theedgeofyouratmosphere
|
::
2007 13 August :: 7.11pm
:: Mood: worried
I'm fucking depressed.
i just don't know what to do.
better yet i don't how to feel.
i just don't want to feel this, of what i'm feeling.
1 . |
comment.
|
|
theedgeofyouratmosphere
|
::
2007 10 August :: 9.55pm
:: Mood: okie
:: Music: 'through glass' is on right now lol
went to the doctors for my sonogram, we couldn't see between the legs. but i got to see my baby move about. and gave me a wave lol! :)
everythings going okay, i'm going fishing tomorrow, hopefully i catch something HUGEE hah. i want to win some money, :p
cleaned the other day, and had to do it again today, gheesh and we don't do nothing! haha, i've had energy.. so i guess that's good cause shit gets done.
eee i'm blabbing..
comment.
|
|
theedgeofyouratmosphere
|
::
2007 23 July :: 9.06pm
:: Mood: hmm.
life is changing.
sometimes i don't know if it's for the worst or the best.
everyday life is a struggle; everythings a struggle anymore.
i remember back when nothing mattered and i didn't have a care in the world except for me playing by myself or sitting with my mom. to hanging out with friends; home every night. to being 18 and pregnant and living on my own. Now don't get me wrong it's a good change but scary. I still have some mending to do and some patching up on my life. I'm trying my damnest here.
I don't have many friends just a short few and it's like i'm not close to any of them, and i understand everyone got there own thing going on and what not and i'm happy for them all. I Just miss back when, ya know?
from late night eating to driving around or walking around, drinking and just having fun to making sure my electric doesn't get shut off and having to pay a phone bill & what not. I sure do miss them days, but without them days i wouldn't of met the greatest people i know. and ONCE AGAIN that's a select few. and i wouldn't of met the man of my life. i'm happy now.. sometimes i think i made out okay so far. and if not everyone falls but gets back up, right? lol
comment.
|
|
theedgeofyouratmosphere
|
::
2007 12 July :: 10.07pm
i feel bloated today, just like lastnight.
and the feeling has yet to go away,.
i've been pretty emotional.
and all i did today was sit around and earlier i watched Gab for alittle bit. (my friend Jena's daughter) shes precious.
other than that giant eagle and i just drank koolaide and watched re-runs of greys anatomy. i just don't feel well today. i feel like complete shit.
=(
1 . |
comment.
|
|
theedgeofyouratmosphere
|
::
2007 7 July :: 8.28am
:: Mood: sad&pissed
i'm honestly hurting inside.
lastnight was awful. its just ripping me apart.
i never do anything wrong.
and then this morning. it just doesn't get better.
comment.
|
|
theedgeofyouratmosphere
|
::
2007 30 June :: 10.09am
lastnight was cool i guess.
we finally got alittle bit of money so that took tension off the bills being payed and what not. and a little extra for whatever. its nice. i hate being so poor :(
he bought himself a case of beer (my boyfriend) and basically got drunk and smoked. we had some company, doug and hoagie came twice. then ben and some crackwhore came to buy some green off Lance. ben smoked alittle with me.
i know i should stop but i smoked all day yesterday; i kinda needed it i've just been so down and stressed and everything, just needed something for my nerves. cause trust me if i could drink i would LoL.
9 . |
comment.
|
imnotokay
|
::
2007 30 May :: 2.13am
:: Mood: WHOA!
