school starts yet again, very very soon.

you'd think i'd be excited. that's usually how it goes this time of year. a little mellow and pensive, but excited nonetheless.

however, this year i just feel kind of depressed. like it's basically over already, and i'm just going through the motions. jumping through hoops until the hoops are gone. i guess i'm just depressed because i know that i won't know what to do when that happens. i've been jumping (whether poorly or not is of little consequence) for so long, that it's all i know how to do. or at least, it's the only thing i've managed to convince myself i'm comfortable doing, despite the fact that i still to this day do not know how to do it.

i think i'll feel better once the days start getting shorter and cooler, and the leaves start to change, and i get to enjoy the smells of warm donuts and fresh apple cider and pumpkins and hay. i always love that time. and every august i forget that it's not for another two months or so.

but a boy can dream, i suppose.

and in the meantime, he should get a fucking job. how many times have i said that on here? and how many more times will i repeat myself until it actually happens?

more than i'd care to admit.

1 Bastard | Step on my dreams