sometimes what is felt is more important than what is heard

4 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2009 9 May :: 12.17am

Life was better on prozac..
I've been at this place before..
Where nothing makes sense, but at the same time, everything makes sense to me.
I have everything most girls dream of, yet I am lacking so many things that other people have and dream of.
Sometimes I think that I want to be single and live alone.
But the problem with that is, I haven't ever lived on my own. I hate being at home alone. I tried living on my own once, and Mike was over everyday, and then he moved completely in.
I need to balance independent and dependent.
I'm back to where I was when I was in high school..
Crying about every little thing.
Making everyone miserable because I'm sad all the time..
Even though I really have no reason to be unhappy..
And seriously, I have no idea how Mike deals with it.
He tries to cheer me up, but it only lasts for a little bit..
Until I start thinking about how much my life is lacking in different areas..

I have so many hopes and dreams that I don't put into action.
So many ties..

And sadly I think the only fix is prozac.
And the problem with that is, I don't have health insurance!

:: 2009 8 May :: 11.24am

Can anyone reach the knife that's in my back?

I was just laid off, a week before insurance starts, i can't get unemployment either.

this is bullshit.

:: 2009 3 May :: 1.10pm

Things are starting to look up.. Other than I have 6 exams due by thursday.. and being that I have to work monday-thursday, I have no idea when i am going to be able to make it up to the college before the lab closes so that I can get all my exams in..

Kind of worried about it.. but who knows.. maybe something will work out for me..

I still have work for 2 classes to do yet.. And there are a couple of assignments for one class that I can't figure out how to do certain things.. so yeah, im screwed!

:: 2009 2 May :: 11.13am

err i mean the H1N1 flu... yeah.

1 Bastard | Step on my dreams

5 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2009 2 May :: 11.13am

wait, errr ummm.. uhhh.

not SARS, that was the popular thing to have 2 years ago.

last year was west nile and the bird flu
oh yeah this year its the swin flu.

so i now have the swine flu

:: 2009 2 May :: 11.12am

I now have SARS....

that is all.

jayzulla

:: 2009 30 April :: 11.43pm

UFC
I downloaded the UFC undisputed 2009 demo. Its the best fighting game i have ever played. its so realistic. kinda sucks the only fighters you can use though are Maricio Rua and Chucky, and human vs human chuck almost always wins. Iv played probley a total of 100 rounds already. never had 1 one go to decision. every aspect of the game is almost 100% spot on. striking is fluid, movment is great, the transitioning is awesome takes a little bit of time to get used to though. the muay tai clinch is awesome, slams are awesome. the full version of the game is going to offer 80+ fighters from 5 weight classes. now all i have left to do is wait until the 22nd for the full game. absolutly cannot wait.

:: 2009 28 April :: 7.54pm

Found a new home for her cat, and is now balling like a 3 year old..

The ad was on craigslist for like 3 hours..

3 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2009 27 April :: 6.08pm

I've been putting some serious thought into a career path, and I still have no clue what I want to do with my life.
I want out of this factory crap.
I keep thinking that there is a job out there that I will enjoy every moment of, and the people won't irritate me.
But lets be serious, that doesn't exsist.
At least not for me.

Any suggestions?

:: 2009 24 April :: 3.45pm

Well here is another thing to add to the list of things that keep making my life worse..

Mike's daughters mom and step dad are buying the house that I want more than anything so that their welfare kids can rent it from them..
I am super fucking pissed because they knew that I wanted that house, and was trying to get it..
Right now I am beyond super fucking pissed.

:: 2009 21 April :: 5.54pm
:: Music: Hate my life - Theory of a Deadman

Not sure if it is because of the rain, or the sudden load of shit that has been dumped on me lately, but the song "Hate my life - Theory of a Deadman" is my theme song for the moment.. One verse in particular.

I still hate my job, my boss is a dick
"I don't get paid nearly enough
To put up with all of your shit"

1 Bastard | Step on my dreams

:: 2009 21 April :: 2.43pm

Growing up I was never told that cheating was a good or bad thing. I have formed my own opinions on the subject.

But I can't believe she has the audacity to ask me not to be mad at him. I can understand that she wouldn't want my brother to know. But I honestly cannot believe she can ask me not to be mad at him. I may not have a lot of respect for the woman and she has done somf pretty questionable things in her life but I figured she'd make things right by not forgiving someone for doing the same thing she has done to every guy she has been with.

Makes me sick.

:: 2009 20 April :: 10.55pm

So right now out of all the things that were bugging me the only thing left is how emotionally disconnected I feel from my family. Well, I guess you can add friends to that too.

I feel like everyone is against me. Sometimes when I spend time with my family I feel like they aren't even my family and it is a horrible feeling.

Will it ever go away?