:: Music: Lilliz-"What I Like About You"
It's a Crazy/Psycho/Messed up/shitty kind of Night!
whoa as if i never give you guys a good update, here's one! Tonight samantha tells me she likes me, mistake no.1, i told her i like her too. Tonight my recent x-girlfriend a.k.a Alicia/Best Friend found out somehow.....i wonder who!!!!! Well she decided she could flip on me and say i'm a liar/all the above. BUT! She broke up with me because it was awkward, and she wasn't feeling right about the relationship. Well if she didn;t want the relationship, then why now does she decide to flip so crazily because someone likes me, and my feelings are surfacing for her again too. Then again, when we were dting i told her my feleings for sam were gone. I think i really ended up hurting he and i fell terribl, but she never gave me time of day to explain myslef, she jsut signed off and never let me reply. I feel like the biggest loser in the world right now, besides bush, but still. I have these two wonderful girls, wonderful in my eyes, not so much in some of my friends. I mean with samantha, i can talk about anythign to, we can last a conversation for days on end, and she has the best way to make me laugh, and keep me happy...Then alicia, she knows how to cheer me up, was always there for me, and now decides she likes me, she's got this way of making you fall fast for her(trust me, i know!!!). I'm stuck here in between two ppl and i know in the end, i'm going to have to choose wisely, but after all, when do i ever choose wisely. I mean look at my past, it doesn;t show bright colors of a great relationship, the best relationship i've ever had was with jessica durstine, and that was the 5th grade. All i want is love in my life, is that so hard to ask for? I don;t want to be hurt anymore, and both of them have done that. I just wnat them both to change and decide on if they really want me or not. Trust me, maybe i'm not the guy you want at all, not even a little bit, not even at all. I hope that my decision becomes easier than it seems right now, and i could use all the help i can get, so please, don't hesitate to tell em what you think....plz tell me what you think! I love you all, goodnight =]
-[//andy//]
2 . |
comment.
|
|
theedgeofyouratmosphere
|
::
2007 27 June :: 6.36pm
:: Mood: i don't know how i feel.
it's never ending..
its a never ending cycle.
i just want one day where nothing goes wrong.
i spill my heart of for this man. and it hurts so much when he talks down to me, i never ask for anything but him to chill out or just love me. and sometimes i don't think he loves me by the way he acts, he'll respond to me all meanly even if i was being a sweetheart to him. and then if we argue i feel so small and i'm always fit out to be wrong. why can't we be fine? he says from day one i supposively fucked shit up. like for him and his friends, girls and whatever else. well you did this to me, i'm pregnant with your kid, and all i want is for you to be considerate for my feelings and be there for the new life form.
i love lance with all my heart, i just wish everything would be okay and i'm so emotional anymore it just makes it worse and i sicken myself so bad, i'm gettin fat i'm getting insecure i'm getting sick of myself. all i want to do is massive amount of drugs, i wish i could have my medicines because it seems like this shit is taking over; and i can't take any of them i just want to feel okay and be happy. and if thats impossible i atleast don't wanna feel anything... no pain... i mean is it so wrong to ask of favors from the one you love? and they aren't really favors just things to make our family go well and be happy. my dad was never there and i don't want my child to have to go through all the bullshit and despair that i had to endure, its the worst thing in the world and i always felt bad for my mother who was a great mom and had to do everything on her own just to make sure i had food, clothes and a roof over my head. it hurts to just think about it.. i just hate all this fighting its starting to go down and i don't want that to happen, i love Lance more than anything and everything and i would do fucking absolutley EVERYTHING/ANYTHING for him. he's my world. i'd seriously be lost without him. i'm just scared sometimes that when the baby comes i'll be all alone, cause thats what it feels like now.. i don't have friends, i dont have anybody to talk to really and i'm just so depressed and i'm breaking down so badly. i have nowhere to turn besides my mom, and i already know shes there for me but not always when i need her, she has her own life too now, i was the one who moved out and got my life situated and i understand;; i just want a friend. a good friend i can trust, sure i can talk to lance but i just feel so small sometimes because you can tell he gets mad or i make him mad.. and i never mean to do that,.. i'm so fucking upset right now.. i honestly don't know how to put anything.. i feel so wrong. am in the wrong? for wanting everything to be peachy and have a great family? a loving one? IS IT SO FUCKING WRONG? i have a doctors apt tomorrow to hear the babys heartbeat.. and i don't have anyone to go, i'm just about to cancel it because this whole thing is scary but exciting at the same time.
