This thing called life

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:: 2007 19 August :: 9.42am

Woodward Dream Cruise 2007!
Teh Babez

Eleanor...what else needs to be said really?

2 fast! 2 FURIOUS!

the rest of the cars can be seen here

The Cars

this year was expected to have forty thousand plus classics and well over a million visitors lining the 14 miles or so of road the event now takes place on, we walked maybe a quarter of it

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:: 2007 18 August :: 8.56pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Rest In Pieces - Saliva

Schoolzorz
I had my first class today. It was pretty crappy.
It's a five hour orientation class in which you learn all these things that are really stupid and boring. Except for the computer part. That's interesting, learning how to use all the programs and messing around with them. That I enjoy.
As for the "Well you see now, class, if you get a 1.5 GPA ... that's not going to suffice. You need to get it higher.Ok?" "*mumbles*" "ok... now... do this 80 question quiz on GPA's and why you should strive to maintain a high one. Ready? Go."
I'd much prefer to cut out my own liver than to return to the next class. Luckily there's only two remaining. Granted, that is 10 more hours of my fucking life that I'll spend wishing to swallow anti-freeze.
Plus the smelly kid in the class sat by me.
You'd think that by the age of 18+ you'd learn that deoderant is useful and infact needed. I mean, I get if you can't afford it, but good grief, this kid had on a fucking Hollister shirt. I'm sure he can go to the dollar store and get some deoderant.
Anyway we got a new desk and I got it all set up. Tis sweet. It was too long to have it against the wall that we had the old desk on, so it's on the wall adjacent to it, and it's weird. Plus now I can't turn to the left and watch tv, I have to turn all the way around.
Suckage.

Anyway, since I've not yet posted it, Kelly and I talked and we're now doing fine. Still together. 11 months and 4 days. Pretty exciting stuff.
<3 him.

:: 2007 18 August :: 7.50pm

woodward dream cruise
that carshow was like rolling sex covered in horsepower!

pictures coming soon...LOTS of them

P.S. I saw...

ELEANOR!

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:: 2007 15 August :: 7.55am

well so, i think its time for an update

Monday the 13th was pretty much the best day ive had in the past 3 or so years, or at least one of them, i got a call for an interview which is today at 1:30 so wish me luck there, not only that, but i got a call back finally from the school im lookin into taking classes with, so thats really fucking exciting

Then yesterday i was really excited about because it was my best friend Brittany's court date to see if she could get out of jail or not, which she did, that was super exciting, and i got to give her a hug for the first time in about 3 years (not because she was in jail that long lol), then we hung out for most of the rest of the day, and will hopefully get to do so this weekend as well. she will never be out of my life again, thats for damn sure, i love her far to much to let that happen again.

i like JUST woke up today, after having the best dream ever, and prolly one of the scariest in one night, about lizzy and the job interview today, which made me realize some stuff, and then when i woke up, i literally said, oh thank god about 5 times after seeing what time it was.

anyways, this was alot shorter then i thought it would be, but its an update!

:: 2007 14 August :: 10.06pm
:: Mood: blah

Class Schedule #2
Saturday - Orientation Class - 1:00-6:00
Monday - English 101 - 5:00-6:15
Tuesday - Political Science 103 - 6:30-9:15
Wednesday - Speech 101 - 3:30-6:15
Thursday - Computer Applications 125 - 6:30-9:15

I took all evening classes so that I could get a job. I doubt I'll be able to get all the scholarships that I had originally with Ferris the second time around, so I'm going to have to pay more from my own pocket, so a job is a necessity now.
Hopefully I only have to stay here until January. I hope grandma has like some miraculous healing so that I can leave next semester. That would be freakin sweet. I really don't want to have to stick around for an entire year or longer. I needz mah Kelly!!

:: 2007 14 August :: 2.02pm

I found out yesterday that my grandma has breast cancer. She called me and asked me to stay here to be with her, rather than going to Michigan to be with Kelly and go to school. I didn't know what to do. I want to stay here and be with her and my family, but then I don't want to. I need to be with Kelly. I love him. I don't want to lose him and I'm afraid that my staying here, which I promised my grandma I would do, is going to cause that.
I'm tired of us being apart. I was so excited and ready to be up there and just be with him. He's by far the best thing that has ever happened to me and now I'm being denied him. I want to just scream. I don't know what to do. I am completely at a loss.
I can't even go to my parents about it, because grandma made me promise not to tell them. She has to "find the right time" she said, so I had to lie to them and tell them that I just decided to stay here for the first semester, or year, whichever.
I pray to God I'm not here for another year. I don't know if Kelly's going to want to wait for me until January, let alone until next August.
I don't even know what exactly I'm feeling right now.
I'm scared to talk to Kell, which is ridiculous, but I just don't want to give him the chance to say something that I don't want him to say, and that's selfish of me, I'm completely aware of that, but if my grandma ... well I don't know if I can even get through this without him. As corny and cliche as it is, he gives me so much strength and I'm afraid of not having him there for me.
I honestly can't picture myself without him, and that scares me too.
I want to hate my grandma for this. I know that's irrational, but her becoming sick made me put my life on hold, and I don't want to do that. I just want to be in Kelly's arms. I want to be able to kiss him and goof off and just be myself.
This is well beyond unfair.
Plus, on top of everything, since I couldn't tell my parents the truth, they're giving me "I told you so" lectures because they think Kelly and I are having problems and that's what prevented me from going up there.
I feel like holing up in my room and waiting for this to solve itself, but I'm not naive enough to think that's going to work.

