whenthesunsets
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2008 26 February :: 4.46pm
:: Mood: heartbroken
I will be with you again.
On Saturday February 23,2008 at 5:30pm we put down my dog Amber. My precious sweet girl. I miss her so much. I'm having such a hard time letting her go. I don't want to move on without her. She's been there for me my whole life, well since about the time I can remember any of my life. Whenever I was having a difficult time or a problem, or when I was upset, she was there and she always cheered me up. She loved me unconditionally and could never judge me. She was my best friend. She was more than a dog, she was like my child. I was the one to take care of her, I was the one she looked after. Life has less meaning to me now. Theres no purpose without her. I feel more alone than ever. I thought maybe if I could just let it all out I would somehow feel better, or be able to move on. I don't know how to live with myself. I'm suppose to protect her. She trusted me. I feel like I let her down somehow. I hope she understands. She was such a big part of my heart and I didn't even realize I would take this so hard. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. She was the love of my life, I care for her so much. I wish I had more time with her. Sometimes I took for granted the time I did have with her. I can't stop thinking about her. I hope she is ok. One day I will see her again. She will always be in my heart and I will miss her everyday.
Amber, my sweet baby girl. I love you with all my heart.
downtown.
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whenthesunsets
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2007 30 September :: 4.00pm
:: Mood: sad
He only thinks about himself.
He might as well date himself.
downtown.
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whenthesunsets
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2007 30 April :: 7.08pm
:: Mood: hurt
He doesn't even know
How I feel about him. I guess he thinks he knows, or thinks what he wants to think. Maybe he doesnt believe how strongly I feel for him. I want so much with him. I wish he could see it. I wish he cared to. I am so crazy in love with him and I think about how much he has grow a part of me everyday. Everyday I think about how much I care for him, and how no matter what he does he gives me that feeling that is the best feeling. The most indescribable feeling. I will never stop loving him this way. I wish he understood how he really hurts me sometimes. I get so frustrated that maybe he really doesnt feel like I feel. I feel lead on. I feel like Im hoping and waiting. For what? Im not even sure. I want to know for sure what he wants. Maybe hes afraid to grow up, afraid of responsibility, afraid of commitment. Which if it is true, im a fool. If he even knows. I want to know if I am wasting my time waiting for him to want to care. I dont even know what he wants with me anymore. He cant even answer me. Well he could answer me but it'd just be words. I dont even know if he means anything he saids because he never acts like hes says he feels, shows me how he feels. Theres never any effort or desire for how he says he "feels". I don't know where to go from here. Its not fair to me, I want him to be honest, whether he ends up hurting me or whether we do belong together.
Does he care about how I feel? Does he want more with me? Is he still attracted to me? Does he still want me? Does he want to make me happy anymore? Does he want to experience new things with me? See the world with me? Does he care?
I am in love but does he know it?
Is he?
downtown.
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whenthesunsets
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2006 25 November :: 12.36am
:: Mood: heart broken
i'm alone.
How is it you are there, but still a part of me is missing? and i don't have you. I have nothing.
will it be okay? will I be okay?
My last entry : Oct 1, 2006 ...
and still until this date.
WHERE ARE YOU?
i miss us.
downtown.
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whenthesunsets
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2006 1 October :: 5.35pm
:: Mood: upset
I MISS YOU
like crazy.
I miss your arms.
I miss your words.
and your touch.
and you.
All of you.
where are you?
Something is missing.
I can't feel you.
Has it finally changed?
Do I still have you?
Do I still have your love?
Do I still have your heart?
say something.
downtown.
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whenthesunsets
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2006 20 September :: 9.25pm
:: Mood: confused
i wish you would write again.
and i also wish you would take me seriously.
listen to me.
i sware i could sit there and say nothing and you wouldn't even notice.
you think you still know me.
you don't.
downtown.
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whenthesunsets
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2006 31 August :: 11.48pm
:: Mood: hurt
Another day. Another fight.
I wish for one day things would change.
I'm sorry, I didn't know I was such a pain.
But don't let me get you down.
I won't let me get you down.
Not anymore.
Everything these days has come between us.
You are slipping away from me.
Our eyes no longer meet.
I am no longer your Juliet.
I am not your dreams and desires.
I am not the air you breathe.
I am a memory of what is lost.
A reminder of three words that have become unspoken by you.
Don't be afraid to let your heart speak.
