 19 June :: 10.08pm

gah work is no fun, i work from 2-10 and always have to stay until 11 at least, but here's the awesome part the other day one of my managers told me she lost my availability andi need to fill out a new one, so guess what i told her i cant work weekends just cuz i dont feel like it hehee im awesomei know! so now i automatically have every weekend off and next week i work monday 10-5 and thursday 12-5 its so sweet! hehehe! i love it!

so im at my dads house, and my dad left to go see the chicago and earth, wind and fire concert which made me laugh so hard because thats where spencer is right now hahah. maybe they'll see eachother. i almost went cuz my dad was at this party this morning and got all...weird and came home and crashed, but then he didnt and he went...:( oh well. so i dont know what else to say nothing else it going on...is it? guess not.

Are you a purple cow?

5 Hermaphidites | Are you a purple cow?

:: 2004 19 June :: 9.43pm
:: Mood: amused

another update:

Roseprincess1826: just so you know, im not trying to steal neil from you, believe me, i would never want to hurt you like that! its just, im going away for the whole summer, and when i get back, hes going to be going away, so i dont know if ill get to see him again so i wanted to spend time with him. in my jounal i wasnt trying to mock you, im sry if you got that impression... i felt really bad for you.... i mean, u hadnt seen him in a while.... i am going to try my hardest to not be as flirty with him, if thats what you want... i really dont want to go away with you so upset with me like this, cause im not sure if ill have the best time at camp or not knowing that when i come home, ill have someone pist at me.... so please, could we try to start things all over again, try to make it all better?

Auto response from battlestarre: C H I C K E N ! ! !

Roseprincess1826: i wouldnt even want to go out with neil, hes more of the best friend type for me.... a big brother, my cousin... whatever you want to think of it as... hes just a lot of fun to be around, i have a good time when he's around... i dont know... i just dont want you to think that my goal in life is to take him away from you

:: 2004 19 June :: 1.23am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: velvet revolver

an update:

Currently Watching
Everybody Loves Raymond - The Complete First Season
By Ray Romano
see related

nothings wrong with my ear! thats always a good thing for me! Im so glad that im leaving now! get away from all the shiz that is going on here! there are just too many people that are either pist at me or pissing me off. blair- i know i cant run and hide forever, but the whole summer is a long time for people to calm down! woo hoo only 3 days left till i get to go to my most favoritest place in the world, OSRUI!!

yeah, so today i went to the movies to see the terminal. that was a good movie, it was just sooo long!!! but still good. afterwards i went over to blairs for a bit with her, jen, shroom, and campy. there we ate frosting... yummy and waved at cars passing by.... then we were going to go to neils house to hang out... cept i wasnt invited, and it wasnt neil who said no... it was jorie.... o well, she can calm the freak down while im at camp! get the hell over whatever her problem is with me!

o well, i really have to go and get packing!! happiness and kisses to all (or at least most people).

Posted 6/18/2004 at 7:01 PM - email it

Give eProps or Post a Comment

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 Comment this is me

alright you want to know the issue...

you see, i havent been around to notice...which is half the issue...but the other half is that you seem to be obsessed with neil

and i honestly dont hate you or dislike you or anything of the sort...in fact...i expected you to come over...it was jen who said dont.

now i dont really care if you like neil or all that...believe me ive had this issue before...but this time its not neil im worried about.

it's you.

yea...i dont sugar-coat things.

like i said i dont dislike you...but it seems like you are trying to steal neil from me.

whether you are or not...it seems like it...

and that bothers me.

especially with you spending more time with him than me...

and reading your journal...it sounds like youre mocking my being upset that night at the park

i dont know...thats what i feel...whether you accept it or not...

just keep in mind...ive been going out with him for a year...stacey wanted him...jackie wanted him...goli seemed a threat...as did melanie at one time...and you see, you are the fifth...and most likely not the last.

i pray of you...please do not overdo your closeness with him.

:: 2004 19 June :: 12.21am
:: Mood: blank

it's been awhile
i haven't updated in forever and a half....so i thought i'd update. um...what is new with me? doing talent show, auditioning for this crazy choir thing, in need of a job because i need money.

yeah, how about you guys? what's new with you?

always, Sandy

:: 2004 18 June :: 12.41pm

so ive been playing around with the html

look what ive learned

if i wanted all this indented...i could....its a B.L.O.C.K.Q.U.O.T.E. and using this you could type in long ass quotes like in papers .....you know the ones that are more than three lines long....yay....

also that if i had

several

things

list

i could.

or even

if i

felt
like
bullets

suited

list

better

i could

okie sorry....i got excited....

6 Hermaphidites | Are you a purple cow?

:: 2004 17 June :: 2.09pm
:: Mood: surprised
:: Music: michelle branch

so goli called me right as i was about to take my shower

"you made ragtime"

one of those things that takes three weeks to hit you

but surely enough...opening the mailbox, a tan envelope was sitting there with my name on it

and the first line read clearly...although i read it about seven times before continuing the letter...

Congratulations! You have been selected to be a part of the 2005 Illinois High School Theatre Festival All-State Production Crew for Ragtime.

i dont know how i feel quite yet...

i didnt want to make it because i had sooo much fun last year even with everything that went wrong...

i was looking forward to having a room of five with sandy and trix and jackie and jill again...it would soo much fun getting hot chocolate and macaroni after hours with jackie

and the pillow fights with applehead and everyone...

even the tears that fell were fun in a way, because it showed how much we really cared for each other and how fast we overcame things in order to have fun.

here's a list of people that made it:

VHHS
Goli Rahimi-cast; ensemble
Jorie Moore-crew
Christine Nadrowski-crew
Ashley Grebe-orchestra; violin
Aaron Kibbler-orchestra; horn
Elizabeth Riggs-orchestra;violin
Sam Rothstein-orchestra; clarinet

LHS
Katie Phillips-cast; ensemble
Daniel schory-cast; ensemble
Tim Try-cast; ensemble
Relyn Aguero-crew; costumes
Laura Mohs-crew

CHS
Jessica Harling-crew; costumes
Steven Meyer-crew

yea...none from stevenson or mundelein

i cant tell you how not happy i am that ill be working with ms. jessica harling.

