sometimes what is felt is more important than what is heard

3 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2008 11 April :: 4.24pm

I sit. I weap. I wipe away tears. It's how I start my day, and how I end it.
I cry at the drop of a hat.
I know I'm an emotional wreck and that I have some emotional issues I keep throwing in the back of my closet. Hoping that someday they will escape through a crack somewhere.
Sadly, I never know what starts these fits of tears and uncertainty.
Especially when everything in my relationship with Mike is great.
I have a job, and I am enrolled in college.
My bills are paid, and I'm slowly getting caught up.
I really have nothing missing.
However, there is a huge hole.
And that hole that keeps attacking me at moments like these, is hurting me.
This uncomfortable feeling it gives me, is hurting me physically.
I am always tired. My body aches. And I can't find a cure..

I've spent the last few weeks doing a spring cleaning of my thoughts.
So far, I feel as though I worn myself weak, and accomplished nothing.
It's like running on a treadmill.

Right now, I would love to burst into tears, and curl up in bed.
But there are too many things I need to get done.

Anyway..
My dad talked to his girly-friend last night on the phone for 2 hours last night, even though she broke their date for last night.
He is so happy, and giddy. And I love seeing him smile.
I have been waiting for this for years.

1 Bastard | Step on my dreams

jayzulla

:: 2008 10 April :: 1.49am

i cannot wait for Matt serra and the GSP rematch. ufc has taken over....goodbye boxing.

10 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2008 9 April :: 4.41am

i miss her alot

2 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2008 8 April :: 4.29pm

So I am still waiting for that student id number.
I called and left a message with the admissions lady..
Being that it is spring break this week, I highly doubt i will get a response this week.

Anyway to go more indepth about the things my last entry contained..
My dad had a date-ish type evening saturday. I am happy for him, and he's happy, and he smiles a lot too.

I spent time with my mom on saturday. We played cards. It was entertaining.

And lastly, Mike's fish.. We had a power surge, and his fish was fried. He swam all weird and retarded like for a couple moments, and then nothing. It was sad.

But now I must shower. Sandpaper dust does not leave a very attractive odor behind. And let me tell you, I would be so very happy if i never had to see sandpaper again.

:: 2008 8 April :: 7.41am

erin was here last week, she's amazing.

she left satuday, i'm sad.

I miss her alot.

anywho, i've been up since noon yesterday, i worked from 11pm till about a half hour ago, its sleepy time.

night night

spud	:: 2008 8 April :: 1.39am it kind of reminds me of that episode of pete and pete where they tried to stay awake for like three days straight. or something. i think it's bedtime. 5 Bastards stepped on my dreams \| Step on my dreams

spud

:: 2008 7 April :: 5.17am
:: Music: 311 - don't tread on me

i like how at some point it transitions in conceptualization from a very late night, to a very early morning. and yet, the task of nabbing down precisely where that transition occurs is nigh-on impossible.

my guess is that it's right around the time when the birds start chirping.

...

yep, i hear 'em.

spud

:: 2008 7 April :: 2.41am

wow. it's gonna be a long stretch to exams.

and an early morning tomorrow. i'll be ready to crash once i get done at the scientists meeting tomorrow night. but that'll be fun, at least. the events leading up to it, not so much.

although, filming went reasonably well today. and i got some free food out of the deal. and i met a guy who wants to record me on drums. and i got to play drums at that party last night, which also had some free food and was a lot of fun. and i got to play drums and hear dad's new band on friday, and have some free food after that as well. so, the themes for this weekend were : party, free food, and drums.

not too bad. except that i got nothing accomplished and slept way too late this morning. but it all worked out, i guess.

:: 2008 6 April :: 10.02pm

A big weekend has just ended..
My dad had a date.
I willingly went to see my mom.
And Mike's fish died..

7 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

spud

:: 2008 3 April :: 12.23am

you know. sometimes i just don't understand.

most times, in fact.

i just wonder where the fuck i went so wrong. when it all looked so promising. and then there are those other times when i wonder how in the hell it worked out so perfectly, when i thought it would be shit. and either way, i was fucking wrong, and didn't get a chance to appreciate it, because i was so busy being wrong.

and then i failed college. or at least pissed a bunch of people off for being stupid. and pissed myself off even more.

i've been ridiculously angry all day today, and i don't understand it. i really need to blow off some steam.

:: 2008 2 April :: 6.38pm

So finally we have 2 running vehicles again.
I am waiting for my student id number so I can register for summer classes.
I just finished cleaning, but I still have some more to do..
But I am running out of ambition.

Tara is moving to Texas.

3 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2008 30 March :: 9.12am

i have my erin.

yay

<3

2 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2008 27 March :: 5.03pm

tonight:

bowling till 9:30
clean a bus
ride to chicago with danno and ryan

tomorrow: meet erin at the airport at 9:17am
hang out with erin, dan, ryan, and jeff tomorrow, get some chicago pizza, help danno pack
erin and myself hop a train to the mitten and we hang out here for a week, then i have to drive her back to o'hare and she heads home to texas :(

:: 2008 26 March :: 4.46pm

Now I just wait for an answer and the days to pass..
As well as my student ID for MCC so I can register for classes.
Not to mention take the placement test.
They set me up with a time, but I can't do it at that time because I have this thing called work that I must attend so I can bring home a small paycheck at the end of the week! Yippy.

I dread most of it.