you know you've got everybody fooled

2 not real | & you can't save me

:: 2004 24 August :: 9.32pm

you cant go forcing something if it's just not right

16 not real | & you can't save me

:: 2004 24 August :: 8.42pm
:: Mood: sad

i just went to the wake and it was sooo sad =[ =[ i choked back so many tears cuz i felt like i didnt deserve to cry.. it was joe and mrs. caserta and kaylee who deserved to cry.. not me.. when i saw mrs. caserta.. oh goshh i almost broke down.. she looked like she was such a mess..and i know she could see the tears in my eyes.. but i knew that if i cried, it really wouldnt have been so much for him.. its for his family cuz they are just such nice people.. it makes me sick to my stomach.. shes the nicest lady.. and i saw joe and i almost cried then too and i gave him a huge hug and i told him how sorry i was and when i asked him how he was doing, he didnt say something like 'ehhh.. alright' in the secret code meaning horrible.. he actually said alright.. like he was really doing alright.. and i dunno if he was used to the question or if hes really getting through it.. if he's getting through it, god bless him.. but hes such a nice kid..i wish i could be there for him.. i wanna be there for the kid SO BAD.. i could have hugged him and mrs. caserta all night.. when i talked to mrs. caserta, she said she knew how sorry i was and was so sweet that she didnt even think of that anymore, she thought of me and wished me good luck with school.. cuz shes so nice and even in such a horrible time, she makes sure that shes not the only one that receives the attention.. goshh i feel SO BAD! i didnt see kaylee at all.. i wanted to.. just to give her a hug and see that smile.. shes such a sweet girl.. a smile from her can make your day.. i understand why meg cried last night.. it was just soo sad, i cant describe it..

why did something so fucking horrible have to happen to such fucking nice people!!!!!!!!

R.I.P. Joe Caserta. WE LOVE YOU

the tears finally flow..

leave a comment, please.. just give me some type of way to get through.. and kalie, i know you told me to cry, but i couldn't.. and its killing me that i let a tear fall cuz not even his son was crying.. can i have different advice? all of you, please?

1 not real | & you can't save me

:: 2004 24 August :: 6.31pm

dudes, check out my mouse!!! aint it so cool!? i thought so.. if you dont, shove it! i think hes cool!

Go Mouse!!! Go Mouse!!! Go Mouse!!!

:: 2004 24 August :: 6.02pm

ok, i havent left an entry that people who arent friends can read in like 2 days so i'll be nice and let you read something...

well, you read something! sorry, but im thoughtless right now.. for once.. im busy right now experimenting with my journal so go away!

1 not real | & you can't save me

:: 2004 24 August :: 4.07pm

I hate school.

Now I know why people bring guns to school.

The end.

:: 2004 23 August :: 4.00pm

Meh. School was okay.

:: 2004 22 August :: 8.44pm
:: Music: predictable - gc

ok, i know i said i didnt like GC's new song but i LOVE it now.. its my favorite song for the time-being... its just so.. i dunno.. THEM.. wheeee!

this is definitely something for me:

Everywhere I go and everyone I meet, every time I try to fall in love, they all wanna know why I'm so broken, why am I so cold, why I'm so hard inside, why am I scared what am I afraid of I don�t even know, its like I never had you! I�ve been waiting ive been searching ive been hoping ive been dreaming you�ll come back and I know the ending to this story, you�re never coming back! Never!!

i could say that all day every day..

1 not real | & you can't save me

:: 2004 22 August :: 5.42am

Christina spent the last night night. We didn't sleep. School is tomorrow. Ugh.

I GET MY WARPED PICTURES TODAY <3

3 not real | & you can't save me

:: 2004 21 August :: 12.06pm

ok, an exception
Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

thanks steve!

:: 2004 21 August :: 11.31am

alright, i have been posting wayyyy too many entries lately.. its getting to like 6 a day.. so whatever i wanna post, im gunna type into an email and at the end of the day, i'll copy and paste it into here.. this is to save some people the aggravation of not being able to keep up, and to save me the aggravation of not being able to tell where the new comments are.. not old ones.. i cant keep up with it.. this morning's entry may be the only one for today, though, cuz im probably going to point pleasant, though its undetermined.. i dont know why my parents cant tell me if we're going or not.. so its bad weather, we have a hell of a time anyway! i wanna go!

roar..

if i dont update tonight, i've left until sunday, possibly monday. kalie, i may find a way to get to you to ask you to post something if its that important.. ashley!!! CALL ME

5 not real | & you can't save me

:: 2004 20 August :: 8.38pm

ok i changed the font color to gray to match the icon.. tell me what you like better.. this or the blue.. leave a comment

:: 2004 20 August :: 8.16pm

yea im bored, again, as always..

im really really really really really tired.. shawn woke me up this morning.. bitch.. he sends me a text message like 'srry i got ur message at like 330 and i didnt wanna wake you up' so i texted him back nd said 'you just woke me up now!!!!!!" and he didnt say anything back, probably too afraid of me cuz im real bitchy when people wake me up..

i got scared last night.. i thought my iPod was broked.. yes, broked.. not broken.. one of my many words.. like coppers! instead of cops! lol im such a loser.. i fixed the iPod.. but it still scurred me.. oh yes, scurred is another one of my words.. instead of scared..

went to the beach with kaitlyn today.. we're so stupid, we act like we're two.. we threw sand at each other half the time lol =]

yea, im gunna update cuz im trying to fix the layout for my journal on greatest journal.. later..

5 not real | & you can't save me

:: 2004 20 August :: 10.58am

THIS MAN MAKES MY PANTIES WET <3

DEAR ALL THAT IS HOLY.