sometimes truth is stranger than fiction

:: 2005 9 February :: 12.22am

today is a wonderful day.
Goodmorning babe !! <3

:: 2005 30 January :: 3.39am

always here im always here
everclear
never fear
ill stand till the end of time
for the most beautiful girl methemorphasize the world
i will.
and i just wanted to spill
the best two year old news there is: i love you

:: 2005 11 January :: 12.39am

gone crazy.
you and i . US. thats what we are. thats what we always will be. yesturday and tomorrow. ALWAYS. but for today life wont be how it used to. it will be an adventure. it started when some bad weather blew in. our plans got messed up. but instead of letting it ruin our day, we're going to make the best of it and change them. it's not what we wanted, but its better then being disappointed and letting it get the best of us. tomorrow will eventually come. and it will be the best morning of my life.
babe, I Love You. nothing is any match for us. look what we've been through and what we're going through. nothing will keep us apart. if you believe that then theres nothing to worry about. you know i dont have bad intentions. i know youre trying and it means so much to me. trust your crazy heart and mine.

:: 2005 9 January :: 2.36pm

feels like dying
dead trying
drum silouhette rat tat tat

someone lit a bomb tuesday my name scatterbrain ever since. vicodin and all the other shit with this wisdom teeth mouth garbage fucks up the head id suggest just opting to go into a coma for a few days to recover if you ever need your wisdom teeth gone. whadda crazy ass week to start the new year definetly a few screws loose for sure ahh but im tightening those bitches up. i wish we would have had breakfast babe but oh darn it will have to be another day i hope. got to go back to boca raton soon and get back up in the riff raff but this time will be different im not gonna waste these months sitting and smoking and shitting. the 3 S's haha. im gonna start writing and using my mind again that shit feels like its been on pause too long and im gonna learn to play the fucking geetar if it kills me im not blowing shit out my ass i am going to learn and going to kill with it hell yea. lets all have some fun.

:: 2005 7 January :: 11.23pm

dizzyspell in my head. big juan.

:: 2005 7 January :: 12.10am

dah babe all the gush it smells like a tush pubic hair can look like a bush annd you make my heart melt to mush
the same heart you drive up the wall and make crazy as fuck
it can feel alot of different ways but it always goes back to mush

plainmornings

:: 2004 31 December :: 10.01pm

wow...

its been entirely too long since i've stepped into the newly "elite" land of woohu. Well Andy, I must say that the place looks good!

To a new year... God help us in what may come.

1 going | downtown.

:: 2004 23 December :: 5.53am

mother fuckers im twisted in a system again
i thought the left was the right but now im vertical n'n
you could say its cause right now im so fuckin blazed...but
i know only help stems from the purple haze...so
if the boy katusak
fuckin the man with no sac
wants to put his lips on the girl ive kissed
for one whole year and seven months so dear
only one week past the sunday that we crashed?
i could of sworn he had known
i could of sworn he's my bro
but fuck that shit clutch pirate; mo'
bro's dont pull this type of show
with the girl their friends in love with? fuck you
i would die for this girl
she's my love and my world...but
my fucked up head let a big mistake happen this time
requiring big ass changes to my small little mind...but
how you gonna do that man? do you fucking think you love her?
want to spend your life with her? watch her become a mother?
i dont think you realize kid that these things are so real
fucking with these things; perhaps this may allow you to feel
my beliefs and the person I value most in life
is ashley francis and its not changing so kick that thought to the curb
you dont have a goddamn clue what you wedged youreself in
this vent is all you man; shes seperated and can do what she will
and i love her so so much, so i'll respect what she does
not you
she says its my fault she likes you and if i hadnt done what i did
she would have never fuckin given you a second thought kid
but i thought feelings are there no matter what?; and she was in love a week before?
something doesnt quite add
but so what; everything isnt for me to question
just had to tell some bitches how i feel
cause biting my tounge isnt close to real
and im sick of playing that game; too many been played
time out had to be called, switches have to be pulled
"and thats the way the cookie crumbles" some guy said
well this is a shitty ass cookie if you ask me
both to what i did, and to what you did
so now enough with the who donnits and who dids
ive spent a late night and now
i just want to say i love you

2 going | downtown.

:: 2004 17 December :: 3.30am

I wish i would have had the balls then to say how i felt. I love ashley francis. I can be so insecure, and i can act pretty fucking stupid. feels so shitty to go away on this empty stomach. i wanted to be your friend. i thought thats all you wanted to be to me. you dont know what love is, what she or anything means to me. you dont know me, and im sorry i let you in my life. let you fuck with my head. i let myself fuck up my love. all the compounding problems i needed to deal with and you just became an addition to them. shouldnt have bit my tounge for so long. should have told you to fuck off a long time ago. should have said the same thing to who i was being. i was so fuckin weak. i love ashley. to the end. she doesnt deserve that shit, and she wont have it. the hurt is so bad. still hate the fact that I let you overpower me. was so weak and stressed already, dont know how you made me believe you could help but you did. was so fuckin weak at the time. ashley francis isn't a girl. shes my love. not "my first love high-school sweetheart" love: she's my love. dont ever forget it. i almost did in the stupid shit storm i put myself in. all this shit caused by my personal problems. i never knew i was the fuckin mess ive realized i am. i love you so much. i need to straighten my shit out and im trying to now.forgivness from myself will be harder to gain than yours. i cant affect you like that; its not fair to you. i know the time that is needed will be taken. know i am here for you for anything babe. anyyyyyything at all. i hate going away blah. iloveyou

:: 2004 13 December :: 7.33am
:: Mood: hurt

THIS SHIT IS OVER
i can't think anymore. fuck tomorrow. i'm living my life in today. fuck you.

:: 2004 13 December :: 10.53am

cold air. likes to touch the bones. fuckin cold out.
good beans rule menk. i feel pretty normal not like a fuckin meth storm hit me. was so happy you called babe. you crazy as fuck girl <3. finals are done. fuck dat SHIT. and ill be 20 before I know :( merry christmas ho ho ho. ho.

:: 2004 9 November :: 11.37pm
:: Mood: crazy

so dinner tonight was fun.
i dont know where this is going. i wont sit here anymore letting him make me feel this way. i dont deserve it. im tired of things being one way. im over it.

you dont tell me things anymore. you act like you dont know what you want.
dont expect me to call. i wont wait around. go ahead now, live all you want. it wont be anything new for you.

i saw holly's baby yesturday. he's the cutest baby ever. i love him.
today i found puffer's dead body. it was the saddest thing.
tomorrow i sign up for classes. i think i might take five this time instead. we'll see.

:: 2004 21 October :: 1.06am

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE!
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...............oo...............
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so maybe it was just like any other day.
it was your day. but it's not over.
not all was said and done.
i know what you want.
there's still more to come.
please forgive me for your disappointment.
i won't let you down.
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...........\ with /............
............\love/.............
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1 going | downtown.

:: 2004 14 October :: 10.35pm

There is no limit.
i wish-
moments like that could be every moment.
that everything we do is just for you and me.
until then..

i'm afraid to trust.
nothing seems to make sense in my mind.
things arn't what i had expected.
i may be going in the wrong direction.
i don't want to go back to start.
i don't know where i belong.

i believe in my heart.
i believe in you.
i don't doubt i'll get hurt.
prove to me it will be worth it.
(P.S. I love you.)