I have to go to Crowder in just a little bit and talk to the Admissions Office and see if I can go there for the Fall semester so that I'm not behind, and if so I have to call Ferris and see if they'll transfer all my grants and cancel the loan I took out.
This is just way too much to deal with. I was supposed to be leaving in two days. I was packing and as stressed as I was about school, I was still alright with it because I was going to be with Kell and everything would be alright.
Now I don't even know where we stand. It's not fair of me to ask him to wait for me. But it's not fair of him to not wait on me. I'm the one that was taking the innitiative and moving. He wasn't going to. I was fine with that, too. I wanted to get away, he didn't. I have more problems with my family than even he's aware of, and so I was alright with being the one to move. But now things aren't going to work out in that favor right now, and yeah it throws us off big time, but I tried. Damnit, I had succeeded too. It's not my fault, and I don't want him to be mad at me. Yet if he was, I would understand it and that's what kills me. Where he has no right, he has every right.
Things are just so fucked up right now.

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:: 2007 9 August :: 3.24pm
:: Mood: sleepy

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Words fail me here.

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:: 2007 7 August :: 10.28pm

"Life is getting harder day by day and I don't know what to do, what to think"
That's a clip from a song, a very good song, mind you, that perfectly fits my life atm.
Everything looks fine from anothers point of view apparently, Ashley and I were talking and she seemed shocked that I was close to having a break down, swearing she thought I had everything under control.
That's a problem I've become aware that I have. I don't like help, I like to keep things to myself. My whole life I've pretended to be stronger than I was because that's what my life required. My parents were too demanding and I didn't have friends to talk to, so I just kept everything inside and delt with it accordingly in ways I'm not too proud of.
But anyway, the main point here, is that everything seems to be unraveling before my eyes and it's scary. Mom and I's new relationship, one in which she isn't terrorizing my every moment of life, has already started to fail. She's become condescending and shrewd yet again, and that's put more strain on me than anything else, but I don't want to show her that she's getting to me because that's exactly what she wants to do, so it's kind of an endless loop of disaster waiting to explode.

Anyway, I lost my thought process on that one, so the main point of this is that holy fuck, I need to start packing. I was preparred to do it about 2 months ago, but now that the time actually requires it, I'm way too preoccupied with other things. No good. It's got to be done and soon so that I don't forget things that I need because mom will nag at me forever if I need them to mail me something.
Blah.
I got the name of my roommate, which reminds me that if I refer to my Residence Hall as anything but a Residence Hall, (ie dorm) I shall apparently get my fingers twisted off as in the movie Sniper starring Tom Berenger. They had this huge article on how it was NOT a dorm, for those were things of the past, and not what a Residence Hall is today. It was a "<.< >.>" moment while reading it, I assure you.
Anyway, I didn't get my roommate's phone number, and I'll assume she didn't get mine either, nor did we get each other's email addresses, so it looks like I'm writing a letter to her. Gotta figure out if I'm going to be killed in my sleep. Her name's Emily, which makes her seem normal, but you can never tell with these things.

:: 2007 1 August :: 11.09pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Promise - Eve 6

I'm finally home after a stressful week of house sitting.
I got paid $320 for it though, so no complaining.

I've got a $2,151.00 payment to make by August 15. Ball suckage.

Leaving here the 16th with my parents to drive up to Michigan. Mom want's to rent a vehicle. Her logic is that if it breaks down, they get us a new one asap, as opposed to us driving one of our vehicles up there and it breaking down and being stranded until it gets fixed which could take who knows how long.
Makes sense.

Kelly and I are good, nothing really new there. We should have a huge fight that way I can cry over it in here. That would be fun. I don't know what we would fight over though. I'll give it some thought. I can't wait to be up there and see him again though, I miss him. It was so unfair to be with him and then have to come back home for two months.
This September it will have been one year that we're together (knock on wood). It doesn't really seem like it, mainly because he was there and I was here I suppose, but still, that's big. Not quite "huge" yet, but exciting nonetheless.

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:: 2007 29 July :: 12.58pm

things are still goin shitty, i havent heard from my counselor to get back into school for two weeks or so now, but they sent me some letter saying i didnt meet their qualifications, however seeing as how i didnt apply yet i was kinda wonderin what the hell that was about. to make matters worse, my car is starting to act like dog shit (transmission or electrical problems it seems like) neither of the really good leads i had on jobs have called me back yet either.

i did go climb the devil's soup bowls the other night though, then rode my bike about 7-8 miles yesterday, and then another 3 today in <20 min.

i have a 360 now too, so thats cool, its the first microsoft product i dont hate.

