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"the important things in life aren't always things"

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:: 2003 1 October :: 3.18 pm
:: Mood: bored

hi. how are u? not bad. its was a half day of school today. u too? thats cool. yea. do u think i should go to church tonite? well, i dunno. theyre buggin u to go? well anything to plz the parents. mhm. well we'll see i guess. i gotta go tho. alrighty. cya!





















sry talking to myself.

do u love life?


:: 2003 29 September :: 11.14 pm
:: Mood: awake

well tonite was bon games. it was fun as usual. my ass is gunna be so bruised. ahhh!

its spirit week. today was western day. tomoroow is class color day (blue). wednesday is hawaiin day. thursday is nerd day and friday is green/gold day. fun stuff.

i got to know the "bell sisters" a lil better tonite. jaclyn is in one of my classes but i really didnt get a chance to talk to her much...its chemistry - not the hilite of my day. theyd be fun to party with. i cant help but feel bad for them...it would seriously suck to move to not only a new school, but also one in a different state. anywaz theyre cool.

i dont know what to do. aut hates school - yet she doesnt wanna stay at catholic nor go to fremont. i dont know what to tell her cuz ive never really been in her situation before. like she not only doesnt like the ppl there but she doesnt like her classes or teachers either. i mean i dont want her to suffer, but i also dont want her to isolate herself. the only advice i could give her is get involved with play - cuz she loves ot act. but like she had a miserable time at bon games, and jus hanging out with my friends made her feel a whole lot better, but as she said, "i cant hang out with u all my life". like she doesnt even wanna go to homecoming cuz of it. i just dont know.

oyea jos - i found my home lol

H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y J U S T I N ! ! ! ! : D

2 people love life. | do u love life?


:: 2003 28 September :: 1.30 am
:: Mood: tired

well, last nite was fun. me and jami went and saw "American Wedding". all i haveta say, is if u havent already seen it, u really need to. its frickin hilarious.

tonite was fremont's homecoming. its technically semi-formal, but everyone usually goes all-out. its insane. this year kinda sucked because they decided to set up blackjack tables (there theme was "a night in las vegas"), so yea they were actually teaching ppl how to play blackjack - but i think it took away from the dancing...but then again i cant dance so i dunno. i did see a few ppl i havent seen in a long time tho so that was cool.

what was even better, was coming home to dishes and laundry. it was like a deja-vu thing cuz i had done dishes and laundry earlier. but then i talked to my mom for a while and she had saved me dinner: homemade clame chowder. if u think campbell's is good, damn u gotta try this stuff.

i really dont know what im wearing for western day. im thinking a button-up and jeans. oyea! thats bon games too. i forgot bout that. we probly wont get our shirts in on time. that sux.

but my eyes are getting to the pt where they just arent staying open so im goin to bed. nite.

do u love life?


:: 2003 22 September :: 10.35 pm
:: Mood: confused

life is thoroughly confusing right now. i feel like im being unfairly blamed for somehting i didnt intentionally do. i really need to talk to certain ppl.

4 people love life. | do u love life?


:: 2003 17 September :: 9.11 pm

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
01 | death
02 | illnesses
03 | being alone
---------------------------------------------------------
THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
01 | jami
02 | my daddy
03 | weezer
---------------------------------------------------------
FIVE THINGS I LOVE:
01 | my family
02 | my friends
03 | my happiness
04 | my freedom
05 | my individuality
---------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 | my honesty
02 | ignorance
03 | lima beans
---------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01 | why death is sad
02 | how ppl could do such horrific things
03 | the meaning of life
---------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
01 | my computer
02 | my chapstick
03 | a stack of CDs
---------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 | talking to scottie
02 | breathing
03 | thinking about how shitty life can be
---------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 | be happy
02 | make a difference
03 | be loved
---------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
01 | listen
02 | be a good friend
03 | be counted on - u can call me anytime and i'll alwaz be here for u
---------------------------------------------------------
THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 | individualistic
02 | honest
03 | loyal
---------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 | stop takin my meds
02 | attain straight As
03 | deal with life wihtout my friends/family

do u love life?