2 . |
comment.
|
|
imnotokay
|
::
2007 27 May :: 1.38pm
:: Mood: Tempted
:: Music: Paramore-"Misery Business"
Take a Look At Me Now
Hello guys, i'm back. I've had so much change these past coupel months. I've dropped sam, and ended up dating my best friend(for a while) It didn't work out. I've just been living my life mostly, doing all that i can. I figured if life isn't gonna go the way you want it to, live it the way it is then. So, brittney(my friend) assumes that samantha likes me again, and i think so too. She hints to me that she really likes some guy, but wouldn't tell me, and only will tell Brittney. Sop, who knows, but i'd like your guys opinions on this, i'd like to know what you think i should do. Well i've got to go finish a nice myspace layout, be back soon.
-[//andy//]
2 . |
comment.
|
|
theedgeofyouratmosphere
|
::
2007 25 June :: 9.34am
sorry everyone who reads what i post
i haven't really been able to type on here.
but now i can! =)
nothing really has been going on besides cleaning and what not for inspection the other day, and they didn't even come back to fix anything.. and i want my cat back! i'm just scared they'll come when it comes home and i'll be like wtf..
been like 4 days geez.
i've been emotional lately. like very emotional. sometimes i can't STAND myself. i let everything get to me, even if it's stupid.. and i just think everyones inconsiderate of my feelings.
like i always think Lance is yelling at me, when really he's just talking or sometimes he does come off mean, and i don't know why, i'm nothing but nice to him. but then he gets all cute again and everythings okay.. i don't understand i just think it's alllll meeeeeeeee.
i'm trying to come around with all the family, like his mom and brother n them, but theres so much family on his dads side i have yet to met ya know? and he still has to meet some of mine, even though i don't really want him to meet my dad's side or him.. LoL .
anyways i've been bumming it lately, my pants are gettin tighter.
im broke.
and im lonely sometimes cuz lance goes to work.
i would work but i plan on doin it after the baby, so hopefully i can get like unemployement or something? gaahhhh
but like i said, nothing new, no not now not ever! LoL.
1 . |
comment.
|
|
theedgeofyouratmosphere
|
::
2007 8 June :: 11.33pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: dead presidents - hip hop
11:33pm and i think i have some names in mind.
If it's a boy; Kaden.
If it's a girl; Chanel.
now those aren't forsure but it's been lingering among me. so we will see.
anyways, it's friday and i'm bored as fuck and hungry as hell, i might eat a bowl of reeses puff's cereal, YUMmm! :)
nothing went on today it stormed all crazy though, kinda scared me! i thought the power was gonna go out, but it turned out to be a blow over really and just effects from other areas where they were gettin' hit. sucked though, but atleast it rained.
then doug came and chilled for a min with my boo* he took off and now hes just playin socom and i'm on here like a loser, cuz i'm alil stoned *eekk* and tired and boredddddddddd. someone help me? LoL
my mother gave me a few bucks today.. i needed a few grocerys cause my cubberts are bare. lol well not all the way but enough to where you cant put anything together; but were fine now thats to her. thank heavens.
i could go for some icecream right about now. or tomorrow, so jena wanna go? :)
1 . |
comment.
|
|
theedgeofyouratmosphere
|
::
2007 5 June :: 5.20pm
:: Mood: tired.
alot of things have changed in my life.
i'm on my own now, and yes i do miss my mothers house alon with my sister... i basically dropped outta school and i'm going to get my G.E.D and hopefully get a job in the near future. i live with my boyfriend. and where going to have a baby.. i'm like 3 months.
hopefully it's a boy. hehe, i do need help picking out names though, i can't seem to find one at all and i can't find a girls name either. moneys of course.. TIGHT. but we live and survive to the fullest. i'll deff be updating my journal now since i finally got the net today, SHIBBY! LoL ANYWHO. i'll attend tomorrow. <3much love.