:: 2007 27 July :: 11.48pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne

I was checking my Ferris email, and they said that a change in my Financial Aid had been made, and I was kind of like "oh shit... I've lost money and now I'm going to be screwed."
However, I was given another scholarship for $750 which... I don't know why I was given. I am Soooo not complaining, but still, I honestly don't know why I got my birthday present so late.
I wonder if it's an annual thing... hope so.

Alright, so, I was here today, at the Price's and heard a commotion out in the goat field, grabbed the shot gun and a few shells, and ran outside. A coyote had one of the kids up at the top of the hill, so I shot up into the air, and then took off running up to it, and by the time I got there it's belly had been ripped up and it was just like... ugh, whatever, so I had to put it down. After church there was either the same one or another one out there, and I shot it. So, hopefully that'll be the end of that.
Speaking of church, tonight was the last night of Vacation Bible School. What a wonderful day it was. I was definitly tired of chasing kids around.
Anyway, that's all. I'm tired, I'm going to bed, and I've got that 'Girlfriend' song stuck in my head.

:: 2007 24 July :: 5.49pm

My neighbors, the Prices, have a goat farm. They called Sunday night and wanted to know if the kids and I would mind going up there and helping them, only they did not consult any of us, they bypassed and communicated with Teh Parentals. Of course they were more than willing to make us go do back breaking work all day.
They have been renovating a house on their property to move into it, and are atm living in a trailer. So we had to unload a trailor full of stuff for the house, and then clean out a shed, shovel goat crap out of it, and then I had to start weed eating. I honestly did it for almost 5 hours straight, and then we had to quit and go home.
Anyway, today we had to go back. Their goats have some hoof disease so I had to hold them still while they got their hooves clipped. I had to sit on a bucket and put their head over my leg and my arm behind their head so their heads were trapped, and they would get pissed and start stabbing me with their effing horns and just UGH. I'm fucking sore as hell and have tiny circular bruises all over my back from the bitch heads.
Anyway, the Prices' leave tomorrow around noon for a cruise they're going on, and I have to stay up there and fucking tend to goats and their cattle and their dogs and weed eat for the rest of my god forsaken life.
/dies.

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:: 2007 19 July :: 7.46am
:: Music: The Story - Brandi Carlile

We found out last night that Dad starts classes on the 20th of August. The same day we were going to leave and drive up there because I have to check into my dorm on the 23rd.
A big "What the hell are we going to do?" seems to have popped up.
Dad's talking about skipping the first week of school, as though that's an intelligent option.
He's really set on coming up and seeing the campus though.
Can't wait to see how this one's going to work itself out.

In other news, I seem to have screwed up my ankle. A cow got out yesterday afternoon and wound up in our yard, so Trevor, Taylor, and I chased it back up to the field (all the cattle are in grandma and grandpa's field). I don't know if I managed to twist it without realizing, but I have bad ankles and usually I'd know if I screwed it up the second it happened. It kind of hurt a little before bed which I didn't think a thing about because the weather's been iffy, and worthy of an old person's, my body is a bitch when it comes to weather. Anyway, I woke up this morning practically unable to walk. It's swollen to hell and bruised just the same.
Seriously though, it's a mystery.

:: 2007 18 July :: 6.53pm
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: We're Not Gonna Take It - Twisted Sister

Um... blah?
Two of my friends, Julie and Tabitha, are pregnant and they both found out today that they're having boys, so that was cool. I thought Tab was having a girl, but whatever.

I bought Premonition and I still can't decide if I like it or not. I think tonight I'll watch the alternate ending and see if it turns out better with that one.
I also watched The Hills Have Eyes 2... fucking creepy as hell. I didn't want to watch it, but yet again was bullied into it by my dear and charming friends, just as I was bullied into watching the first one.
That shits creepy because you don't know if it could really happen or not. Of course it's all scary. I hate scary movies.
I'd swear them off all together if I could convience myself it would hold once another one came out... but no. Not likely. I cave too easily.
Silly push over me.
Anyway, Kelly's gone to go smell paper. idk what's up with that.
Ashley want's to hang out tonight, but she's currently not here, out on a dog selling adventure with father. So... seems I'll be shuffling off to my room to listen to music and read when I think what I actually want to do is go out and do something tonight.
I've been getting these really intense headaches lately. I think it's because I quit reading for awhile and now I've picked it back up and read well into the night, only to wake up fairly early. I should put a halt to this.
Not likely though. <3 reading.
Once again... Blah.

Edit: I watched the alternate ending on Premonition... didn't like it much either, so I don't know. It's a great movie and all though, it just comes at the price of an 'eh' ending.