:: 2003 17 September :: 9.02 pm
:: Mood: sorta upset

well there goes my entire bank account. apparently when i hit that curb i didnt dent my hubcap like i originally thought. instead, i dented the rim and screwed up the ty-rod (the thingy that lets the steering wheel move the tires). so yea in the words of my dad after he looked at it: "u fucked that up pretty bad". so we took it down to the dealership and it'll take em about 2 days to fix. i cryed. i was pissed. but then my daddy was like "u know, its ok. its only a car. its replaceable. the thing that matters is that ur ok." that made me feel somewhat better. my mom had class tonite and doesnt know about it yet. i hope she isnt pissed at me. cuz when i got the charley horse in my right calf, i folleowed what my instincts where - to grab my leg. so i did, thus letting go of the wheel. *sigh* my leg still does hurt tho...

do u love life?


:: 2003 17 September :: 11.29 am

well senior retreat was ok. the food was good and our class did bond somewhat, er well i know most of the girls did. in my cabin, there was alexa, amber, becky, manda, jennifer, jenny, sarah s, melissa and me. we all had a blast and are now so much closer than i ever thought we'd be. circle of truth was a very eye-opening experiience. it definatly brought our class to a whole new level. scatter 2003 was frickin hilarious...especially the repercusions. they had to not only clean up after our meals as punishment, but also our cabins. we got a lil creative and immature with that one: goldfish, pretzels, and cookies crushed into the floor, tampons and pads with ruby red squirt and A&w root beer on them, not to mention the dirt we shoveled in there...it was great - the guys were pissed. it serves them right tho.

as for my right leg. i dont know whats wrong with it. ive had four charley horsess in it in the last 36 hours...one while i was driving. i hit a curb and dented my hubcap - i hope nuthing is wrong with it but i dont know why its doing this to me. it hurts to walk.

well only one class left - keller. shes mean to me this year. it could be because im so opinionated. but yea the bell jus rang so im out. cya.

do u love life?


:: 2003 13 September :: 11.13 am
:: Mood: cheerful

random thoughts
last nite was fun. it was jus a couple of us foolin around and acting like dorks. all my stresses are now alleviated :)

i had like jus hit holton this morning when i realized i forgot my purse at jami's house...which meant that i didnt have my license on me. so i decided to drive the exact speed limit all the way home. it pissed ppl off, but that would really have sucked if i got pulled over and didnt have a license.

i really need to call a friend. they were upset last nite, and i need to know if they're ok.

catholic, muskegon, fremont, oakridge and holton all won last nite...the only one that surprised me was holton - they never win.

well senior retreat starts tomorrow. its 3 days- sun mon and tues. ive jus come to the conclusion that im jus gunna try to get the best outa it. the circle of truth doesnt really scare me anymore. dont get me wrong, i still dont wanna do it. but i never really had a problem being honest before so i shouldnt have a problem now...but this will be in front of like 70 ppl so i dunno. anywaz im jus gunna try to have fun. screw the preps and jocks. im gunna have fun. so ha. and if htey have a problem with it, they can kiss my pasty white ass.

im gunna try to convince a friend to go to counseling. i really wanna drag her there but this is somehting that she needs to do on her own. if i force her to go, she probly wont talk but she really needs it otherwise shes gunna be haunted forever. wish me luck :/

i walked into the house this morning at like 9:30ish and it smelled like mac n cheese. i dont know why considering we havent eaten it in a while. im the only one who smells it to so maybe its jus me. that sounds good tho. i think i'll make some. i'll cya lata.

do u love life?


:: 2003 10 September :: 8.54 pm

women
Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and
they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can help to heal a broken heart.
Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning!
They bring joy and hope.
They have compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give!
They are blessed by God!
They are amazing as well as blessed.
If there's one flaw in women, it is that they tend to forget about themselves too often.

1 people love life | do u love life?


