sometimes what is felt is more important than what is heard

:: 2007 6 June :: 3.31am

i keep having this dream about a girl with black hair and a red dress...

no clue who she is. weird huh?

2 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

spud

:: 2007 5 June :: 8.36am
:: Mood: pensieve
:: Music: jamiroquai

musings

i would never EVER commit suicide.

but ... when the time comes ... i think dying might be the easiest thing i ever do.

the sun is out.

i think i'll go to bed soon.

9 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2007 4 June :: 4.04pm

Stupid jeans.
I tell ya what.
I'm going to stop wearing them all together.
2 pairs of jeans ruined in 2 days.
Yesterday I noticed that my new jeans, that I have only worn twice mind you, have tears in the top inside corners of the back pockets.
Today Christine was being hooker trash and decided that she'd be funny and tap this oil thing on the pin machine while I was reaching up to fill the pin tub, and she got oil all over my hand, and my jeans.
So now I have this big huge yellow oil stain.
Oh well.
I have the one pair soaked in SHOUT right now. Hopefully that will do the trick.
Otherwise, I'm making that fat bitch buy me a new pair of jeans.
I'm crabby if you haven't noticed.
I have friday off of work.
And if you're smart, you'll know why.
I'm not sure if Carley and I are still on for Red Lobster or not.
I'll be too poor, considering I'll only have a 3 days check this week because my lazy ass never got up friday morning.
Well I did, but it wasn't to my alarm.
It was to Mike saying "what the fuck are you still doing here?"
Yep. So I spent the day in bed with him because I'm a lazy fuck.
And that is pretty much where I spent most of my weekend.
Other than saturday afternoon when I was at the ER with my grandmother.
She fell and broke her left arm just below her shoulder.
Has a black eye.
And is in pretty rough shape.

:: 2007 3 June :: 5.09pm

anyone know a jen nash from sliver lake?

:: 2007 2 June :: 11.26pm

so now my truck sits without a motor, took us like 4ish hours to get it out. Going to take ALOT longer to put it back in and fix some stuff that was put together wrongish

:: 2007 1 June :: 6.46pm

My new favorite food.
Grilled cheese and spaghetti sauce.

:: 2007 1 June :: 1.19pm

A serious update on my behalf. If you don't like it, piss off.
In some ways I feel like I have messed up my life, yet I feel like I have everything I need and I'm happy.
I have lead it in a path that would take a very long time to reconstruct if such events happened that would cause me to fall flat on my ass.
I know that if Mike and I ever split up, I wouldn't be the same.
It would take me a very long time to get over it and even then, I don't think I could fully get over it.
I used to be a pretty independent person.
I could hold my own, and I didn't need a guy there all the time.
But I was very unhappy and I made a lot of decisions that I'm not proud of.
I let my mother get the best of me.
I am very happy with Mike, but sometimes I feel like I'm not cut out for this whole relationship thing.
Maybe its that I'm still in shock that we have been together for 19 months.
Whatever the reason is, it doesn't explain why I keep screwing up.
Why I can't put my sarcastic, bitter, 'could-give-a-fuck-less' attitude in the closet.
I feel like I have to do everything I can to see how long before he breaks.
I feel like I keep screwing up all the time, or saying the wrong things, to see what will happen.
To see if he's had the last straw.
Why does my brain have to be so cluster-fucked with thoughts and emotions all the time.
Guh!

8 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2007 31 May :: 2.55pm

The heat has me cranky and tired.
Im not very much fun to be around.
Today was a miserable day at work.
Oh and let me tell ya if I felt like typing out how my day went, trust me you'd get every last detail.
So I will just leave it at this.
Christine is a fat fucking lazy skank ass that smells like bad fish and dirty socks.

Anyway.
Baseball tonight in Palo.
Woohaa!
Im too tired to even sit here.

3 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2007 28 May :: 10.49pm

Thoughts on my birthday
As my birthday nears, I'm not as excited as I was last week or the week before.
It's not going to be as grand as I had anticipated because more than likely I won't be able to afford to do anything.
I'll be taking the day off of work, but it won't be to do anything I'd like to or will be enjoying.
Something has me in a mood right now.
Well more like all day.
Mike told me that he'd try to make my birthday special for me without having to go out and spend money.
It was sweet.
This morning he woke me up at about 2, and told me that he thought we needed to spend some quality time together.
That he wanted me to be awake with him and watch a movie and cuddle.

Hopefully Jamie quit calling Carley.
And I also hope what Mike and I said to him, didn't make matters worse.
Mike started in when he called me a 'fucking dead beat'.

:: 2007 26 May :: 6.19pm

So no fair with Carley today.
That bummed me out.
I was really looking forward to it.
Instead I went to the Car show, ate elephant ears and watched the smoke show with Mike and Darielle (his daughter).
Now I am waiting for Buc and Mike to get back with the car so I can go to dinner with my dad, sister and brother in law.
My arms are cold and tired.

:: 2007 25 May :: 8.34pm

So my tara and my katelyn have finally graduated.
And still 2 years later, I do NOT miss high school at all.
It was fun while it lasted, but it was time to move on.

Blazin' buffalo & Ranch Dorito's are my new favorite.
Except they need more of a ranch flavor to them.

Right now Wayne is here looking at Mike's truck.
He's interested in buying it.
My Carley is coming over tomorrow!
We're going to Sheridan Fair it up!
There's PONIES!
It's a little rinky dink springfest.

I also have to make time for my sister and brother-in-law.
Perhaps they will join us all at the fair tomorrow.
oOoh!

2 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2007 25 May :: 11.39am

i just put in my 2 weeks at surefil, if anyone needs a job.

pays $8/ hour its out by the airport, not to hard of a job, hours are usually from 11 pm to 11 am friday and saturday nights.

only requirements you need to be able to pee clean.

spud

:: 2007 25 May :: 7.54am
:: Mood: amazingly good
:: Music: bnl - maroon

beer and cigarettes
i should probably get some sleep.

but i'm just really happy right now.

maybe i'll take a shower.

but i'm going to have to get up at like noon or so.

ah, well. whatever.

...

i might go see pirates tonight. should be fun. even though i can't afford it.

4 Bastards stepped on my dreams | Step on my dreams

:: 2007 23 May :: 12.07pm

bored.
HAHA.

Crush this person!
Get your own ThisCrush.com CrushTag!

:: 2007 22 May :: 10.33am

tournament sunday.
feeling good about it.