Let it teach me your ways of passion and mystery.
If I am your fate, and you are mine.
Then I will wait, and hope that you will find your way back to me.
Or our love will fade.
Please don't let it.
1 going |
downtown.
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whenthesunsets
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2005 28 September :: 2.41pm
My Dear
I will never sin again
Not like that, no not to you
The one that holds my future
Never will we hurt again
O Mary mother of God pray for us sinners
Give us the life that we desire
Let us show the love we have for one another
And with it we are stronger than ever before
Our bond will crush anyone to trespass
Oh yes
I will never sin again
downtown.
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whenthesunsets
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2005 18 May :: 12.57am
sweet june
In one month from now I turn 18. I'm so excited for this summer to come. beachbeachbeach. all the time. Baltimore, NYC. gotta love it. and the best part, no work. Eve and Matt are moving to Baltimore. And Taylor is going to North Carolina. I'll miss them so. I've also finally picked my major. Chem. I'm really looking forward to see what happens next.
downtown.
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losttt
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2005 11 May :: 2.14am
one day ill make the clouds say i love you. then you'll understand.
why i want to fly.
2 going |
downtown.
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losttt
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2005 10 May :: 1.11am
the best way to satisfy your need for example.
is for you yourself. to become the sample
take your own medicine first. before you decide.
to dispense this thirst. curse; having no subside.
message in. simile. pretty simply. a way to tell you
of a downing story, one of a boy imploring for his
mother's wounds to heal, for all your shit to feel
better
i'll be your martyr. saint. knight. fighter. lover.
give to me your pain crucify me before a hurt hurts you
i just write random shit. gone through alot going through alot now and the future shows no stopping...so...i have to fight the hard fight...ill fight it harder then any youve seen...for you babe...for anyone whos good...ill fuck up whatevers thrown
1 going |
downtown.
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losttt
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2005 2 April :: 1.25am
worlds blown up again. when the world blows up, dont pull a wedensday.
tell me who is the stronger.the one who puts themself out in rage.insulting.demeaning.anger.or is it the one who takes the others pain. feels it. cries. accept the pain. dont take it out on others.
1 going |
downtown.
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whenthesunsets
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2005 1 April :: 1.25pm
:: Mood: crazy
I have a split personality
I've gone insane. You make me so. You make me feel these things I wish I've never felt. Nothing compared to how you've felt. Yet I wish to give you all the best in the world and I want to treat you like gold. I want you to make me feel rich. But nothings compared to how you've made me feel. Like second best. It wont change. It can't. I lost first place to a cheat. And well, I'll still always wish I was better than that. That I deserve better than that. You deserve better than this. So what are we doing? Lovers are those that comfort. So a lover I shall become. And a lover I will be.
downtown.
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losttt
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2005 28 March :: 12.42pm
gotta get this over with. gotta groove. but before my lips move, let it be known i feel serene calm clean
peace soldier alot of hate in me thats why im about to rip
so while reading this i hope you slip trip on your conscience. you might fight with your inner emotions and i hope you do. think back on things. reminisce. and now shut the fuck up and let me be pissed.
bryan katusak i looked at you;treated you. like my boy. and you got the nerve to fuck me like some toy. bitch. to be honest with you man i wanted to fuck you up beyond belief. never hold that in disbelief. but thats not like me to start violentry. too big to play that dumb little game. with you pussy i dont have too many words to share. but know this. im not starting any shit with you.im getting this over getting this through. i shoulda done this along time ago but fuck off alright im goddamn slow. anyways man in the gist of all this im saying were cool man, past is past and i like to let things be, we used to be bros remember that. but dont ever fuck with me again. and in the end. its all peace man so have a good one.
1 going |
downtown.
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losttt
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2005 19 March :: 10.31am
hey akon, was your song about me?
me, myself, and beautiful ashley?
francis, the girl i love, said i am.
retorted with a droop cause ive felt like mister lonely. she knows i have. i love her to death, and she loves me. after she finished telling me she was kidding and that im not mister lonely, who did she say I deserve to be? mister lonely. not who i was, someone i deserved to be. well that word deserve smacked a nerve.
you know what stems from the mouth of lonely? fuck that. serve it to me. if its what i deserve. try to make me mister lonely. mind as well murder me. try. all you can do is try. ill never be mister lonely. cause truth is if i was ever alone from you my clock would stop. id die.
1 going |
downtown.
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