:: 2003 10 September :: 8.37 pm
:: Mood: alright

well i got my hair butchered. i got to talkin to the lady who was doin my hair and like an hour and a half later shes like "o shoot, i have another appt!" she had been cutting the entire time! so yea its shorter than i had orginally wanted it but o well...its jus hair. it'll grow back.

rob wants to take me to the homecoming dance...even tho he clearly has a girlfriend *wrinkles nose*

i decided that im not looking forward to the circle of truth, nor senior retreat at all. i mean for the most part, our class gets along but its still very clicky (nice sp:). i have my doubts that it will bring us closer together. the whole circle of truth thing will be brutally honest but i still dont think that everyone will return to school best friends. we'll all go back to our own groups and life with go on. but i dunno.

im out latas.

*america stands for freedom. if u think ur free, try walking into a deli, and urinating on the cheese! XXX* (ever since we got that movie, aut's been saying it over and over and over...)

do u love life?


:: 2003 8 September :: 10.09 pm
:: Mood: loved

thank u scottie...u dont know how much it means to me...

1 people love life | do u love life?


:: 2003 8 September :: 9.56 pm
:: Mood: :)

im so happy for manda. she is lovin this modeling school. its perfect for her. im glad that she knows exactly what to do with her life and is following through with it...it seems like a rarity for high school seniors to have known exactly what theyve wanted to do for like forever....im so happy for her!

do u love life?


:: 2003 8 September :: 6.34 pm
:: Mood: alright

today sucked. i never really realixed that that shit is addicting- apparently it is. cuz i ran out the other nite, and after 2 days without it - damn. its a pain. i couldnt focus at all today. i jus kinda walked around in a daze. so im sorry if i didnt talk to u or seem distracted. i had this frickin pounding headache and my stomach hurt - and i jus couldnt concentrate on anything. but when i got home, mom had got me more of it. so i took two and a couple hours later, im fine now. jesus - i wonder how theyre gunna get me off of it.

as for the additional complexities, ive decided to jus try to deal with them myself. i think that would jus work better for everyone. then hopefully i wont piss anyone off by burdening them with my problems. so on goes my 'my-life-is-perfect' face :) ...yea that didnt really work today. i was more focused on keeping myself awake than how i looked.

but i gotta paper to do so im out - cya

1 people love life | do u love life?


:: 2003 7 September :: 10.30 pm
:: Mood: frustrated

im frustrated. at myself and my "friends". nobody seems to understand. i just need my space. ive been workin at my trust problem...but then this happens and now its worse than ever. i have a hard time even being around guys when theres no one else around. yea im paranoid - i know that. i talked to one of my close friends tonite and she said that thats gunna be our goal of the year: to overcome our biggest fears. thats gunna be so hard tho. it IS so hard tho. bein around guys has never bothered me this much before. and now this and i cant trust any one of them. they just dont seem to understand what im going through. its soo hard to deal with and they jus think im bitchy or somehting. im so frustrated. and im scared. cuz i dont know what to do. the only thing i can do rite now is put on that plasticized smile and pretend that there's nuthin wrong. cuz thats the only thing i can think of doin and i dont wanna be a burden on others. i dunno. im jus hurt. it hurts when it seems like no one really understands u. i dunno...

2 people love life. | do u love life?


:: 2003 4 September :: 9.48 pm
:: Mood: aggravated

attempting to write a movie review with little success
as i sit here devouring a container of meijer brand cream cheese frosting, i ponder the various ways in which i can describe the film "tuesdays with morrie". "tuesdays with morrie" portrays how a dying man (morrie) can drastically change the life of a workaholic (mitch). mitch visits morrie on a weekly basis for his final thesis "the meaning of life". tho slightly informative, this short book is poorly written. the way in which the write portrays morrie leads readers to believe that morrie was the first one to die. also, the way in which mitch writes of his experiences with morrie envokes almost a sympathetic feeling towards his dying professor. in reality though, morrie was lucky. he was able to die peacefully, surrounded by his family and friends. he was able to say good-bye to those he loved. he was able to reflect on his life and live life to the fullest. many dont get that luxury. thousands of people die alone. they dont have the opportunity to do the many things that morrie was able to do before he died. this is a very misleading story and corrupts the minds of all who read it.

do u love life?

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