8 Hermaphidites | Are you a purple cow?

:: 2004 15 June :: 2.20pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: ::shrugs:: radio?

i dont understand!
okie so this is mostly for sandy and goli, because you guys are probably the only ones who can possibly answer this...

how come everytime neil does something with rachel and blair, im not invited?

even if he tells me...its like "oh today im going bowling with rachel and blair and sandy and goli"

sorry...no matter how much i trust neil, its not easing anything.

so if you could please help me...

i dont know

bah...this is dumb...

:: 2004 15 June :: 1.16pm
:: Mood: tired

"The sun will come up tomorrow"
I'm bored. I'm waiting for Goli to come pick me up so we can go to some library in Deerfield and make copies of sheet music for our talent show (which better be rockin' awesome). I guess I'm excited. Like I'm really excited about doing it but I don't know how much our third partner is looking forward to it. But whatever...he's just gonna have to get over it then..::sigh::

Um I don't know what else to write besides that I'm bored.

I'll update some other time.

Always, Sandy

:: 2004 14 June :: 4.08pm

i am so bored. ahhhhhhhhhhh

goose

:: 2004 13 June :: 4.37pm

hmm poopy jill not updating or being on line in a long time. i had lotsa things to say but now...i cant remember,

i did the relay for life the other day, im joining a team next year and spending the night. its crazy insane out there, but everyone is really nice and happy :)

hmm so bennys party and fire party, its 3:30 and my fire is still burning by the way. la de da not much to comment on that burned school papers i still have lots so we'll do it again soon ok?

Are you a purple cow?

3 Hermaphidites | Are you a purple cow?

:: 2004 12 June :: 12.01am
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: a perfect circle

fucking boyfriends
i waited for him...okie i had a friend over ...i went to her house...he had orientation...and then miscommunication...

its all fine...

until crying girlfriends get put after video games.

"ok, we might make an appearence"

he showed up

at my house

convinced me (i guess) that he was/is sorry for being really selfish...

yea....adios..

:: 2004 9 June :: 6.05pm

mike shinoda is so rockin' awesome (ahhhhhhhhhhhh)

You are SOMEWHERE I BELONG. ~I wanna heal. I wanna
feel. Like I'm close to something real. I wanna
find something I've wanted all along.~

Which Linkin Park song from Meteora are you? {includes pics}
brought to you by Quizilla

Are you a purple cow?

:: 2004 8 June :: 3.47pm
:: Mood: indifferent

you have the cool, clear eyes of a seeker of wisdom and truth
do do do i'm bored. without the moore i'm just kinda sitting at home. i have this awful habit of not calling people...jorie's usually the one calling saying she's bored so come on over. then i get out of my house.

it's really wierd. these past two summers....well we're only a week into this summer....but it's wierd. i actually go out. you know? my whole life...i never saw friends once school ended. hell...i never heard from them until our schedules came in the mail. and even then i would be very surprised. people actually called me. my whole life..i've been confined in my home doing absolutely nothing. maybe that's why i can't stand being the same room as my brothers anymore....because i literally spent my entire life with them.

every year i dreaded summer. summer meant being locked up at home only going "out" on sundays to church. then after church it was time to come home again. maybe that's why i drastically gained so much weight in one year. because one summer i felt so insanely lonely. so bored and so alone. so food was my source of comfort...eating was something to occupy all my free time. now it's hard to lose the weight taht i gained. i mean....i'm not complaining as much anymore...i'm not obese...it's no where near a health issue. it's just...i miss fitting into a size 1....::sigh:: that's my goal for this summer....lose some weight....look "better". so far it's working a little bit. i've lost about 5-6 pounds already which is pretty encouraging. but moving on....i don't want to waste an entire entry talking about my weight.

last night was wierd. i decided to go online around midnight basically cuz i didn't feel like sleeping. gasp dudes...people IMed me. (a lot fo the times i go online to just sit...without talking to anyone...wahtever) and the jerkass from college IMed me...yeah i was surprised...it's like hey the jerkass remembered me after a whole year! anywho...i was just talking to him....."talking".....because it ook him at least 5 minutes to respond (he was probably talking to his oh-so-perfect girlfriend--i'm not bitter at all HA) anywho....he asked about highschool and hwo it was. i told him it was interesting...i was learning alot and not necessarily academically. and i kinda explained about what i thought about people and my old friends. he told me i changed a lot. that i was very mature. wow. i was like what the hell are you on? me--mature? hahaha let me tell you...i'm not the brightest person in the world and most of the time i act like a 7 year old. oh man..i'm so mature. i had this confused look on my face (i didn't even have to look in the mirror). ::sigh:: life is interesting. i hate so much about it....but what can i do? nothing...just kinda live. i hate just living. and the fact that i'm no longer religious bothers me. i don't have that inspiration to even care. i still believe in him...i know he's there. but i want to feel like he's here...not just there. i know taht doens't make much sense but it does to me. i used to be so religious....i'm not anymore. i gave up on a lot of things and religion being one of them. i always have this feeling of guilt about every fucking thing i do because i'm always thinking "God must hate me now for the way i act" "how can he forgive someone like me?"

i'll stop talking about religion in case it offends anyone. but it's really affecting the way i act...the way i talk...the way i think....the way i am. and i don't like it. i need to find me some inspiration.

Always, Sandy