1 . |
comment.
|
|
imnotokay
|
::
2007 24 January :: 3.27pm
:: Mood: astounded
:: Music: Ryan Cabrera-"Exit To Exit"
When the world stops spinning....do we fall off?
Has anyone besides me ever had one of the hardest relationships ever?! I feel like Samantha could care less about me. It's like she got what she wanted and now that she has it, she's done[makes me want to blow my head off] Especially now that this is the 8th time that we've gone back out. This ON AND OFF dating thing has got to stop. I want to be in serious relationship and she only wants to mess around with my heart[maybe take it in her hands and smash it]. But anyways, dating sucks, and i'm trying to get used to this so called normal life i don't have. Today i decided that sitting on the computer all hours would be fun, well........it's not. I'm now as bored as ever and don't see why the net interests me. Maybe because it's the only place i can actually let loose and tell ppl how i feel without really being judged. But sometimes, that even defeats it's own purpose. Eventually there is one person on the earth that will decide to want to bitch you out on your own journal, and i'm yet to meet mine. I'm amazed at how extremely bored i get to the point that i talk about the most boring things; there was a point there.(i make myself bored.) Tommorrow's plans are as follows:
1) Probably sit at home and watch tv.
2) Think about how stupid i am to fall in these hopeless relationships.
3) Tell myself how stupid i am that i forgot my Science book, and will be failing my test.
4) Wonder why i do what i do
5) Wait for the arrival of money so i can go shopping for some new clothes that i NEED.(thought i'd put a happy one in there.)
-ttyl
4 . |
comment.
|
|
imnotokay
|
::
2007 14 January :: 8.10am
:: Mood: Tired/idk
:: Music: Paramore-"Franklin"
Happy Valentines Day!
Good Morning Woohu-ers. Today totally sucks, school was cancelled on the only day i really wanted it to be open. Today i planned on giving a necklace to Samantha for V-day, but of course it had to be cancelled and now we won't get off on our other days of school. We'll be making up all these days for a while sadly...School will also probably not be getting out on May 31st. So yes, today sucks. Hope everyone else had a good Valentines Day, mine went to shit.
-andy
3 . |
comment.
|
|
imnotokay
|
::
2007 11 January :: 11.29am
:: Music: MY SONG!
Love And Letters + Me & U(Never Let Go Tonight)
We'll mend these broken bridges, tell each other no more lies, living in the places that keep us in disguise.
weather wrecking waters, or seamless cloudless skies, killing off the soldiers, never let go tonight.
i can see it, the foot tracks in the snow, giving away every memory of what we use to own. i know, i know.
lost in words can't seem to get out, gossip lips, trampled phrases, with loud mouths. i know, i know.
your not saying it loud enough, not everyone can hear, come a little closer, let it out, truth is what i fear.
I'm lost inside my gaze of what i know that isn't mine, but i can't seem to keep my eyes off of you tonight.
wanting you so badly, for a second to feel the same, the shame of rejection, neglection, and lies.
what seems like a decade only lasted about a year, the laughs, the love, now your wiping up your tears.
Clashing with reality, a story written song, a novel never published, and ending that went so wrong.
now i'm sitting here tonight, wondering how to get you back, nothing seems so right here now, only heart break
floods the floor, giving way to open doors for anyone, anyone of us can try there hardest, try to fix the broken pieces
of the puzzle in your mind, but only you can make a difference in my life!
I'm lost inside my gaze of what i know that isn't mine, but i can't seem to keep my eyes off of you tonight.
wanting you so badly, for a second to feel the same, the shame of rejection, neglection, and lies.
what seems like a decade only lasted about a year, the laughs, the love, now your wiping up your tears.
Clashing with reality, a story written song, a novel never published, and ending that went so wrong.
Clashing with reality, a story written song, a novel never published, and ending that went so wrong.
weather wrecking waters, or seamless cloudless skies, killing off the soldiers, never let go tonight.
By Now, you've probably figured out, this a song i wrote about how these last couple days of my life have been going, so hope you like it ;)
-andy
2 . |
comment.
|
|